


Take Note | 주의 깊게 살펴

by booksandtea15, shitty4eyes



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best buds Changkyun Jooheon and Hyungwon, M/M, Slow Burn, Texting, cute shit, rom com nonsense, warning: some internalised homophobia, with some deeper themes and angst just cos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2018-12-23 23:49:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 131,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12000495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksandtea15/pseuds/booksandtea15, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitty4eyes/pseuds/shitty4eyes
Summary: At least he had made it to class on time. At least he wasn't missing his first class on the first day. Because that would've been just awkw--"Good morning, and welcome to Programming and Problem Solving, part one," the lecturer began.Changkyun froze, his prescribed anthology of Shakespeare’s Sonnets readily at hand, eyes wide, and voiced a small, extremely heartfelt, “Fuck.”





	1. Friendship is the Rainbow Between Two Hearts

**Hyungwon**

you’re going to be late, you know

changkyun

chankgyun seriously I don’t give enough of a shit to keep texting

omfg CHANGKYUN

C

H

A

N

G

K

Y

U

N

oh fuck it be late see if I care

 

**Changkyun**

shhh i’m sleeping

 

**Hyungwon**

Exactly, you’re going to be late

get the fuck up

 

**Changkyun**

why u vibratin im gonn turn u off

 

**Hyungwon**

oh dear god

I give up

 

**Changkyun**

I hold u I love u why you play me like this

 

**Hyungwon**

WTF

oh my god

Changkyun I’m not your damn pillow

 

**Changkyun**

ye I know ur the devil

ugh fine I’m up class is only at like 10 tho chiiiiill

 

**Hyungwon**

it’s half past nine

 

**Changkyun**

…

fuck

 

**\---**

 

All the buildings looked alike. All the fucking buildings looked alike. How on earth was he going to find his English Lit class when _all the buildings looked alike_. Sure, he could ask someone but he could also, like, not that obviously be  _such a first year_. He had his pride. Maybe not enough to admit that he should probably have attended orientation, but still.

Glancing at his watch, he realised he was already five minutes late and after sucking in a tiny, panicked little breath, he ran his eyes wildly across the buildings in front of him again.

 _There_. It said _West Block_ in big fat black letters across the front and Changkyun sprinted towards the entrance, mentally cursing the fact that his class was on the third floor (it was, right?) and that exercise ranked very, very low on his list of priorities.                        

By the time he made it to the third floor--his lungs having gone straight to hell--it was two minutes later and Changkyun was pretty sure he was going to die. Nevertheless, he slid into the classroom just as the lecturer approached the door, obviously intending to close it. Shooting what he intended to be an apologetic smile, but Changkyun was pretty certain was really a pained grimace at the lecturer, he slid into the first available seat, searching through his backpack for his book.

At least he had made it to class on time. At _least_ he wasn't missing his first class on the first day. Because that would've been just awkw--  
  
"Good morning, and welcome to Programming and Problem Solving, part one," the lecturer began.  
  
Changkyun froze, his prescribed anthology of Shakespeare’s Sonnets readily at hand, eyes wide, and voiced a small, extremely heartfelt, " _Fuck_."

The boy next to him looked at Changkyun with ill-disguised irritation at being a disruption. That is, until he glimpsed the book held in Changkyun’s slack hands. The boy looked at the flowery, dated cover of Changkyun’s book, took in the sweat on his forehead, the absolutely miserable expression on his features and let out an abrupt snort of laughter that he tried, a bit unsuccessfully in Changkyun’s completely unbiased opinion, to hide with a fit of coughing.

“Is something funny to you about the WriteLine method Mr...?”

The boy immediately sat up straight, face still a bit pink, shaking his head. “No, sir. Sorry, sir. Er, Yoo, sir.”

“Good,” the lecturer said with a raised brow. “I trust there won’t be any more disruptions in this class or I _will_ lose my shit. Is that alright with you, Mr Yoo?”

The boy nodded adamantly, before the lecturer continued talking in Computer Nerd Language that just...

Changkyun, meanwhile, put his book back in his backpack, took out a pencil case, his notebook, and simply hoped the lecturer wouldn’t notice him.

Ten minutes into whatever Hell Class he’d accidentally walked into, Changkyun could actually feel himself mentally ascend the extreme panic and agitation at missing his first class and enter the serene, soothing state of nihilism he had last experienced with his final exams.

Changkyun looked longingly at the door. _Near… far…_

He was stuck now. At least until the end of class. Because god knows he did _not_ have enough belief in his own ability not to make some inane comment if he tried to leave the class beforehand and thereby embarrassing himself for all eternity.

The exam pad jabbing into Changkyun’s side snapped him out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see the boy next to him studiously taking notes with his one hand and seemingly paying complete attention to the lecturer while his other hand pushed the exam pad into Changkyun’s side even more persistently.

Changkyun frowned at the note, giving the boy a look that clearly read ‘no shit, Sherlock’, but of course, he was looking at the lecturer and not him and it wasn’t like Changkyun had anything _else_ to do, so he wrote back;

Changkyun paused, before smiling to himself. Might as well have fun, right?

Changkyun jabbed the exam pad right back into the boy’s side, taking a vindictive pleasure in the way the boy gasped and squirmed away from him. The boy still didn’t look at him though, merely frowned and took the offending notepad from Changkyun.

Changkyun stared at the boy, waiting to see what he would do. It’s not like he had anything else to do. Besides, the boy wasn’t too bad to look at, if he was honest. He had a small pointy nose, full cheeks and light pink hair. He was pouting and it seemed almost unconscious, and Changkyun idly wondered if it was a habit of his.

He didn’t know what the lecturer was talking about anyway, so he might as well try to make this awful moment into something he could at least look back at later as something other than: ‘that one time I walked into a class that was _obviously_ not English Lit and didn’t notice until the lecturer started talking but I’d already whipped out my Willy Shakespeare.’

The boy, as he looked up to follow along to the piece of code the lecturer was demonstrating on the screen, caught Changkyun staring at him, and his ears turned red at a truly impressive rate as he frowned slightly and looked away, before grabbing the exam pad and scribbling something down quickly before forcefully shoving it at Changkyun.

  
  
**  
**

Changkyun hid his grin behind his hand. Who was this guy? Jeez.

  
  
  
  


 

  
  


  
  


  
Changkyun tried not to laugh when Kihyun silently spluttered, ears turning even redder.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Changkyun watched him for a minute, as he furiously took notes, refusing to even acknowledge his existence though he could hardly ignore it. It was adorable. He smiled, wrote, and innocently slid the exam pad over again.

 

Kihyun’s eyes widened almost comically before shoving the exam pad into his bag and resolutely staring at the lecturer for the rest of the lecture. Changkyun did notice, however, that his ears remained a blazing, fire-engine red and that he didn’t take another note for the whole rest of the class.

 

**\---**

 

**Hyungwon**

I wake you up

Out of the goodness of my heart

And then you

You absolute shit

Decide to not show up anyway

 

**Changkyun**

I know Internets now

You could say I was on _router_ class

 

**Hyungwon**

Speak human, please

 

**Changkyun**

Aaaaaaaand got lost and may have sat through an entire programming class

Fascinating, truly

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re a literal human  disaster and I give you a literal week before you crash and burn

 

**Changkyun**

Love you too, hyung

ON THE PLUS SIDE

I met a rude boy

 

**Hyungwon**

how is that a plus side

 

**Changkyun**

His ears turned red

He got insulted when I called the nonsense they were doing html

Did you know it isn’t really coding?

I’ve got some very disappointing news for our resident ‘hacker’ Minhyuk

He was so proud

He made a website, remember? It sparkled

So many pictures of various puppies

Are you ignoring me

Hey. Hyungwon.

Hey you look really ugly today

Hyungwon pls

I’m sitting alone outside if I’m not texting someone I’ll look like a weirdo

Feel free to say I’m already a weirdo

Hyungwon pls

 

**Hyungwon**

I told Minhyuk

He cried

You have a lot of chocolate to buy

 

**Changkyun**

You turn my friends against me

And my limited budget

You monster

 

**Hyungwon**

lol

 

**Changkyun**

****

Where the fuck am I

 

**Hyungwon**

Repeat after me:

This is why I should’ve attended orientation

 

**Changkyun**

No orientation, we get lost like men

 

**Hyungwon**

Follow the sound of exasperation and mild disgust

You’ll find me

 

**Changkyun**

you just can't handle my selfie game

Do you think I would be allowed to just like, sit in the class

To stare at the pretty rude boy

Do you?

Hyung?

 

**Hyungwon**

Do you mean by, like, law

Or socially

Cos both is no

 

**Changkyun**

Why do you hate love, hyung

 

**Hyungwon**

Why are you a literal disaster whoops guess we’ll never know

 

**Changkyun**

At least I’m human

with a beATING HEART

 

**Hyungwon**

You think you’re insulting me but you’re really not

 

**Changkyun**

****

 

**Hyungwon**

I think I can see your head

Follow the sighs

 

**Changkyun**

Don’t need to, you’re like a beanpole that beckons

In a sea of people, there was  _He_

Majestic. Oddly Pepe-like.

Glaring?

Yeah, glaring.

 

**Hyungwon**

You are about quarter my size

I can squish you with my thumb

 

**Changkyun**

A stiff wind would snap you like a twig, hyung, come on

 

**Hyungwon**

And I would look fabulous while breaking and the people would mourn

You, on the other hand

I’d be surprised if your dog noticed you were gone

 

**Changkyun**

****

I love our friendship

Such support

Such mutual respect and love

#goals

(look hyung I’m coding already)

 

**Hyungwon**

Stop sending me horrible memes and I might not eat this cheeseburger I bought for you

(no you’re not)

 

**Changkyun**

I agree to that as long as you know we’re both probably #lying

 

**Hyungwon**

Naturally

 

**\---**

 

“There’s about a half of this cheeseburger left, I’m actually impressed,” Changkyun said, turning the food item over in his hand before taking a large bite.

“I restrained myself,” Hyungwon deadpanned, looking at bit mournfully at the cheeseburger. Changkyun was about eighty percent sure he was bemoaning the fact he didn’t eat faster.

“So _gooood_ ,” Changkyun moaned obscenely around the food in his mouth (like an uncultured, manner-less _animal_ ) lying back on the grass like it was a king sized bed.

Hyungwon, mid exaggerated eye-roll, spotted a familiar face. Familiar, but uncharacteristically red. He frowned, amused as the photographer he’d become acquainted with not too long ago, choked on thin air after being exposed to Changkyun’s lewd food appreciation.

Hyungwon laughed, because _seriously? Changkyun? His dongsaeng? Really?_

“Don’t laugh at me when I’m being sexy!” Changkyun whined with a pout, pushing himself up on his elbows.

Hyungwon, then, proceeded to laugh even louder, because Kihyun had literally run away. He’d read the situation, and noped the fuck out. _What the hell?_ Kihyun didn’t seem like the type of guy to be so easily embarrassed by some kid moaning about food. And, really, Changkyun was more of a ridiculous sight than an attractive one in Hyungwon’s quite literally professional opinion.

“I’m glad you’re so amused at my display of wantonness. Next time I won’t waste it on someone as unappreciative of it. I’ll find a willing and appropriately appreciative audience who--“

“Do you even know how to spell ‘unappreciative’,” Hyunwon snorted, still recovering from the sight of seeing the normally unflappable photographer literally _run away._

“I’m a language major, you frog. I know how to use a _dictionary_.”

“I’m a turtle, excuse you very much.”

“Because you’re so slow?” Changkyun grinned.

“For your information turtles are _incredibly_ intelligent animals,” Hyungwon huffed, crossing his arms. “Now hurry up and finish that burger or you’re going to miss your second class as well.”

“Will you show me where it is?” Changkyun asked, laying the sweetness on _thick_ , before taking a large bite of the burger.

“Now why would I do that? Don’t you want the riveting experience of walking into a programming class again? You might be able to teach Minhyuk how to _actually_ code then.”

“Oh god,” Changkyun groaned, already imagining the crushed face of the literal sunshine that is Minhyuk. “Don’t give him ideas.”

Hyungwon only grinned and started walking off, leaving Changkyun scrambling around to pick up his bag, throw away the wrapper (because he’s not a fucking _animal_ ) and run after Hyungwon before the fucker disappeared from his sight.

 

**\---**

 

 

**Changkyun**

BRO

 

**Jooheon**

BRO

 

**Changkyun**

BRO YOU GOTTA HELP ME BRO

 

**Jooheon**

WHATCHA NEED BRO I HAVE TWO FULLY FUNCTIONING KIDNEYS AND ADEQUATE EYESIGHT

 

**Changkyun**

I’m so fucking lost, my guy

Hyungwon just left me in a field

 

**Jooheon**

He drove you twenty miles outside of campus and left you in a field?

 

**Changkyun**

Well no I guess there’s like buildings and shit

Listen I already monumentally screwed up once today you gotta help me out

 

**Jooheon**

I GOTCHA M’DUDE

What do you see??

 

**Changkyun**

Big building. Statue thingy. Pigeons???

 

**Jooheon**

Cool I’m on my way

 

**Changkyun**

Shit you really got something from that

Colour me fucking impressed

 

**Jooheon**

I speak Daniel

 

**Changkyun**

DAAAAMN

 

 **Jooheon** **  
** DAAAAAMN DANIEL

 

**Changkyun**

For realsies I’m gonna be fucking late

Hurry your ass up

 

**Jooheon**

Im runni ng

 

**Changkyun**

My hero

My man

The one who went to orientation

 

**Jooheon**

Only an idiot wouldn’t go to orientation dude c’mon

 

**Changkyun**

I take back everything I said

 

**Jooheon**

Not running anymore fu

 

**Changkyun**

I’m sorry plz save me

You’re right I’m so dumb

M’dude I was in a programming class this morning

I’m so dumb

 

**Jooheon**

Stop grovelling and run after me

 

**Changkyun**

Shit ok

 


	2. Your Dick Is Your Soul

“These violent delights have violent ends,” Changkyun read, sighing deeply, dramatically, as he held the book above him and read on his back. “Which in their triumph die, like when Twilight ruins a perfectly good Shakespeare quote on sparkly angsty boys.”

“I like Twilight,” Minhyuk sniffled, sadly clicking through the sparkly puppy site he had created.

“Of _course_ you do. Team Edward?” Changkyun enquired with a shit-eating grin, shifting onto his elbows to see Minhyuk rubbing at his eyes miserably.

“Team Jacob, you coward.” It was quiet for a while as Minhyuk sniffled some more and Changkyun returned to the _riveting_ tale of two overdramatic teenagers.

“Do you really think I can’t code, Changkyunnie?”

“This is ridiculous,” Changkyun puffed, very subtly changing the subject of the conversation. “I mean, who falls in love  _that_ quickly? In _crush_ , maybe. Maybe even like them in a ‘I’d stare at you in class for a while until we inevitably part ways and I never see you again’ kind of way, _maybe-_ -”

“ _Changkyunniiiiie,_ ” Minhyuk pouted, flopping over onto the younger boy who dropped his book with a huff. “The puppies, they deserve the truth.”

“Min-hyung, I literally accidentally sat in on _one_ programming class, next to a man with too many opinions for his size, I honestly can’t give you an informed answer here.”

“Changkyun, you’re really short yourself, you know--“

“No, you’re all vertically stretched freakshows and that is besides the point--”

“Let’s sign up for a programming class.”

“I--what?” Changkyun paused, completely abandoning his book and sitting up to give Minhyuk the proper, bemused look he deserved for such a _preposterous_ statement.

“It’s the twenty first century!” Minhyuk said excitedly, like it was something to _celebrate_. He grabbed onto the younger’s shoulders and throttled the jacket off his shoulders. “We should know how to make a proper site for dogs!”

Changkyun squinted. “You make it sound like the site is literally for dogs. To peruse others of their kind. And like, I’m pretty sure you already know how to make a site? That’s a great site. Great… cashmere style sheet.”

“Cascading style sheets.”

“That’s what I said, Minhyukkie, keep up.”

“Oh, pleeeeease, Kyunnie?” Minhyuk whined, clinging onto the younger’s arm and swaying slightly, enough to threaten complete loss of balance any second now. “I don’t wanna do it alone but I really, _really_ wanna do it.”

“But--"

“And I won’t even tell Shownu you made me cry!” Minhyuk added brightly, beaming up into Changkyun’s face.

Changkyun calmly nodded, swallowing before looking around and asking in a slightly strained voice, “ _Right._ Where’s the registration building, again?”

 

**\---**

 

**Changkyun**

So guess who’s taking programming

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m gonna regret this but WHAT

 

**Changkyun**

Believe it or not

This is not because of the hot guy

Well

It depends on how you view Minhyuk???

Also idk man idk why I do these things

 

**Hyungwon**

Lemme guess

Minhyuk did that thing where he pretends he’s not blackmailing you

But he actually fucking is

 

**Changkyun**

… m a y b e

You literally can’t say no to him though???

Not that I want to

It’d be like switching off the fucking sun or something

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay cool but like somehow Shownu was involved right

 

**Changkyun**

…

Listen. I like my nose

I’d like to keep it thanks

I think if that man sucker punched me it would fly out the back of my skull

 

**Hyungwon**

And that would, of course, be such a horrible thing

Right

 

**Changkyun**

If you say it would be an aesthetic improvement I swear to god

 

**Hyungwon**

You know.

I wasn’t even thinking about it

But now that you mention it

I have to admit

It would make some purely aesthetic improvement to your profile

You know

You can trust me I’m a model I know what I’m talking about

I’m sure you can still ask Shownu to do it

 

**Changkyun**

****

“You can trust me I’m a model I know what I’m talking about”

**Hyungwon**

****

You really wanna start this

 

**Changkyun**

Banana-hyung, you see, the difference is

I don’t give a shit

There’s plenty more where that

You know what nevermind I’m good

Who the fuck took that picture how did they make you look so damn fine what the fu

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay what do you want

 

**Changkyun**

...so technically I haven’t actually signed up yet

 

**Hyungwon**

And that’s my problem why

 

**Changkyun**

Because deep

Deep

Within your cold dead heart

You know I’m useless at anything practical

Like… forms

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m not that deep

That knowledge is on the forefront

 

**Changkyun**

OH MY GOD PLEASE OKAY

I said please

Please

Please please please

 

**Hyungwon**

Minhyuk will be there right? You don’t need me

You know I read that sentence and I realised

Okay fuck fine

Just to keep you both from accidentally setting the actual building on fire

 

**Changkyun**

What did you realize

Hyungwon what did you realize

 

**Hyungwon**

If you think really really hard

And reach down really really deep

You’ll realise, too

 

**Changkyun**

Ah I see you realised you’re actually a decent human being I gotcha

No time to text and retaliate come to the building Minhyuk found some matches???

 

**Hyungwon**

Good fucking lord

 

**\---**

 

“Do you have any idea,” Changkyun laughed, trying not to drop his phone. “What kind of bullshit excuses I’m thinking up right now to explain my enrollment to this class to my paying, hard-working family? I’ve _never_ advocated blogging this much.”

“Why are you laughing,” Hyungwon grumbled, adjusting his glasses as he frowned at the paperwork in front of him, twirling the pen, “When you’re making your _hard-working_ parents pay for this bulshit class you’re only taking because you’re scared to take a hit.”

“And we _really appreciate it,_ ” Minhyuk said with a little pat on Hyungwon’s back, watching avidly as Hyungwon filled in Minhyuk’s details. “One day, I might even be able to do this by myself! It doesn’t look too hard…” Minhyuk mused, missing the wide-eyed glance Changkyun and Hyungwon shot each other before looking away, each trying their very best not to burst out laughing.

Changkyun, hiding behind his hand, continued giggling. “I just told my grandmother that blogging is the future, and _so am I_. I feel so _dirty_. Shownu’s biceps hold far too much power over me.”

“Same,” Minhyuk said.

"Meh, it's fine, though," Changkyun shrugged, pocketing his phone. "Dad's head of the science department so we're barely paying for anything anyway. I'll just buy the book myself or mooch off of Minhyuk-hyung."

Hyungwon just sighed, turning back to his papers when he heard a throat being cleared behind him. Without looking up, he said, “Okay, look. Yes, I am aware of the fact that I am currently sitting in the middle of the hallway and have about ten different forms spread out around me but honestly you can just step over me because I am not--”

Hyungwon looked up.

He looked up. He kept looking.

He was aware of the fact that Changkyun seemed to have something stuck in his throat if the violent way he kept clearing it was any indication but honestly Hyungwon was too busy admiring the absolute _god_ that had just appeared before him.

The Adonis like creature _smiled at him. The fucking nerve._

Hyungwon felt a slight pressure on his shoulder. He shrugged it off. The pressure increased. The pressure got really fucking painful and _finally,_ to save his shoulder, he looked around indignantly to see Minhyuk standing behind him staring at him intently.

“The nice man asked you a question, Hyungwon. Aren’t you going to answer it?”

“I- what?” The Adonis _spoke?_ When? How did Hyungwon miss this momentous occasion and oh god why did Changkyun have his phone pointed in Hyungwon’s direction giggling like a madman.

“I, um, what? You said something?”

The Adonis frowned and Hyungwon almost cried because even his _frown_ looked pretty what the fuck what the fuck what the -

A sharp pinch to his shoulder brought him back on track enough to actually pay attention to what was coming out of the Adonis’s mouth _no_ Hyungwon _focus._

“I was just asking if you would help me with these forms? I just,” he gestured at the papers spread out around Hyungwon, “you seem to know what you’re doing.”

“He will, yes,” Changkyun said, smilingly ignoring Hyungwon glaring daggers at him. “He’s the King of Forms. A god among… pens.”

“Oh!” Adonis smiled, widely, (and Hyungwon let out a pained sounding moan). “Thank you so much!” He did a little bow. _What the fuck._

“You can just start with your name and number--” Changkyun had to stop his sentence, because Hyungwon’s bony ass elbow really hurt. Especially when it made contact with your stomach that wasn’t quite as hard as you wished it was.

(“Minhyuk, did you _see_ that shit?”

“Listen, this man could ask me for the keys to my car and I’d give it to him with all my passwords and social security number.”

“What would Shownu say?”

“Eh. He’d be okay with it.")

“So,” Adonis squatted down, tilting his head at the forms Hyungwon had diligently been filling out, “What should I fill out first? The first time I registered for classes there was someone helping me.” He let out a self-deprecating little laugh, running his hand through his hair. “I might not have been paying as much attention as I ought to have.”

Hyungwon shook his head. Okay. He could do this. He could _definitely_ do this _and_ not get distracted by the way this guy’s thighs looked when he squatted. Hyungwon was a strong, powerful -

“Here, let me just sit next to you so I can follow along to what you’re doing.”

-very very weak man who will not survive natural selection.

“Oh, and my name’s Shin Hoseok by the way. But people call me Wonho.” He smiled.

“I’m Shin Hyungwon--Chae! Chae Hyungwon.”

Changkyun and Minhyuk fell over each other laughing. Hyungwon turned towards them with a brittle smile on his face that promised mountains of pain. “What class did you want to sign up for again? Advanced Physics, right?”

“Advanced _Physical_ , _am I right.”_

 _“Changkyun, I swear to God._ I’ll do it. I really will."

Throughout this exchange Adonis, or, well, Wonho, was looking at them with a furrowed brow.

“Are you guys okay?”

“Oh, yes. Ignore my friends. They’re a bit…”

“Did Hyungwon-hyung just admit to us being his friends?” Changkyun asked, his hand splayed over his heart.

“Unstable." Hyungwon smiled, nearly straining a muscle to do so. "Soon to be dead, actually. They can’t even fill out these forms without my help. And this one is a third year,” Hyungwon added, pointing at Minhyuk who scrunched his nose at Hyungwon before shrugging.

“In my defence,” Minhyuk started, holding up his hands and tilting his head. There was a long pause before he deflated and lowered his head, saying, “I, erm, yeah, you might be onto something.”

“At least he knows his own name, hyung,” Changkyun giggled.

“Okay you know what, they have Calculus on here too don’t _push_ me--“

A loud laugh rang out next to Hyungwon and he looked up, surprised, as Wonho laughed next to him.

“I like you guys. You’re funny. Are you always like this?”

“No,” Changkyun deadpanned.

“Yes,” Minhyuk countered, a wide grin on his face.  
  
“Nearly always,” Hyungwon said, with a star-struck expression Changkyun would definitely hold over him for the rest of time.

“Cool. I feel like we’re going to be friends,” Wonho said, still smiling brightly as he starts fumbling with his pockets. “Oh, can I get your number?”

“Mine?” Hyungwon said, pointing at himself.

“Yes?”

“Cool, cool, cool.”

“Don’t mind him he’s just having an emotion. He’s not used to it.”

" _Changkyun._ ”

“That emotion is _anger._  Lovely,” Minhyuk helpfully supplied as Hyungwon almost violently stapled the forms together and got up, Wonho trailing after him as they made their way to the front desk.

Changkyun's shoulders fell. “I’m a dead man, aren’t I.”

“I’ll pick nice colours for your funeral, I promise,” Minhyuk hummed.

**\---**

**Hyungwon**

So, when do you want to schedule your murder

You have a free period tomorrow right

 

**Changkyun**

That’s after class, though

At least take me out _before_ I go to class, man

 

**Hyungwon**

You know I’m not that merciful come on

 

**Changkyun**

YOU WERE SO CUTE THO

I LOVE LOVE

AND OH MAN

[insert whip sound effect here]

 

**Hyungwon**

You know, one day, when you least expect it

I’m gonna get you

It’s going to be beautiful

People will be screaming

Birds will be dying

Fantastic

 

**Changkyun**

Threaten me with death and you have nowhere to go, hyung

You can’t one up death

I’m not scared of anything anymore

 

**Hyungwon**

Why you think I’m talking about death

 

**Changkyun**

…

True, you’d never give me what I want

 

**Hyungwon**

You know me so well

Anyway

I have a few ideas

At least one of them involves you showing up naked to class

 

**Changkyun**

~~~Friendship is the rainbow between two hearts

You raise me uuuuuuuup

So I can stand on moooouuntaaaaains

Please don’t hurt one half of your soul

 

**Hyungwon**

You can see my eyes screaming for help

What soul

 

**Changkyun**

The one that screamed at the sight of a hot boy

 

**Hyungwon**

I fear you have been severely misled

That was not my soul

That was my dick

 

**Changkyun**

Your dick IS your soul

Explains the personality

 

**Hyungwon**

So tomorrow at two it is then

 

**Changkyun**

Disappointed but not surprised

Bring cheeseburgers

I demand a last meal

 

**Hyungwon**

The only thing you’ll be eating is your own damn words

 

**Changkyun**

[walks up to camera] Hyungwon is the mafia

**\---**

 

“So I got horrifically lost, there was a very rude but very pretty boy, I signed up for a programming class because of Minhyuk, Chae Hyungwon grew a heart and then promised to murder me, and we may have made a friend that looks like a demi-god. Not much, honestly.”

“Hyungwon sounds like he mellowed a bit. Usually the threat would have been a bit more graphic,” Jooheon mused, while simultaneously placing a bomb underneath Changkyun’s character on screen and watching in satisfaction as he blew up.

Changkyun’s character respawned in the time it took him to process that Jooheon had indeed Just Done That.

“Bro. That’s low.”

“Bro’s blow each other, bro.”

“I’m disconnecting if this continues,” Shownu voiced over Discord.

“You can be a bro too if you want,” Jooheon offered.

“Bros come with bro perks,” Changkyun offered.

“Bro it _up._ ”

“I hate this,” Hyungwon moaned.

The sound of someone dropping their controller, followed shortly by Changkyun’s surprised, “Shit when did you appear?” followed that announcement.

“Guys, what happens when your bro _is_ your hoe?”

“Shownu’s okay, he already gets blown,” Minhyuk added in a perky voice, the sound of Shownu choking audible.

“That. That’s what happens.”

“Do you guys know if Wonho plays online games?”

“Changkyun, no.”

“Changkyun, _yes_.”

“Changkyun, we _talked_ about this. We have a time and date set for the murder and everything.”

“As with Romeo and Juliet--”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, not again--”

“--I dothn’t believe my fate to be set in stone, and I’ll probably end up killing myself because of a petty misunderstanding or some shit, anyway, I guess--”

“Oh, _shit_ guys, nevermind Changkyun dying, some guys who are actually _good_ just joined this game pay _attention_ ,” came Jooheon’s panicked voice.

“Jooheon, you literally just meleed me in the ass and tea-bagged my corpse,” Hyungwon deadpanned.

“Respawn and stop your bitching, _goddamn_.”

“That bro needs a blow,” Minhyuk added casually.

“Shut the _fuck up, oh my god."_

**\---**

**Kihyun**

Hey, you said you’re free for some modelling this weekend, right?

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re so needy

 

**Kihyun**

You’re getting free headshots I don’t know what you’re complaining about

Anyway, I need some photos.

 

**Hyungwon**

Please don’t make it at some ridiculous time in the morning again ffs

But sure

 

**Kihyun**

When you are a _struggling_ programming student 

you can fucking complain about the time again kay

 

**Hyungwon**

Fuck fine

We know so many pretty people why me

Why must I suffer like this

I know a kid with a great nose bother him

 

**Kihyun**

Stop complaining you love it

Funny you mention that

There was this kid with a great side profile in my programming class the other day

He was a little shit though

So a no go on that

 

**Hyungwon**

...right good to know okay

Out of interest’s sake

Why is this boy a no go

For science

 

**Kihyun**

Ugh

He was just being annoying

With his Shakespeare book and his sass

Oh yeah he was in the wrong class too

So I doubt I’ll ever see him again

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re right

I advise you lose all hope of ever seeing him again

This campus is simply too big for two people who have nothing in common

To randomly meet again

 

**Kihyun**

I’ve never seen you type this much

The hell

 

**Hyungwon**

Just sad that you’ll probably end up dying alone, is all

You’re such a sad person hyung

It makes me sad

 

**Kihyun**

Fuck you, you waste of a good face

 

**Hyungwon**

Aw love you too

Have fun in class!

 

**Kihyun**

Literally snap in two, you photogenic turdblossom

**\---**

 

Kihyun pocketed his phone and walked into his programming class, safe in the knowledge that at least he only has to deal with one sassy little shit today. Brushing his hair back with his fingers and tugging on his beanie, he took his place in the front of class. At least he would be able to pay attention this time. Unlike last time where he got to his dorm, took out his notes, and realised he had exactly half a page of usable notes and then the notes he had passed to the little shit.

Which, was just ridiculous. He shouldn’t have let himself get distracted like that. Especially by someone who wasn’t even supposed to be in class. It’s just, the little _shit_ kept staring at him and he really _did_ have a nice side profile and -

Oh. God. No.

What was he _doing_ here?

Kihyun stared in horror as the little shit, the self-same one, _strutted_ into class, looking like he fucking owned the place with what looked like a human koala hanging from his arm.

“I told you we should have come earlier, all the spots at the back are taken,” the koala pouted, staring up at the little shit beseechingly. The little shit looked around, his eyes catching Kihyun’s and Kihyun just had enough time to see a frankly _evil_ looking grin spread over his face before Kihyun whipped his face away. He could _feel_ his ears reddening. He'd been  _staring_. Fucking hell.

Kihyun pulled his beanie down over his ears. God- _fucking-_ dammit.

The little shit (was his name Changkyun? Not that Kihyun gave a shit) pulled Koala Boy down next to him, at the front of the class. Which was, coincidentally, where Kihyun was seated.

Maybe he hadn’t noticed Kihyun. Maybe if Kihyun sank down really low in his chair and didn’t look at him things will be just _fin-_

A piece of folded paper had found its way under Kihyun’s arm, and with a herculean effort, he just about managed not to scowl at the page. What the fuck did this little shit want? He risked a glance, just a quick peek from the corner of his eyes, at Changkyun, but he wasn’t even looking at Kihyun, instead offering his hand for his Koala friend to doodle on (probably more than a friend, going by the way the guy had hung off Changkyun).

Which was fine. It was _fine_. It wasn’t like Kihyun wanted his attention anyway. Hell, Kihyun didn’t even know why he was in the class again. Which, he was not going to ask. Because it wasn’t his business and he was just there to pass the class.

Kihyun decided to ignore them both. Another note made this very difficult.

  
  
  


Kihyun frowned at the note before pointedly crumpling it up and making a perfect throw into the dustbin. Another note followed soon after.

  


Before Kihyun could destroy this particular catastrophe, Changkyun snatched the note back quickly, writing more before passing it back.

  


Kihyun knew he didn’t have a very firm lid on his temper. He also knew that he had, in fact, told this boy that html was _not fucking coding_ and that was a warning in Kihyun’s book so he thought he was at least a little justified in his reply.

  
  
  


Kihyun hesitated only slightly before adding:

   


He had already replied. He might as well satisfy his curiosity. He forcefully slid the note back, allowing a tiny smirk to slip onto his face as his hand jabbed at Changkyun’s elbow.

Changkyun read the note (looking satisfied at a reply, _the jerk_ ) and pursed his lips, mouth corners twitching. The Koala had finally stopped doodling on Changkyun’s hand and was now, seemingly, doodling on a piece of paper, somehow perfectly capturing the essence of the lecture and _shit_ the lecture had _started_ Kihyun should be paying attention.

  
  
  


Kihyun tried to resist the lure of the note next to his elbow, but, frankly, he had already worked ahead and, well, if he was perfectly honest with himself, the stuff they were doing at the moment was quite simply horrifically easy. Scanning the note, Kihyun didn’t know if he should laugh or glare. He settled on a grimace.

  
  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  


 

 ****  
  
  


Watching all colour drain from the kid's face was oddly satisfying.

 

 

Kihyun smirked. Damned Humanities students. Didn’t know how easy they had it.

 

  
  
  


 

  
  


 

  


 

 

 

Kihyun had no idea why, but he felt a tiny, miniscule, barely worth mentioning (so why the hell was he mentioning it why won’t be brain _shut up_ ) shiver work it’s way down his spine at the nickname. 

 

 ****  
  


 

 

Glad that his beanie was pulled down low enough to cover his ears, Kihyun rolled his eyes at the page.

 

  
  


 

 

Kihyun stared at the page, aware of the fact that his whole face was flushing and that muffled choking sounds were coming from his right, but he didn’t trust himself to look up. Deliberately, Kihyun crumpled the page, slid it into his bag, and fixed his eyes on the screen. Changkyun seemed to get the message, because apart from one half-hearted attempt to get his attention by loudly coughing his name, the other stayed silent.

Despite himself, however, Kihyun kept noting the little, almost unconscious touches between Changkyun and Minhyuk. The latter was more touchy than the former, but they were always somehow touching, whether it was with a hand casually resting on the other’s shoulder or playing with the hair at the backs of their necks.

Kihyun didn’t know why, but for some reason it made him quite uncomfortable. It was probably because they were two boys, Kihyun tried to comfort himself. That was definitely it.


	3. Death by Pepe

**Changkyun**

Y’all I’m in rude boy’s class wtf

 

**Hyungwon**

You are aware of the fact that this is not a group chat

You are in fact only bothering me

 

**Changkyun**

Y’ALL

Height wise you’re like two and a half people shh

Seriously though he was wearing a BEANIE

ON HIS HEAD

 

**Hyungwon**

I would assume

How else would you wear a beanie

 

**Changkyun**

I feel that you’re making a point of ignoring my s t r u g g l e

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m probably going to regret asking this but

What struggle?

 

**Changkyun**

The, and this is brilliant, hear me out on this

the ‘Shin Hyungwon Struggle’

 

**Hyungwon**

…you know I blame myself

I knew I shouldn’t have asked

 

**Changkyun**

It’s an hour to my scheduled death so I’m taking Risks

Hyungwon?

I’m scared now

Do you know where I am???

No way pffft

YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE I AM

Oh god

 

**\---**

 

**Changkyun**

Bro if I die

Tell Beanie boy I’d totally hit that

 

**Jooheon**

Dunno who that is but will do bro

Out of broness sake, why will you die?

 

**Changkyun**

Death By Pepe

 

**Jooheon**

Oh yeah. That’s a thing

My bro

I will miss you

I will find Beanie boy and tell him you’d hit it real good

Go in peace

 

**Changkyun**

Sympathy is hard to find apparently

sdhgsdig

I just saw a rando tall person and literally dived under a table holy shit

WAIT SHOWNU WILL PROTEC

WHERE IS DAD

 

**Jooheon**

Didn’t you just have class with Minhyuk?

That new programming thing?

You should have just stayed with him bro

You’re my best bro

But you’re kinda dumb

 

**Changkyun**

I LOST MY DAD MAGNET FUCK

IF I JUST RUN INTO THE SUN WILL I FIND LEE MINHYUK

 

**Jooheon**

I would honestly not discount that theory

 

**Changkyun**

Hang on I just spotted adonis I’m safe

 

**Jooheon**

I

I don’t even know anymore

 

**\---**

 

“Wonho! Hide me behind your biceps,” Changkyun panted, not even waiting for an answer before hiding himself behind Wonho’s much buffer frame. “You’re like a big hunk o’ Hyungwon cryptonite.”

“Nice to see you again, Changkyun,” Wonho laughed, frowning in amused confusion and shrugging at the nearest student that looked at them funny. “Have you been running?”

Changkyun plucked at his damp t-shirt, letting the cool wind get on his chest as he looked around the courtyard like a spooked meerkat. “Just a bit. You’d think he’d planned this additional torture.”

“Who? Hyungwon? He seemed so nice! Why would he torture you?”

Changkyun waved his hand dismissively, fanning his face in the process and leaning slightly into the much buffer boy who looked like the extra weight barely even inconvenienced him. Changkyun frowned and poked at Wonho’s arm as he talked. “We’ve known each other just like… way too long. It’s fair game at this point.”

“...Do you want to sit down or something?”

“You ask me like I have a choice.”

Wonho helped Changkyun towards a bench (if Changkyun had any manly pride, it would be wounded, but at this point he was made solely of cringe and to hell if he wasn’t going to enjoy Wonho’s strong arms) and sat down next to him.

“I have some salad,” Wonho informed Changkyun, digging around in his bag. “You want some?”

Changkyun squinted at the larger male, but _just_ as he wanted to open his mouth to say _thanks but no thanks_ , he made eye contact and, like... _goddamn_. “Riiiiiight, salad. I love salad. Eat it… all the time.”

“It’s really good for you,” Wonho informed Changkyun with a serious face, already digging his spoon into a pile of what looked suspiciously like the leftovers of a pruned tree. “And it’s really nice once you get used to it,” Wonho said happily, crunching into a spoonful of greens.

Changkyun assessed the leaves in front of him. Fucking leaves. Was it really that difficult to just say _no_ to--Changkyun’s eyes widened, a smile creeping onto his face. “Wonho, this is really random, but would you mind if I took a picture of you real quick?”

Frowning, Wonho shrugged. “I mean, sure. But why?”

 **“** Beeeecauuuuuse,” Changkyun stressed, giving himself time to think as he scratched the back of his head, before happily proclaiming, “My mother thinks I am a chronic loner and have no friends.”

Wonho crunched his leaves.

“That’s honestly a bit sad, Changkyun.”

“I am a sad, sad man. Smile?”

 

**\---**

 

**Changkyun**

You’d never kill me in front of a puppy would you

loooook

 

**Hyungwon**

…

I

I’m not

…

You play dirty

 

**Changkyun**

:)

Wonho says hi

 

\---

 

Hyungwon groaned, giving his face a soft slap before stuffing his phone into his pocket. It’s fine. It’s all fine. Changkyun may have found some temporary protection with the _most beautiful man who had ever lived_ , but it couldn’t last forever.

Hyungwon knew where Changkyun lived, after all.

His phone chimed in his pocket and, rolling his eyes, he prepared to give Changkyun a sassing to remember, before seeing it was his resident photographer.

 

**\---**

 

**Kihyun**

So.

You know someone with a great nose huh

 

**Hyungwon**

It’s very important to know one’s self

 

**Kihyun**

SO

You know SOMEONE with a great NOSE HUH

 

**Hyungwon**

I can literally hear you screaming in my head and it is very distressing

 

**Kihyun**

Aw shame poor hyungwonnie

Oh wait

I don’t care

 

**Hyungwon**

Why do you care if I know someone with a great nose

Are you going to replace me

Because then by all goddamn means

 

**Kihyun**

Stop bluffing

I know you love your photoshoots

It’s why you still bring me tea each time

 

**Hyungwon**

I forgot how to read suddenly

 

**Kihyun**

Unfortunately it seems like you retained your writing abilities

So, you know this boy?

Your reaction yesterday tells me you do

 

**Hyungwon**

Careful Kihyun you’re showing interest in an actual human being

But if it’s the same little shit, then yes, I know him

For too long

and far too much

 

**Kihyun**

Listen you overgrown tree

I’m asking for purely artistic reasons

As pointy as your angles are

I do need other models

It might be the same little shit yes

Changkyun?

 

**Hyungwon**

You know his _name_?

PS: He always eat his burgers like that

 

**Kihyun**

What

What burger

I don’t know what you’re talking about, honestly

And, btw, it’s his fault I know his name he kept bothering me

And he had the wrong book out I couldn’t _not_ ask him who he was

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyun?

What Changkyun?

I don’t know who you’re talking about honestly

Wait no nevermind that he was bothering you and you LET him?

 

**Kihyun**

NO

He’s persistent

 

**Hyungwon**

Are you saying

That Changkyun

Has decent angles?

 

**Kihyun**

From a _purely_ artistic point of view

He has nice angles

What of it

 

**Hyungwon**

From a _purely_ realistic point of view

You’re full of shit

 

**Kihyun**

You know what

I suddenly have the urge to take photos at 3 am

The moon is really nice then

Be there

And don’t wear a sweater

It’ll mess with the shot

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re an evil little man, you know that?

 

**Kihyun**

:)

 

**\---**

 

**Changkyun**

Broheon my day has just blowed in the not good way

 

**Jooheon**

Bro

You’re still alive?

 

**Changkyun**

Barely. I haven’t Exerted like this since middle school soccer

BUT

I am AT THE DORM

I AM SAFE

WE CAN PLAY OVERWATCH

AND HAVE POPCORN

 

**Jooheon**

Bro

 

**Changkyun**

Yeah bro

 

**Jooheon**

Run bro

 

**Changkyun**

:)

Changkyun can’t come to the phone right now

Why?

Because he’s dead

 

**Jooheon**

Stop talking shit and RUN BRO

 

**Changkyun**

It’s funny that you think Changkyun is still capable of texting

 

**Jooheon**

…

This became really creepy really fast

I'm gonna go hug my dog

 

**\---**

 

**Hyungwon**

Not sorry about what I did

But hit rude boy next time you see him

 

**Changkyun**

Why the fuck were you awake at 02:30

 

**Hyungwon**

Hit him really hard

 

**\---**

 

Hyungwon had been sleeping in the same corner of the library since he was an ickle little first year. At first, it had been a mistake, born of pulling all-nighters trying to study all the work and finish assignments. The second time it was more a thing of convenience, in that he was bored and didn’t have fuck all else to do anyway.

After that it became a regular thing. It was on the top floor, which, admittedly, was quite a way to go for a nap, but it was the _perfect_ napping spot. Somehow, no matter what season or what time in the day it was, there was always a spot of sunlight that managed to be _just_ big enough for him to curl up in with his head on his bag.

And, the best part of it all was, because it was so far out of the way, no one ever came up there. He was all alone to just nap and -

“Hyungwon?”

He was pretty sure that was his name, but mid-nap was definitely not the optimal time for brain function. When he decided that sleeping further was definitely more important than someone telling him to stop sleeping in the library, he nuzzled into his bag, grumbling and hunching his shoulders.

A hand shook his shoulder lightly, followed by another soft, “Hyungwon?”.

The boy in question picked up his head, blinking slowly at the big, blonde figure. Who _dared--_

A final blink that brought his eyes into focus also brought forth the horrifying realisation that this was Wonho. Wonho, who he wanted to make a good impression on. Wonho, who even with Changkyun’s shitty phone, had made the photos look so good Hyungwon had nearly walked a freshman out of the ground. Wonho, who was smiling at him.

“Fuck.”  
  
“Sorry?” Wonho frowned, probably trying to figure out why the apparently homeless person who helped him with his forms was swearing at him. Hyungwon had to admit he didn’t have an answer to that that didn’t include several things that he was aware was not to be repeated in company. (Changkyun would protest, but then again, Changkyun didn’t exactly count as company.)  
  
“I meant, hi, hello, uhm,” Hyungwon swallowed, trying (really, really trying) to keep his eyes open (but _damn_ ), before making a point of looking around confusedly. “Is this the library? My bad, er, must have, um, studied too hard last night. Um.”

“Oh, sorry,” Wonho winced, letting his hand fall. “I probably shouldn’t have woken you up.”

Hyungwon made a noncommittal noise that might have been agreement but which might also have meant: _You could punch me in the face and I’d thank you._

“I just, I saw Changkyun--”

Hyungwon groaned reflexively.

“--yesterday and, well, he looked really out of it. Are words I’d use to describe him. He didn’t even want any of my salad!” Wonho pouted.

“How dare he,” Hyungwon agreed, while simultaneously trying to remember _what fucking day it was again,_ and, _was he supposed to be in class right now_.

“Right? They’re so good for you. The only thing better, I think, would be ramen,” Wonho added, nodding thoughtfully.

Hyungwon hummed in agreement, thinking of the whole entire pizza topped with extra cheese he had eaten the night before. He’d fucking destroyed that thing, man.

“Anyway, is Changkyun alright?”

Hyungwon, who had basically been lying on the ground for the entire conversation and might have begun feeling extremely fucking vulnerable like that as he woke up more, shoved himself upright into something that might, if you squinted and were in a mood to be generous, be called sitting.

“He might not be able to sit down for a while, I guess.”

“...Excuse me?”

“I may have put butter in front of his dorm room and made him run.”

“...Why.”

“Cos it’s slippery and--”

Wonho laughed, which knocked Hyungwon’s train of thought right off track.

“--and, um, the running. It’s hard. I mean _difficult_. Because it’s slippery. And you fall. Which he did. And screamed. Er, I mean, er, _exclaimed_ \--fuck, do I have class right now, I really _might--_ ”

At this point, Wonho had sat down next to him and was outright slapping his thighs and laughing silently.

Hyungwon laughed a little, uncertain. “So, he’s fine, I mean. Just needed some…” He gestured vaguely. “Fuck, what’s that word--”

“Do you--” Wonho started, before giggling into his hand and taking a breath. “Do you always wake up like this?”

 _Only when I see a cute boy’s face first thing,_ Hyungwon almost said. He had enough presence of mind to stop himself however, and said instead, “I’m awake? This isn’t a dream? I feel really... asleep.” Which was just great. Because that was obviously much better, really. Hyungwon resisted the urge to _actually_ facepalm himself and instead managed to only do it mentally.

“Cute.”

“You too.”

Oh _god_ did he really just _say_ that what will Changkyun say oh god--

“Thank you,” Wonho smiled widely. “Hey, do you want my number? I just, I just want to be updated on the Changkyun situation. You know. Because of the butter.”

“I already have pictures of you on my phone, might as well have a number.” It took Hyungwon a second to realize what he had just uttered with his actual mouth.

“Pictures? Why do you hav--”

“I! It was…” Hyungwon trailed off. He actually had no explanation for this and his brain wasn’t working because he had just woken up and fuck.

“OH! Did Changkyun send those to you?”

“...Yes. Yes, he did.”

“I thought it was for his mother.”

Hyungwon frowned. Hard. Was that fucking kid on _drugs_.

“...He has his little jokes. I don’t think he listens to half the words that come out of his mouth sometimes, honestly.”

“So was that a yes for the number thing or? Because last time you said yes but never actually gave it to me so--”

“Yes! I mean, yeah, sure. I mean, sure. It doesn’t matter.”

“Ouch,” Wonho chuckled, taking out his phone.

“No, I didn’t mean like, I was only,” Hyungwon despaired, already seeing Wonho just up and leaving him alone on the library floor because he was _incapable_ of being nice and acting like a normal human being.

“Hyungwon, calm down, I know,” Wonho, who was still clearly highly amused, patted Hyungwon’s knee and held out his phone. “Listen, I need updates on the state of Changkyun’s ass.”

Hyungwon let his shoulders fall, laughed through a sigh and shook his head.

“I…” He cleared his throat. Tried again. “I’m sorry, I’m not really good at, like, people stuff.” Hyungwon rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, shielding himself from Wonho’s gaze.

“ _People stuff_?” Wonho, the little shit, raised his eyebrows and grinned.

“Socializing, oh my god, give me the damn phone.”

It was as Hyungwon was done entering his number into Wonho’s phone (under a very _interesting_ name) that he spotted the time in the top right corner and realised --

 _"Fuck_ I _do_ have a class now!”

He was off, almost throwing the phone onto Wonho’s lap as he, for once in his life, exerted himself and ran, breaking the rules of the library in the process.

 

**\---**

 

Kihyun took out his books, managed to pick the pen with the least ink in one try (because what kind of animal uses another pen before using one until it’s finished), and flipped through his notebook while he waited for the lecturer to show up, not thinking about anything or anyone else at all.

Which was, of course, why his eyes kept straying to the entrance every time someone entered. The doodling boy had already arrived. But that didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean he was coming or not coming or. Whatever.

He was just beginning to allow his shoulders to drop from their tense position, when a figure limped into class, and Kihyun ( _godfuckingdammit_ ) looked up. Changkyun _seemed_ to be limping, at least, and Kihyun frowned slightly in a moment of weak, weak concern, before the little shit grinned at him, pulled his hoodie off his head, and plopped down next to him. The moment he did, however, he let out a completely uncalled for, “Ah, _fuck_.”

Kihyun looked over at him with wide eyes, already feeling his ears light up. That… Was that the first time he actually heard the boy say anything?

And did he really have to say _that_ . Like… _that._ Like, in what universe was that _necessary,_ honestly.

“Sorry,” Changkyun apologized nearly immediately, wincing as he readjusted in his seat, letting out a low whine as he dropped his bag down next to him. “I was very recently murdered. You know. No biggie. Just takes the fun out of living for a bit.”

“You… _what_?” Kihyun honestly didn’t even know where to _begin_ with that statement.

“I have a friend who wildly misuses butter for his personal benefit.”

“ _Wait_. If that’s a weird sex thing I really don’t want to know and--”

Changkyun burst out laughing. “Wow, nice talk. Wanna comment on the weather before we get into the subject of kinky sex, Mr Yoo?”

“Oh, shut up. I mean, what the hell did you expect, you can’t _sit_ and you said _butter--_ just whatever! And my _name’s_ Kihyun.”

Kihyun, fuming, turned around to face the front again, furious at the boy _and_ himself because of _course_ he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and of _course_ he blushed about as easily as an easily bruised peach.

“Sorry,” Changkyun said through a laugh, wiping at his eyes before coughing into his hand. “Oh, _god_. No, actually. Getting murdered isn’t _code_ for anything, my friend just decided to be oh so hilarious and turn my life into a Vine Fail. I just fell, okay.”

Kihyun opened his mouth. He closed it. He frowned.

“Why do you keep sitting next to me, anyway? I’m sure there are a _lot_ of people in this class who would love to be bothered and none of them are me.”

Changkyun stopped laughing, face still a bit pink as he looked towards him, eyebrows knit in confusion. “I could... move, if you want? So could you, for that matter.”

Kihyun frowned at him harder. “I mean, you’re free to sit wherever you _want,_ I guess, but still. _And,_ I was here first.”

Kihyun managed to refrain from actually pointing out one of the numerous seats Changkyun could move to. He looked around, and at a quick count, it was… Not full. Changkyun literally came to sit next to him when he _really_ didn’t have to. _And_ when his friend was sitting just a few seats behind them, seemingly engrossed in the textbook. What was this boy’s game?

“So…” Changkyun trailed off, still looking at him, and Kihyun could have sworn he saw the ghost of a smile on his face. “I can stay, then?”

“Shhh! The lecture started.”

“Mmm, that’s what they all say.”

_"That makes no sense."_

“Shh, the lecture started, _God_.”

It was only as Kihyun was packing up his books from a surprisingly note free lecture (he was even a little disappointed, honestly, though he’d deny it even at gunpoint) when he saw a piece of torn paper lying on the seat next to him.

Picking it up, he spotted the familiar, scrawled, stupidly capitalized handwriting.

  


 

**\---**

 

The following day, Kihyun walked into class, threw the paper down onto Changkyun’s book, sat down, and ignored him for the rest of the lecture.

  


 

He also, vehemently, ignored the smug little smirk the little shit wore, and the odd tug at the bottom of his stomach. If he ignored both, it would go away.

Right?

 

**\---**

 

**Minhyuk**

HOW’D IT GO???（。＞ω＜）。

 

**Changkyun**

I’m scared of these curly bois {}

They coed

But when they alone {

They attac

Also I forgot I was supposed to hit him

For Hyungwon I’m not kinky

Wait lemme think about it first

 

**Minhyuk**

WHAT

NO????

ALSO NO WITH YOUR CRUSH DID YOU GET HIS NUMBER OR SMTH

 

**Changkyun**

I don’t know what ur talking about ur halucinating

 

**Minhyuk**

YOU

IN THE FRONT OF THE CLASS

STARING

I MEAN REALLY

HAVE SOME CONTROL

 

**Changkyun**

I know these words but what do they meeeean

 

**Minhyuk**

(◕︿◕✿)

U R MEAN

 

**\---**

 

**Changkyun**

He spoke??? And it was like an angel???

Like I was near death like that heavenly but like

I also wouldn’t mind dying if angels looked and sounded like that

Do you think angels are also so angry

like

“You die and now I have to take care of yo dead ass”

Idk man I feel like I need to sit down

Is this why man invented poetry

 

**Jooheon**

Dude you whipped

**Changkyun**

I wonder what other sounds he makes OwO

 

**Jooheon**

BRO NO BRO PLZ I’M SO YOUNG

**Changkyun**

I MEANT LIKE SINGING OR LAUGHING

GODDAMN JOOHEON

i'm younger than you anyway omg

**Jooheon**

…

I need to go rethink some stuff

\---

 

Kihyun sat in the car for a few seconds after switching it off, just breathing. This was always the hardest part. It wasn’t like the university was stress-free, or anything like that at _all_ , in fact quite the _opposite_ of that. But, at least, at the university, he didn’t feel like he was being watched all the time.

On campus, everyone was too busy. Too wrapped up in their own little worlds, studying or talking or reading or whatever. Nobody really cared what the fuck you did on campus, as long as it didn’t bother them.

Home, though. That… was a different story.

“Kihyun? You still out there? Come in, the food’s getting cold.” His mom’s voice floated out to him from the doorway, and he felt those precious few seconds of peace slip away from him as he grabbed his bag and got out of the car, making sure to lock the car behind him. (He had gotten a talking to about _that_ far too many times to forget now. Not that’s it’s a bad thing, but still.)

He shot a tired smile at his mother, who was getting the table laid out and ready, before making a quick stop at his room, just long enough to place his camera carefully on his bedside table, throw his bag next to his desk, take off his beanie (it was rude to wear one at dinner, after all) and run a comb through his hair. When he entered the dining room again, his mother, sister and father were already there.

It was quiet as they ate, as it was most nights, only interrupted every now and then by someone asking for something and by his mother’s quiet enquiries about their days. Kihyun gave the usual answers. Everything was fine, his classes were going well, his tests had gone well. Nothing to worry about. The model child.

“Have you seen that friend of yours recently? Hoseok, right?” His father asked, tilting his head and helping himself to the kimchi, hopefully not noticing the way slight tensing in Kihyun’s shoulders.

“Yes. We have lunch together, sometimes.”

Kihyun silently prayed (not that anyone ever _listened_ ) that that would be all. Please let it be all. He knew his parents didn’t exactly… approve of Wonho. And they didn’t even know about his, well, his proclivities. It wasn’t exactly fault by association, but… Even association could be turned to assumption.

“Is he still doing the dancing, um, thing?” His mother asked, lips pursed. His parents considered Wonho’s choice of study to be short-sighted at best, and selfish at worst.

“Yes. He actually got one of the lead parts in one of their productions,” Kihyun said, trying to smile, but falling flat when he saw the glance his mother and father shared.

“He’s quite handsome,” his sister commented with a bright smile, smiling even brighter when Kihyun caught her eye with a little shake of his head. “Too bad he doesn’t come by so much anymore.”

“Yes. What a shame.” His father laid down his chopsticks, and looked at Kihyun’s sister, Jeongyeon. “You should finish studying for that chemistry test tomorrow. Your teacher said you weren’t doing as well as you could be doing.”

“Dad, they always say that. ‘One’s full potential’ is just a fancy method of guilt-tripping you into studying.”

“Ah, that reminds me, I have to go study for a programming test tomorrow, thanks for the food,” Kihyun said quickly, excusing himself before he got pulled into the middle of yet _another_ bickering match between his dad and Jeongyeon.

“Honey, you barely ate anything,” his mother pointed out with so much concern Kihyun nearly sat down again, before seeing Jeongyeon get a glint in her eyes that promised absolute chaos and oh _god_ he had had a long fucking day (with that little shit) and he was just not in the mood to be held up as a good example with his sister looking knowingly at him. Because, of course, she was the one that caught him that one time he and Wonho had been absolute idiots and--

Yeah. He was not in the mood.

“I’m fine, mom. I had a big lunch.” Kihyun walked off, already hearing the rising voices of his dad and Jeongyeon and readying himself for a night of studying with his headphones on.


	4. Curly Bois

It was a habit now; spotting Kihyun in class and just sitting down next to him. Sometimes they’d talk, sometimes Changkyun could tell the boy was concentrating on something (he had this _pout_ and oh god was it adorable) and he wouldn’t bother him until the lecture started and he’d slide over a piece of paper Kihyun could willingly ignore if he wanted to. Most of the time, he didn’t ignore it (Changkyun liked to think it was because he was particularly good at irritating the boy _just_ enough with his comments that his temper wouldn’t let him _not_ respond), and Changkyun had to go through the trouble of not losing his shit.

So it was a tiny _miracle_ , something Jooheon would hear about for _days,_ really, when Kihyun wrote to him, first, for the first time since it had happened on the first day and then never the fuck again.

  


 

 **  
**

 

  


 

 ****  
****  
****  
****

 

  


 

Changkyun simply slid the note over, head resting in his hand as he blinked at the lecturer, and Kihyun frowned at him.

 

****  
****  
****  
****

 

Changkyun contemplated the note, before sighing and writing It took much longer than usual.

 

  
  
  
  


 

Kihyun thought for a minute, trying really hard not to look like he gave a damn, which he  _didn't_.

 

****

 

Changkyun looked at the note, frowned, and tucked it into his book before looking at the lecturer.

It was a day for big things, apparently, because it was also the first time Changkyun didn’t reply.

 

**\---**

 

Kihyun was sitting in the computer lab. He was sitting in the computer lab, listening to his music, going through the slides of his computer hardware class and minding his own business. Only his business. Not the business of the person in front of him who just so happened to be Changkyun and who just so happened to be staring at the screen as if it, personally, was responsible for all the misery in the entire world.

Which, normally, Kihyun would just ignore. Because it wasn’t his business, and he didn’t care two shits about anyone else, and he didn’t even _like_ the kid, but still. Paired with his strange behaviour from two days ago and the way he had just seen the kid open Google, searching for life insurance and various coffin prices, before sighing deeply and opening Visual Studio again, Kihyun had fairly had it up to _here_ with the kid.

(It wasn’t because he was worried or anything. Like he said, the kid was an annoying little brat and the only reason Kihyun tolerated him was because…….well. Because.)

After watching him type in the same variable twice, both times coming up with the _variable not created_ error because the absolute idiot had gone and declared and instantiated the variable in the main method and not on class level, Kihyun just. He just couldn’t take it anymore.

Heaving a huge, entirely put upon sigh, Kihyun stood up, walked up behind Changkyun (who didn’t even seem to notice him wow he must be more fucked than Kihyun had thought), and batted his hands away from the keyboard and mouse  (with maybe a tad bit more force than _strictly_ necessary) while leaning over him. He felt the kid jolt when he touched him, but he proceeded to ignore the initial sputtering and then the suspicious silence that followed as Kihyun systematically went through the code and declared the variables in the correct places.

“There. That ought to work.”

Kihyun looked down with a self-satisfied smirk only to freeze when he saw how close they were and how wide Changkyun’s eyes were. It was only for a moment, however, before Kihyun hastily removed himself from behind Chankgyun and stood beside him, nodding at the computer screen and resolutely not paying attention to the way the kid was staring at him or his own, rapidly reddening ears.

“Try it now. It should work.”

There was a slight pause, before Changkyun seemed to get what was going on and ran the program. The sound he made when the program actually _ran_ was somewhere between a delighted laugh and a giggle and goddamn if Kihyun couldn’t even hide from himself how adorable he found that.

“How did you _do_ that?” Changkyun asked, turning in his chair to look at Kihyun with something that resembled adoration too much for comfort and it made a lump form _real fast_ in Kihyun’s throat.

Kihyun cleared his throat and tried to frown. He could not tell you what his face looked like then, cos he himself did not know.

“You just, you just read the textbook, really. I mean, if you don’t declare the variables outside the main method, they’ll be created anew each time you try to do the calculation and then it would just start at zero again--stop looking at me like that,” Kihyun finally snapped, running a hand over his neck. Dammit, he just wanted to make the kid stop looking at life insurance would he stop with the fucking _eyes_?

Changkyun blinked, eyes widening a bit and cheeks pinking. “Like what? You’re, like,” Changkyun waved a hand around noncommittally, “Really smart, and stuff. I have the textbook literally open--” He laughed a little nervously, “And couldn’t figure that out.”

Kihyun _barely_ restrained himself from snapping something about illiteracy. Granted, that was what he would say to literally anyone else, even Wonho, the one person who managed to make Kihyun call him friend, but… but there was something about Changkyun’s eyes. They were so fucking puppy like and right at this moment they were looking at Kihyun like. Like something. Like he was someone really important and special and goddammit Kihyun wasn’t sure how that made him feel but he _did_ know that he didn’t want that expression to go away.

“Yeah. Well. Practise, I guess,” Kihyun mumbled, already turning around to trudge back to his seat behind Changkyun.

“That’s what I was trying to do, you know,” Changkyun huffed. “Practise doesn’t matter much when you keep fucking up and you don’t know _why_.”

“Yeah, well, good luck with that,” Kihyun said, right before sitting down to continue taking notes on the mechanics of how a video card actually _worked_.

Kihyun was well onto his second sentence since sitting down, when he heard a quiet, “Well, fuck me,” come from in front of him. He stayed strong until the beginning of his fourth sentence, but when he heard something solid hitting the desk he looked up in alarm to see Changkyun lifting his head from the surface with the clear intent to smack it down again.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Kihyun groaned, hastily standing up and moving quickly, catching the collar of Changkyun’s shirt just before he smacked his head again. “You know, destroying your brain cells isn’t going help anyone.”

“Maybe it’ll resuscitate a few,” Changkyun said, lifting his head to look mournfully at first the screen, then Kihyun.

“Oh my god, will you just, I mean, seriously can I just, _ugh_ ,” Kihyun leaned over Changkyun’s shoulder and squinted at the screen, glad for the slight obstruction between their faces thanks to Changkyun’s hoody. “Okay, explain to me what you’re trying to do.”

Changkyun swallowed thickly. Kihyun chose to ignore it. “Well, I’ve got this curly boi, right--”

“This _what_.”

“That thing,” Changkyun said, pointing at a curly bracket on the screen.

“Changkyun, I swear to _God_ \--”

“No, but, like, I think it actually hates me and all of its own kind. It doesn’t want to find a friend and you know, I can’t _make_ it like the other ones so--”

“Oh you absolute-- okay, listen, just ignore the curl-- _the thing_ for the moment and let’s concentrate on the code--”

“I”m _trying_ \--”

“--Okay. So, it looks like you were trying to make the user choose between a red or green button?”

Kihyun felt Changkyun nod next to him.

“Okay, so basically what you want to do is create two separate event handlers for the buttons. Like, if you want to form to turn blue, or the font to be italics or something when you press the button, you do it in the event handler, not the initialising component.” Kihyun squinted at the screen, unconsciously letting his chin rest on the younger boy’s shoulder. “Do you remember how to create an event handler?”

“If I say no will you actually kill m--Wait!” Changkyun exclaimed (causing a nearby student to frown in their direction) and clicked on the tab for the form design and double clicking on the button, beaming when Visual Studio automatically created the event handler.

“I did it!”

“Okay, good,” Kihyun said, letting himself chuckle. “Just remember to check in the event list that the default event is the one you actually want. Later on you might want something to happen when you, for example, hover over the button. There’s a different event handler for that that you have to set it to. Now, just add the code you wanted into the event handlers for the buttons and it should work.”

“Okay, okay,” Changkyun said, typing and biting his lip in concentration before tugging at Kihyun’s sleeve when he started to lean away. “No, there is still every chance I could fuck up, just wait…”

Kihyun rolled his eyes just as Changkyun ran the program and clicked on the button. The form changed colour. Kihyun allowed himself a small, proud smirk while Changkyun whooped for joy.

“Can you two lovebirds keep it the fuck down?” came an extremely put-out voice in the row just across from them.

Kihyun looked up, ready to fight anyone who dared suggest something so completely _insane_ , only to suddenly be faced with a rapidly paling Min Yoongi.

“I, I mean, sunbae, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--you two can be as loud as you want, really,” Yoongi stammered, even inclining his head slightly at Kihyun’s eyebrow raise.

“Just because you’re the best in class doesn’t mean you have the right to sass your TA. I _gave_ you those marks. I can decide to stop being so nice,” Kihyun said, struggling to keep an amused smirk in check. He had seen that little shit wear a death glare so potent he could almost _feel_ it, yet faced with someone in authority the little brat broke.

(Oh, yeah and that kid with the blond hair seemed to have found a way past his defences as well.)

Yoongi bowed his head slightly, put on his headphones, and didn’t look their way again.

“Er, Kihyun?” Changkyun asked in a soft, slightly strained voice from where he was sat in front of Kihyun. “You know that, uhm, with great power comes great responsibility.”

“...Oh my god.”

“ _I’m sorry_ , you’re kind of scary and it’s kinda sexy and I may have regressed back into a twelve year old with a Peter Parker crush?”

“...Do you _have_ a filter?”

“I manage not to swear in front of my grandparents. Sometimes. That’s something, right?”

“Good fucking lord…” Kihyun went to bury his head into Changkyun’s hoodie covered head, realised what he was doing, and hastily stepped back. “Anyway. That’s how it’s done. So, yeah. Gotta get back to studying now.”

“Cool. See you again in about... two minutes,” Changkyun smiled up at him, cheeks dimpling and slightly pink, if Kihyun saw that correctly. “I’ll just move my hands, though, you hit _really_ hard.”

Kihyun looked at him. Changkyun grinned back cheekily.

“Feel free to scream at me, too, by the way, Yoo Sunbae,” Changkyun said, turning back to the screen.

Kihyun pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You _did_ understand all of that, right? Like, you’re fine now, right?”

“Oh, yeah, totes,” Changkyun said, and then immediately tried to enter the code for one of the buttons in the initialising component, before glancing over his shoulder at Kihyun, with Kihyun glaring absolute daggers at him because _how do you do something so wrong jesus christ--_ “See, a complete natural.”

“At driving me insane, maybe,” Kihyun breathed miserably.

“Mm?” Changkyun asked, innocently blinking at him.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, good, thought you said I drove you crazy for a second there,” Changkyun shrugged, frowning as many, many errors popped up on his screen. “Oh, bother, what are _thoooose_ …”

“I don’t fucking _understand_ why you just _keep typing._ Like, do you not _see_ all the little red lines fucking hell,” Kihyun moaned. “They’re supposed to be a warning to _stop._ To like, go through the code and see what you did to make it give an error.”

“They’re de _c_ _ode_ ration.”

“Are you being this annoying on purpose or were you just born this way?”

“It’s a talent.”

Changkyun merrily kept typing, literally just _describing_ what he wanted the code to do like it was fucking story he was writing and well, Kihyun saw red. And lost his mind a bit. That’s the only _possible_ explanation for what came out of his mouth next as he literally grabbed Changkyun’s wrists so it would just _end_.

“Will you _stop,_ I’ll even fucking tutor you just _stop._ ”

Changkyun turned to look Kihyun in the eye impassively, before turning back to the screen, and correctly typing what Kihyun had showed him. “Mmm,” Changkyun mused. “I mean, if you insist. Thanks, hyung.”

Kihyun thought he was perfectly justified in savagely pulling the hoodie from Changkyun’s head and hissing, as menacingly as he could, into his ear, “You asked for this, you little shit,” before walking away.

 

**\---**

 

**Changkyun**

So what do I do if I

Hypothetically

totally popped a boner in the computer lab

 

**Jooheon**

Not fucking tell me about it

 

**Changkyun**

What happened to bros bro

That’s harsh

 

**Jooheon**

**…**

I don’t

Want to know???

But I’m so curious???

 

**Changkyun**

Right so firstly I may have discovered a kink

 

**Jooheon**

NOIPE

  
**\---**

 

**Kihyun**

Would you help me hide a body

 

**Hyungwon**

Just wear clothes goddamn

 

**Kihyun**

...

Two bodies

I’ll ask Wonho

 

**Hyungwon**

Wait what

KIHYUN

 

**\---**

 

**Wonho**

You know...

I found this random contact on my phone...

And went through a lot of people...

But no one quite has your legs, Hyungwon

 

**TheOneWithTheLegs**

I had honestly forgotten that something literally possessed me

and made me write that as my contact in your phone

I mean

I know my redeeming features at least

 

**Wonho**

More than just legs and a pretty face, then? ^.^

 

 ** _TheOneWithTheLegs_** _changed to_ **_Hyungwon <3 Legs_**

**_Hyungwon <3 Legs _ ** __changed to_ _ **_**_Hyungwon_ ** _ **

 

**Hyungwon**

I would say that’s demeaning

But I did that to myself

Um, you want an update on Changkyun’s butt or

 

**Wonho**

Oh yeah I forgot about that heh

How is he?

 

**Hyungwon**

I do not have a fucking clue

Although a friend of mine also wants him dead (I think) so

His odds are looking weaker by the minute

 

**Wonho**

Why would anyone hurt him??? :o

I don’t understand.

He’s so cute

 

**Hyungwon**

Text him then if he’s so cute

I mean, do you want his number?

I’m sure he’s more informed about

...his ass

 

**Wonho**

I’m sure he is

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay

I’ll give you his number

Let me just look for it

 

**Wonho**

I don’t want his number, Hyungwon

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh okay cool

But you still think he’s cute

 

**Wonho**

He’s not my type \^_^/

I just kind of want to protect him

Which I think might be more necessary than I thought in the beginning?

 

**Hyungwon**

Protect him? He brings this on himself honestly

Don’t pity him

He doesn’t deserve it

What is your type then

 

**Wonho**

He’s too short…?

Haha idk jk someone who can make ramen I guess?

 

**Hyungwon**

Yeah, Changkyun almost set my kitchen on fire once making coffee

The short shit

 

**Wonho**

Told ya~

Mmm, idk, guess I’ve not really thought about what my type is

Just that I like certain people more than others

So do you have an ideal type?

Heh you’d think we’re idols on a variety show

 

**Hyungwon**

Same as you I guess

 

**Wonho**

...Someone who can make ramen?

 

**Hyungwon**

I mean, I just like certain people more than others

So

Can’t really explain it

You know

 

**Wonho**

Heh no biggie

Oh man first conversation and I’m already quizzing you about boys

I MEAN

I DIDN’T MEAN TO ASSUME I’M SO SORRY

 

**Hyungwon**

Lol dude it’s chill

I’m super bi

 

**Wonho**

Same omg thank god

I MEAN

Just that you’re not going to like hit me in the face or something idk

NOT THAT YOU WOULD

Omg just ignore me

 

**Hyungwon**

You know, I normally wouldn’t say this to anybody that wasn’t me

But I think you need to take a few deep breaths m’dude

 

**Wonho**

Sorry I just make a fool out of myself a lot??

And… overshare. Whoops.

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re just nice

It’s

Nice.

Because I’m

Well

Not nice

 

**Wonho**

I don’t believe that??

I don’t mean to like, call u liar or something ugh sorry I just mean like

You helped out a total stranger to fill in forms

Who does that

 

**Hyungwon**

Not nice people?

I mean, going by the evidence

 

**Wonho**

How long is it going to take to convince you?

 

**Hyungwon**

Days

Weeks

Years

 

**Wonho**

Heh guess we’ll find out, then \^.^/

 

**\---**

 

Kihyun, standing on a small ladder, frowned, looking down from where he was adjusting one of the artificial lights pointing at where Hyungwon was _supposed to be_ , not lounged like a prince on the nearest couch.

“What are you smiling about, you damn turtle?” Kihyun said, now frowning at the light, the blank canvas on the wall it was pointing at, back at the light, before adjusting it just a _tad_ more.

“Why so salty? You jealous you can’t find anything to smile about?”

“Yeah, that’s  _definitely_ it,” Kihyun said, rolling his eyes as he got off the ladder and went to tug at the white canvas. There was a _crease,_ okay. “Has nothing at all to do with the fact that you’re supposed to be _over here_ so we can both go home earlier and not over _there_ smiling. If you’re gonna smile, do it in front of the damn camera.”

“I thought you said my smiling ruins my angles.”

“A chair against your face might also ruin your angles, don’t test me.”

“Mmmhmm,” Hyungwon hummed, smiling as he tapped something out on his phone.

Kihyun tilted his head. He _looked_. His eyes widened.

“Oh my god who are you texting do I _know them_?”

Hyungwon scoffed, unconsciously holding his phone just… a little bit closer to himself. “You know, like, three people and two of them are related to you.”

Kihyun squinted, walking towards Hyungwon, who immediately put his phone to his chest, covering the screen. Kihyun stopped walking and looked at him in a ‘ _are you fucking kidding me_ ’ kind of way. There was a tense silence before Kihyun practically pounced.

“Oh my god just _show me--_ ”

“GET OFF--”

“Please god I need this in my life--OW, YOU’RE SO DAMN BONEY--”

Hyungwon rolled off the couch before standing up to get away from Kihyun, who pulled him down by the leg. “Kihyun, my angles!”

“Fuck your angles, _who are you TEXTING--_ ”

“I’D RATHER DIE WITH HONOUR,” Hyungwon squirmed, effectively managing to get his bony elbows into every soft, squishy place on Kihyun’s body.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Kihyun exclaimed, cradling a very delicate place on his body. “The fuck _what fucking honour you have none why would you do this._ ”

“Oh, please,” Hyungwon sniffed, pocketing his phone and straightening his clothes before walking over to the screen to take his place in front of the camera. “It’s not like you were ever going to use it anyway. For that to happen you’d need to find someone who actually tolerated you for more than five minutes.”

Kihyun glared, but was unable to make anything other than a fairly embarrassing dying whale noise as he slowly got to his feet. After he had had caught his breath, with Hyungwon smirking infuriatingly the whole time, he managed to get out, “You know, you talk big for someone who’s only friend is a frankly disgustingly annoying brat who is also at least two years younger than you.”

“Mmm, he’s still sticking around, then?” Hyungwon grinned, stretching his arm languidly behind his back. “Maybe you should just hit that and get it over with.”

“ _What?_ I mean, that’s just-- so stupid-- honestly who would even-- I’m a _man,_ I mean, that’s not-- I don’t do _that_ , okay,” he practically spat. “That’s not--men aren't supposed to do that.” Kihyun looked away, flushed and frowning, hands twitching, expression unreadable.

Hyungwon raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened. Flustered, maybe; denial, check?; slightly… disgusted? No, that’s not... right. Hyungwon felt something uncomfortable stir in his stomach and creep up his neck. “I’m not going to explain to you why that doesn’t really matter, but whatever, dude,” Hyungwon sighed, shaking his head. “In what position would you like me?”

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

**\---**

 

“One hot chocolate,” Shownu said, passing the paper cup to a texting Jooheon and putting another cup down next to Minhyuk’s laptop. “And a chai tea for you, love.”

“Thank you, teddy bear,” Minhyuk smiled widely, patting Shownu’s arm before going back to frowning in the utmost concentration at the screen.

“What are you working on?” Shownu asked, scooting his chair closer to Minhyuk, draping his arm over the boy’s shoulder, playing with the hair near his ear. “There are no dogs?”

“Sad, isn’t it?” Minhyuk pouted, “But no, it’s actually pretty cool! It’s a game, look, I _think_ I’ve got it right--Oooh, I did, look--” Minhyuk pointed excitedly, Showu’s eyes crinkling in a laugh.

“That’s great and all, hyung,” Jooheon deadpanned, sipping at his hot chocolate and looking at the disgustingly cute scene in front of him with something approaching resignation. “But why did you drag me out here in the middle of the day, when we’re _both_ supposed to be studying, and claim an emergency if you’re just going to code a game? Which is great,” Jooheon hastened to clarify as Shownu, probably completely unintentionally, flexed his arms, “but still.”

“Because we have something important to discuss,” Minhyuk explained simply, as Shownu leaned forward towards his laptop to play the rudimentary game of pressing the up, left, right and down arrows to catch one pixel with another pixel. “And I was supposed to do that last night, okay.”

“Are you sure? Because last time I talked to Changkyun he was talking about doing equations on something called console or something, not catching pixels.”

“...Fine, I might be reading ahead a bit, that’s not the _point,”_ Minhyuk conceded, smiling away Jooheon’s negativity, and moving aside a bit so Shownu could just play the damn game. “This is _about_ Changkyun, actually. And Kihyun, for that matter. Hyungwoo went to school with him, you know.”

Jooheon turned to squint at Shownu, who simply nodded as he continued tapping on the laptop’s keys. “Yeah, Minhyuk told me about a kid called Kihyun, and I remembered him from school.” Shownu shrugged, eyes not straying from the screen. “We didn’t hang out or anything, but from what I knew of him then I never would have thought he’d date Changkyun.”

“Hon, they’re not dating, that’s why we’re here,” Minhyuk gently corrected, calmly pointing out a way in which Shownu could catch the pixel easier.

“Right, sorry.”

“Wait, what?” Jooheon spluttered. “Why wouldn’t he date my best friend? Changkyun’s a catch and I’ll literally punch anyone who disagrees with that.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Shownu said, frowning as he _just_ missed the pixel yet again. “I just meant, well, he was one of those, well, really artsy type people. I think he was in the choir? Always practiced the piano in break times. Took photo’s, I think. Just quiet, I guess.” He frowned. “And there was this… incident. I don’t know the details, but he got into a lot of trouble with the school board for bullying. Which was really odd because I’m pretty sure a month or two before that, I heard something about _him_ getting pommeled behind the gym, by the same guys he teamed up with or became friends with or whatever. That was ages ago, though, I think he was like fourteen or something, it was when I was sixteen.”

Jooheon frowned, looking down at his coffee. “He was a bully? I mean, Changkyun calls him ‘rude boy’ so I’m not expecting a Disney Prince but…”

“You think I’d let my son marry a bully? No, no,” Minhyuk rolled his eyes.

“Hyung. As far as I know they’re barely talking. You can’t talk about marriage and shit. Which isn’t actually legal.”

“ _Yet_ . Call me optimistic. The damn _point is,_ ” Minhyuk stressed, because damn, they missed his point more than Shownu missed his pixel. “That I did some networking.”

“Oh, God,” Jooheon had vivid flashbacks of the last time Minhyuk did some ‘networking’. “Please tell me there are no breaking into the Science building and leaving flowers on desks again because that was just fucking ridiculous and not what I would call _networking_ in any sense at _all_ . _And_ we got caught.”

“You know full well we didn’t get _completely_ caught and now, really, Jooheon, what are the chances of me needing _another_ bunsen burner.”

“Listen, hyung, I’ve learned not to have any sort of line when it comes to you. And what the hell is _completely_ caught that makes no sense. ”

“They caught me and you, not Shownu. Now,  _please,_ can I make my point,” Minhyuk groaned dramatically, ignoring Jooheon’s sputtered complaints. “I did some networking, and I have a new friend who’s close with Kihyun, and I was curious about who he is now compared to when Shownu went to school with him. Do you know a Shin Hoseok?”

“I know _of_ Shin Hoseok, or Wonho or whatever, although none of my shitty friends have made the effort of having us meet or anything--”

“Okay, good, because he’s close to Kihyun and I don’t think someone like Wonho would be friends with a bully. Which, is where shit gets _really_ interesting,” Minhyuk said, leaning in towards Jooheon, who backed away. “The guy Kihyun got into trouble for bullying? That was Wonho.”

“Wait, what?” Shownu asked, looking up for the first time, just as the laptop made a pinging sound, announcing his first win to the table.

“Right?! Crazy!” Minhyuk exclaimed, leaning in even further to grab Jooheon by the shoulders, Jooheon wincing a little bit because _too damn close to my face to be screaming, man._ Shownu simply pulled at the back of Minhyuk’s shirt and Minhyuk fell back into his chair with nearly practised ease.

(Shownu didn’t even flinch at the volume. Which Jooheon chose not to think about because just _no._ We do not go there. Those places are covered in shadow and the sun did not touch those places.)

“Who the hell becomes best friends with the guy that bullied you? And from what I’ve heard Kihyun’s not the biggest specimen so I’m having a really hard time imagining Kihyun being intimidating to a man made out of muscles, which, again, I’ve only freaking _heard about, you assholes_.”

“He was smaller back then, _and again, that’s not my damn point,_ ” Minhyuk sighed, looking at Jooheon with crossed arms. “The point to all of this _is_ , that I asked Wonho what Kihyun had bullied him about.”

“And?”

“And he wouldn’t tell me,” Minhyuk pouted. “Said it wasn’t his place to say, which makes _no sense_.”

“So? I mean, do you have a plan for this or are we still just here so Shownu can test your game?” Jooheon knew he was being a little shit, but honestly, he did have a _very_ important test tomorrow that was not going to study for itself.

“You’re Changkyun’s best friend--”

“Forever and always, yes, go on.”

“--And I know Changkyun can get…” Minhyuk hesitated, biting down on his lip. “I just mean, I don’t… Ugh! I don’t want him to get hurt. By getting into something without knowing all the information.”

Jooheon smiled softly. “Of course I care about Changkyun, hyung. Of _course_ I do. But, do any of us really know all the information before going into _anything_ ? Like, obviously if this Kihyun seemed like a really bad guy, we would do something, but since he seems to have changed, at least if this Wonho guy being friends with him is any indication, is it really _our_ business to tell _anyone_ about this? Like you said, he was fourteen. People change.”

Minhyuk leaned back in his chair, still looking concerned, yes, but definitely calmer. “Good point.”

“Besides, from what I can tell, Changkyun actually likes him,” Jooheon shrugged, before frowning. “Maybe a… bit too much.” Jooheon had a vivid flashback of a text Changkyun had sent him earlier, and shivered visibly. “Anyway! I’ve got this. I know the kid.”

“I hope we’re doing the right thing,” Minhyuk worried, smiling absently as Shownu fist-pumped the air after getting his second win, before he looked up and hummed in agreement.

“Dunno who I’d hate more if we aren’t,” Jooheon said, running a hand through his hair. “Kihyun, or my dumb ass.”

 

**\---**

 

**Hyungwon**

So how much do you actually know about this Kihyun guy

 

**Changkyun**

Is this #concern I smell

It smells a bit like salt???

 

**Hyungwon**

Fuck off do you have any idea how long it would take me to testify if you got yourself into shit

Unfortunately people have seen us together before

I’d be a suspect

 

**Changkyun**

Do you accuse people of murder often or

Seriously hyung why?

Wait, how do you know about Kihyun?

I didn’t tell you shit about his actual name??

 

**Hyungwon**

Nice talk

 

**Changkyun**

NO

HYUNG???

HYUNG I’LL LITERALLY COME FIND YOU

MINHYUK SAYS YOU HAVE CLASS IN THE DRAMA BUILDING

I WILL LITERALLY KICK DOWN A DOOR

 

**Hyungwon**

Holy shit can you chill please

I just

Maybe

Know a photographer

That may or may not have complained about an annoying little shit

In his programming class

It wasn’t hard to put the dots together

 

**Changkyun**

He’s a photographer? \o.o?/

 

**Hyungwon**

That’s what you focus on okay cool

Cause obviously you _are_ an annoying little shit

I’m glad you know yourself well enough to admit this

 

**Changkyun**

Shhh so many words, none of them about a beautiful photographer

You actually know him? Fuc there go my chances

Wait you model for him??? That’s where you keep getting pictures of yourself?

I’m processing

WAS HE THE ONE WHO TOOK THAT MIGHTY FINE PICTURE OF YOU

Man he’s good

GOD I DON’T STAND A CHANCE DO I

 

**Hyungwon**

Well, you know I look like a literal god

So, you might want to step away for a bit

I don’t like him

But yeah

 

**Changkyun**

Right

Thanks for the warning

 

**\---**

 

**Jooheon**

Uhm hyung why the FUCK is Changkyun in my room, close to tears because

Apparently his crush is deeply in love with you??

 

**Hyungwon**

That little shit that’s not what I said at all

Well, mostly

But also not at all

 

**Jooheon**

Were you trying to scare him off Kihyun or something?

 

**Hyungwon**

I may

Possibly

Definitely have been trying to do that

 

**Jooheon**

Is this because of the bullying thing? Did Minhyuk tell you?

 

**Hyungwon**

WHAT

WHAT BULLYING

DID KIHYUN BULLY CHANGKYUN?

WHAT

 

**Jooheon**

NO HE’D BE DEAD BY NOW IF HE DID

No idk man apparently in school he beat up a guy or something

But they’re best friends now

WAIT YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT IGNORE EVERYTHING I SAID

WHY were you trying to drive Changkyun away then?

 

**Hyungwon**

…..

Idk

He said some things

It made me just

A bit wary

 

**Jooheon**

Don’t fucking sprain something, I know you actually care

Wait, what did he say?

 

**Hyungwon**

Well I never

Such slander

Wait I didn’t even know Kihyun had a best friend

Idk man, it was just some

Well, it might be nothing

I made a joke about them boning?

He didn’t really react the way I was expecting

 

**Jooheon**

Yeah you met him?

Dude called Wonho

Hmm

Something to keep an eye on

But maybe not freak Changkyun out this much cos GOD

Hyung you know how he gets

 

**Hyungwon**

Ah

Right

That’s cool

People should have friends

Right

 

**Jooheon**

Hehe woah Changkyun was right

You DO have emotions

But you better think of SOMETHING cos Changkyun’s still upset you know

No matter what I tell him

About how unlovable and shit you are

Y’know, the usual

 

**Hyungwon**

…..

You want me to show up in that horrible outfit is that it?

Because, man

That’s cruel

 

**Jooheon**

:3

You did this

You fix it

 

**Hyungwon**

Omg fucking fine

Lemme just find the fucking stockings

If he doesn’t stop crying then

I’m out

I tried

 

**Jooheon**

Honestly I might cry a little

PS Minhyuk and Shownu say hi :3

 

**Hyungwon**

Fuck all of you

And tell Minhyuk to put away the camera

 

**Jooheon**

The lord is testing me on this day

But fine just make it quick, this is breaking my fucking heart u dick

 

**Hyungwon**

I know

I’m on my way

These heels are hard to walk in _goddamn_


	5. Joy Stick

“It’s just one class, dude.”

“Yeah, but what’s the use of one class when we’re all going to die, anyway.”

“Oh, my God, you’re hell like this. Hyungwon wore a dress, what more do you want?” Jooheon groaned, standing outside of the classroom with Changkyun.

“Effortless beauty, long legs, I don’t know,” Changkyun pouted, adjusting his backpack. “What if I really  _ am  _ just annoying him? Like,” Changkyun waved a hand around, looking at Jooheon with a pout. “I don’t know, he’s actually really annoyed with me and I’m just--”

“Bro,” Jooheon placed his hand on Changkyun’s shoulder, looking him deeply and brofully in the eyes, “I really think that, from what you’ve told me of this Kihyun, if he really didn’t want to talk to you, he just, plainly and simply,  _ wouldn’t. _ ”

“Maybe he just feels sorry for me because of my pitiful existence.”

“I mean, that is a valid argument,” Jooheon hummed, “but I honestly don’t think so.”

Changkyun nodded thoughtfully. “Trash deserve love, too, right?”

“Right,” Jooheon agreed, nodding energetically, looking to the side before pulling Changkyun into a hug. “He likes you, bro, trust me.”

(Unbeknownst to Changkyun, Jooheon had spotted Kihyun glaring at them, and, while hugging Changkyun, he grinned cheekily and placed a sloppy kiss on Changkyun’s cheek.)

\---

“You’re looking particularly pissed off today,” Changkyun pointed out cheerfully, flopping down next to Kihyun.

“How many boyfriends  _ do  _ you have?” Kihyun asked,  _ just  _ about managing to sound as aloof and sarcastic as he was going for. He thought. He hoped. 

“What?”

“What?”

Changkyun giggled--flat out fucking giggled. “Oh, my God, do you mean Jooheon? Broheon? Bro of my life? My brotein shake? I brofess, he is my bro, but not my hoe.”

“...Fucking  _ what _ ?”

“We’re just friends, hyung.” Changkyun grinned, patting Kihyun’s hand consolingly. It took Kihyun a distressingly long time to snatch his hand away, in his opinion. “Oh, yeah! Can I get your number?”

Frowning, and a little pissed off (at himself mostly) for even  _ asking  _ such a stupid question (he didn’t even  _ care  _ honestly), Kihyun merely paused before scoffing and saying, “No, why?”

Changkyun pouted. It was not adorable  _ at all, fuck.  _ “But sunbae, how are you going to tutor me if I can’t even text you?”

“Okay, first of all, I’m your hyung, not your sunbae. Technically. Second, I can’t believe I agreed to this fuckery, and third, we can just decide on a time in class.”

Changkyun frowned (so quickly Kihyun almost didn’t catch it), before nodding a little and getting out his books. “I guess, yeah. Sorry.”

Kihyun should have been satisfied with that reply. He really should have been. No shitty comeback, no smartass comment. Just a normal, reasonable agreement. It was fine. They didn’t bother each other in class at all, and Kihyun took fantastic notes and felt very great about the test coming up that week.

Which, of course, didn’t at all explain why, at the end of the lecture, when Chankgyun demurely asked him for a time, he blinked, hesitated, almost  _ did  _ just give a time, and then grabbed Changkyun’s phone, keying in his number.

“This is  _ just  _ for the tutoring, okay? I’m only doing this because I don’t have my schedule on me at the moment,” Kihyun grumbled, trying not to let the huge fucking smile spreading on Changkyun’s face affect him. Good god, could he just, like, keep that, that,  _ fucking adorableness okay _ , inside him? It was disturbing Kihyun’s whole aesthetic.

He handed the phone back. Did Changkyun  _ have  _ to look so damn happy about this? 

“Thanks, su-- _ hyung _ ,” Changkyun stressed, biting the inside of his cheek to fight off the smile. “I meant hyung.”

“It’s fine, I’m just not your sunbae,” Kihyun winced.

“Oppa?”

Kihyun turned around and walked the fuck away, ignoring the not at all muffled sniggers coming from behind him.

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I GOT HIS NUMBER 

I HAVE HIS NUMBER ON MY PHONE RIGHT NOW 

LIKE I GO TO HIS NAME AND BAM

HIS NUMBER

 

**Hyungwon**

That’s

great

 

**Changkyun**

You’re super sure he doesn’t like you, right?

 

**Hyungwon**

Yes, Changkyun

Not even sure why you like him

 

**Changkyun**

You’re so nice sometimes

...why are you being nice to me

You’re supposed to tell me that I’m bothering you or something

 

**Hyungwon**

I don’t know what the fuck you mean

You fucking shit

Calling me nice

Disrespecting his hyung

 

**Changkyun**

I’m on cloud nine idgaf nothing can bring me down

Not even your salty ass

Love ya hyungie

 

**Hyungwon**

Cool

Even me telling you that I accidentally 

Well

No yeah it was an accident

Broke your PS4 controller

Nice

 

**Changkyun**

I

I trusted you

Dont make me cry in the middle of english lit plz

 

**Hyungwon**

You should have known better

Than to buy Until Dawn

You know how I get with horror games

And Jooheon was here

The controller didn’t stand a chance

 

**Changkyun**

YOU INVITED JOOHEON ARE YOU INSANE

MY LAMP SCARES HIM

I ONCE GOT UP TO PEE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND HE ALMOST KILLED ME

WITH THE FUCKING LAMP

 

**Hyungwon**

It was funny though

Good times

 

**Changkyun**

I take back everything

You’re evil

 

**Hyungwon**

Order has been restored to the universe

 

\---

 

**Unknown**

Heyyyy it’s Changkyun

Admittedly not about tutoring, but I never actually gave you MY number so

Just so you have it

For tutoring emergencies or whatever

 

**Kihyun**

Right

Thanks I guess

 

**_Unknown_ ** _ changed to  _ **_Little Shit_ **

 

**_Little Shit_ ** _ changed to  _ **_Changkyun_ **

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

You lied, he hates me

 

**Jooheon**

De fuck why

 

**Changkyun**

I texted him and he’s not??? Idk

 

**Jooheon**

WAIT 

YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER?

 

**Changkyun**

Well, yeah… doesn’t mean shit tho

 

**Jooheon**

I’m going to whack you into another blood group

Stop texting me and go be funny

 

**Changkyun**

Right

I can be funny

I was BORN funny

You remember I showed you that picture of me with

Like, that face I made when I pooped right and I

 

**Jooheon**

BRO

 

**Changkyun**

FUCKING FINE

I’m going

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Hey Kihyun

How does a programmer laugh

He Giggles

 

**Kihyun**

……

The fuck

 

**Changkyun**

#kihyun {

  right: 100%;

  margin: 0%;

}

 

**Kihyun**

You are

Of course

Aware of the fact

That that

Is HTML

 

**Changkyun**

Well the script is definitely working because

You are, indeed, right

What did HTML do to you dude

 

**Kihyun**

Made people think coding is easy

While we sit and suffer in the real coding class

It’s fucking annoying

 

**Changkyun**

I know actual coding is difficult why do you think I did HTML

 

**Kihyun**

I’m going to take a wild fucking guess here

But because you know

It drives me crazy

And you live off being an annoying little shit

 

**Changkyun**

Hyung Takes My Life

#HTML

Nah, it’s just easier to get something out of you when you have someone to prove wrong ;)

 

**Kihyun**

Why do you want to talk to me?  
  
Didn’t we agree to make this for tutoring sessions?

Do you want to schedule one?

 

**Changkyun**

I was using HTML, I thought that was your idea of an emergency

But we should, to rectify my sins etc

AND I want to talk to you because

I

You’re interesting

And shit idk

Hyung?

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

Changkyun I can hear you screaming from next door wtf

 

**Changkyun**

BLESS ME WITH DEATH

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Interesting

Right, so I have no classes on a friday, so we can meet up in the computer labs?

Like, basically any time

Just let me know the day before so I can schedule my study time

 

**Changkyun**

Cool, I’ll let you know

And

Thanks again

Have I said thanks yet? Anyway, yeah, thanks, you’re really giving me a hand here

I appreciate it :)

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

WHY U SCREAMIN BOI

 

**Changkyun**

A HAND WHY DID I SAY A HAND

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Well, it would physically pain me if I saw you mutilating C# any further

So yeah

You’re

Quite

Nvm

 

\---

 

Wonho frowned at the odd noise coming from Kihyun, looking at his best friend from across the table. “Er, who you texting there, Kihyun?”

“What? Nothing. I mean, it’s no one. Hey, don’t eat all the kimchi!” Kihyun grabbed at the bowl, successfully pulling it out of the reach of Wonho’s chopsticks. Wonho, like the  _ best  _ best friend he is, chose not to mention right at that moment how  _ extremely  _ red Kihyun was.

Wonho’s eyes widened and distressingly resembled those of a puppy, mouth full of kimchi. “M’no’! Gim’e!”

Kihyun dug furiously into the kimchi, cheeks bulging as he ate  _ with righteous fury _ . God, who did this kid think he was, anyway? Kihyun had explicitly said the number was to use for tutoring related things  _ only _ and… well, yes, while they had made arrangements on that front, he’d also made really horrible lapses of coding judgement and---Kihyun pushed the bowl away, frowning deeply, nose crinkling as he stared at the table so intensely, Wonho unconsciously patted it in sympathy. 

“Wonho, do you think I’m an interesting person?”

“Uhm?” Wonho said, gently pulling the bowl towards himself again. “Well, yeah, you’re not boring or anything. Sorry, I’m confused, why are you asking me this?”

“Is a man not allowed to ask his best friend a simple question? Jeez.”

“Of course, I’m just confused as to what prompted it,” Wonho shrugged, only putting a reasonable amount of food into his mouth. “You’re interesting, Kihyun. Double major, artsy, short fuse,” Wonho shrugged. “Competitive? Smart?”

“Why do I hear question marks.”

“Well, I didn’t hear one just then, so I’m assuming that isn’t a question.”

“I just mean,” Kihyun huffed. “Why would someone go out of their way to talk to me?”

Wonho frowned, chewing thoughtfully before swallowing and taking a sip of his chai tea. “Is this about a girl?”

“What?!” Kihyun whipped his head up, “No--what--do I sound like I’m talking about a girl? What--”

“Dude, chill,” Wonho laughed, “I’ve just not seen you act like this before, okay? Usually with guys they get---” Wonho gestured towards him. “Like that, because of a girl. Or a boy. Whatever. You know I don’t care.”

“ _ You  _ don’t,” Kihyun snapped, sitting back in his chair, before frowning. “Sorry, I just--"

“Yeah, I know,” Wonho said, voice small as he played with his food. “It’s fine, Kihyunnie,” Wonho smiled gently, as the other lowered his head guiltily into his hands, peering up from underneath his fringe. “We’ve had this talk before. It’s fine. I get it.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathed. “It’s nothing, by the way. Just this… little shit kid sassing me constantly. He’s driving me crazy--in a completely reasonable, I can’t handle this shit, kind of way.”

“Hm, why do you have his number then? I’m assuming that’s who you were texting?”

Kihyun grunted affirmatively. “He can’t just schedule a meeting like a normal person, noooo. He said he talks to me because I’m, and I quote, ‘interesting’.” Kihyun flipped a piece of kimchi around on his plate. “I don’t get it. I mean, I’m  _ tired  _ and grumpy and I’m pretty sure I’m not good conversation so why the  _ fuck  _ does Changkyun keep talking to me?” 

Wonho nearly choked on his kimchi, laughing as he recovered. “Oh my god,  _ Changkyun _ ? No wonder you’re like this.”

“Wait what? You  _ know  _ him?” Kihyun asked, leaning forward, food now completely abandoned.

“Mhm!” Wonho nodded animatedly. “Met him when I had to go register for classes. His friend Hyungwon helped me out with some forms. You know, the cute guy I mentioned texting? I don’t  _ think  _ I mentioned his name, though,” Wonho frowned in thought.

“ _ Oh my fucking god you like Hyungwon?”  _ Kihyun basically screeched before catching himself and looking around a bit apologetically, before leaning in again, eyes wide. “What, I just, what?  _ That  _ beanpole? That piece of sass on a stick?  _ What?  _ I didn’t even know you knew him!”

“Wait, _you_ know him?” Wonho gaped.

“Oh, my god, my entire life is falling apart, when did this  _ happen _ …Oh my  _ god  _ was he texting  _ you  _ that one time oh my  _ god. _ ”

“Earth to Kihyun, how do you know Hyungwon? This is important. Focus.”

“Remember when you got so busy practicing you couldn’t do shoots for me anymore?” Wonho nodded. “Hyungwon’s my current model.  _ Christ, I cannot believe _ \--”

“He… models for you? Like, in front a camera? Pictures and stuff?”

“Yes?” Kihyun looked up, frowning. “Why?”

“So, you have a lot of photos of him, huh? Like, a lot. Like, A LOT.”

“I don’t know you anymore. I’m going to go faceplant off a bridge, goodbye world.”

“No, but Kihyun wait like, you must have photos of him you don’t use right and--don’t walk away we were  _ talking _ .”

“I am not enabling you!” Kihyun called back, slamming the cafe door.

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

Hey! I saw you on campus and tried to say hi 

but you weren’t paying attention to the rest of the world lol

What was the rush?

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh, sorry, I was just late for a class

Overslept

 

**Wonho** **  
** In the library or? ^.^

 

**Hyungwon**

You know, the library was more a nap place

Not a sleep place

Per se

 

**Wonho**

Oh, yeah, Kihyun said he knew you?

And that you model for him?

 

**Hyungwon**

He did what now

 

**Wonho**

...So you don’t model for him?

 

**Hyungwon**

Not for HIM

Ugh okay but don’t, like

Idk think of me as an airhead model or some shit please?

I just

...Pout brainlessly at a camera

A+ for effort

 

**Wonho**

Of course I don’t think of you as an airhead model!

I just thought that

Um

Nvm

It’s stupid

I see that now

 

**Hyungwon**

Did you… want to model for him or something?  
  
I’m sure you could just ask?

 

**Wonho**

No!

That’s not it!

Haha can you imagine ME being a model?

Hahahahaha

...

Okay so I admittedly modelled for him a little bit

But then my schedule got crazy as hell and he told me to focus on my dancing 

BUT I think he actually got rid of me cos I kept laughing and blushing

I am not good at, well, keeping a straight face

Hehe

 

**Hyungwon**

Did you just….

 

**Wonho** **  
** Did I just what?

 

**Hyungwon**

…..

Come on.

You know what you did.

 

**Wonho**

Bi the way

I was curious to see cos Kihyun’s my friend and all

And his photography is amazing

But I didn’t wanna look at your pics

Well, the pics of you

Without asking first

Is that dumb sorry

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay that was definitely on purpose

 

**Wonho**

…*by

hehe

 

**Hyungwon**

Uh-huh sure

Oh, okay well I guess if Kihyun says it’s okay you can look at them?

I mean, it’s not like I’m shy about what I look like

Oh wow that sounds really conceited I’m sorry.

 

**Wonho**

****

I offer this as a show of good faith and trust

Oh, no, don’t even worry about it, I mean

You’re gorgeous and I’m sure you own a mirror

 

**Hyungwon**

THa

Thanks

｡(*^▽^*)ゞ

 

**Wonho**

(/^▽^)/ You’re welcome!

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re quite good-looking yourself

Very...adonis like

Ahem

 

**Wonho**

Sorry I dropped my phone

I mean   
Kihyun asked me something

Thank you??? (´,,•ω•,,)♡ that’s a new one haha

 

**Hyungwon**

Whatever he offers you or blackmails you with

Do NOT agree to a photoshoot at 3 am

That’s evil

Also, I can’t believe you haven’t heard that comparison before

Have you looked in the mirror lately?

 

**Wonho**

Getting up earlier doesn’t sound so bad hehe

No I guess you’re the most

Hehe

Straight-forward

Person I’ve met before

I did look in the mirror recently, actually

It thanked me

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh.

I’m sorry I was too forward

Sorry

Um

But yeah. 

Thankful mirror nice

OH MY GOD YOU DID IT AGAIN YOU ABSOLUTE

 

**Wonho**

The word sorry is forever banned from this chat

Not allowed

It’s nice, Hyungwon, calm down 

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m so

I mean, sometimes I just

Well I think too much

Ugh sor

I’ll just shut up now

 

**Wonho**

You know what

Do you want to have coffee sometime?

 

**Hyungwon**

Um yeah

That would be nice

 

**Wonho**

I love that you go through the effort of typing ‘um’ o(≧∇≦o)

Tomorrow sometime? I’ll text you when I’m free

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh, you know

Just want to illustrate accurately how

Painfully

Awkward I am.

Works for me

 

**Wonho**

It’s cute

Well, I mean, it’s not cute that you’re uncomfortable or whatever

That’s not what I meant

Um

SEE I UM TOO EVERYBODY UMS

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m not uncomfortable

It’s more that I’m tongue-tied

Oh wow I just put my foot so far up my mouth didn’t I

Nice job Hyungwon fucking fantastic

 

**Wonho**

Flexible

I MEAN OMG I PRESSED SEND WAY TOO EARLY 

AHAHA I WAS STILL THINKING OF A WAY TO MAKE THAT NOT SOUND WEIRD

And here we are

Omg I’m gonna just let Kihyun kill me

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m very flexible yes

I’ll see you tomorrow

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

You’re buying my best friend a new phone at this rate, beanpole

 

**Hyungwon**

What, why what

Are you talking about

 

**Kihyun**

-.-

For our next shoot

I’m bringing an actual gun

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m sure some people will be sad to see you go

I’m not one of them though

Hold off until Changkyun realises what a pain you are

 

**Kihyun**

He knows

Why are you even

Ugh just be nice to Wonho, you asshole

 

**Hyungwon**

What are you talking about?

I AM nice to him

I am in fact, in general

A nice person

 

**Kihyun**

Could have fooled me

I have a test coming up, stop bothering me

 

**Hyungwon**

You texted me first, idiot

  
  


\---

 

Hyungwon fiddled with his phone, barely listening as the lecturer finished up the class. He waved half-heartedly at the few people who he’d actually managed to get to a speaking level on in this class, and headed out, immediately unlocking his phone for the fifth time in as many minutes, checking for any messages that wasn’t Changkyun singing various versions of his new song, ‘Hyungwon and Wonho Stuck In a Tree, There Might Be K-i-s-s-i-n-g’.

It was true that he and Wonho hadn’t specified a time for their coffee date, but Hyungwon couldn’t help feeling antsy. It was already two, and he had just had his last class of the day. He could get started on his homework while he waited for Wonho to contact him, but he felt too on edge to do anything. And it wasn’t like he was paying attention in class anyway.

Thinking about it, did they say Wonho would contact Hyungwon, or was Hyungwon supposed to contact Wonho or --

 

**Kihyun**

Ohmygod I’m so sorry my phone died 

and I forgot to let you know about a time for our date!

 

**Hyungwon**

…..I’m so confused

Did you have a stroke my dude

Have you been to the doctor

 

**Kihyun**

Huh???

OMGOSH SORRY IT’S WONHO

I’m using Hyunni’s phone to text you real quick

 

**Hyungwon**

Ok

That makes much more sense

Jeez, I almost had a heart attack

 

**Kihyun**

Anyhoo Kihyun’s glaring so 

mind meeting at the on campus coffee place in about 15??

 

**Hyungwon**

See you in 15! :)

  
  


Hyungwon stared at the text. Specifically at the bracket, right next to the colon, like… when did this happen to him. When, a few seconds later, he realised Kihyun would probably be able to see the texts, he furiously Googled how to erase a text message. 

 

**Kihyun**

:)

really

 

**Hyungwon**

Shut the fuck up Hyunni

 

**Kihyun**

FUCKING

NOBODY CALLS ME THAT ISTG HYUNGWON

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay Hyunni calm down:)

 

**Kihyun**

blocked

 

**Hyungwon**

That's fine

I’ll just take my perfect angles and fuck off then

Kay Hyunni?

He really did it huh

So petty

 

\---

 

Hyungwon nearly dropped his phone as Wonho plopped down across from him at the table. “Wow, that was qu--”

“Hey, Wonnie! What are you doing here, of all places?” Minhyuk (not Wonho,  _ fuck _ ) asked at the door of the coffee place, beaming distractedly at Wonho as he made his way over to them and pulled out a chair next to Hyungwon, Shownu, predictably, trailing after him, dressed in sweaty exercise clothes..

Oh, god. Oh no. Not this. Hyungwon barely managed to stop himself facepalming, instead pasting a strained smile on his face. “Minhyuk-hyung. Hyunwoo-hyung. Didn’t know you’d be coming.” 

_ Don’t let them in, don’t let them see…  _ Hyungwon sternly ordered his brain to shut the fuck up. 

“Neither did we! We just so happened to be passing when we saw you and…” Minhyuk looked questioningly at Wonho, who was, of course, smiling at them.

“Shin Hoseok, but call me Wonho,” Wonho introduced himself, offering his hand to Minhyuk who grabbed it and shook it gleefully, before Shownu solemnly took it, nodding at Wonho, before turning back to the water he was nursing.

Minhyuk’s chair squeaked painfully against the floor as he moved closer to Hyungwon and leaned in. “Did you get a boyfriend without  _ telling us? _ ” Minhyuk whispered. Loudly.

Hyungwon caved. He facepalmed.

“What I say?”

“Ah, no. We’re not dating,” Wonho corrected, coughing gently, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Not yet, anyway.”

Hyungwon let his hands fall, looking at Wonho with wide eyes, brain stuttering. “Don’t egg them on!”

“What, am I not boyfriend material?” Wonho asked, hand to his chest, grinning at Hyungwon. Hyungwon could literally  _ feel  _ his face heating up, which. Well which was just not  _ okay.  _ He did not  _ blush _ .

“This is hell,” Hyungwon deadpanned. “I died just outside of class tripping on a brick, and this is hell.”

“Are you  _ blushing,  _ Wonnie? Shownu look he’s  _ blushing _ ! Our Wonnie is blushing,  _ wow _ .” Minhyuk fluttered his hands around, grabbing at Shownu’s arm while he smiled indulgently at them all.

“You know, Wonnie could be me too,” Wonho pointed out with a grin.

“ _ Wonho _ ,” Hyungwon groaned, lifting pained eyes to Wonho’s face. Begging. For what he wasn’t sure, but he sure was begging for  _ something _ .

“I’m sorry,” Wonho laughed, shaking his head a little, frowning softly at Hyungwon’s expression before turning to look at Minhyuk and Shownu with a soft smile. “It was really nice to meet you two,  _ really _ , but I was wondering if maybe--”

“Say no more! Babe, move, we have literally everywhere else to be right now.” Minhyuk shooed Shownu up from his seat, waving cheerily at Hyungwon and Wonho before going to literally wherever the fuck Minhyuk spent his time, Hyungwon really didn’t know or care at this particular moment. 

It was silent for a few long seconds before Wonho cleared his throat, prompting Hyungwon to look up from where he had been studying the table.

“Are you okay?”

Hyungwon shrugged slightly, then shook his head.

“Um, yeah. I mean, I’m just. I’m big on the um, privacy thing. I just. I don’t like other people knowing things about me. I don’t know. That’s stupid.” He shook his head again, a small, self-deprecating smile on his face.

“Hey, no, it’s not,” Wonho smiled, looking surprisingly sincere. “I’m sorry if I was out of line, honestly. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.”

“It’s not so much out of line… I just feel extremely uncomfortable when people know things about me that I didn’t choose to share. It’s just, it’s a thing I have. Ha ha! Wow, you probably expected someone a lot cooler than this. Don’t pay attention to me. Hah! I’m unbothered by all of this, ha ha ha...” Hyungwon, mercifully, stopped rambling after that, hiding his red face in his hands.

“Hard not to pay attention to you, Hyungwon. Not in a bad way,” Wonho shrugged, still smiling kindly, from what Hyungwon could see as he peeked through his fingers. “But I get where you’re coming from, I really do. People knowing things about me haven’t  _ always  _ worked out wonderfully. I guess now I just sort of…” Wonho breathed. “Put it all out there, so there’s nothing for people to feel like they can use against me.”

Hyungwon let his hands fall, watching the boy with confusion and interest. “What do you mean all out there? Don’t you feel, I don’t know, too exposed?”

Wonho ran a hand through his hair, frowning at the ceiling for a second before shrugging. “I guess it’s like the difference between… I don’t know, taking your shirt off or having someone rip it off in public.” Wonho laughed, eyes crinkling. “Sorry, I’m terrible at metaphors. I just mean, that I felt the need to hide a lot of myself from the world--not in the same way you do, I know, I mean we’re different people--and in  _ my  _ experience, being open gets you the things you want and gets rid of the things you don’t need. It doesn’t always work out like that, but--” Wonho shrugged, smiling at Hyungwon again. “I say what I mean. Which is why I’m sure you know I like you, for one.” 

“I.” Hyungwon paused. Swallowed. Tilted his head. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. So how about that coffee, then?”

\---

 

“You guys good to go?” Changkyun asked, holding his taped together controller (fucking  _ Hyungwon _ ), his character dancing at the entrance.

“Just getting some melon juice,” Minhyuk sang over his headphones and Changkyun had a solid two minutes of mental deliberation over whether that was in game or not. “Hey, Changkyun, have you submitted your online test, yet?”

There was a long, resounding groan.

“You forgot about it, didn’t you?”

“Maybe. Drink your melons.”

“I’ll help you afterwards. Okay,” Minhyuk’s tiny character jumped up and down. “I’m good!”

“Great,” Shownu said, “So--no Changkyun that doesn’t mean you can just run in--!” Shownu cut off with a muffled groan and a giggle. “Er, Jooheon, damage control.”

Changkyun exchanged a laugh with his roommate as he went in, waving his sword about, sending spells flying as he tried to keep everything off their incredibly squishy mage, Minhyuk, who Shownu was trying to delicately explain how threat worked and  _ that’s why we let Changkyun run in first and hit everything, okay? Also, this would work much better if you weren’t sitting on my lap. _

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND,” Jooheon whined loudly. “Guys, why the fuck isn’t Hyungwon here? This random asshole we got is really breaking my will to--oh my god did  _ he just fucking-- _ ”

“Oh, Hyungwonnie’s on a date,” Minhyuk hummed distractedly as he almost died for the nth time.

“What?” Changkyun choked with a laugh, sending a quick vote through to kick the random asshole who thought sneaking all the way through to the boss on his own was a smart move and was probably twelve years old. Jooheon was turning red, it was his duty.

“ _ MInhyuk _ , you know we weren’t supposed to say anything. You could see it on his face,” Shownu reprimanded his boyfriend, successfully dragging Minhyuk’s character out of the worst part of the fighting. There was a reason Shownu usually got stuck as the party’s healer.

“Is it with Wonho?” Changkyun cackled. “Oh, my god, it is, isn’t it--”

“That’s pulling way too many, Kyunnie, chill--”

“Sorry! Just do an AOE--There we go. No, but seriously, did he actually say it was a date?”

“Um. No?” Minhyuk squeaked. “What? Date? Hyungwon? Hahaha, you must have heard me wrong.” 

Jooheon and Changkyun exchanged a  _ look _ . 

“I didn’t say anything. He’s probably… sleeping,” Minhyuk concluded with a nervous giggle.

“ _ Minhyuk, stop wiggling, you’re gonna die _ \--”

“Yeah, god Hyung, you’re gonna give Shownu a boner.”

“Too late,” Minhyuk said cheerfully.

“UUUUGH,” Jooheon groaned.

Changkyun sighed wistfully. “I wouldn’t mind a boner right about now.”

“Dude, I’m literally two metres away from you, can you not--”

“Oh, my God, Jooheon, a Boner is a tool with which you Bone,  _ how how have I never made that connection-- _ ”

“We’re all seconds away from death, can you focus,” Jooheon deadpanned, kicking Changkyun.  

“But wait what about the date and--”

“ _ Changkyun, focus!  _ I’ll never let you tank again.”

“Sorry, jeez. Seriously, though--”

“Seriously though nothing, you guys know Hyungwon is an exceptionally private person and something like a date,  _ which I’m not saying it was _ \--” 

“You kind of are.”

“--Is a big deal, something  _ he  _ should tell us about, so can we please, please just focus on killing this... fish in a cauldron,” Shownu finished, succeeding in quieting them all down for all of five seconds before--

“Captain Cookie. The fish is called Captain Cookie.”

“Yes, thank you, Jooheon, that.”  
  
“Guys,” Changkyun suddenly started laughing. “ _ Joy stick _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. I. Joy stick. GUYS


	6. Changki Rise

**Changkyun**

Hey sorry for bothering so late

Are you free tomorrow?

 

**Kihyun**

Oh, wow, is it really that time already?

Yeah I said I would be.

You have a time for me?

 

**Changkyun**

Okay I know how busy you are so don’t judge my weak-ass humanities schedule

But I have like the whole day free except 10h-11h and 12h-13h

 

**Kihyun**

You lucky little...

Okay

Lemme just check my study schedule real quick

We can do it from two until like, four?

Whenever we get done I guess. I’ll try to finish most of my stuff before then.

Eat before you come, we’re gonna be there a while.

 

**Changkyun**

That would be great, thanks, hyung

Where do you wanna meet?

Oh and tea or coffee?

Shhh I’m buying you a beverage just let it happen

 

**Kihyun**

…..okay, yeah, sure, whatever

Tea, with milk and two sugars

Labs?

 

**Changkyun**

Cool, see you then. I won’t keep you up, get some sleep

Sleep tight hyung!~

 

**Kihyun**

Shouldn’t you be asleep?

You have class tomorrow, I don’t

 

**Changkyun**

Shhh shleeeeep

 

**Kihyun**

Hmm

Goodnight

 

\---

 

Changkyun had some bad habits; almost never sleeping before midnight, picking at his lips when he was nervous; starting his assignments the day before they’re supposed to be in; chronic peace signs and winking in selfies; and, most relevant to the current situation, pacing.  
  
The back entrance to the library was a courtyard away, but not far away, from the various food stalls on campus, so it was usually always crawling with hungry students and pigeons. Jooheon tried his best to concentrate on his textbook, desperate to cram as much information as possible into his head before his next class, while Changkyun was slowly wearing a path into the dirt with his insistent back and forth pacing fuckery.  
  
“Jooheon.”  
  
“Yes, Changkyun.”  
  
“Will you tell my mother I love her?”  
  
Jooheon rolled his eyes, closed his book (it was a hopeless case) and walked up to his best friend, put his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder, and said, “No.”  
  
Changkyun groaned, picking at his lips (with a hand Jooheon swatted away), before resorting to fiddling with the strings of his hoodie. “This was a horrible idea. Like, those medieval pictures of various clearly dubious medical procedures? That level of bad. Who pumps air into a man’s anus, Jooheon? _Why?_ ”  
  
“You’re being obscure, Kyunnie, reel it in.”  
  
“I’m a mature man. I can do this.”  
  
Jooheon laughed. “I really don’t know what you’re expecting to happen here.”  
  
“I am expecting,” Changkyun said, calmly, contemplatively. “To die of utter humiliation? To make inappropriate dick jokes? I’m expecting horrific, KDrama-esque... disastrous... situations. What if I fall off my chair or something, or, or--” Changkyun waved his hand about. “Fart? Loudly.”  
  
“Why are you like this.”  
  
“Have you _seen_ Yoo Kihyun, Jooheon?”  
  
“Short, angry…” Jooheon frowned in thought. “Pink? A little bit jealous?” Jooheon laughed at his best friend’s expression. “Listen, it’s a tutoring session, just be cool, okay?”  
  
Changkyun looked at him for a long moment, before digging his phone out of his pocket, opening his chat with Kihyun, and handing it to his friend. “Just… just read it.”

Jooheon raised his eyebrows. “That’s some trust you’ve got there--yeah, yeah, gimme a second.” Jooheon scrolled, reading before glancing at Chankyun with a shit-eating grin. “Dude--”

“Shut up, I _know_.”Changkyun groaned, pulling the strings of his hoodie taut, managing to hide nearly his whole face and looking particularly helpless.

“You need to just unwind, Kyun. You’re overthinking everything in an attempt to make yourself likable.”

Changkyun stared at the wall. How dare he be so profound.

“Or _maybe_ the two of you were just so tired you couldn’t muster the energy for all the unnecessary sass flirting.”

“Oh, my God,” Changkyun said, turning to Jooheon, wide eyes visible through the gap. “I’m being totally obvious and stupid, aren’t I? What if--What if he’s just trying to show me how to code and I--”

“Pop a boner in the middle of the computer lab? Already did that one, buddy.”

“It was a _hypothetical situation_. Like, that didn’t even happen and _even if it did,_ it was in the utmost--”

“Dude,” Jooheon had to make quick work of catching his pacing best friend by the shoulders, shaking him a little as he did. “Sit down.”

“But I like pacing. It’s good exercise. For my legs.”

“It’s also stressing us both out, Kyunnie. Sit.”

Changkyun did, plopping down on the nearest little wall, craning his head to look over the bridge filled with food stalls towards the Math building. “What time is it?”

Jooheon tossed his phone back to him. It landed in Changkyun’s lap even as he made an uncoordinated attempt to catch it, his hands flailing.

“Ugh, Jooheon, you know I can’t catch for shit.”

“Yeah, you’re a real _catch_." Changkyun groaned. "And it’s okay, I was aiming for your lap, anyway.”

Changkyun sighed and held his phone face upward, eyes widening comically as he saw the time.

“ _Oh,_ jesus, _fuck_ , I’m going to be late, _fuck!_ ”

Changkyun ran off without a second thought, pushing people out of the way, waving Jooheon’s shouted, “You haven’t eaten yet!” off with a frantic hand.

 

\---

 

Kihyun shifted the backpack on his shoulder, looking down at his phone, around him, and back at his phone wondering if he should just text the little shit. It was ten past two. He had thought to go in and wait for him numerous times, but something indefinable and stupid kept him waiting.

He was mid-text when he heard hurried footsteps behind him, and turned just in time to see Changkyun barreling up the stairs, coming to a stop just before colliding with the pillar Kihyun had been leaning against.

“Kihyunnie! Goodness, are you early? The cockel hath barely sung, ‘tis almost time for lunchen or whatever--”

“No. You’re _late._ And my name’s _Kihyun_. That’s all.”

Changkyun nodded, breathing only slightly labored. “Cool, my bad for, like,” he gestured vaguely. “Literally everything.” Changkyun smiled, looking apologetic and running a hand through his hair.

“Hmph. Come on, I still need to finish two chapters of math after this.” Kihyun flashed his student card at the scanner, opening the door after the beep, holding it just long enough for Changkyun to grab it before walking to the very back of the room where, luckily, two computers were open. It was Friday afternoon, so the lab was quite empty, and Kihyun was glad. He never really liked sitting in the middle or the front, preferring his back against a wall. He just… generally didn’t like people seeing what he was doing on his screen.

Changkyun took the other open seat, bouncing a bit on his chair and pulling the lever so he would be taller. Kihyun, glanced at him, before pulling the lever on his own chair so the chair would sink in.

“So!” Changkyun beamed at Kihyun, who glowered back. It had not been… the most productive day thus far. He was in what one might call, _a bad mood_. Changkyun’s grin faltered a bit, but he quickly recovered, tapping the desk lightly with hands. “So, what do we do first?”

“Well, first,” Kihyun drawled, pulling his textbook out of his bag and opening Visual Studio on his computer, “you get out your book. Then, you open Visual Studio.”

Changkyun’s grin flickered, disappeared, and returned rather strained. “Right. Right, sorry. I’ll do that.” He clicked the icon and quickly shrugged out of his hoodie while the program loaded, before taking out his book and looking at Kihyun, almost… carefully.

Kihyun noticed his hands stilling in their tapping, and sighed. He would not feel guilty about being grumpy. He _wouldn’t_. He was tired and stressed and Calculus was breaking him a bit (a lot) and honestly what did he _care_ what some kid thought about him? It wasn’t like he owed the kid anything. He was doing him a huge favour. In fact…

“Hey, where’s my tea?”

The kid’s mouth opened, closed, opened. “There, uhm, aren’t any drinks allowed in the labs?”

Kihyun sighed, yawned, and flinched as his neck cracked ominously, before pointedly looking at the water bottle next to him, reaching out, and taking a sip, before turning back to his computer. “Right. No beverages in the labs.”

Changkyun looked away from him, chewed on his lip and frowned, before looking at Kihyun out of the corner of his eye.

“I’m really sorry about the tea, and being late,” Changkyun started quietly after a moment, shifting in his seat. “Er, I’ll get you some afterwards? Not that I--never mind. Uhm... what if I just try doing it and then I ask you if I’m doing something wrong? Or you feel a disturbance in the code or something.”

“Sounds good. Start with the first exercise in chapter one. It might seem easy, but it doesn’t hurt to cover your bases. You might just be getting something wrong that’s actually really easy to fix and you’re just overlooking it or something.”

Kihyun turned to his computer, plugged in his memory stick and pulled up the Calculus papers he had been working on, flipping open his exam pad and twirling his pencil in his hand as he glared at the screen.

Changkyun nodded, smiling softly before opening his book and getting started, and, Kihyun noted, glancing at Changkyun out of the corner of his eye, he was being far less vocal about his frustrations and thought processes than he had been last time. Changkyun frowned, went back a couple of pages in the textbook, read quietly, and continued on his own. Kihyun couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing this just so he wouldn’t bother him, which would defeat the whole purpose of the tutoring in the first place.

Kihyun jumped slightly in his chair when the girl next to Changkyun dropped her pencil case. Changkyun, seemingly on instinct, reached down to help her, and, naturally, nearly headbutted the poor girl.

“Oh, my god, sorry,” Kihyun heard him hastily apologize, as the girl just laughed and shook her head.

“Chill, dude, it’s fine,” she said, grabbing a handful of pens before squinting at him. Kihyun looked away. This was none of his damn business. He needed to figure out how to integrate this function or he’ll _actually_ fail the next test “Hey, aren’t you the kid who got trapped in the automated doors at the library?”

Kihyun choked because _of fucking course_ , waving his hand and playing it off as a cough when the two looked at him. They both turned away quite quickly, Changkyun with an odd expression before cocking his head at her..

“Aren’t you the girl who was laughing at me?” Changkyun asked, eyebrow raised with a grin.

“You _sat down_ ,” she pointed out with a laugh. “Like a scolded, trapped dog coming to terms with its fate. Was I not _supposed_ to laugh?”

Kihyun couldn’t keep his eyes from shifting slightly to the side, enough to see the way Changkyun was smiling at this, admittedly, very pretty girl. Kihyun frowned. Changkyun shouldn’t be _flirting_ right now. They were busy _studying_ , for fuck’s sake. Changkyun needed to put away that damn smile and concentrate on his godawful programming.

...And Kihyun really had to watch whatever temper was flaring up right now for absolute  _no reason_ , thank you very much.

Another girl, who was obviously waiting for the blonde girl to get her shit so they could go, seemed to also disagree with the state of the situation, if the way she emphasised the nickname was of any indication. “Lisa, _honey_ , can we go? Jisoo just texted.”

“Shit, right, sorry,” she, Lisa apparently, said, quickly stuffing all her stationary in her pencil case before chucking that in her bag and putting the earphone back in her ear. “See you in class, Stuck In Door Dude.”

“That’s Stuck in Door _Changkyun_ , actually,” Changkyun pointed out, waving a little as she and her friend made their way out. Kihyun looked away just as Changkyun made to turn towards him, scribbling down the function he needed to integrate.

He heard a quiet sigh from beside him, but paid it little heed, getting caught in the complexities of integrating. Kihyun got about halfway with the problem, frowned, leaned back, shook his pencil a little bit (as if _that_ was going to help at all), and finally gave in and pulled out his textbook. He was _supposed_ to have the formulas memorised by now. He had, in fact, spent the whole morning doing exactly that. But… but it was different. Memorising and implementing were _worlds_ apart and Kihyun couldn’t remember a single goddamn _thing_. He could feel the pit of stress and fear yawning in his stomach. He could feel how tense he was, the sharp line of his shoulders. He could feel it, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He just needed to keep working, keep trying. What else could he do, after all?

He was just on the tip of solving the problem, it was just barely out of his reach, he could feel it on the tip of his pencil, if he just wrote a little bit more it would all become so crystal clear --

“Well, fuck.”

The tip of Kihyun’s pencil snapped. Perfect.

Chankgyun was looking at his screen in utter incomprehension, hands gesturing wildly. “I don’t _understand,_ I just don’t _understand._ I followed the steps, I really did. I implemented the writeline method correctly, I know I did. I put in the readkey so that the console window doesn’t immediately close. I followed the instructions for writing an if statement _perfectly,_ this computer must hate me, I don’t _understand_ ,” Changkyun wailed, sounding suspiciously close to actually crying.

Kihyun relaxed his grip around his pencil. He was here to help this kid. Now was not the time to obsess about what he could and couldn’t do. Turning towards Changkyun, shifting closer to get a look at the screen, he said, “So. First rule of programming: never blame the computer. The computer doesn’t have free will. It only follows the instructions people give it. It’s not it’s fault if someone enters faulty instructions. Also, calling a computer dumb, or hateful, or any of that, is basically calling yourself those names. You’re the only one that can make the computer do anything.”

“Hyung, that’s super profound and all, but honestly, I’m like 100% certain this computer is going to physically manifest and punch me in the face.”

“Stop being dramatic,” Kihyun sighed even as he smiled softly, pushing closer to see what was going on on the kid’s screen. Damn, he should have just brought his glasses with him. It wasn’t like he could look any _more_ nerdy than he already did, what with the calculus splayed across his screen. “Now, what the hell have you been doing here… Show me what problem you were working on?”

Changkyun shoved the textbook at him, pointing at a viciously marked up section of the book. Most of it, Kihyun saw with barely concealed amusement, was just the word ‘fuck this’ written over and over in various fonts.

“Ahem,” Kihyun cleared his throat slightly, willing the wide smile that threatened to make the corners of his lips twitch upwards to disappear. “Right, so, it looks like you were trying to change the colour of the line on the panel, right?”

Kihyun saw Changkyun’s head nodding out of the corner of his eye and continued.

“Okay, so, first of all, you didn’t declare your graphics object correctly. Remember I told you we work on different levels?" Changkyun nodded again. It was quite endearing the way he hung off every word. Kihyun shifted, feeling something flutter in his chest. "You, er, you didn’t declare this on class level. Also, you can’t just say when the combobox equals the colour red,” Kihyun leaned his chin on his propped up hand, blinking tiredly at the screen. “You have to say the text of the combobox. As in, what’s actually inside the combobox, not the object itself.”

“Whoops?” Changkyun said, biting his lip.

“It’s not that big a deal,” Kihyun mumbled distractedly, highlighting the errors. “I’m not going to fix them for you, otherwise you won’t learn, but try to remember the different levels of the coding, and also just change that so that you use the Text property of the combobox and we’ll see if it works.”

Kihyun sat back, ostensibly returning to his Calculus, and Changkyun tapped away at the keyboard, pausing a few times, before poking Kihyun’s arm and pointing excitedly at his monitor. “Kihyun, I think I did it!”

Kihyun rolled his chair forward, eyebrows lifting as he quickly scanned the code, his eyes snagging on a particular comment that literally made him purse his mouth in an effort to keep his smile at bay. There, at the bottom of the code, in comments, Changkyun had written:

 

//student only mildly hurt in the coding of this program.

//Ki-hyung to thank for lack of brain injuries

 

“You know,” Kihyun commented, biting his cheek. “And I know you know this, because I’ve told you a few times, now. My name is _Kihyun_.”

“You’ve mentioned it.” Changkyun smiled widely. Not grinning, per say, not… smug? Just… smiling at him.

_Christ, this kid._

Kihyun shook his head slightly. “Anyway. The code looks okay. Why don’t you run it and check? You know, whenever you’re unsure, you can always place a stop-point in the program and then, while the program is running, go through the process the computer goes through step by step, to see where you went wrong.”

“Oh. I’ll do that next time.” Changkyun took a deep breath. “Okay, running it now.” Changkyun gave an exaggerated wince, leaning back like it would explode in his face or something.

The form appeared. Kihyun gestured towards the combobox, and Changkyun, obviously holding his breath, clicked on it, picked the colour red, and let out a relieved breath when the line changed colour.

“We did it!” Changkyun exclaimed, turning towards a reluctantly grinning Kihyun, who looked at him with that same smile for about two seconds, before something… shifted.

Kihyun didn’t know what it was. He didn’t know what had suddenly, inexplicably, changed so that the happy, relieved and slightly silly atmosphere that had been there just a few moments before suddenly deepened. Got more heavy. Drew Kihyun’s eyes inexorably towards Changkyun’s, holding fast like magnets. Kihyun, throat feeling suddenly extremely dry, swallowed and Changkyun’s eyes _dropped_ , following the movement with a hooded gaze, eyes moving downwards before his eyes lazily travelled up, catching on Kihyun’s lips. Just as Kihyun felt a tsunami of heat threaten to overwhelm his face, he tore his gaze away from the sight of Changkyun staring at his lips like… Well, like _something_.

Kihyun stared at his screen. Changkyun cleared his throat softly beside him, but _Kihyun did not fucking look over_ because he was studying. He had just helped a classmate with his work, that was all. _That was all._

The functions swam before his eyes. He needed to focus. He needed to _focus._ He needed to not think about anything else he just needed to _focus_ . He was _not allowed_ to think of Changkyun’s eyes following the line of his throat, he was not allowed to feel the phantom heat of those eyes on his lips.

He was _not allowed._

A low, loud grumble sounded from where Changkyun sat, followed very quickly by a soft, heartfelt, “ _oh my god, fucking really,”_ and the now nearly familiar sound of Changkyun’s head hitting his desk.

Kihyun looked over, previous… whatever the hell that was, now replaced with a sense of disbelief, diligently ignoring the fact that Changkyun’s face, ears and goddamn neck was a deep, telling pink. “I fucking _told you_ to eat something. I _told you_.”

“I diiid,” Changkyun whined, his hands coming up to cover his face even as he rested it on the desk.

“Oh, yeah? Cos from what _I’m_ hearing--”

“ _Oh, my god, just let me die--_ ”

“Seriously, though, we’re going to be here for more than two hours, I fucking _told you_ \--”

“I ate an apple, okay.”

There was a moment of silence. “An apple? A fucking _apple_?”

“Do you not like apples or something, cos they’re actually--”

“Oh my fuck-- Come on. We’re going to get you some food now. I can’t work like this.”

“No, no, no, I’m _sorry_ , I’ll tell my stomach to shut up,” Changkyun defended, but Kihyun was already gathering his stuff.

“Just... come on. You owe me that tea anyway.”

 

\---

 

Changkyun followed Kihyun out of the computer labs and the Math building, holding back every single urge to fling himself into the sun. Christ, what _was_ today? Was the universe messing with him or something? First, he was late, second, he forgot the damn tea. _Then_ Kihyun looked so damn tired and here _he_ was, being a dumbass and probably wasting his time. And, hell, the _one damn time_ he’d gotten the older boy to have a semblance of a smile, he had to go ruin it by being a gay disaster with absolutely no self-control.

He could feel his cheeks pinken just thinking about it. _When_ had he gotten so _close?_ It had probably been only a few seconds, but Changkyun wasn’t too sure it wasn’t an eternity. What really stuck in his head, though, was the look on Kihyun’s face when he’d (finally, unfortunately) looked away. He didn’t know what to make of it, and honestly he’d barely seen the frown knit itself between Kihyun’s eyebrows, but--

“Get a table, I’m buying you a sandwich.”

“You really don’t have to--”

“Table. Sandwich.” Changkyun hesitated. Kihyun rolled his eyes. “ _Now_.”

Changkyun promptly plopped down at the nearest open table, putting his backpack on his lap and hugging it.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

The lord is testing me on this day

 

**Jooheon**

shhh no time I'm staring at someone from afar

 

**Changkyun**

What

 

**Jooheon**

What

 

\---

 

“You should put your backpack down,” Kihyun said, lifting an eyebrow at the way Changkyun was sitting, bag clutched close. “You can’t eat with that on your lap.”

“ _‘Can’t'_ is a strong word.”

Kihyun gave him a look.

Changkyun weighed his options here and swallowed heavily. Bag meant protection. Bag meant shield. No bag meant none of that. No bag meant complying to Kihyun. Complying meant he might not _need_ said shield.

He put the bag down next to him, before noting what Kihyun had brought with him and stating the obvious with something approaching disbelief. “You bought me food.”

“I _literally_ said I was going to buy you a sandwich,” Kihyun deadpanned, sitting down and pushing the food towards the younger boy, holding a cup in his hand. “You owe me for this tea, by the way. Call it a tutor’s fee.”

“Hell, keep helping me and I’ll buy you the next five teas--” Changkyun bit at the crust of his sandwich. “You’re really saving my ass, you know,” Changkyun mumbled, mouth full.

Kihyun shrugged, looking away and sipping at his tea. “Yeah, well. I couldn’t very well let you continue mutilating C# while I knew about it. Don’t speak with food in your mouth, it’s rude. Do you really think this is going to take five more lessons?”

“You literally just described my coding the way you’d describe a crime scene,” Changkyun pointed out, _after_ swallowing. “Just five is me being optimistic.”

Changkyun watched in utter, fascinated amazement as Kihyun let a small, grudging and _very_ amused smile grace his lips. (Changkyun specialised in being a human disaster for a living. He knew what amusement looked like, okay?)

“How did you even make it this far in life?” Kihyun asked, still with that strange half-smile on his face that could make Changkyun do anything it wanted. Like, swallow before he spoke. “Like, I’m honestly curious.”

“Well,” Changkyun said, getting a damn grip (getting a damn _grip_ ). “I, erm, it’s, well, _firstly,_ I’d say it’s my flawless eloquence when asked questions.”

“Well, yes, of course. Obviously,” Kihyun snickered, lowering his head and looking up at Changkyun through the strands of hair falling into his face, rolling his cup of tea between his hands.

_God mother fucking damn shit seriously who’s fucking idea had this even --_

“So, I mean, that’s a plus,” Changkyun said, examining his sandwich intently. What a sandwich. So little butter. “I get nice people to help me? I don’t know, Hyungwon says I get away with murder because I look so apologetic about it.”

Kihyun tilted his head and pursed his lips, before nodding. “I mean, it’s still annoying as fuck, but I can definitely see that. You _do_ look a bit like a puppy, so.” As soon as the words left Kihyun’s mouth, his eyes went wide, he clenched his jaw and he looked away, staring at his tea.

“A kicked one,” Changkyun said, still making eyes at his sandwich. “Raw skill, though? Mm, let’s see,” Changkyun said, leaning back in his chair. “I can…” He frowned. “Gimme a sec.” He frowned harder. “...Rap? Clap my hands behind my back and walk like a penguin?”

“You had to dig deep for those, huh?”

“We’re talking Marianas Trench, and even then, I’m not sure rapping in the shower counts,” Changkyun chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “I’m assuming you’re just good at everything, yeah?”

Kihyun scoffed, finally looking up at Changkyun again. “Of course.”

Changkyun couldn’t help the grin that overwhelmed him at that point. Such a cocky boy. So pretty too. And so smar--

Nope, derailing that train of thought at the damn station, nope.

“You’re a photographer, right?”

 _Good one_.

Kihyun frowned. “How did you know that? Did Hyungwon tell you?" He leaned forward with narrowed eyes. "...Are you talking about me?”

“No, I was talking to the table,” Changkyun grinned, before feeling a bit self-conscious and nibbling away at the sandwich. “Er, yeah, Hyungwon mentioned that he models for you. My _sincerest_ condolences, by the way.”

Kihyun shrugged. “He’s an ass, but he’s got good angles. Also, if you ever tell him that, I will murder you in your sleep.”

Changkyun laughed. “Good angles?”

“Mmhmm,” Kihyun hummed, throwing his head backwards as he drained the last drops of his tea. Changkyun had to fight to lift his eyes from Kihyun’s throat.

“You’re made of good angles,” Changkyun mumbled.

“What?” Kihyun lowered his cup, licking his lips.

Changkyun looked at him for a second with his mouth open before blinking. “Nothing,” Changkyun squeaked. Changkyun reached for his bag, quickly slung it onto his back, stood up, and honest to god fucking bowed. “Thank you for feeding me, hyung.”

Kihyun raised an eyebrow at the kid. “Yeah. Well. Eat next time. And we’re not done, by the way. We need to do at least five more exercises.”

Changkyun hid his face behind his hands. He had just fucking bowed to Kihyun in a coffee shop and he didn’t even have the saving grace of being able to leg it out of the situation as quick as possible.

“Right, five more. Let’s go,” Changkyun said weakly, following Kihyun’s quick strides back to the computer lab, shoulders slumped.

 

\---

 

**Minhyuk**

Doth mine eyes deceive me or DID THEY GO ON A DATE

MY FRAGILE HEART

 

**Jooheon**

Wait, what?

Who?

I’m confused

 

**Minhyuk**

I JUST SAW CHANGKI ON A DATE

 

**Jooheon**

The hell is a Changki

Hyung I’m in class

 

**Minhyuk**

MEANINGLESS

Changki has relocated

CHANGKI RISE

I lost them

 

**Jooheon**

Please stop following them around

Because I assume Changki is your

Oh god I almost said ship name

 

**Minhyuk**

...

I was not

I’m not following them

What are you talking about

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

Hey Shownu-hyung where you at?

 

**Shownu**

Outside the computer labs with Minhyuk, why?

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

[screenshot attached]

_B i t ch_

 

**Minhyuk**

…goddamnit

I told him to stop being so honest to other people

Isn’t he just so precious tho

I wanna smooch his cheeks

 

**Jooheon**

why do people keep telling me these things thinking it's okay

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

Did you go on a date???

 

**Changkyun**

WHAT NO HE JUST BOUGHT ME LUNCH

My stomach may have started talking in various whale tongues

 

**Jooheon**

Do you ever think before you speak or

That sounds like a date

But anyway if you see Minhyuk hiding behind a bush or something just wave

 

**Changkyun**

Why would I

Anyway did you know that curly bois ha

 

**Jooheon**

The hell is a curly boi

??

Bro???

You there?

 

**Changkyun**

I’m not allowed to be on my phone kihyun said so

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Jooheon**

Oh dear god

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

Are you done with the tutoring yet?

I have something to tell you

BRO

 

**Changkyun**

My highly sexually frustrated virginal ass is ready to listen, my friend

 

**Jooheon**

I... met a boy

Who raps and isn't you

he's short and funny and sassed Hyungwon

I want to smooch HE'S SO GOOD

 

**Changkyun**

I’m assuming you mean good at rapping

or does this story come with a happy ending

 

**Jooheon**

I wish

Man can't dance for shit but HIS RAPPING

DICKS OUT FOR DAT RAP 

Like, I was working on my raps?

And we were assigned to work in groups??

And then this guy came up to me saying we should work together???

And he wanted to go discuss it today after class????

And I saw him rapping?????

(May have been looking through doors a bit ngl)

seriously did I mention the rapping

 

**Changkyun**

Quick interruption to mention

One: HOLY SHIT DUDE THAT’S AWESOME

Two: we’re all incredibly gay aren’t we this is the gayest fucking college

 

**Jooheon**

I take offence to that

I’m bi af

 

**Changkyun**

I apologise

THIS IS THE QUEEREST COLLEGE

Continue your story I’m fucking RAPT

(lol geddit RAPt I'm so fucking funny)

 

**Jooheon**

That’s it

I’m done. Got his number

Working on the raps tomorrow

 

**Changkyun**

YOI GOT HIS NUCMEBR NOIIIIIIIIIICE

 

**Jooheon**

Learn to spell you’re an English major

 

**Changkyun**

KISS MY ASS IM EXCVITED 4 U BROE

 

**Jooheon**

I’m gonna

Stop enabling you now

Talk later

 

**Changkyun**

Im fucking gidDY

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Remember how I said that you can throw a rock and hit a not-straight in this university

 

**Jooheon**

Something like that

 

**Changkyun**

Jackson Wang is on the roof

Singing a song called ‘For You, Markiepoo’

I’m guessing that’s the name

Though he has said that like seven times

 

**Jooheon**

This is an incredibly queer fucking place

For a country in which same-sex marriage is not legal

 

**Changkyun**

We’re making up for centuries of repressed homoerotica

LMFAO HE ALMOST FELL OFF THE ROOF MARK IS YELLING

BAMBAM LEGIT YELLED DO A FLIP

BRB THIS SHIT IS GOLD

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

When your bro texts you about his boner

 

**Hyungwon**

Why would you send this to me

 

**Jooheon**

Idk man I need a hug

 

**Hyungwon**

Who even took that picture

 

**Jooheon**

Irrelevant

 

\---

 

“Hey, so, are we dating?” Wonho asked, not looking at Hyungwon, which was fortunate, since Hyungwon was fairly sure he was dying from choking on his water.

“I --” Hyungwon broke off, coughing so hard his eyes teared up and the water he just inhaled came bursting out through his nose. He stared in dismay at the mess he was making while Wonho hit his back, asking in an increasingly concerned voice if he was okay. That’s… very attractive, Hyungwon. Nice.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you choke.” The choking increased. “God, sorry!”

“S’fine,” Hyungwon wheezed, feeling the sweet relief of air entering his lungs at last. “I was just dying for a bit. No biggie.”

“Don’t die, it’s bad for your health.”

Hyungwon just _looked_ at Wonho, who smirked at him, before it gentled into a slightly unsure smile.

Wonho fidgeted. “So, um. You didn’t answer me? Are we dating? I mean, it’s fine if you’re not comfortable with it yet, not that I’m assuming or anything, we were just getting along so well that I--”

“No, no, it’s just…” Hyungwon trailed off. “You wanna date me? I mean, are you _sure_? I mean, I’m not exactly...”

Wonho, who had made a habit out of doing absolutely nothing Hyungwon ever expected, smiled softly at him and turned his chin so they were facing each other. “Seriously?”

“Hey, don’t trivialise--” Hyungwon started, feeling how hot his face was and knowing Wonho would notice and feeling about ten years old again, standing in front of his first crush and wondering why the boy was laughing and running away from him.

“I’m not trivializing what you say, or feel, for that matter,” Wonho spoke softly. “I just thought it was excruciatingly obvious how much I like you, Hyungwon.”

“I thought,” Hyungwon started, looking into Wonho’s eyes, then away again, “I just, I have trouble reading people sometimes. Especially when it concerns me. I thought, but I’ve thought wrong before. So.”

Wonho didn’t frown, didn’t pull away or pull _that face_ that people always insisted wasn’t pity even if you mentioned it. He tilted his head, moving his hand to cup Hyungwon’s cheek. “You overthink stuff, right?”

“Yeah, no shit--”

“I’ll speak plainly, then,” Wonho chuckled, the sound reverberating somewhere in his chest. “I like you. A lot.  Do you believe me?”

Hyungwon finally lifted his eyes, flushing when he looked into Wonho’s sincere eyes, but didn’t drop his eyes as he leaned forward to press a soft, chaste kiss against Wonho’s lips. “Yes,” Hyungwon breathed, forehead resting against Wonho’s.

“Yes you like me or yes you’ll date me?”

“ _Both_ , god…”

 

\---

 

 **_Minhyuk_ ** _added_ **_Jooheon, Changkyun, Hyungwon_ ** _and_ **_Shownu_ ** _to_ **_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

**Hyungwon**

What fresh hell is this

 

**Minhyuk**

IT’S A PARTYYYYYY

 

**Changkyun**

[celebratory toot]

Seriously though what party

 

**Minhyuk**

I will explain in a sec

Hyungwon add Wonho

Changkyun add Kihyun

We need all boyfriends

 

**Changkyun**

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What no what are you

I’m not adding him to this chat

I choose life

 

**Hyungwon**

Ugh

Fine I'll add Wonho

He’s probably gonna have to meet you shitheads _sometime_

 

**Shownu**

That was…

 

**Changkyun**

...easy

 

**Jooheon**

HI

What did I miss

Holy fuck Hyungwon isn’t arguing?

 

**Hyungwon**

Fucking listen

There’s no goddamn reason to fight against this shit

This is basically self-protection

Now for the love of god have some control

 

 ** _Hyungwon_** added **_Wonho_** to **_Bros & Hoes_**

 

**Jooheon**

Hi I’m a bro

 

**Minhyuk**

And I’m a hoe

 

**Changkyun**

I’m both

 

**Minhyuk**

WELCOME

 

**Wonho**

Oh!

Hi! o(≧∇≦o)

I’ve heard about you guys!

Hi, Changkyun

 

**Changkyun**

God aren’t you just so precious

I wanna wrap you in a sweater

HI WONHO~~~

 

**Hyungwon**

CHANGKYUN

 

**Shownu**

Hi, I’m Shownu, Minhyuk’s boyfriend

 

**Minhyuk**

**୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨**

 

**Wonho**

Hi, I’m Wonho, Hyungwon’s

Very nice for adding me to the chat (/^▽^)/

 

**Hyungwon**

What fresh hell is that emoji Minhyuk

 

**Minhyuk**

Proud yet cute

Ah yes

The niceness of Hyungwon

Legendary

 

**Jooheon**

Changkyun, remember that time Hyungwon was just so

_Goddamn nice_

 

**Changkyun**

IDK Jooheon you’re gonna have to be more specific

He’s just

_So goddamn nice all the time_

It’s hard for me to keep track

I have tears in my eyes just thinking about all that niceness

 

**Hyungwon**

Thanks guys

Especially you Changkyun

I’m so nice how about I just do you this favour :)

 

 **_Hyungwon_ ** added **_Kihyun_ ** to **_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

Oh wow

Oh WOW

HI KIHYUNNIE

 

**Kihyun**

...Hi?

What is this?

 

**Changkyun**

Unfair

Unfair is what it is

 

**Wonho**

HYUNNIE

 

**Kihyun**

HOSEOK NO

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh, come on Hyunnie

 

**Changkyun**

what the

 

**Minhyuk**

I’m pretty sure we’re all here because I have something to say

So I’m gonna go ahead  !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

 

**Kihyun**

I don’t know why I’m here

(I have _all_ those photos Hyungwon just remember)

 

**Minhyuk**

You’re Wonho and Hyungwon’s friend, of course you’re here!

And inviiiiiiiiiteeeeed ٩( ᐛ )و

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I'm totally fine not being mentioned it's  _c o o l_

 

**Jooheon**

You're not his friend, you're putty in his hands

 

**Changkyun**

fair

 

\---

 

**_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

**Shownu**

Minhyuk’s parents need house-sitters for the weekend and we were thinking of holding a get-together

 

**Jooheon**

Mmm meeting people, that must be nice

 

**Changkyun**

Mmm dat sodium chloride

 

**Minhyuk**

Nobody is allowed to say no!

 

**Wonho**

Why would I say no, count me in~

 

**Hyungwon**

Ugh do we have to

 

**Changkyun**

What is _we_

 

**Wonho**

They’re your friends, Won, it’ll be fun

 

**Jooheon**

_What am I witnessing with my eyes_

 

**Minhyuk**

There’s more than enough room for everyone

Pleeease ɾ⚈▿⚈ɹ

 

**Changkyun**

I’m with Jooheon on this

Won? Are you sure you want to come?

Won?

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

I’m so sorry!!

 

**Hyungwon**

It’s okay just

Gimme a minute

 

\---

**_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

**Wonho**

Yeah, I just call him that lol Hyungwon is a mouthful

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

That does not help, Wonho

 

\---

**_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

**Changkyun**

I’m so fucking quiet right now I want that to be known

I have SELF-CONTROL

 

**Kihyun**

Yeah sure you do

 

**Minhyuk**

oh man you are DEFINITELY invited, Kihyun

 

**Jooheon**

Kihyun you don’t know this yet

But you’re not allowed to say no to Minhyuk

You’re just not

 

**Kihyun**

I

Ugh

When is it?

I need to check my schedule

And I’m only going because I know Wonho

 

**Jooheon**

ouch

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I’m fine

 

**Jooheon**

Mmmhmm

Wait I have an idea you in the dorm yeah? omw brush ur hair

 

\---

**_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

It’s next weekend~~~

IT’S BY A LAKE! And there’s a karaoke machine!

We’ll bbq and everything

Please please please please please

 

**Jooheon**

We’ll definitely be there!

 

**Wonho**

We’ll be there

I mean, I’ll be there

Hyungwon?

 

**Hyungwon**

I’ll be there.

Someone needs to be the grownup

 

**Minhyuk**

****

See you there~~~!

Kihyun??? How’s the schedule looking??? ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒

 

**Changkyun**

lmao is Shownu sleeping

 

**Kihyun**

I should be able to shift things around to make it

 

**Changkyun**

Awesome!

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

Be cool, bro

 

**Changkyun**

…

 

\---

**_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

 

**Changkyun**

Can’t wait to hang with my friends~

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

Dude

 

**Changkyun**

LET ME LIVE, WON

 

\---

**_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

Oh my goodness Kihyun

I just realized I don’t know what you look like!

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

Lies u literally have class with him and followed them around like a creepazoid

 

**Minhyuk**

Shhh I’m doing this for Kyunnie

I even asked Hyungwon to play along

 

\---

 

**Minhyuk**

send a selfie on the group

 

**Hyungwon**

fucking why

 

**Minhyuk**

cos Changkyun

#pain

 

**Hyungwon**

hah yeah ok

 

\---

**_Bros & Hoes_ **

 

**Kihyun**

...does it matter???

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh come now Kihyun

Look we’ve all sent selcas it’s your turn

 

**Minhyuk**

Pleeeeeeeeeeeease ㅠㅠ

 

**Jooheon**

The rules do state that saying no to Minhyuk isn’t allowed

 

**Wonho**

I have pictures of Kihyunnie!

Wait lemme check

 

**Kihyun**

Don’t you dare

 

**Wonho**

I’ll do it

 

**Kihyun**

Hoe don’t do it

 

**Wonho**

...

 

**Kihyun**

For fuck’s sake

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Oh my god

he's so beautiful how H O W

**Jooheon**

Bro you need to stop screaming into your pillow

it’s not good for your throat

 

**Changkyun**

Fuck my throat

 

**Jooheon**

…

Screenshot acquired

 

**Changkyun**

 .

O

H MY GOD NO JOOHEON I DID'NT MEANI T LIKE THAT

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

you nasty

 

**Changkyun**

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT O MFG

 

 


	7. Minhyuk's Shining Dicklets

Kihyun fiddled with the strap of his camera, barely able to restrain his leg from jiggling about. He was supposed to be in the library, waiting for Wonho who was on his way from his last class. It was a routine they had. It helped them both to concentrate, having someone else there with them struggling just as hard. But, instead of being in the library, he was in the smallish courtyard filled with plants between the West Block building and the Chemistry building.

He wasn’t _supposed_ to be there. He really wasn’t. He usually only ever sat there on Wednesdays between his eight am and ten am class. And it was neither a Wednesday, nor between eight and ten.

It was, in fact, Monday afternoon. At two.

The precise time, Kihyun had discovered exactly three weeks ago, Changkyun walks on the path leading from the administrative building to the bridge, which, coincidentally, was right next to that little courtyard. And, somehow, the little shit always, always, _always_ managed to look just… fucking heart-stoppingly good and Kihyun had no idea how he managed it because the rest of the time he looked _exactly_ like a college kid on his last pair of clean underwear.

And, after a week of denying to himself that he just _happened_ to be around the courtyard at two every afternoon _coincidentally_ , he’d finally caved and just brought his camera with him. Because, it was for the angles.

The _angles_.

The first thing he noticed this time around was that Changkyun was laughing. He was unsuccessfully trying to tell a story, from what Kihyun could tell, at least, and the boy walking with Changkyun was having trouble keeping his laugh in. Kihyun vaguely remembered a selfie shared on whatever hell chat group he’d been added to, and the boy with red hair who’d been in it with Changkyun and had walked with Changkyun to class a few times now.

It was an almost helpless movement when Kihyun lifted his camera, focusing on the two before taking the first picture. He thought he saw saw Changkyun stiffen for a second, but just as he was about to lower the camera and run like the fucking wind, Changkyun grabbed the red-haired boy’s arm, laughing, seemingly oblivious, allowing Kihyun to snap one more picture before they disappeared around the corner.

Kihyun lowered his camera onto his lap. He flipped through the two pictures he had taken for a few minutes. He lowered his head into his hands.

“Well, fuck,” he mumbled.

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

BOI

DID YOU SEE

THAT CAMERA

 

**Changkyun**

Boi I sure did

And it sure did look like an expensive camera

 

**Jooheon**

Try telling me he doesn’t like you now

You little shit

He was literally sneaking photos of you

What the hell

 

**Changkyun**

Idk man I like that courtyard

That is a nice courtyard

If I could take pictures I would definitely be taking pictures of that courtyard

 

**Jooheon**

What…

What the hell am I supposed to do with you

 

**Changkyun**

Not laugh at me when I fall off a chair in the middle of a lecture hall

Although you know actually I laughed just typing that, you’re good

_T h i s   t i m e_

Dude he’s a photographer I’m sure he takes pictures of literally everything

 

**Jooheon**

Uh-huh

And the fact that he’s been there for the last two weeks

Means nothing at all

Also, can you _stop_ dragging me along now

I’ve been late to dance class twice already

which sucks since I also have a

almost said crush 

 

**Changkyun**

I really wish you'd just tell me his freaking name already

LMAO NO WAY DUDE

I’D SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

He’s taken a picture of you too you know

Since you’re always there

We really don’t know it’s me at all

If he actually is taking pictures of me which he’s not

 

**Jooheon**

**Changkyun**

I'd let you

Hey bro

 

**Jooheon**

Yeah bro

 

**Changkyun**

I really like this guy

And I’m scared shitless

 

**Jooheon**

I know Kyunnie

I can’t promise you it’s all going to be fine

Cause honestly idk what the fuck’s going to happen

But

You know I’ll always be here for you bro

Right?

 

**Changkyun**

Yeah I know

Especially this weekend right? Cos I can’t promise I’m going to be okay like

I am out of my mind rn

 

**Jooheon**

WELL

It seems like no one wanted to invite MY sunshine

(tbf I never mentioned him)

I’ll be there

Pushing you out of your comfort zone like always

 

**Changkyun**

:) fun

Lol I’m going to make a fool of myself at least ten times aren’t I

 

**Jooheon**

Your name is Lim Changkyun

So yes

But, no worries

Minhyuk will be there

Also Hyungwon with Wonho

You are not alone young padawan

 

**Changkyun**

And knowing Minhyuk he’ll be on top of poor Hyungwon and Wonho lmao

Watch me divert attention like a _pro_

 

**Jooheon**

Tbf I am horrifically interested in whatever the fuck is going on there

 

**Changkyun**

OPERATION HYUNGWONHO

 

**Jooheon**

INITIATED

 

\---

 

Where the fuck had the week gone?

Tuesday, Changkyun was sure, had just been, like, five minutes ago. It was just... tests kept popping up, like weeds, _especially programming._ Essays, too! And homework. And every time, every _single_ time Changkyun thought he had, like, five minutes to himself, something else grabbed him by the throat and throttled him with panic until it was done. Rinse and repeat.

At least the incessant amount of programming meant more time with Kihyun.

...Cue incessant cringing because of that thought. God, he was like a fucking teenager.

But fuck it, he liked it. The tutoring session with Kihyun had been like a breath of fresh air, with Kihyun being all bossy and pretty and helpful and nearly hitting Changkyun’s arm off when he’d made one too many self-deprecating jokes. (Though Changkyun professed himself firmly of the opinion that ‘too many self-deprecating jokes’ was a _myth_.)

Changkyun broke out into a wide smile when he entered the chips aisle and, in one fell swoop, deposited six bags of potato chips into his shopping cart.

This was fine. He was fine. Fucking _fine._ It was Thursday and he was perfectly, fucking fine, okay. He had bought a nice new sweater and socks that actually matched. He was going to be put together. He was going to go to this party, and he was going to be funny, and chill, and _holy shit was that Wonho and Hyungwon being cutesy and holding hands and_ giggling _in the vegetable aisle?_

Changkyun abandoned his trolley in the middle of the aisle and hid behind a watermelon.

It didn’t exactly work as well as it should have.

(Who would have thought a bright green watermelon didn’t work well at hiding a fully-grown boy in a bright yellow shirt. Also, the trolley was a problem, especially with Changkyun refusing to let go of it completely with one hand stretching out to keep a pinkie finger on it).

“Oh, _heeyyy,_ ” Changkyun said, awkwardly cradling the watermelon and smiling brightly at a murderous looking Hyungwon. Murderous, embarrassed, he honestly couldn’t tell you.

Wonho carefully slid his hand out of Hyungwon’s. Changkyun wondered how Hyungwon was going to explain away that clearly purely platonic hand holding.

“Don’t mind me, just…” Changkyun wanted to gesture, but had to put down his watermelon first. It ended up crushing four of the chip bags and Changkyun winced, even as he did nothing to stop it. “Shopping.”

Changkyun waited for the acidic remark. The witty, sharp thing that Hyungwon would inevitably say.

“Um. Hey, Changkyun.”

Changkyun started, and looked up. What he saw made a tiny, humane part of himself who actually _cared_ about this soft-hearted asshole, stand on its hind legs and start screaming. Hyungwon was… slouched in on himself, arms crossed, rubbing his elbows, resolutely avoiding Changkyun’s eyes.

“We were just. Getting stuff. For tomorrow,” Wonho giggled, a bit hysterically, hand behind his neck and a bright red flush on his face.

_Don’t make a condom joke, don’t make a condom joke, do not--_

“Well, isn’t that just such a coincidence, so was I!”

“Do you… have a craving for watermelon?”

_No._

“Yep. I just… love my watermelons. They’re, healthy. I think?”

“Oh, very! I mean, there’s a lot of natural sugars in them, but it’s all good for you,” Wonho enthused. “They’re basically just made of water. You’ll go to the bathroom a lot.”

“...Yes, thank you, Wonho.”

Changkyun stood there for a moment longer, staring at Hyungwon, before plastering a grin on his face and saying, “I’ll just, take my watermelon then. And, um, these six bags of chips…” Wonho frowned. “Which I was _definitely_ not going to eat all by myself ahahaha I’ll just go now.”

Changkyun grabbed his trolley, drove into a stand, reversed a bit, tried again, and hurried to the checkout line. It was only once he was taking them out that he realised all six of the bags had been crushed.

How crummy.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

:)

 

**Hyungwon**

Thanks

For not

You know

Whatever

 

**Changkyun**

I’m just happy for you dude

Like all memes and shit on a stick

You two are cute as hell

You know nobody would like

Have a problem with it

It’s not like Minhyuk and Shownu are subtle

 

**Hyungwon**

I know _that_

But

You know I have things

About privacy

 

**Changkyun**

Yeah six brave packs of chips died for your privacy

 

**Hyungwon**

Did you eat them to make them feel better

 

**Changkyun**

They’re in a better place now

With a massive watermelon

Which reminds me I need to go buy snacks for tomorrow night

Wonho was right I have gone to pee exactly five (5) times now

You realize Minhyuk would be 657890 times chiller if he knew you two were dating, right

Which I’m assuming you are cos I have eyes

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh yeah no I just hold hands with random dudes

Like, don’t you remember that time I just fucking

Held hands with you

Damn

 

**Changkyun**

I think about it daily yes

 

**Hyungwon**

Your hands were really sweaty

 

**Changkyun**

Maybe one day I’ll hold hands in a supermarket

with someone who doesn’t judge my bodily functions

 

**Hyungwon**

Kihyun would judge your bodily functions like SO HARD DUDE

 

**Changkyun**

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Hey, I know it’s like

1 am

But are you awake?

 

**Changkyun**

Nearly always

You’re not usually awake though...

You okay?

 

**Kihyun**

You know, you shouldn’t be awake this much

It’s not healthy

 

**Changkyun**

Kihyun

you’re doing that thing where other peoples’ problems take precedent in an attempt to avoid your own

stahp

 

**Kihyun**

Stop spelling like a two year old

You’re a language major

 

**Changkyun**

Are you telling me to… stahp?

Also I just used the word ‘precedent’ at 1 am let me live

(you’re doing it again. Kind of.)

 

**Kihyun**

…

Whatever

Okay

Good god if you make this into a fucking joke I will

...

Stop the tutoring sessions

I’m only doing this because I’m pretty sure Wonho will actually kill me

If I wake him up

 

**Changkyun**

I wouldn’t joke about something serious ok

Not… really. Not if it’s serious serious. You know what I mean

I MEAN it’s fine, you can talk to me

 

**Kihyun**

What the fuck am I doing talking to the little shit in programming...

Okay

So about tomorrow

I was invited

Sort of

I mean, am I actually supposed to come?

Was it a joke?

 

**Changkyun**

We invited you because I

we legit want you there

Why would you think it was a joke? That wouldn’t be funny

We’re idiots, not dick lords

Well I guess as titles go

Anyway no it wasn’t a joke

 

**Kihyun**

It would be funny to some people

And I don’t

I don’t

Fuck

I don’t know anybody there

I don’t know if you’ve noticed

But I’m not super great at talking to people

 

**Changkyun**

Don’t know what you mean~

Sorry I cope with humour but

You know me?

And Hyungwon and Wonho are going to be there

Minhyuk is Minhyuk

Shownu’s an awkward dad but he’s incredibly kind

Seriously though we want you there

We’re not expecting idk whatever you think we are, from you

 

**Kihyun**

Right

Now I feel stupid

Ignore this

Pretend it never happened

 

**Changkyun**

Pretend what never happened?

 

**Kihyun**

Oh, and please tell me there’s a first aid kit there somewhere

 

**Changkyun**

I NEARLY ELECTROCUTE MYSELF ONCE

_FUCKING ONCE_

 

**Kihyun**

Okay, yeah

I’m bringing a first-aid kit

Ugh

Thanks Changkyun

See you

Well, later today I guess

DON’T EVER BRING THIS UP

 

**Changkyun**

Kihyun can I

Nvm

No problem :) Literally any time

And idk what you’re even talking about it’s 1 am unicorns are real, up is down

Sleep tight

 

\---

 

Minhyuk fluttered around the house, double, triple, quadruple-checking that everything was ready and in place.

Line up of horror movies sure to make Jooheon pee his pants and provide all couples cuddling opportunities? Check.

Meat in sink being defrosted? Check.

Clean sheets in the cupboards for when everyone inevitably passes out and Minhyuk has to cover them with blankets? Check.

Cupboard stuffed full to bursting with junk food? Check.

A quick kiss to Shownu stringing up the fairy lights outside? Check.

Drinks in the fridge and a meager showing of fruit? Check.

Karaoke machine up and running? Check.

Pink neon ‘fuck’ up on the wall? Check.

Minhyuk stood in the living room, surveyed his handiwork, and nodded, satisfied with himself.

“Minhyuk,” Shownu called from outside, and Minhyuk glanced out the window to see Shownu frowning at the set of lights in his hands which looked suspiciously like the ones Minhyuk had bought them once for…

“Oh!” Minhyuk giggled, hurrying outside to relieve Shownu of the peculiarly shaped lights. One would almost say, suggestive lights. “We don’t want those. Well, not out here anyway.”

Shownu merely lifted an eyebrow, an amused grin plucking at the corners of his mouth. Minhyuk smiled back and was just about to suggest where they could hang the lights instead when his phone lit up, announcing the first arrivals.

 

\---

 

Kihyun was parked outside the address Minhyuk had sent on the group. Of course, he wasn’t directly in front of the house. That would make sitting in the car five minutes after he had arrived even more awkward. The soft, gentle sound of VAV’s Flower helped calm him down a bit, enough that he almost thought he would be able to get out of the car after that song.

It wasn’t that he was nervous about meeting everyone. Exactly. He already knew Hyungwon, and from what Kihyun had gathered he was considered the height of ‘niceness’ in their group, so he was pretty sure he would able to handle the rest. And Wonho would be there, of course, and long gone were the days that Kihyun was intimidated by that big softie at _all_.   

Which just made the way he had spent an hour deciding between shirts _that_ more ridiculous. It wasn’t like he was trying to impress anyone there. Right. He could do this.

Kihyun took a deep breath, lifting his overnight bag with one hand and the cooler full of food in the other. (He told his mother not to… but she tended to get a bit excited about Kihyun hanging out with friends. That weren’t Wonho.)

He was a few steps from the path leading up the front door when he noticed Changkyun sitting on the porch, staring into nothingness before absent-mindedly glancing at his phone. Hoisting the cooler further up his shoulder, (really regretting that extra meat) he cocked his head at the boy and called out, “Hey, aren’t you going to help your hyung?”

Changkyun jumped. Literally. He scrambled a bit before standing up, regarding the other boy with large eyes. “When did you get here?!”

Kihyun lifted an eyebrow. “Does that matter? I’m still dying here.”

“ _Sorry, sorry, sorry_ ,” Changkyun apologised, quickly rushing over to take the cooler from Kihyun. “It doesn’t matter, I just--er, the rest are inside, I just wanted to make sure you found the place okay.”

Kihyun watched in amusement as the younger’s whole body seemed to sag with weight of the cooler. “Careful, it’s heavy,” he quipped, full-out grinning now. This night was going to be fine. It was going to be _fine_.

“It’s fine, not heavy at all,” Changkyun said with a strained sounding voice, heaving it up higher, pushing his chin out, before nearly falling over and face first on the pavement. “How the hell did you not--fucking hell, did you bring your entire fridge?”

Kihyun shrugged, yanking the cooler bag away from Changkyun and pushing his overnight bag into Changkyun’s arms instead. Changkyun pouted, leading the way to the front door. “Not exactly. I have ice packs. For the inevitable injuries.”

“Yer a hazard, Harry,” Changkyun mumbled to himself. Kihyun elected to ignore it.

Kihyun came to a stop just in front of the door, even as Changkyun was already opening the door and leading the way in. Kihyun wasn’t panicking. He _wasn’t._ Any moment now he’ll unlock his legs and follow Changkyun and meet all his friends and be happy about it and have fun and stop _stressing_ about what everyone thought and said and--

“Hyung?” Changkyun asked, paused in the doorway with an odd look on his face, and Kihyun bristled, ready to be offended at being pitied but that… wasn’t quite it.

“I’m--” What was that word again? “Fine. I’m fine.”

Changkyun looked into the house and bit down on his lip with a soft frown, eyes quickly glancing up at Kihyun before skittering away to land on the tiled floor. “Hey, you know that conversation we didn’t have this morning? I meant what I… didn’t say.”

Kihyun was blushing. He could feel it. He could feel it, and it wasn’t making things any better. He should never have talked to Changkyun in the first place. He should have just shut his brain up by playing music like he usually did and gone to sleep. Honestly what was he even _thinking_ . What must Changkyun think of _him_ ? Kihyun’s fingers tightened painfully on the strap of the cooler bag. He _begged_ his legs to start moving.

Changkyun fiddled with the strap of Kihyun’s bag. He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. He widened his eyes at the carpet, as if begging it for help.

Kihyun decided to take pity on the poor kid. It wasn’t his fault Kihyun sometimes freaked out over stupid things.

“It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m just being stupid. Ignore me.”

“No,” Changkyun said, before looking a bit surprised at himself for saying it. “I mean, sorry, I didn’t mean, I just--I want you here, okay? It’s stupid that the only times I ever see you is with at least two computers involved. I want you here, and I want you to know that, that’s…” Changkyun ran a hand through his hair. “You’re not imposing or anything, you’re wanted...here. Yep. Here. Want you here. That’s a thing.”

Kihyun felt a… a feeling go through him. He didn’t know exactly what it was, but it made him feel vulnerable. _Too_ vulnerable. Like he was showing too much all at once. He blinked at Changkyun, before nodding, a bit uncomfortably, and looking away.

Changkyun nodded a bit, looking a bit sheepish before walking into the house, Kihyun trailing after him.

 

\---

 

Hyungwon was glaring at Minhyuk. Minhyuk was beaming at Hyungwon. Wonho was laughing outside, helping Shownu with the barbeque.

Hyungwon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Was it really, and I mean, _really_ necessary to greet us at the door with those lights hanging off of your arms? I mean, _honestly. Dicks_ , Minhyuk. _Dicks._ ”

“I got excited and forgot about it, okay,” Minhyuk defended, bouncy and smiling. “Besides, Changkyun and Jooheon thought it was hilarious.”

“I once saw Changkyun laugh for twenty minutes straight at a shitpost,” Hyungwon deadpanned. “About crabs and a pile or something. Not exactly the most discerning of comedic tastes there.

“Oh, shush,” Minhyuk giggled, filling bowls with popcorn. Well, the bag said it was popcorn, but Hyungwon was about 90% sure it was more preservatives than actual popcorn. “Anyway, I put it away before Kihyun showed up. And you’re just huffy that Wonho thought it was funny and didn’t pay attention to you while he was asking me where I got them.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about, yet I resent it.” Hyungwon sighed, stealing a hand of popcorn as Minhyuk swatted at him. “Do I _want_ to know why you have tiny dick shaped fairy-lights?”

“I’m gay. Isn’t that explanation enough?”

“No,” Hyungwon frowned. Hard. “ _No_ . It’s really _not._ ”

“Is that a pink luminescent ‘fuck’?”

“Oh, Kihyun, thank god you’re here,” Hyungwon said, not answering Kihyun’s question before standing up (grabbing one of the popcorn bowls as he did) and gesturing between Minhyuk and Kihyun. “Kihyun, this is Minhyuk. Minhyuk, that’s Kihyun. Now leave me alone.”

“Hyungwon, you can’t just _do_ that,” came Changkyun’s voice from behind Hyungwon, but Hyungwon just shrugged and walked off, intent on finding Wonho.

Hyungwon found Wonho. Standing in front of the grill. Very noticeably not wearing a shirt.

Hyungwon swallowed. Hard.

He sat down, right there on the grass, and ate his popcorn.

 

\---

 

Changkyun watched as Kihyun looked at Minhyuk, before his nose scrunched up a bit and he put his cooler down, Changkyun immediately scrambling to take it to the kitchen. Jooheon spotted Changkyun from the living room and walked over to help, the younger regarding him with wide eyes.

(“He’s so nervous,” Changkyun told his best friend in a panicked whisper, bent over by the fridge. “And I feel like everything I’m saying is stupid, even telling you is stupid, I--”

“Hey, calm down, what did you tell him?”

“That I want him here.”

“That’s good, dude, come on, you know that when you get all insecure and anxious I have to reassure you, like, fucking constantly? Just do that.”

“I mean, I thought so, but I wasn’t sure--”

“It’s fine, but don’t leave him alone with Minhyuk right after he arrives, okay?”

“Oh, Christ,” Changkyun squeaked before quickly making his way over to Kihyun’s side.)

“You know, I just realised you knew exactly what I looked like,” Kihyun said, crossing his arms and squinting. “We have class together, I’ve seen you everyday since University started, why the hell would you ask for a picture?”

Minhyuk blinked, a strained giggle bubbling out of his throat. “Er. Was that Shownu calling me just now? Yeah, he definitely just called for me--Oh, Changkyun, mind showing Kihyun where he’ll be sleeping tonight?”

Changkyun gave Minhyuk a _look_.

_Why, Minhyuk, why, you know full fucking well--_

“I--you--christ, fine. It’s this way.” Changkyun did a little… dipping gesture in the direction they needed to walk, like, _god_ , Changkyun was one hundred percent trying not to be awkward and stupid yet _here he was_. He was really, really trying, but this was admittedly the first time Kihyun didn’t… well, didn’t have a reason to talk to him. Coding was a central weight to orbit conversation around or whatever, but here… he was just drifting aimlessly and getting hit by asteroids and bad internal metaphors.

Kihyun just scoffed at him and started walking, Changkyun trailing behind before hovering in the entrance of one of the guest rooms, stopping Kihyun with a quick, light touch to the older boy’s elbow.

“We, me especially, will probably just pass out in the living room after the upteenth movie, but there’s a bed here if you want it.”

“Thanks.” Kihyun shifted from one foot to the other, Changkyun letting his hand fall.

It was quiet for a moment before Changkyun stepped forward to put Kihyun’s bag on the bed, wincing at himself for being so damn _awk--_

“You know,” Changkyun’s head whipped up, eager to hear Kihyun say absolutely _anything_ to break this absolutely painful silence, “you could have just left my bag in the kitchen or whatever. But thanks. Also, don’t think just because you’ve…” Kihyun trailed off. “Well, just because we’ve, um, not talked, I’m going to be any nicer to you. Or that you’re any less of a little shit.”

Changkyun let out a relieved breath before grinning at Kihyun. “Thank god. I’ve wanted to mention the fanny pack since the moment I saw you. _Very_ stylish.”

“ _Listen_ , you little shit,” Changkyun just grinned wider. “This fanny pack holds the items that are going to keep you, and anyone else, from bleeding to death when an accident happens and -- will you _stop_ smiling, _good God_.”

“Nope,” Changkyun said. “Hey, wanna see Minhyuk’s tiny dick lights?”

“His what now.”

 

\---

 

Kihyun didn’t know why he was surprised when, true to his word, Changkyun showed him the tiny dick lights. He honestly didn’t know why he expected anything normal from this boy.

“Dicklets,” Changkyun giggled hysterically for a few seconds, regaining his composure a little bit before the look on Kihyun’s face made him guffaw again.

“I…” Kihyun trailed off, gingerly holding a tiny, um, light that was shaped like a certain appendage in his hand. “ _Why?_ ” he finally settled on.

Changkyun shook his head, still chuckling. “Like I said, the man’s an enigma. Or just very weird. Or both. There’s a betting pool.”

“I’ll make a contribution for the ‘weird’ option.”

“ _Nice._ To be fair the only ones who had bet on ‘enigma’ so far was Shownu and Minhyuk himself. So.”

Kihyun allowed a small smile to appear on his face, ignoring the way Changkyun beamed at him. It was distracting and, honestly, Kihyun had just managed to calm himself down. He didn’t need to be overthinking things right that second.

“I’ll put the dicks away now.”

“I think that might be best.” Kihyun still gave the ‘appendage’ a curious once over before handing it back to Changkyun, who, for some reason, appeared strangely flushed before turning to the box he’d taken it out of and closing the cupboard door. Kihyun looked around the living room with a frown.

“Where is everyone?”

“I think I saw them outside, come on.” Changkyun quickly led them to the porch where Minhyuk, Shownu, Hyungwon and Jooheon were absolutely rapt at the image of a shirtless Wonho manning the grill.

Kihyun rolled his eyes, muttering, “Un-fucking-believable.” He was content to let the rest make fools out of themselves, (though he would be lording this over Hyungwon later, _of course_ ), until Changkyun’s face went slack next to him, eyes glazed

“ _Goddamn._ ”

Kihyun looked at Changkyun. Kihyun raised an eyebrow.

Changkyun flushed. “I mean, I--I’m guessing he does push ups. I’m just-- I appreciate his efforts, er--”

“Shut the fuck up,” Kihyun growled, stalking forward and grabbing the apron conveniently left on the side, throwing it at Wonho. “Put a fucking shirt on. None of us need to see that.”

Five boys groaned in perfect unison as Wonho looked up, ostensibly confused, catching the apron and pulling on his shirt before tying the apron around himself. (Kihyun wasn’t fooled for a goddamn _second_. He knew this bastard and the mischievous glint in his eyes too well).

“A crime.”

“A goddamn _shame._ ”

“I _definitely_ need to see that,” Hyungwon mumbled morosely at his popcorn bowl.

“You all _do_ realize that he was going to burn everything, right?”

Hyungwon shrugged.

“I would have eaten it,” Minhyuk said.

Kihyun sighed visibly. “Gimme the--” He took the apron from Wonho before he even finished asking, quickly putting it on as he spoke. “Changkyun, can you bring me my cooler?”

Changkyun nodded quickly and ran to the kitchen. Hyungwon grinned to himself, offering the bowl of popcorn to Wonho who came to sit next to him.

“Shownu,” Jooheon said, then, stretching himself out and lying flat on the grass, staring up at the sky. “I can’t help but notice that you don’t mind your boyfriend drooling over Wonho.”

Shownu shrugged as Minhyuk giggled, “Why? It’s not like he has reason to be jealous, have you _seen_ \--hon, take your shirt off real quick--”

“That’s not necessary-- oh he already did it.”

“ _See_?” Minhyuk stressed, beaming brightly at Shownu as Minhyuk absentmindedly pet Shownu’s muscular arm.

Hyungwon sighed, looking down at his own scrawny arms.

“How about you, Hyungwon?” Jooheon asked with a grin, eyes flashing to those self-same arms Hyungwon had been looking at just a second ago.

Hyungwon looked at him with dead eyes. “I want you to think about how you reacted when we played Until Dawn. And then remember that I was filming it. And _then_ you think about that question you just asked.”

“ _Damn_ , I just wanted your input on healthy relationship dynamics, Hyungwon, _damn_.”

Kihyun shook his head at the lot of them and rolled up his sleeves. Right, this he could do. The meat was already a bit too dry for his liking, but he was sure that if he put together a sauce real quick he could still save it.

Changkyun came back with the cooler, panting slightly, “The fridge you requested, hyung. Need any help?”

“Not really. Maybe if you could whip up some sauce for the meat. You do know how to make sauce, right?” Kihyun asked, brandishing the tongs at Changkyun.

Changkyun leaned back a bit, eyes on the tongs. “I can make… salad.”

“...Right. That’s a great help, thanks.” Kihyun turned away from a visibly deflated Changkyun. “Minhyuk, could you make some sauce?”

“Okey dokey,” Minhyuk said cheerfully, giving Shownu’s arm a farewell pat before heading to the kitchen.

The rest of the barbeque went smoothly. Or, at least as smoothly as it could, considering that Kihyun was surrounded by six apparently starving boys who started eating before Kihyun had even finished. Kihyun pouted, but couldn’t really say anything as they laughed and ate, given the fact that he had practically _demanded_ to be in charge of grilling the meat in the first place.

There was also the fact that Changkyun was being ridiculous. He kept coming up to Kihyun to ask him _how things were going_ even though it had only been a few minutes and meat didn’t Do Much in a few minutes. And, when Changkyun saw Kihyun glance longingly at the eating boys, (even though Kihyun had quickly looked away to pretend he wasn’t salivating over the food) the little shit actually took a lettuce wrap, walked up to Kihyun, and shoved it at his mouth.

Kihyun really had no other choice but to open his mouth and chew, avoiding eye contact and trying to pretend like it wasn’t a _big deal_.

Which it wasn’t. Changkyun was just being a good dongsaeng, feeding his hyung who was preparing the food. That was all. There was absolutely no reason for Wonho to smirk at him like that. Like Kihyun couldn’t see the way Wonho was practically glued to Hyungwon’s side, like he didn’t have the perfect vantage point to see how Wonho’s hand would, every now and then, stroke Hyungwon’s thigh. Like they were being subtle _at all_.

Honestly. If anyone had the right to side-eye _anyone_ here, it would be Kihyun. So he did. Wonho, of course, noticed.

“Kihyun looks sexy in front of a grill, don’t you think?”

 _Wonho_ . That absolute _shit._

“He looks like he hasn’t got any muscles, but look at his forearms--” Jooheon agreed, nodding, a tiny smirk playing around his mouth.

“Personally, I think his calves look very good--” Hyungwon started, biting his lip, a smile clearly threatening to spill out. Kihyun looked at the group in amused disbelief. Were they always this ridiculous?

“When he’s all sweaty and brushes his hair back...” Minhyuk mused, nodding enthusiastically.

Changkyun nodded, rolling the meat around with his chopsticks, “Mmm, and you can see the veins on his hands, very sexy.”

There was a pause, before everyone started laughing and talking again. Though Kihyun could barely hear them over the sudden rushing in his ears as he stared resolutely at his hands. The same hands Changkyun had mentioned. Which were, Kihyun admitted, quite veiny. Did Changkyun _like_ that?

He immediately shook his head at himself. It didn’t matter if Changkyun liked it or not. It didn’t matter.

“Here,” Changkyun said, having stood up from his seat to walk over to Kihyun, again offering food on the end of his chopsticks.

Kihyun ate, and didn’t think about it anymore. That was safer.

 

\---

 

“Not a word,” Kihyun grumbled under his breath to Wonho smirking beside him as he held the camera up, focused it on Changkyun as he waded about in the lake, laughing at Jooheon screaming at anything that touched his legs. Wonho leaned over to look at the picture as Kihyun let the camera drop to his lap.

“You know, you could just ask him to model for--”

“I said not a word, and those were many words,” Kihyun deadpanned, looking at his best friend. “Enough words for me to feel completely justified in asking what the hell is going on with you and Hyungwon.”

Wonho paled before turning an interesting pink and stuttering a bit, to which Kihyun simply rolled his eyes. “Don’t deny it, I’ve known you too long. I know what it looks like when you like someone.”

Wonho looked like he was going to say something, but must have thought better of it. Kihyun kept fiddling with his camera, not daring to go back into his gallery. There were all those candids of a certain little shit, after all.

“I could say the same about you.”

Kihyun bristled, feeling his ears redden. “That’s not--Don’t do that. Are you two dating now or what?”

Wonho sighed softly. “I can’t--” He broke off, rubbing his neck.

Kihyun raised an eyebrow. “What, you’re not _allowed_ to tell me?”

“ _Ugh,_ it’s not like that,” Wonho groaned, rubbing a hand over his face as he saw Kihyun frowning at him. “You keep this quiet, okay? We’re not ashamed of us, or each other, and he’s not being a dick about people knowing or anything or whatever you’re thinking, it’s just--” Wonho let out a breath, watching as Hyungwon lobbed a wad of lake sludge at Changkyun who barely managed to duck.

“You could have told me, you know,” Kihyun smiled softly, nudging Wonho (who barely moved). “I would have withheld the nation wide e-mail blast.”

“Hyungwon likes his privacy, and I like him, and that’s really all there is to it, honestly.”

“HEY, WONHO,” Minhyuk yelled from where he was currently atop Shownu’s shoulders in the water. “TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AND COME CLAIM YOUR MAN.”

“Ah, yes, privacy,” Kihyun said, biting his lip to fight back a smirk.

Hyungwon looked murderous. “MINHYUK YOU ABSOLUTE--”

Hyungwon was about to direct an assault in Minhyuk’s direction, when Changkyun threw a wad of mud right onto Minhyuk’s chest. “FIGHT ME, YOU HONOURLESS SWINE,” Changkyun yelled before quickly running (read _wading like a scared penguin_ ) in the opposite direction as Shownu started towards him. Jooheon had to cling to Hyungwon he was laughing so hard at Changkyun’s panicked flailing and over exaggerated squealing in the knee-deep water. When Changkyun looked up at the sound of Wonho’s laughter, he looked straight at Kihyun who, at this point, was laughing just as hard as everyone else.

Changkyun’s facial expression… Well, Kihyun didn’t know what to make of it, that look of absolute affection. It made something in his chest feel simultaneously too light and too heavy, and as much as he tried, Kihyun couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

 

\---

 

Everyone was exhausted and scattered across couches and the living room floor like the debris after an explosion. Minhyuk would definitely be getting his movie night. With some reasonable apprehension.

“I am _not_ watching that.”

“Aww, come on, Jooheonie, I’ll hold you,” Changkyun offered, making puppy eyes at Jooheon.

“ _No._ _Definitely_ not. Last time you offered to hold me, you ended up scaring me half to death by whispering creepy shit into my ear. You stay far the fuck away from me,” Jooheon said, already scooting himself away from Changkyun into the welcoming arms of Minhyuk, who cooed at him before snuggling up to Shownu with Jooheon in his arms.

Hyungwon looked through the directory of horror movies idly--Minhyuk had absolutely insisted on watching horrors and Hyungwon would gladly rather watch gratuitous violence and psychological horror than some American romantic comedy--before he looked back to lift his eyebrows at the group. What a lot of cowards. His nose twitched, and his eyes furtively scanned the group.

Right, no one had popcorn yet. He could fix that. He got up, disappearing into the kitchen without notice.

Kihyun had sat down on the end of the couch, and by extreme _coincidence_ , everyone quickly found their places soon after, leaving the only place open next to Kihyun. And, of course, Changkyun hadn’t found his seat yet and had to settle down next to Kihyun.

“Maybe if you watch something really scary, you’ll get over it.”

“Yeah,” Shownu agreed with Minhyuk (of course). “Face your fears or whatever.”

“Yeah, and I’m also sure the movie is more scared of me than I am of it, _I am not falling for this_.”

“Pretty sure that only applies to spiders and student teachers,” Kihyun said.

Wonho, settled on the ground, suddenly looked up. “Where’s Hyungwon?”

“Here I am!” Hyungwon’s voice cheerfully announced. His voice was quickly followed by him, leaning far back from three bowls he had loaded into his arms. He didn’t look like he was breathing. As he came closer and the overwhelming scent of salt and vinegar assaulted everyone’s noses, Minhyuk groaned.

“Who the _fuck_ let Hyungwon make the popcorn?”

“Nobody was watching him, it’s not my fault!”

“What’s wrong with--” Kihyun started, taking a bowl from Hyungwon and making the mistake of breathing in its vicinity.

Changkyun patted Kihyun’s back as he coughed violently, taking his own handful of popcorn from the bowl. “The secret is not breathing while you eat. Or chewing. Just put it in and swallow.” Changkyun demonstrated by throwing the whole hand of popcorn into his mouth, not breathing even once. After he swallowed he licked his lips and turned, grinning to Kihyun. “See, easy! It’s quite nice once you get used to it.”

Kihyun didn’t watch Changkyun’s adam-apple bop as he swallowed, or watch his pink tongue disappear into his mouth again, and he _definitely_ didn’t have trouble breathing at _all._

(“Is _nobody_ going to say anything about ‘just put it in and swallow’?”)

“Right.” Kihyun reached forward, grabbed a hand of popcorn, made the mistake of breathing, and started coughing.

Changkyun patted his back. “Swallow or you’ll choke, dude.”

(“Seriously, is anyone else hearing this shit or is it just me?” Jooheon squinted.)

“Right, first movie,” Hyungwon announced loudly as Minhyuk started giggling, moving towards the TV, “Insidious!”

“Fuck no, fuck you, fuck this, I am fucking out.” Jooheon made to get up, but Minhyuk’s arms tightened around him, anchoring him to his seat before somehow still managing to stuff a handful of popcorn into his own mouth.

“God, Minhyuk, just wait for the movie to start eating your popcorn.”

“Why would the movie eat my popcorn?”

Everyone paused to look at Minhyuk. Kihyun laughed into his hand.

Minhyuk’s confused frown remained for a few more seconds before -- “Ooooh, right, nevermind, I get it now.”

“ _I am not watching this shit_.” Jooheon wiggled.

“Then I guess I won’t rap for your new song,” Changkyun said, casually, shoving another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“Low blow, bro.”

“ _That’s what he sa--_ ”

“I’m starting the fucking movie,” Hyungwon interrupted the maknae, pressing play and settling down next to Wonho, eyes quickly scanning the room before moving just a bit closer.

“Oh, I didn’t realize we were watching a _Fucking_ Movie--”

Kihyun clamped his hand over Changkyun’s mouth, the latter turning an alarming shade of red and staring forward with wide eyes.

Jooheon immediately threw a pillow at Changkyun, grinning something wicked before Kihyun realized what he was doing and retracted his hand like it was an open flame. Changkyun hugged the pillow, red faced and staring at the screen.

“Shownu, move up a bit--”

“Hey, I don’t have popcorn, just pass some on--”

“Does anybody need a blanket?”

“If all of you don’t shut up and watch this stupid ghost movie,” Hyungwon said evenly. “A haunting will be least of your fucking problems.”

“Actually, I have no problems fucking--”

“ _Minhyuk_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #shitty4eyes: hey y'all look at this quality shit  
> https://68.media.tumblr.com/4c745a431b50faaff15e57b442c69f53/tumblr_oqfqcoFLM61vhcngeo1_500.jpg  
> thank you for your time


	8. That's Gay, Kihyun

“Just kill the kid,” Hyungwon exclaimed exasperatedly, waving his hands at the screen for the upteenth time.

“Stop suggesting filicide,” Shownu said evenly for the third time.

“What’s filicide?” Minhyuk asked, exchanging his empty popcorn bowl for a full one. Kihyun shivered at the thought of how pruned his lips would be. The popcorn really _did_ contain an excessive amount of salt.

“Killing your own kid.”

“Isn’t that infanticide?”

“It’ll be _Minhyuk-cide_ in a minute if you don’t shut the fuck up. But honestly, it would solve literally every problem they have.”

“Yes, and leave them with a dead child, Hyungwon,” Kihyun sighed, feeling compelled to chip in.

“They can have another one! It’s not like she’ll suddenly lose the ability to have children, honestly.”

“What if killing him isn’t _enough, Hyungwo--_ ”

“OH JESUS WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!” Changkyun screeched, flying up and behind the couch, nearly kneeing Jooheon in the face. Kihyun looked at him with a raised eyebrow before giving in and laughing at the boy, grudgingly extending a hand to help the boy back onto the couch, Changkyun blushing in embarrassment. The others barely paid any attention to the little exchange, as wrapped up as they were in the movie.

Changkyun clambered back over the couch, settling into the spot he had claimed next to Kihyun. It had been awkward at first, sitting next to each other, but gradually, before either of them really realised what was happening, they were sitting much closer than at first intended. Changkyun had made a habit of turning his scrunched up face towards Kihyun when the tension on the screen built and he was preparing for some sort of jump-scare, and when that didn’t work and he got scared anyway, he’d nearly completely hide himself in the couch cushion. That is, until he instinctively clung to the nearest human (who just so happened to be Kihyun) after a particularly cruel jump scare, burying his face in the older boy’s sweater.

Kihyun, though he wouldn’t admit it for the world, wasn’t unaffected by the jump-scare and only realised the position he was in a few minutes later. He also realised he was absentmindedly petting the younger boy’s hair, Changkyun’s head still buried in his chest. Almost leaning on his shoulder, really.

Wonho gave him a look. He elected to ignore it. Though he did stop petting Changkyun’s hair, instead merely cautiously resting his hand on the boy’s head. (He was not impressed to discover, about twenty minutes later, that his fingers had started carding through Changkyun’s hair without his permission. And that Changkyun was now _definitely_ leaning into him.)

About halfway through the second movie (Kihyun was sure Changkyun had fallen asleep on him at some point, but he was too comfortable to check), Kihyun glanced down at the floor to see Hyungwon curled up beneath Wonho’s arm, his face buried in Wonho’s neck.

Kihyun’s breath caught in his throat.

It wasn’t really about the way they were seated, since Minhyuk was seated practically _on_ Shownu’s lap and Kihyun didn’t think much of it. But. This. This was different.

Wonho’s arm was lazily trailing up and down Hyungwon’s back, and his face, though currently facing the screen which was portraying a man almost brutally murdering his wife, was shockingly serene. Hyungwon shifted, and Kihyun’s eyes snapped towards him. He was shocked to see that, instead of the usual droll smile or blank face, there was a smile on his face. A smile that Kihyun himself had never once managed to capture on camera, despite the two years Hyungwon had been modelling for him.

Suddenly ashamed at having seen what was obviously something private, Kihyun’s eyes dropped, only to drop onto Changkyun who… was staring right at him.

Under any other circumstances, Kihyun would have looked away as quickly as possible, shrugged it off, tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. Any other place, any other time, Kihyun would… well he wouldn’t have done what he did.

He smiled slightly, barely a twitch at the corner of his lips, (his chest was so _tight,_ it was so tight he felt like he would break), and dropped the arm, the one not in Changkyun’s hair, the one that Kihyun had been awkwardly holding just shy of Changkyun’s shoulders, around the younger boy’s frame. He froze for a moment, watching the way Changkyun’s eyes widened slightly, before dragging his eyes away. He tugged the boy tighter against him, eyes focusing on the movie.

It was chilly tonight. That was all. Changkyun kept him warm. And he kept Changkyun warm. That was all.

And, if he could feel the exact moment Changkyun looked away (if he could feel that burning hot gaze slip off of him), well. That was no one’s business but his own anyway.

 

\---

 

Changkyun woke up, blinked slowly, and realised it was still dark. Jooheon was snoring peacefully between Minhyuk and Shownu, his phone tight in his hand. Hyungwon was, amazingly, the little spoon, but most importantly, Changkyun’s pillow was Kihyun. Not only his pillow, Changkyun realised, shifting slightly. Kihyun’s arm was flung over him as well, tugging him close.

He was just about to snuggle down when had the sudden, abrupt realisation that, although he would, honest to Christ, not move for the next five years if at all possible, he had to pee.

_Typical._

Cursing his body to hell and back, Changkyun shifted, _oh so slowly_ , and _oh so carefully_ out from underneath Kihyun’s arm, trying not to jostle Minhyuk sprawled next to him while simultaneously trying his absolute best not to lose his balance and fall on Kihyun.

Of course, he was Changkyun, and when did things _ever_ go right for him.

His foot slipped on the pile of blankets on the floor. He tipped over, barely even _touched_ Wonho’s head, and landed with hands outstretched on Kihyun’s chest, his palms making a smacking sound as they connected.

Kihyun grunted, to which Changkyun immediately responded by smacking his hand over Kihyun’s mouth in an attempt to not wake literally everyone up.

“Shh, hyung, they’ll hear you.”

Kihyun, eyes now fully open and alert, rolled his eyes at Changkyun. Changkyun burned red when he thought about the implication of his words, grateful for the lack of light, before removing his hand.

“I need to pee.”

“So, you decided to wake me up for that as well?” Kihyun whispered harshly, wriggling out from under Changkyun.

“No, I was just--” _Trying not to wake you up because we were cuddling_. “Gotta pee.” Changkyun scrambled up, ignoring Kihyun’s muffled protests as Kihyun inadvertently got an elbow to the stomach and walked away quickly, head down.

Changkyun stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. This was fine. Liking someone was not a nerve-wrackingly scary thing. And… actually it wasn’t. Changkyun had always been completely convinced that once he liked someone, his insecurities would get at least a million times worse. That he’d make a fool of himself and say stupid things but, not once, had he considered the way it would actually feel. Scary, yes, but at the same time, comforting. Like a heavy woolen blanket during a storm.

He slapped his cheek softly. Was it one in the damn morning? He always got like this past midnight...

“Stop being so goddamn sappy,” he ordered his reflection, before sighing and exiting the bathroom, making his way to the kitchen instead of the living room. His mouth had an unpleasant taste to it. He blamed it on Hyungwon’s liberal salting of the popcorn.

He squinted into the fridge, looking for some sort of midnight snack. Or maybe just water, since all that was left in the fridge were three blocks of cheese and some milk. He pouted and simply poured himself a glass of water (straight from the fridge, goddamn rich people and their nice ass fridges).

Glass of water in hand, he tiptoed through the living room (a quick glance confirmed to him that all was silent, and he assumed Kihyun had gone back to sleep), and out onto the porch, leaning against the railing while he sipped his water.

“What are you doing out here?”

Changkyun promptly choked on the water, coughing violently as he spun around to face a frowning, messy-haired Kihyun, who yawned and came to stand next to Changkyun. Changkyun wiped the water off his face, trying not to stare at how adorable Kihyun was.

 _Goddamn whipped_.

“I was just… hydrating.”

Kihyun smacked his lips and glanced at the water in Changkyun’s hand. “Gimme that. I’m parched. Fucking Hyungwon, throwing a small ocean’s worth of salt onto that popcorn.”

Changkyun chuckled, quickly handing it over. “Yeah, sorry about that, he always does that. I think he’s trying not to be the saltiest thing in the room?” Changkyun shrugged. “Breathing is apparently _not_ on his list of priorities.”

Kihyun shrugged, taking the water and gulping it down. “It’s fine. It wasn’t that bad. Just a... shock.”

“Not the biggest shock of the night, to be honest,” Changkyun noted softly, deciding that looking at Kihyun was just generally a bad idea and the view of the moon reflected on the lake was… almost as good.

“What? What do you mean?”

Changkyun motioned with his head to the living room. “Did you know about Hyungwon and Wonho? I saw them being cute in a supermarket yesterday like they’ve been dating for years.”

Kihyun, who had been tensing, relaxed. Did he have to be so damn difficult to read?

“I wasn’t sure, but I suspected. Wonho all but told me today, though. I don’t know what to think about it, honestly.”

Changkyun frowned, but still resolutely refused to look at Kihyun. “They look happy. I’ve known Hyungwon for… much too long.” Changkyun scoffed. “You should have seen his face when he saw Wonho for the first time, it was hilarious. Freaking _priceless._ But I had no idea he’d fall like this. It’s… nice.”

There was silence for a few moments before Kihyun spoke up again, his voice soft.

“It… it doesn’t bother you? Even a little?”

Changkyun turned to look at Kihyun, the elder’s face unreadable in the moonlight. Changkyun bit down on his lip, rolling it between his teeth. “I… Why would it?”

“I… I don’t know. Are your parents.... I mean, ugh I don’t know what I mean.” Kihyun straightened up, frowning at the lake. “Doesn’t Hyungwon worry about what his parents would think?”

“We all do,” Changkyun breathed, something small nagging at the back of his mind, as he turned to lean against the railing. “I told you my dad’s head of the science department, yeah? I’m a literature major. It’s not the same, obviously, I just mean that… it’s impossible to make everyone happy. Especially one’s parents, I think. They have, I don’t know, a set idea of who you’re gonna be? And that’s never gonna happen, so I think it’s just good to try and make them proud with what you decide. I know Hyungwon’s mom. She doesn’t agree with Hyungwon on… a lot of things, but if he’s happy, and works hard, she’ll be happy, too. Not in the way she expected, maybe, but,” Changkyun shrugged. “You know.”

Kihyun turned towards Changkyun, still frowning. Softly, almost inaudibly, Kihyun said, “No. I don’t know.”

Changkyun paused, not knowing whether to acknowledge the fact that he’d heard Kihyun. He dithered a bit, hesitating, before, “Kihyun-hyung, why are you studying programming? I’ve seen your pictures. You’re amazing. There’s an amazing photography course, so why Computer Science?”

Kihyun, although he had been frowning a second ago, had still been, well, loose. Not as tense. Open. Now it seemed like something had been drawn over his eyes, blocking out the life in them. His shoulders straightened up, pulling himself up as tall as he could, as if against an invisible threat.

“Computer Science is a good field,” Kihyun said, evenly, practised. “There’re lots of jobs, lots of opportunities. I’ll always be guaranteed a job. Photography is…” Kihyun’s shoulders slumped slightly, and he seemed to curl into himself, even as his voice became harder. “Photography is a hobby. That’s all. I might’ve wanted to be an, an artist, when I was younger, but that was a pipe dream. I had to-- _have to_ be realistic.”

Changkyun shifted, ignoring the tightness in his chest at Kihyun’s pinched expression. “Artists, succesfull artists, photographers, all that, they’re not fictional or anything... But I do get it.”

Kihyun snorted, slightly, face losing a bit of its tightness. “Yeah? What are you gonna do with your literature degree?”

“ _Actually_ ,” Changkyun grinned. “There’s translation, editing, publishing houses _and,_ of course, being a broke screenwriter. Oh, and teaching, of course. That’s a staple I can always fall back on. As long as I’m doing what I like, I’m happy.”

“But, you want to be a screenwriter?”

Changkyun chuckled. “Call it my own little pipe dream.”

It was silent again, only the sound of the water lapping softly against the pier breaking it.

“Changkyun?” Kihyun’s voice was soft, and Changkyun waited a second to be sure he really spoke, looking carefully at Kihyun before he answered, wary.

“Yes, hyung?” Changkyun whispered, just as softly.

“I…” Changkyun felt more than saw Kihyun turn towards him, hyper-aware of the older boy. “Why, why… Why do you talk to me?”

Changkyun’s heart pulled painfully in his chest. Why would Kihyun ask him this? Did Kihyun not see how talented he was? How hard he worked? Kihyun had literally demanded to make food for a bunch of strangers, after agreeing to help Changkyun when he had _no_ reason to fill his already cramped schedule with his idiocy.  Kihyun worked so _goddamn_ hard that Changkyun couldn’t help but work harder as a result. When Kihyun laughed he did so unabashedly, cheeks dimpling and eyes disappearing into crescents. Kihyun was competitive and his face was an open book, pouting when he was annoyed or concentrating, and Changkyun couldn’t help but be endeared by it.

“Because you’re amazing,” Changkyun said, because that was really all he could say, and there was no reason not to.

Kihyun’s eyes widened. Changkyun’s attention was drawn to Kihyun’s hand as he half-lifted it, leaving it hovering in the air in front of them. Changkyun swallowed, not knowing what on _earth_ was going to happen next, but knowing that he wasn’t going to do fuck all to mess it up and just shut up and stand really, really still.

Kihyun’s hand hovered for a few more seconds, the owner looking more and more conflicted, before it dropped and Kihyun sighed.

“Thanks. That’s, I’m not sure I believe you, but thanks.” Kihyun turned around to walk into the house, but paused just before entering. “You’re not so bad yourself, you know.”

With that he was gone.

Changkyun wasn’t surprised to see no sign of him when he entered the living room again. He peeked into the hall just to be sure that the guest room’s door was closed (it was open when he passed it a few minutes ago), before walking back to the couch, though he found it very difficult to look at the spot where they’d fallen asleep earlier that night. He ran a hand over his face, sighing softly.

“Hey, bro?” Changkyun spun around, almost tripping on the blankets again, looking straight into Jooheon’s concerned face peeking up from between Minhyuk and Shownu. “Are you okay?”

Changkyun’s shoulders slumped after the initial shock. “I don’t… I’m super fucked, dude. I don’t know.”

Jooheon frowned, before nudging Minhyuk, who moved with barely a murmur before clinging to Shownu and being dead to the world once more, and beckoned Changkyun over. Changkyun gingerly picked his way through the minefield of bodies and blankets before plopping down next to Jooheon, head automatically going to lay on Jooheon’s shoulder.

“What happened?” Jooheon asked in a whisper, pulling the blankets over them both.

Changkyun shrugged. “Nothing, really. We talked. He… he doesn’t sound happy, hyung. He sounds so sad. And…” Changkyun wanted to say more, wanted to voice the way in which Kihyun seemed so incredibly _unaware_ of how he seemed to other people. He wanted to tell Jooheon how Kihyun had been looking at him with that _look_ in his eyes, and with his hand hovering between them but. He didn’t know how. “He’s so sad, hyung,” is what came out instead.

Instead of saying anything, Jooheon pulled him closer, rubbing circles into his back. When Changkyun’s shoulders relaxed, Jooheon smiled softly before letting out a soft sigh and closing his eyes. What had this boy gotten himself into?

 

\---

 

Kihyun blinked himself into wakefulness.

It was early. Way too fucking early. Kihyun could _smell_ how early it was in the air. People who made a habit (or whose bodies and schedules forced them to make a habit), of getting up early knew that the early morning air had a smell and almost _taste_ to it that was completely unique. It usually only lasted for half an hour or so before things started being normal and everyday. Those few moment, however, had made Kihyun’s early schedule a bit more bearable sometimes.

It was just, right at that moment, he didn’t appreciate his body not being able to sleep past half past six. He had stayed up until who knew how late the previous night, and honestly, he was still tired. He wanted to sleep, he really did. He knew he wouldn’t be able to though.

So, with a muffled moan of protest, he hauled himself into an upright sitting position, blinking blearily for a bit before getting up, stretching. Right. Bathroom and a shower first, and then off to look for some food. He could already feel his stomach getting ready for a good long rumble.

You would think eating a whole two bowls of popcorn the previous night would have deterred it, but no such luck. It was just as adamant as always that breakfast was the most important meal of the day, and it would be fucking Judgement Day before it missed breakfast.

Kihyun shuffled out of the room he had slept in last night (he had not been _hiding,_ it was a tactical retreat. That was all). The house was still quiet, so Kihyun felt safe in assuming everyone was still asleep. That was, until he shuffled into the kitchen, still rubbing his head with a towel, to see Jooheon slumped over the kitchen counter, staring out of the window and drinking what appeared to be coffee.

Jooheon jumped slightly at his presence, but quickly relaxed, letting out a breath and smiling lazily. “G’morning. You missed out on some quality snoring, my dude.”

Kihyun snorted. “What a shame.”

“Didn’t Changkyun kind of fall asleep on you, though?” Jooheon asked, frowning over the brim of his cup.

Kihyun almost bristled defensively, but then he saw the lost way Jooheon was looking at the dregs of coffee in his cup and realised the boy was probably more out of it than Kihyun had been last night.

Kihyun shrugged. “Changkyun woke me up in the middle of the night when he had to go to the bathroom. Couldn’t get to sleep again with all you fucks snoring, so I moved to the bedroom.”

“Mmpf,” Jooheon hummed slightly in response, setting his empty cup on the counter with a sad sigh. “That explains why Kyun was---” Jooheon frowned, rubbing at his eyes before giving himself a soft slap on the cheek. “Anyway. Didn’t get much sleep because of the inevitable demons. Why are you up so early?”

Kihyun shrugged again, moving to the fridge, frowning at the meagre selection before closing it again, moving towards the cupboard now. “My stomach has a thing with being fed. It’s so adamant it wakes me up. And I’m too used to getting up early. Never been good at sleeping late anyway.” Kihyun let out a small, triumphant noise when his eye fell on a box of pancake mix.

“I now know exactly two morning people. Wonho was up early staring at Hyungwon, who… Yeah, I should probably try to get them up before Minhyuk wakes up.” Jooheon squinted at nothing in particular.

“I’m not exactly a morning person. I’m just… up in the mornings. It’s not like I particularly like mornings. Want some pancakes?” Kihyun held up the box.

“Dude, _fuck yes_. Here,” Jooheon reached next to him for the fruit bowl and tossed over the last banana. “Changkyun likes bananas.” He shrugged, heading to the living room. “Wish me luck.”

Kihyun frowned at the fruit in his hand. Changkyun likes bananas in the morning? And, what did he mean by… “Luck with what?”

Jooheon simply gave him a thumbs up before turning the corner. A few seconds passed in quiet nothingness. Then a loud thump, followed by a loud “Fuck!” that was quickly shushed, a loud Wonho laugh (Kihyun could tell), and Jooheon was limping into the kitchen again, grimacing.

“Ungrateful bastard,” he mumbled, sinking down into a kitchen chair and pulling his foot into his lap, gingerly poking at his toe. “You’d think me saving them the embarrassment of being woken up by Minhyuk’s ungodly cooing would be worth some gratitude, but _noooooo_ ,” Jooheon said in a petulant voice, “I get a fucking knee to my shin and a headbut to my toe. What the fuck, Hyungwon.”

Kihyun opened his mouth. Closed it. Shook his head and started preparing the mix for the pancakes. He had found two boxes, so that should be enough for all of them. He hoped.

“What are you doing?” Minhyuk asked after a particularly large yawn, having wandered into the kitchen not too long afterwards, eyes barely open.

“I was asking myself that same question. Put your hand over your mouth when you yawn, you heathen,” Kihyun grumbled, flipping a pancake before sliding it into a plate and sliding the plate over to Minhyuk, who looked particularly petulant. Seriously, why was he constantly feeding six grown men?

“Mmmmm!” Minhyuk exclaimed happily, already stuffing the pancake into his mouth.

“...You’re supposed to put something on it,” Kihyun deadpanned.

“Fine, gimme the banana.” Minhyuk held out his hand.

Kihyun moved the banana away. “Er, no. Here,” he looked around. “Here have some…” his hand flailed for a bit before landing on a jar of peanut butter and putting it in Minhyuk’s outstretched hand. “Here you go. Knock yourself out.”

Minhyuk happily took the jar and began smearing peanut butter on his pancake. Kihyun couldn’t resist the rather incredulous smile spreading over his face. Was this guy supposed to be older than him?

“Here, I’ll take over for a bit. Go wake up Changkyun. He’ll be mad if there’s no pancakes left,” Jooheon said, coming up behind Kihyun. Kihyun frowned, but handed over the utensils easily enough, making to walk away before Jooheon’s voice halted him. “Don’t forget the banana!”

Rolling his eyes, Kihyun grabbed the banana, walking to the living room, passing Wonho and Shownu on the way, who seemed to be talking about chicken breasts? Anyway.

Kihyun stopped short in the doorway. _Jesus Christ_ , the living room was a disaster zone. There were so many blankets you had to take the fact that the floor existed on blind faith alone, and popcorn was scattered from where Jooheon had upended a half-eaten bowl during the second movie. Kihyun had to actually _look_ for Changkyun amid the chaos. Hyungwon was at the same place he’d been last night, hugging what must have been Wonho’s pillow, but Changkyun had… moved. Well, moved from where they’d, er, accidentally fallen asleep. If Kihyun’s memory served right, he was now fast asleep where Jooheon had been sitting.

He was curled up, like a little ball, legs pulled up and hands under his head as a pillow and, _and_.

Kihyun swallowed. Shook his head.

 _And_ he was so cute that Kihyun physically could not stop himself from grabbing his camera from where it had been sitting, carefully out of the way on the dining table, and snapping a picture.

He just. He literally couldn’t help himself. From a… purely artistic standpoint. Yeah. (Kihyun sometimes wondered if he actually thought he was fooling himself anymore). That was--

“Oh my god, will you _not do that here,_ some of us are trying to sleep, I _hate_ that _goddamn_ clicking sound,” came a grumble from behind Kihyun.

Kihyun flushed. No, that wasn’t the right word. He fucking _burned_ with embarrassment, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he had bought that camera himself, with his own fucking money, he would have thrown it so far away. As it was, all he could do was fumble with it, finally placing it back on the table, keeping his back turned to Hyungwon.

“I thought you could sleep through an earthquake. Where did _that_ handy fucking talent go to, huh?”

“I have an excellent sense of dramatic timing. And great hair.”

Kihyun snorted, hiding his slightly shaking hands behind his back as he turned around again to face Hyungwon. “Dramatic timing, maybe. Hair, well…” Kihyun tilted his head at the literal bird’s nest that was Hyungwon’s hair.

“Oh, please. My hair is awesome,” Hyungwon mumbled, before squinting at Kihyun. “What were you taking a picture of any-- oh.” As he spoke, his gaze landed on Changkyun shifting slightly in his cocoon of blankets, burying his head in his pillow. Kihyun was frozen. Slowly, Hyungwon turned his head back towards Kihyun, leaned back on his elbows, lifted an eyebrow, and said, much too fucking smugly in Kihyun’s opinion, “That’s really fucking gay, Kihyun.”

Kihyun glared and opened his mouth to deliver a truly scathing, _scorching_ remark when--

“Kihyun-hyung?” Changkyun groaned almost as if in response, eyes barely open, voice deep with sleep and muffled slightly by his pillow, before his eyes landed on Kihyun and widened, quickly pulling the blankets over his face.

Kihyun, momentarily distracted from the shit-eating grin Hyungwon was wearing, frowned. Why did Changkyun hide? Did he not want to see Kihyun? Should… should he go?

Changkyun managed to peek through the mess of blankets, his face pink (from what Kihyun could see, which wasn’t much) and hair sticking every which way out of the open slit he was staring out of. “Er. Morning.”

Kihyun cleared his throat, ignored Hyungwon completely, and grunted out a barely legible ( _honestly_ was he a _caveman_ what the fuck was wrong with him) “Morning. I brought you a banana. There’re pancakes,” before lobbing the banana in Changkyun’s general direction and booking it out of the living room. There were too many fucking judgemental faces there. (read: Hyungwon).

 

\---

 

Changkyun watched Kihyun practically run out of the living room, before turning his face to scream into his pillow. Two minutes into the day and he was already _like this_.

“You know, he was taking your picture.”

Changkyun’s head whipped around to stare at Hyungwon with wide eyes, heart plummeting into his stomach. “He _what_ ? But I--Oh _God_ .” He sat up, still wrapped in blankets, hands flying up to cover his cheeks, which were most definitely _not_ covered when Kihyun was taking pictures, _oh god_.

“...Why are you freaking out? It’s like, basically a declaration of love from a photographer.”

“I have acne scars if you haven’t noticed, Hyungwon,” Changkyun moaned regretfully, looking down at his lap, head cradled in his hands. He _had_ been planning on legging it to the bathroom when he woke up, applying his foundation before Kihyun saw anything. Not waking up to Kihyun’s face and, apparently, a goddamn camera. Not that he could complain too much about that _first part_ , but still. He pulled his hoodie over his head. Oh _god,_ what must Kihyun think now oh wow shit _fuck._ Wait, why _was_ he taking a picture, anyw--

“Changkyun.” Changkyun heard him, but didn’t bother looking over, too lost in the mantra of insecurities spinning through his head. “Ya! Changkyun!” Changkyun was rocked backwards by a flying projectile, which turned out to be the pillow Hyungwon had been clutching once he lifted his head to stare mournfully at Hyungwon.

“What.”

“Will you, like, not do that. I know you have scars. I was there when the acne happened that _caused_ those scars. But it really isn’t as bad as you think. Just now, you looked,” Hyungwon grimaced, looking like what he was about to say physically pained him, “Cute. You looked cute, okay. And you should have seen the look on his face…” Hyungwon looked seconds away from exaggerated retching noises.

Changkyun squinted his eyes at the man who, even with his hair defying gravity and clothes crumpled, managed to look like a magazine editorial, before the fact that that exact man had just said those words to him registered in his mind. Changkyun wasn’t sure if he should believe him (not that Hyungwon _would lie_ , it wasn’t that) as he was prone to, stretching, the truth. But, he really… wanted to believe him.

Changkyun glanced at the banana lying next to him. “What… what look was on his face?”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes and groaned. “I’m not a fucking poet, Kyunnie, I don’t know how to describe it.” Hyungwon paused, glancing at Changkyun, now looking at him all hopeful and expectant, before sighing. “Alright, fine. He, _oh dear god, the things I do for friends_ , he was looking extremely fucking _soft_ , okay? Also like he was having a heart attack. But I’m _pretty_ sure that was about the cuteness, so forget about the stupid scars, okay.”

Changkyun listened, and thought. He thought about the brief look he’d caught on Kihyun’s face  before he’d hidden under the blankets; he thought about Kihyun’s hand reaching towards him last night and how Changkyun would have given just about anything to know what was going on in his mind at that moment because he didn’t have a fucking _clue_ ; he thought about the way his eyes grew hard and softened throughout their conversation, making Changkyun’s chest _hurt_ ; and he thought about this _goddamn banana_ . How the fuck did he know about the _fucking banana_.

“Thanks, Hyungwon,” Changkyun said, picking up the banana and smiling at him.

“My pleasure,” came Hyungwon’s muffled voice, as he had already buried himself back into his nest of blankets. “Never make me do that again.”

“You look pretty damn adorable yourself, you know.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

\---

 

Later, after breakfast, they were all sitting around in the living room, playing on their phones and talking quietly among themselves, none of them willing to admit the day had to end. (Kihyun adamantly didn’t look at Changkyun, though he could feel the younger’s gaze on him every now and then.) Kihyun could feel stress sinking its claws into him bit by bit though. He had so fucking much to _do_ before Monday, he really should go--

“Guys!” Minhyuk exclaimed, pouting. “We never got to use the karaoke machine.”

“You know, Kihyun _does_ have a really nice voice,” came Wonho’s voice, dripping with hidden amusement as Kihyun turned a murderous glare on him.

_Wonho, you shady little bitch._

“I’m not going to si--”

“Changkyun can rap!” Jooheon said, before glancing at Changkyun, and giggling nervously. “I mean, he’s literally featuring on a song of mine, boy can rap, just saying.”

“...Well, you know, maybe this isn’t the _worst_ idea.” Kihyun realised what he had just said just a second after it left his mouth. Changkyun was _looking_ at him. “I mean,” he hurried to say, “I think it would be hilarious to see Hyungwon trying to rap. Cause, like, everyone will be doing it.”

“Yes, this is all on me,” Hyungwon said drily.

“Wonho can sing, too, you know,” Kihyun said, a verifiable _expert_ on misdirection, really, as he grinned at his best friend.

“And dance,” Wonho said confidently, grinning up at Kihyun smugly.

“Yes, we’re all super gay and talented, can we get a move on?” Shownu said, getting up to turn on the karaoke machine.

“I am _bisexual_ ,” Jooheon said, squinting at Shownu. Wonho gave Jooheon an enthusiastic thumbs-up before grinning at Hyungwon who rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, especially for a certain rapper in his cla--ow!”

“I’m not ga--” Kihyun was cut off by a loud cheer as the screen flickered to life, music thumping as the song selection screen appeared.

“So you’ll be going first--” Minhyuk smiled in Kihyun’s direction, offering him a microphone.

“I will not. Also, I’m _not ga_ \--”

Changkyun got up and took said microphone, interrupting Kihyun, quite possibly on purpose, and grinned, a bit maniacally, at Minhyuk. “Play my song, Minhyuk.”

Hyungwon and Minhyuk paled and simultaneously shook their head, saying, “No way.” Jooheon, on the other hand, was grinning like a madman. Kihyun was worried.

“I will do this shit acappella, do not test me.”

Jooheon talked between laughs. “Just--” he waved his hand. “Minhyuk, just--”

“Christ, _fine_ ,” Minhyuk said, unable to stop the smile creeping onto his face before quickly scrolling and selecting a song before Kihyun could read the title.

A familiar beat started playing and Kihyun was sure he would be feeling this particular facepalm for years, when Changkyun _adamantly_ started his own rendition of Pen Pineapple Apple Pen. Like, nobody was supposed to get _that_ into fucking PPAP.

Jooheon was _on the floor_ laughing, with Wonho hanging off Hyungwon, who looked like he had accepted death in all its forms. Kihyun tried his best not to look up.

This… was going to be interesting.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I am dead. I have died.

Heaven? Hell? Who tf knows man

 

**Jooheon**

One day we will all stop being such dramatic ass bitches

  


**Changkyun**

****

**Jooheon**

lol his voice was nice though I'll give you that

but you looked so  _gone_ dude

**Changkyun**

Listen you know how you went on about mystery boy’s raps for an hour and I didn’t judge you?

Let me live

The fact that I got a word out, nevermind rapped adequately, is a fucking miracle

 

**Jooheon**

Lol judging by Kihyun’s face

You rapped more than adequately

 

**Changkyun**

I was NOT looking at his face

That sounds wrong I JUST MEANT I WAS

You know what no I am tired

 

**Jooheon**

BOI

WHAT WERE YOU LOOKING AT

 

**Changkyun**

****

bye

 

**Jooheon**

LOL

(I know you were looking at his mouth lol)

(And, I mean, everyone was looking at Kihyun’s butt when he danced like that)

ALSO

Did you see Hyungwon literally undressing Wonho with his eyes when he danced?

Cause damn that was…

Illegal

 

**Changkyun**

I DID and then went home and read the bible :)

(I was _not_ leave me alone)

(he has this cute little frown when he sings though??)

No not doing this

 

**Jooheon**

Good for you I was enjoying the view

OF WONHO

You with Kihyun was just like

Awkward, painful, and sweet in equal measures  


**Changkyun**

Can you like get a move on with whatshisname so I can give you this

UNFAIR TREATMENT

I’m so hurt why would you

I’m that second male lead in a drama that just doesn’t #win aren’t I

 

**Jooheon**

I’m still fully convinced that one day

Writers will see the absolute narrative GENIUS

Of letting the second male lead get the girl

Like, that would be the ultimate plot twist

  


**Changkyun**

Or get the guy. Just saying

Looking at you, While You Were Asleep

 

**Jooheon**

I literally told you that if you spoil that for drama for me I will disembowel you with a spoon

I’m not fucking joking

  


**Changkyun**

Love ya <33333333

Only spoiler you need is that Lee Jong Suk looks DAMN FINE

I’ll send you the screenshots of me making a fool of myself to Kihyun in a minute to reconcile

Gotta thank him for coming and I’m 110% sure I’m going to somehow fuck it up

 

**Jooheon**

Damn.

(Hello, when doesn’t Lee Jong Suk look like fine, like, when bitch)

When did we become so morose

I miss the days we could tease Hyungwon without worrying about inconvenient things

Like feelings

 

**Changkyun**

For the literal first three episodes of pinocchio holy shIT

You’re just saying that because you’re a scaredy cat

Just text Him, dude

whatevER HIS FUCKING NAME HIS

 

**Jooheon**

He still looked kind of cute idgaf unabashedly whipped

Who you calling a scaredy cat?

I’m not scared

I’ll have you know I’m texting him

Like, right fucking now

 

**Changkyun**

Sounds SUPER FUCKING FAKE but ok

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

Hey

Just wondering what you’re up to

 

**Gunhee**

Hey

Not much

Just wondering why you’re asking

Lol u bored or what

 

**Jooheon**

…

Something like that

 

**Gunhee**

  


**Jooheon**

Hey, do me a favour

Like, pretend that we’ve been talking for hours and just like

Say something really random so it looks like we’re in the middle of a conversation

I’ll explain later

maybe

  


**Gunhee**

Cool dude I gotcha

OMG JOOHEON HOW DID YOU GET YOUR DICK WAY STUCK UP IN THAT TOASTER

TELL ME MORE

 

**Jooheon**

Ffs

WOW DUDE LIKE I SAID MY BREAD HOW DID YOU MISREAD

THAT SO HORRIBLY

  


**Gunhee**

Fucking autocorrect man

No wonder my roommate keeps bringing dicks back from the supermarket

 

**Jooheon**

Damn yeah you gotta fix that.

(thanks this’ll do)

(I guess you can go back to ignoring me now)

  


**Gunhee**

That’s what the toaster said

Seriously what’s up???

Yes I was ignoring all those texts _I definitely did not get_

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

...oh? Where those receipts boi

 

**Jooheon**

****

EAT YOUR WORDS BITCH

 

**Changkyun**

We literally don’t own a toaster

A NAME. I HAVE A NAME

GUNHEE, HUH???? owo

 

**Jooheon**

...I didn’t say it was MY toaster ffs

 

**Changkyun**

Why you putting your dick in Gunhee’s toaster

Do we need to have a chat

You know what nevermind well done

but actually talk to him about, like

Not complete fake shit? K? K

One of us deserves love

 

**Jooheon**

It wasn’t fake

I’m definitely dumb enough to get my dick

BREAD stuck in a toaster

 

\---

 

**Gunhee**

Ignored... How will I go on...

He appears, like a passing storm

 

**Jooheon**

SORRY

For that

I had to bring receipts

My friend doesn’t believe that I have

Other friends

 

**Gunhee**

Aren’t you and Jackson friends, too?

And isn’t Jackson friends with like literally everyone

 

**Jooheon**

YOU KNOW WHAT

I don’t appreciate this judgement

I panicked

 

**Gunhee**

Lol it’s fine I’m just glad you texted me

Whoops autocorrect I meant

...yeah I got nothing

 

**Jooheon**

Damn I was looking forward to seeing how you’re gonna get out of that one

So you wanna talk to me?

Apart from just about the rapping?

  


**Gunhee**

YOU KNOW WHAT

I don’t appreciate this exposure

Yeah you’re a cool dude so sue me

 

**Jooheon**

Cool

Hey, wanna come over to mine and play games?

I think I’m actually getting good at Overwatch

  


**Gunhee**

YOU HAVE OVERWATCH FUCK YES I’M ALREADY THERE

 

**Jooheon**

YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE I LIVE

WHERE YOU GOING BOI

 

**Gunhee**

IDK I JUST STARTED RUNNING AND SCREAMING

WHERE YOU AT

 

**Jooheon**

Lmao I sent you my location

Don’t fucking run into the middle of the road or some shit

 

**Gunhee**

soz can’t text running in front of a bus :)

 

**Jooheon**

Oh jeez fuck

See you in a bit

PS: Death is no excuse

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Hey, thank you

For coming to the party

Thing? Get-together? Thing

Thanks for coming to the thing

It was nice

To have you there, I mean

 

**Kihyun**

Yeah

It was fun

I kinda want my popcorn to be that salted forever now though

Which might be bad for my health

 

**Changkyun**

It’ll kill Hyungwon first don’t worry

But I’m really glad! About you having fun not the popcorn

Ignore me

 

**Kihyun**

No but, like

I actually tried eating popcorn that wasn’t that salted when my mom made earlier today?

And it wasn’t nice. I couldn’t eat it

I need salty popcorn

Who needs to breathe honestly.

 

**Changkyun**

Unsalted popcorn is like puffy cardboard. Nasty.

Don’t tell Hyungwon though he’ll get all smug

You’re gonna have to pretend to hate it for the rest of time

cos I _cannot handle_ smug Hyungwon

 

**Kihyun**

For the rest of time huh?

How long are you planning on knowing me?

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Good luck with Gunhee hyung I’ll smile down at you from heaven

 

**Jooheon**

78% sure Gunhee is dead

 

**Changkyun**

What the

THE WORST PART IS I DO THIS TO MYSELF???

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Well you know that exams always feel like an eternity so hahaha

yeah

 

**Kihyun**

Okay I get it.

You’re only planning on using me for the exams and then going away

Well FINE

 

**Changkyun**

I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT HYUNG

I WOULD NEVER USE YOU

I JUST MEANT

WHY U GOTTA PLAY ME LIKE THIS

 

**Kihyun**

You’re digging your own grave

But it really was fun this weekend

Just make me a promise

Never do that PPAP dance thing again

For my sanity

 

**Changkyun**

He tutor.

He sing like an angel.

He protec.

But he also _attac_

Sigh. But only for you, hyung. That’s a part of my soul I’m sacrificing, you know

 

**Kihyun**

You think I sing like an angel?

You have a soul?

  


**Changkyun**

...Did I say that

oh look I scrolled up definitely said that

haaaaa

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

aaaaaHHHHHHHHH

 

**Jooheon**

Things are going well I see

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Yes, hyung, you have a nice voice and you know it

...I don’t think I have one anymore, no

  


\---

 

Kihyun grinned down at his phone. He had a calculus test he should be studying for tomorrow, and the study material _was_ in front of him, yeah, but this was more entertaining than Kihyun had been anticipating. Changkyun seemed to have a particular talent for leaving himself open to _all sorts_ of interpretations, which… well. It was just too tempting to resist, really.

Just as Kihyun was about to type a reply, preferably something that would trick Changkyun into saying something incriminating, his door creaked open. Startled, Kihyun looked up, seeing his father leaning into his room with a steaming cup in his hand, frowning at him.

“I brought you some tea, since you said you were going to study late.” His father pursed his lips at the phone held loosely in Kihyun’s hand, and Kihyun had the insane urge to hide it. “Doesn’t seem like you’re doing much studying though. I know you’re a young adult now, and you can be responsible on your own, but if you have a test tomorrow you shouldn’t be wasting time on your phone.”

His father walked over to put the cup of tea in front of Kihyun, and Kihyun smelled the familiar, comforting scent of honey tea waft over to him.

“Who were you texting, anyway? Wonho?” His father’s expression didn’t so much change, rather than becoming curiously blank.

Kihyun shook his head quickly, eager to stay on good terms with his father that night. He _had,_ after all, brought Kihyun his favourite tea.

“No. No, it’s just. Just this boy I’ve been tutoring in programming. He was asking me some questions.”

His father nodded slowly, expression normalising. “That’s nice of you. Just don’t... get too distracted trying to help him. I’ve always been proud that you’ve never let girls intrude on your drive and ambition. I would hate to see friends do it.”

Kihyun nodded again, turning back to his books as his father closed the door behind him. His chest felt curiously heavy.

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Right

Sorry, I’ve been wasting both of our time

I have to study

See you around


	9. The Picture of Dorian Gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol have some texting we totally haven't been neglecting that at all nope

**Changkyun**

Minhyuk

The Kind

The Beautiful

 

**Minhyuk**

Yes go on

 

**Changkyun**

So I maaaaaay have left my charger at yours o(≧∇≦o)

 

**Minhyuk**

Hahaha how??? It’s been a week?????

but fine just come to my dorm, I think it's with my things

 

**Changkyun**

I’ve been using Jooheon’s but he’s…

How do you say...

Playing Overwatch

For the fifth time this week?

...with a boy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Minhyuk**

A BOI YOU SAY

FIFTH TIME, U SAY

TELL ME MORE MY SON

 

**Changkyun**

I WOULD BUT I KNOW NOOOOOTHING

Except that he can apparently get him to say whatever he wants to get me to believe his shit

Haven’t met him. Although I’m actually very tempted to just burst in there at this point tbh

 

**Minhyuk**

…I

I will buy you six (6)

Bags of chips

To make the sacrifice, and take me a picture of that boy

PLZ

 

**Changkyun**

…

Six you say

 

**Minhyuk**

SIX

And a watermelon

Wonho says you like them

 

**Changkyun**

If a single drop of watermelon

Yes, I said drop

_ A drop of watermelon  _ graces my lips within the next five years

I will euthanize myself

 

**Minhyuk**

What did the watermelon do to you?

WAIT I will not be distracted

PLZ   
  


 

**Changkyun**

Unspeakable things

Ok fine gimme a sec lemme just piss my best friend off

 

**Minhyuk**

Did you know there’s probably a type of poison that could kill a man in a second?

I think I found it.

Its name:

Curiosity

 

**Changkyun**

That was

Oddly profound

 

**Minhyuk**

I keep telling you people I’m a genius

But you don’t believe me

 

**Changkyun**

Never said you weren’t, Minnie

If I do die it is completely your fault tho

 

**Minhyuk**

A worthy sacrifice

GO, YOUNG ONE

 

\---

 

Changkyun knocked on the door of his own goddamn dorm room. “Joohoney!”

It was silent for a moment, before the door opened just enough for Jooheon to stick his head out, eyes slightly too wide. “Changkyun! I thought you were going to be gone for--”

Jooheon was interrupted as a face popped out from under his arm, grinning, soon followed by a body squeezing itself between the doorway and Jooheon. “‘Sup, Changkyun! I’m Song Gunhee, and this is MC Rude, cos he so damn rude.”

Changkyun snorted, eyebrow raised and unsure smile plucking at the corner of his mouth, but waved a dismissive hand, mustering the most hurt expression he could. “The wounds run so deep they barely sting anymore, my friend.”

Jooheon paled as Gunhee laughed, “Oh, God, there’s two of you.” 

Gunhee grinned at him and opened his mouth, but Jooheon seemed to stiffen, eyes going even wider (Changkyun later swore he saw a faint blush tinging Jooheon’s cheeks), let out a little squeal, pushed the door open almost violently, before promptly losing his balance and stumbling backwards, tripping over the side of his bed.

Jooheon stared up at them with wide eyes from his forced seat on the bed. “I’m fine.”

Changkyun and Gunhee stared at him for a minute, before turning to each other with barely contained mirth.

“Joohoney has told me  _ so much _ about you,” Changkyun said.

“What a sweetheart, you know, he was literally  _ just  _ talking about you.”

“Good things, I hope?”

“Nah, apparently you’re absolutely terrible at most things.”

(“I  _ never  _ said that--”

“Shh, Jooheonie, the big boys are talking now.”)

“I learned from the best,” Changkyun grinned, keeping himself from bursting out laughing at Jooheon’s face. He could definitely learn to get used to this guy. “ _ You know _ , he once punched me in the face while we were watching a horror and I was trying to comfort him.”

Jooheon spoke up, indignant; “You were whispering creepy things into my ear,  _ you little shit. _ ”

Gunhee scoffed, shrugging his hands into his jacket. “There’s worse ways to get punched.”

Changkyun physically had to restrain himself from further comments or laughing, as Jooheon seemed to be quickly turning a truly alarming shade of red. Changkyun grinned, a very,  _ extermely  _ dumb (genius) thought crossed his mind. “Hey, Gunhee, my guy, will you do me a favour--”

“Whatever it is, just say no--”

“Sure,” Gunhee agreed easily, still smiling at Jooheon who squinted at him. Changkyun giggled before coughing to hide it (it failed and Jooheon said so. Loudly) and quickly fishing his phone out of his pocket.

“Okay, so you might not know this,” Changkyun said, putting the phone to his ear. “But Jooheon has a gay, twenty four year old mother.”

Jooheon scrambled up from the bed. “NO DON’T YOU DARE CALL MINHYU--”

“Hello?”

“Minhyuk!” Changkyun grinned, eyes sparkling when he saw Gunhee grin and ruffle a pouting Jooheon’s hair. “Did you know Jooheon has a boy in his room?”

“PICTURE OR NO CHIPS, CHANGKYUN,” a shrill voice blared from the speakers, causing Changkyun to hold the phone away from his ear with a wince, before winking at Jooheon.

“Unacceptable, you say?” Changkyun gasped, holding the phone up against his ear again. “ _ Grounded,  _ you say? Oh, you meant  _ grinde-- _ ”

“Oh, god,  _ stooooop _ ,” Jooheon whined, trying his best to snatch the phone from Changkyun.

Gunhee seemed to catch on quickly to what Changkyun was doing, holding his hand out for the phone. Changkyun handed it over while Gunhee, laughing, quickly got out of Jooheon’s reach while Changkyun moved in to hold Jooheon in a bear hug.

“Hello?” Gunhee laughed into the phone.

“Who is-- _ are you the boy _ ?!”

“Yes,” Gunhee said, lips pressed together as his eyes twinkled in Jooheon and Changkyun’s direction, saying in an overly serious voice, “My sincerest apologies for my and your son’s behaviour, next time we’ll keep the door open.”

Yep, Changkyun was  _ definitely  _ going to like having this guy around. Jooheon managed to wiggle free amidst Changkyun’s near frantic laughter, pouncing towards Gunhee and grabbing the phone. Or, well,  _ trying  _ to grab the phone. “No, stop, just give it to me--!”   


“Not  _ now,  _ Jooheon, babe, your dad’s on the phone--”   


“Oh, god…” Jooheon trails off, evidently deciding that clinging to Gunhee and attempting to get the phone was a better use of his breath than protesting, since Changkyun was fairly certain that neither of them were listening to his protests either way. Jooheon seemed to resort to just softly hitting Gunhee on the chest and looking decidedly miserable about the situation.

Changkyun saw, as Jooheon pouted, how the sharp amusement in Gunhee’s eyes turned softer, somehow, around the edges. More how you would look like when you were laughing with someone, rather than at someone, though, Changkyun didn’t think that was exactly right either. 

“It’s Minhyuk-hyung, yeah? Mhm, yeah, no, I’ll talk to you later. We can have coffee and you can bring every baby picture of Jooheon you can find. Yeah, sounds good.” Gunhee lifted the phone from his ear, grinning at Jooheon before tossing the phone at Changkyun. “Changkyun, catch--”

Changkyun caught the phone as Gunhee tossed it to him underhanded, quickly putting it to his ear. “Hey, Minnie. Do I still need to take a picture or?”

“YES.”

“NO.”

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

So I had to play Overwatch with them for like four hours to get this

Deposit the chips straight into my dorm room thank u

 

**Minhyuk**

OH MY GOD CAN WE KEEP HIM

 

**Changkyun**

Yes

But if he starts humping legs I’m out

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

wtf dude wtf

  
  


**Changkyun**

You two are adorable

When’s the wedding

 

**Jooheon**

I can’t believe you sold me out

For chips

What happened to bros

 

**Changkyun**

I will share those chips with you I’m not heartless

I was just gonna come bro out, Overwatch and chill etc

Shit got out of hand

Gunhee is the best thing ever honestly I had NO IDEA HE’D DO THAT

Seriously can we keep him

 

**Jooheon**

He’s not a pet

Also, he’s mine

Fuck off

(And I don’t know if he even likes guys so shhhhh)

 

**Changkyun**

Well I’m definitely not putting a leash on him

HE’S YOURS HEY???  (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Screencapped, shared, printed, framed

(yeah well welcome to my world)

Seriously though you don’t know? damn

 

**Jooheon**

Oh, shut up

(Yes he’s mine shut up)

Nope

I mean, there isn’t really like a sure fire way of telling, right?

 

 

**Changkyun**

Ask him his opinion on like… a hot dude 

idk this is Korea they’re everywhere

Literally look at our friendship group damn we pretty

 

**Jooheon**

I’ll just ask him what he thinks of Sense8

I’ve yet to meet a queer person that doesn’t like it

Although, I’m sure straight people like it too….

Fuck

Lol you mean YOU GUYS are all pretty

 

**Changkyun**

WHAT THE FRICK FRACK MAN YOU’RE HOT WTF

I will go on a rant about your dimples and thighs don’t test me

 

**Jooheon**

Ah, not again

Last time you did that the people around me thought I was having a stroke

I was ‘so red’

And ‘wheezing for breath’

Don’t make me laugh that hard again I’m begging you

 

**Changkyun**

One day you’ll take me seriously. One day

Seriously though just… keep at it with Gunnie, I’m sure things will

Fuck how do we test queerness there must be a way

WAIT I GOT IT

WONHO

NOBODY WHO IS EVEN REMOTELY ATTRACTED TO MEN CAN RESIST

 

**Jooheon**

No straight man can look at him and not blush

Let’s be honest

 

**Changkyun**

True. Fuck.

I’ll think about it. ACTUALLY NEED TO STUDY NOW???

Kill me

 

**Jooheon**

Nah

Too much trouble

Have fun with…?

  
  


**Changkyun**

Programming

Have never studied for anything else in my life

This is new and I hate it

But I have to do well, can’t let Kihyun think he’s

Idk farting against the wind

#englishmajor

 

**Jooheon**

Brilliant metaphor

Mind if I use it?

 

**Changkyun**

Ya but I want 10% and merchandising rights

I HAVE TO HASHTAG SHHH

 

**Jooheon**

I’ll give you two (2) cups of ramen

 

**Changkyun**

You make it and we have a deal

 

**Jooheon**

Deal

Now go hashtag my son

 

**Changkyun**

Go Gun, my son

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Hey beanpole

Hyungwon

Seriously?

My photography lecturer is sick of your face but not nearly as much as I am

Okay, I get why you’d ignore me after that but seriously I need just, like, a placeholder?

I asked Wonho and he is refusing to model for me but I need to hand in a planning thing

Hyungwon?

Ugh

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m BUSY

Unlike some people

I have a life

Also, why don’t you just take still lifes

Go find an actual beanpole or something

 

**Kihyun**

Because my goddamn focus is photographing  _ people _

And somehow 

You fall under that category

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m actually legit busy though

Like, salt aside

I’m busy

You’re gonna have to bribe another incredibly beautiful person with pictures

Oh wait

Yeah you’re fucked

 

**Kihyun**

Selfies are apparently not allowed so…

there goes that idea

 

**Hyungwon**

I said ‘incredibly beautiful person’

Not hamster close ups

 

**Kihyun**

Fuck you

Honestly

Wth does Wonho see in you you’re just

Literal salt 

who just Salts

And Bones

 

**Hyungwon**

Your capitalization of ‘bones’ makes me very uncomfortable 

Also, what he sees in me? Him

 

**Kihyun**

I don’t get it 

Is that supposed to be funny or profound I don’t???

Oh

...eeeeeew dude

 

**Hyungwon**

:)

 

\---

 

Kihyun tapped his fingers against the desk as he waited for his marks to load on the screen. He had already gotten back his marks for his other modules, (he had done… alright in them), but the marks for programming had taken a bit longer to be uploaded. Probably because it was such a practical module, but it still made Kihyun feel antsy.

The speed of his finger-tapping increased as he waited for the slow internet of the campus to display his marks. When finally, a few seconds later, the page was loaded, he scrolled down and…

Kihyun felt a huge sigh leave him, his shoulders even relaxing a bit from their habitual tensing. This was good enough. It wasn’t full marks, not what Kihyun knew he could’ve gotten if he had done one or more exercises extra, but it was good enough. He just had to--

“ _ Fuck yes,  _ I got 60%, bitches!” Kihyun whipped his head up just in time to see Changkyun high five the nearest confused person, who just so happened to be a small, quiet-looking girl who looked a bit like she wanted to run away.

Apparently realising that the girl was close to tears, Changkyun’s smile faded even as he started giggling uncomfortably and tried to apologise, bowing repeatedly. Now apparently done at his station, (or just desperate to get away from the frightened looking girl) Changkyun stood up, looked around a bit confusedly for a moment, before he made eye-contact with Kihyun. Who, at this point, couldn’t even pretend he hadn’t been looking. 

Changkyun waved at him and Kihyun fought off the blush (and the urge to look away immediately) and simply nodded at him. And  _ then  _ he looked away. There. He hadn’t been rude, he’d been perfectly civil. Changkyun should be able to see that he was busy and not to both--

“ _ Woah,  _ holy shit, how are you so smart?”

Kihyun, absolutely, did  _ not  _ almost jump out of his seat in shock at the voice that came over his shoulder and he  _ definitely  _ didn’t bump heads with Changkyun so that they both had to lean back, whining a bit in Kihyun’s case, holding their foreheads.

Kihyun squinted at Changkyun, still wincing a bit because yes, this was completely his fault and there was absolutely no reason to be looking at Kihyun all red-faced and wide-eyed

“ _ Ow.  _ Fuck, Changkyun, what the hell,” Kihyun said, not even trying to keep the whine out of his voice. It fucking  _ hurt,  _ okay.

“I,” Changkyun shook his head, moving the hand from his forehead to slap his cheek. “Sorry, hyung, I just saw your marks and--” He slapped his cheek again. “Remind me never to compliment you again. Fucking hurts.”

Kihyun frowned at him, still rubbing his forehead. “You’re fucking weird. Why are you slapping yourself. Whatever.” Kihyun rolled his eyes, turning back to his screen. “I heard you got 60% though. Good job. That was much better than that class test, right?”

Changkyun made an affirmative noise behind Kihyun. “Thanks to you, yeah.”

“I didn’t write the test for you, you know.”

“You can lead the idiot to the test, can’t make him not fail it, etc. I gotcha.”

Kihyun quirked a smile, but didn’t reply, hoping that Changkyun would get the hint and wander off. Which, he didn’t. He just. Stayed behind Kihyun, hands eventually finding their way onto Kihyun’s shoulders as Changkyun leaned into him, peering onto the screen as Kihyun clicked around, trying to look busy. It was as he opened his photography file and remembered that he was a bit fucked for the upcoming assignment, that he let out a sigh and Changkyun’s hands tightened on his shoulders. 

Which was fine. (Kihyun had not been trying to calm himself when Changkyun’s hands first found his shoulders and he  _ wasn’t doing it this time either. _ )

“What’s wrong, hyung?”

“Um. Nothing. Really. I mean, I’m a bit fucked, because Hyungwon is too busy to model for me, Wonho just laughed at me, and I  _ need to get my preliminary planning stage in  _ and I have  _ nothing. _ ” Kihyun cleared his throat. “So, yeah. I’m fine. This is fine.”

“You need a model? What about Minhyuk, or Shownu?”

“I don’t… know them well enough. I, struggle, to photograph people I don’t know. I mean I  _ can _ , but I wanna do really well on this and it would take too long to get comfortable enough to make it  _ perfect _ .”

Changkyun paused. (Kihyun didn’t think he realised his hands were digging into Kihyun’s shoulders.) “I could do it. You know me well enough, right? I can, like, pout, if it helps you. Do models  _ have _ to be Hyungwons?”

Kihyun tilted his head, considering. It’s not like he hadn’t been thinking about it… It was just, a lot. And, well. His photography was very personal. Kihyun knew himself well enough to know that he was right to be a bit scared by what the camera lense would reveal about himself.

“Sorry, it was a stupid idea--”

“No. Wait.” Changkyun paused, hands still digging painfully into Kihyun’s shoulders. “It’s not that I’m not grateful for the offer but… I’m very nitpicky. I get very. I’m a pain in the ass about my photography, basically. Like, this isn’t going to be just a quick thing to do for an hour or two after classes.” Kihyun fidgeted slightly, resisting the urge to shrug his shoulders. It was surprisingly helpful to know Changkyun wasn’t as calm as he was obviously trying to be.

“Kihyun-hyung,” Changkyun said evenly, turning Kihyun (stupid swivel chairs allowing him to do this) around to face him, a hesitant smile on the younger’s face. “You realize you’ve been tutoring me for close to a month now, right? You literally correct me while I’m still typing. I’m sure I was just as much a pain in the ass, and you stuck with it,  _ so _ \--” Changkyun wavered a bit, taking his hands off Kihyun’s shoulders, scratching at his cheek. “If you want me, I’d be happy to help. I can wear, like, a lot of makeup?”

“I don’t actually like my subjects to be caked in make-up,” Kihyun mumbled. Kihyun shrugged. “Listen, I’ll think about it. Thanks for the offer. I’ll… I’ll think about it.”

Changkyun nodded, eyes on his shifting feet. “Cool. Cool, cool, cool,  _ cool _ . I’ll, er, see you around--just text me if you want me--need me for the thing, I mean. For the--yeah, bye.”

Changkyun quickly waved, turned to leave, walked into a chair, apologised to the chair, and then walked faster, disappearing out the door. 

Changkyun as a model.  _ Changkyun  _ as a  _ model.  _ Changkyun as  _ Kihyun’s  _ model.

Kihyun fought the shiver running down his spine. 

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I just

Suggested that I model

MODEL

For Kihyun

KIHYUN

ME, I SUGGESTED IT

 

**Hyungwon**

WHAT DID HE SAY

I mean

What, really?

 

**Changkyun**

He said he’d think about it 

which I’m sure means “sorry I meant I need a model, not a potato”

 

**Hyungwon**

Get over yourself

He’s not like that

Most of the time

 

**Changkyun**

I’m so stupid like I thought he’d want to?? 

Cos you said he took that picture of me while I was sleeping????

Ugh I need Jooheon to hug me and say nice things

 

**Hyungwon**

It’s literally probably just him working out how to fit you into his concept

Like, I know he has to have a theme and stuff

Like, he didn’t say no

Which is more than I can say the first time I asked him if I could model for him

 

**Changkyun**

I’m insanely curious what did he say

 

**Hyungwon**

He said he didn’t need a beanpole

But he came begging for me a few weeks later

Apparently his usual model dropped him

Which, now I think about it, was probably Wonho

 

**Changkyun**

...huh ok well if he said no to  _ you _

And feel free to take this straight to your ego

Then he must really just be thinking about it

I mean look how cute I am

 

**Hyungwon**

Now that I’ve stroked your ego

Can you please tell Jooheon that no, he cannot buy another horror game

He wants to play the evil within 2

Why does he do this to himself

 

**Changkyun**

He might be trying to prove himself to Gunhee

I mean

He’s a masochist what a crazy guy

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

TALENT

 

**Kihyun**

How did you even

 

**Changkyun**

Through pure talent

Ow

 

 

**Kihyun**

lol did the phone fall on your face

 

**Changkyun**

If only

 

**Kihyun**

Where

You know what

I don’t want to know

  
  


**Changkyun**

My selfies are much better when I’m not using my feet

I promise

You’re a PHOTOGRAPHER your selfies are probably frickin’ amazing

  
  


**Kihyun**

Do you think you’re being subtle

  
  


**Changkyun**

I like to imagine I can be, yeah

 

**Kihyun**

Imagination is a powerful thing

 

**Changkyun**

Can’t top this

 

**Kihyun**

You have dimples?

I mean, not bad

 

**Changkyun**

I do lol haven't you noticed

but yeah hang on I have an old pic or two somewhere

Seeeeeeeee you can’t beat dimples #illegal

Skills < dimples

 

**Kihyun**

That’s

That’s nice

You free tomorrow afternoon?

 

**Changkyun**

For what? Didn’t we just write the last test??? :O

OH GOD IS THERE A TEST I DON’T KNOW ABOUT

 

**Kihyun**

Chill your pants

For the modelling

Thing

You said you would

I mean, if you still want to

 

**Changkyun**

Wait seriously

Sorry I just meant

Like for real???

 

**Kihyun**

It’s fine if you weren’t serious

I mean

I’ll find someone else it’s fine

 

**Changkyun**

NO SORRY I JUST

I know those are some damn good selfies but

I’ve never modelled before and my face is a wreck and

Sorry I just mean I want to help I do

But I

 

**Kihyun**

Changkyun

Your face is fine

I’ll help you with the modelling

Believe it or not, I’ve had to help quite a few people

Anyway, my concept is ‘natural beauty’

I don’t want you to look posed anyway

 

**Changkyun**

Natural beauty

Okay well I mean if you’re sure I can do it

Lol I’m so fucking sorry I literally said I’d help you and look at me being

Anyway yeah no I’m not doing shit tomorrow afternoon, so yeah, no problem

 

**Kihyun**

Okay, it’ll be in my house’s garage.

The wall is clear and stuff it

It’s not as weird as it sounds

 

**Changkyun**

do you also photograph people in remote basements 

[Life is Strange flashbacks]

I do not know where you live, but i’ll be there

With all my ~~natural beauty~~

 

**Kihyun**

I’ll send you the location in a bit

Thanks

You’re really helping me out here

 

**Changkyun**

It’s the least I can do :3

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

So Kihyun wants me at his house tomorrow afternoon

 

**Hyungwon**

He wants you

At his house

hmmmmm

 

**Changkyun**

YOU STOP RIGHT THERE SIR

I already accidentally made a sexual innuendo 

about topping 

right in his chat 

next to my own goddamn face

I don’t need this

I meant modelling. He said yes to the modelling.

Let me live

 

**Hyungwon**

How the fuck did you manage to make yourself

*deep sigh*

ANYway

Yeah

Told you he was just thinking about it

You insecure potato

 

**Changkyun**

Whatever you conceited beanpole

Please help me I have no idea what to do or what’s gonna happen

Please I’m losing my mind a bit

 

**Hyungwon**

Someday

You’re gonna need to stop being so dramatic

Just

I mean, I basically just put on my bitch face and chill

?

 

**Changkyun**

If I had your face this wouLDN’T BE A PROBLEM, WOULD IT

It’s fine

The only reason I texted you of all people was because

His concept is Natural Beauty

 

**Hyungwon**

Wait

When did he tell you about this ‘concept’?

 

**Changkyun**

After he asked me to model for him. Why?

 

**Hyungwon**

Interesting

Because, I’m pretty sure his theme before

When he still wanted me to model for him

Was ‘Hands’

Like, he was gonna photograph me holding stuff and shit

Like I said

Interesting

 

**Changkyun**

...what are you trying to say here

 

**Hyungwon**

You know

I’m not your personal therapist

I’m not gonna spell this out for you

Stop being an idiot for a second maybe

And you’ll see it

  
  


**Changkyun**

...are you saying… that…

That maybe he...

Chose the concept for me...??

Instead of choosing me... for the concept...???

Hahahaha sure

Good thought though it made me laugh a lot thanks

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re missing a hyung there

You little shit

  
  


**Changkyun**

And you’re missing sense and reason, hyung

But I forgive you

Now teach me how to pout

_ Naturally _

 

**Hyungwon**

_Hyungwon_ _is offline_

 

**Changkyun**

Texting doesn’t work like that

 

**Hyungwon**

_ Message not received _

_ Try again later _

_ Or not _

_ Fuck off _

 

**Changkyun**

_ Changkyun is sad and alone now _

 

\---

  
  


Kihyun fidgeted around with his tripod and his light modifier, trying to get the angle perfect. Usually he set up without much fuss about twenty minutes before Hyungwon showed up, adjusting things as need be as the shoot progressed. For some reason, though, things didn’t seem to want to fall into place and honestly if this  _ fucking  _ reflector would just, fucking  _ stop _ , bending at that weird angle--

“Oh, dear brother of mine, what the fuck are you doing?”

Kihyun felt his ears burn and shot up, ignoring the smirk on Jeongyeon’s face as he moved to fiddle with the camera. 

“Watch your language. You don’t want dad to hear you.”

Jeongyeon leaned against the wall, folding her arms across her chest. “No worries. He’s at work. Like he always is when you hold these photoshoot things. You didn’t answer my question though, don’t think I didn’t notice.”

Kihyun rolled his eyes. “What? Suddenly I’m weird for adjusting my equipment? I always do that,” Kihyun scoffed, testing the flash the nth time.

“One,” Jeongyeon said, holding up a finger. “Please never refer to anything as ‘your equipment’ ever again. Like,  _ ever _ . Two,” she said, adding another. “I’ve seen you do all this in like, five minutes. You’ve been in here for half an hour. Do you have a new model or something? You know Hyungwon’s angles way too well at this point, my dude. Ooh! Is it a  _ giiiirl? _ ” Jeongyeon smirked, lifting an eyebrow at Kihyun.

KIhyun looked at her with a blank face, before flipping her the finger. She knew  _ damn well  _ that he wasn’t--

_ Nope. _

“Go away,” he said instead. “Isn’t it your scheduled ‘annoy mom’ time.”

“Yeah, but I got some good annoying in before coming here so,” she grinned brightly. “When will he be here, then?”

Kihyun flipped her  _ two  _ fingers. 

“ _ Two  _ fingers? Wow, Kihyun--”

“Honey, there’s someone at the gate!” His mom’s voice floated in from the kitchen, and Kihyun felt the fluttering nerves he had been suppressing for the better half of an hour flare up again in full force. Why the  _ fuck  _ was he so nervous this was  _ just  _ a photoshoot he had done this about a thousand times before this should be  _ chill. _

“Go get him, tiger.”

“Okay, that’s it I’m telling Dad about your tattoo.”

“ _ Kihyuuun. _ ”

 

\---

 

Was he supposed to ring the bell? Text Kihyun?  _ Definitely  _ wasn’t supposed to loiter around their gate for ten minutes. They must have spotted him, though, if the gate suddenly opening was any indication. 

Oh dear lord.

He hiked his backpack up his back, taking a deep breath before walking forward, to what  _ must  _ be the front door. Right?

“Are you here for Kihyun?” A woman appeared out of the house, drying her hands on a towel and looking at him inquisitively. Changkyun desperately tried to appear like a normal human being, while also trying to remind himself that he isn’t  _ actually meeting the parents _ of his crush because that wasn’t the agreement and--

“I’m not meeting you,” Changkyun said, before he realize what he had just _fucking_ said and bowing deeply. “I’m so sorry! I mean, it’s nice to meet you, Mrs Yoo. I am here for Kihyun-hyung--for the modelling? For the--I’m sorry.”

_ Way to go with that word diarrhea, there, Changkyun, really, you could literally just have said ‘yes’ and it would have been fine but no you had to go and-- _

The woman laughed. “Oh, no worries, dear, let me show you through to his ‘studio’. Be warned, it’s not nearly as fancy as it sounds. But, don’t say that to Kihyun.” 

“I wouldn’t dare,” Changkyun said, smiling softly, knowing full well that he was still blushing furiously at his own failure of an existence, but followed her through the house nonetheless.

“Are you the boy he’s tutoring?” she asked, looking back at him curiously.

Changkyun nodded, glancing around. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Please don’t call me ma’am, dear--I am neither your teacher or an old lady you’re helping across the road.”

“Sorry, ma--” Changkyun snapped his mouth shut. Silence was better. Definitely better. Christ, this was going so _damn well._

She just laughed, leading him down a long, dark hallway before going down some stairs. “Just call me Mrs Yoo.” She stopped in front of a closed door, out of which muffled voices were coming.

She opened the door, and the two people on the other side, one of whom was Kihyun, froze, voices cutting off abruptly. Changkyun swallowed nervously.

“Kihyun, dear, your friend is here. Who you could have met at the  _ gate  _ if you two weren’t so busy bickering.” Kihyun mother smiled thinly at her son, and Changkyun had the singular, and, frankly, disturbing experience of seeing Kihyun abashed. 

“Yeah, Kihyun, be a gentleman for once,” the girl, looking particularly amused, directed at Kihyun.

_ Did Kihyun have a girlfriend he didn’t know about or-- _

“Oh, this is my daughter, Jeongyeon. Isn’t she beautiful?”

RIght at that moment, Jeongyeon,  _ Kihyun’s sister _ , with her mother’s back towards her, scrunched up her nose, crossed her eyes, and stuck out her tongue.

Changkyun physically could not contain the tiny snort that escaped him, though he quickly tried to cover it up with a cough. Kihyun looked  _ particularly  _ amused. Fighting off his smile was a  _ feat _ . “Yes, very beautiful. Nice to meet you, Jeongyeon.”

Her features relaxed as her mother turned towards them, before smiling widely. “It’s so  _ wonderful  _ to meet you...?”

“Oh, er, I’m Changkyun,” he said, bowing a little.

“ _ Changkyun _ , fantastic. It really was nice meeting you,  _ oppa _ ," she grinned, walking past him and to her mother with a spring in her step. "Have fun~”

Changkyun saw Kihyun tensing out of the corner of his eye, but resisted turning towards him, smiling and bowing until Mrs Yoo and Jeongyeon exited the room.

(“You really shouldn’t call a boy you just met oppa, Jeongyeon--”

“Don’t worry, mom. I’m sure we’ll get acquainted  _ quite _ soon.”)

 

\---

 

It was silent for a few moments after Kihyun’s mother and the little shit he was forced to call his sister left. Honestly though, that little shit. Who called someone  _ oppa  _ when they just met like--

“I brought clothes.”

“I… would hope so.”

Changkyun’s eyes widened, cheeks red,  before he spluttered a bit. “I meant--just--” He quickly shrugged his backpack off his shoulders. “I mean, I don’t know if what I’m wearing is okay, so I just brought some--”

Kihyun tilted his head, really  _ looking  _ at what Changkyun was wearing for the first time. He looked, well, a bit more cleaned up than he usually did. Red, checkered button-up, white shirt underneath, and… Kihyun swallowed. Very,  _ very  _ tight jeans. 

“Um.”

Changkyun paled. “What? Is it bad?” He looked down at himself. “I’m sorry.”

“No!” Kihyun exclaimed, loudly, before clearing his throat. “I mean, no, it’s fine. You’re, fine. Um, so, okay, we’ll start with those clothes. You can take them off later.” Changkyun blanched. “ _ I mean, _ we can check out the clothes you brought and maybe just take off the button-up-- Okay, you know what,” Kihyun said,  _ desperate  _ to stop his stammering, “Just, just go over there. Just sit on that couch. Did you bring a book?”

Changkyun’s face fell, looking down at his backpack. “Was I supposed to bring a  _ book _ ? Fuck.”

Kihyun snorted, feeling a bit more in control now. He always liked it better that way. “It’s fine. It’s just for the natural thing. Here,” Kihyun glanced around, grabbing a book lying on the floor beside his own backpack before tossing it at Changkyun. “Take this.”

Changkyun caught the book, an eyebrow lifting with a sly smile. “The Picture of Dorian Gray? Really, hyung?”

Kihyun frowned. “What? What’s wrong with it?”

“Right, I forget not everyone is conditioned to read books critically,” Changkyun said, walking over to the couch, opening the book on a random page, and plopping down. 

“Right.”

Kihyun frowned again, before moving in behind the camera. He instantly felt more calm, more, in place, somehow. Now, if he could just get the angle.  _ There _ . That captured the curve of his jawline--

“ _ It was delightful to watch him,”  _ Changkyun read, eyes mischievous and words formed around a small smirk.  _ “With his beautiful face, and his beautiful soul, he was a thing to wonder at.” _

Kihyun felt cold, as if a bucket of ice had just been emptied out over him, and his eyes widened. He didn’t lift his face from behind the camera, too conscious of himself to move. How did Changkyun  _ know _ ?  _ Did  _ he know? What was going on? His body temperature was going haywire, cold one moment, then hot the next. Kihyun honestly felt as though he was about to pass out.

“W--what? What was that?”

“I’m reading _your_ book, hyung,” Changkyun said, not even looking up, leaning back into the couch. There was a curiously blank expression on his face. “Now shhh, this is classic literature and I’m getting to the good part.” He cleared his throat. “ _ It was no matter how it all ended, or how it was destined to end-- _ ”

“ _ Okay _ . That’s enough. I just wanted you to  _ look _ like you’re reading, not actually reading. And, it doesn’t really help to have your mouth moving.”

“But he just got a telegram! Dorian’s getting married and he  _ cannot  _ figure out why he’s so damn  _ upset _ \--”

“ _ Changkyun _ . Please. I want to get done before nine tonight.” Kihyun pinched his nose, grateful for the chance to look down in an attempt to get his heart back under control. It was beating furiously, and not in a good way. 

“Whatever you say, hyung,” Changkyun said, flipping through the book, smile softening as he scanned through the book, before seemingly deciding on a place and reading. Or, at least, he just stopped  _ talking _ , which Kihyun could now actually work with.

Kihyun breathed in, breathed out. Shook his head slightly. He didn’t have time for this. He has one week to hand in his planning. There’s no time to get distracted. Now  _ focus. _

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I read some gay shit 

and now Kihyun won’t look at me except through a camera

Whoops 

In my defence it was  _ his _ gay shit

 

**Jooheon**

I’m

So confused

 

**Changkyun**

I’m so stressed :)

 

**Jooheon**

Boi

What is going on

What gay shit?

Aren’t you at the dorm?

 

**Changkyun**

OH SHIT I NEVER FUCKING TOLD YOU

I’M MODELLING FOR KIHYUN

I’M SO SORRY I WAS SO BUSY FREAKING OUT I DIDN’T EVEN TELL YOU

 

**Jooheon**

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

YOU ARE WHAT

AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME

WHAT

BRO

  
  


**Changkyun**

LISTEN I’M PANIC TEXTING IN HIS BATHROOM RIGHT NOW

LET ME LIVE

 

**Jooheon**

HIS BATHROOM

WTF DUDE  
  
WHERE ARE YOU

I’M SO

 

**Changkyun**

Plz can we focus on the fact that 

NONE OF THIS MATTERS COS I FUCKED IT UP TWO MINUTES IN

He handed me the Picture of Dorian Gay to pretend-read 

man what was I supposed to do

 

**Jooheon**

I thought this was modelling why is he giving you gay literature

  
  


**Changkyun**

Fuck if I know man

Okay I literally do not have the time to discuss this

Gotta go pose and shit

 

**Jooheon**

WAIT

WHY DID HE GIVE YOU THE BOOK?

ARE YOU AT HIS HOUSE?

CHANGKYUN?

WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW  _ EVERYTHING _

Ffs

COME BACK AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF

FUC K

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

the world is cruel and my best friend hates me

 

**Gunhee**

there there


	10. DIS DICK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really later and we're super sorry, but booksandtea had tests to study for and I have a ''''social life'''', but we're quite happy with how it turned out~
> 
> buckle up, chucklefucks

The thing about photography was that is was, well, _easy_ . In a way other things weren’t to Kihyun. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t work _damn_ hard on developing his skill; on figuring out the correct angle, using the correct filters and lighting, but… he had a certain knack for it. He always had. _Intuition_ , his professor had called it. He had _intuition_ when it came to photography.

So basically, he had never expected to struggle much in photography. In any aspect of it, really. Sure, he could spend hours agonising about a photo, about whether this or that one worked better (and often did), but… He had never found photographing someone _this_ fucking difficult.

When it came to Lim Changkyun, Kihyun’s intuition seemed to have a life of its own.

To be perfectly clear, Changkyun wasn’t a bad model.

In fact, an unbiased observer would have commented that Changkyun seemed to have a natural knack for tilting his head and looking at the camera in a way that just _worked_ ; even positioning his hands came naturally, all of which were things most models tended to find difficult in the beginning.

(Kihyun couldn’t even _begin_ to count the number of times he had had to tell people what to do with their hands for every picture, since they couldn’t seem to figure them out and ended up cradling their own hand in front of them like an awkward prom photo or internet meme.)

It was just, well... Kihyun had the distinct impression--a suspicion that grated over his mind and threatened to overwhelm by how unbelievable ( _scary_ ) it was--that he wasn’t, completely, one hundred percent, unbiased.

Of course, it was all about the project. This particular photoshoot that meant a bit more to him, because this was, after all, for his final project. This was for his _final grade_ , something that might as well dictate whether or not he would be allowed to continue with that class. This was _important_.

It was important, but didn’t exactly explain why--in the little break they had between shoots, something they both seemed to need urgently judging by the way Changkyun immediately booked it to the bathroom--he found that the clothes he had laid out for Changkyun to wear next was, well, _this_.

He had wanted to do a scene with a suit. Of course, that was something he had wanted to do even before Changkyun was his model. He had adapted it a bit to fit the new concept, but he hadn’t expected to stand back and realise he had put out pants, a suit jacket and… well nothing else.

He felt a shiver of something slither down his spine as he looked at the clothes he had unthinkingly laid out. Changkyun shirtless was… something he wasn’t entirely sure he was comfortable with. It was a thought, a _thing_ , that might make the slightly shaky feeling he had had for the duration of the shoot spiral out of control, slip out of his hands. And shaky hands on a photographer just wouldn’t work.

(And Changkyun, the little shit, would undoubtedly say something about it and Kihyun just couldn’t deal with his particular brand of ridiculousness today. Which of course made it a brilliant idea to have Changkyun as his model. _Chist, why had he agreed to this?_ )

“Do you want me to change into that?”

Kihyun looked around to see Changkyun standing behind him, looking at the clothes with curious eyes, hands fiddling with his button-up.

“Yes? I, yes. I want to do something a bit more formal for the next set.”

Changkyun hummed and nodded before stepping forward and picking up the clothes. Kihyun’s shoulders sagged a bit in relief that he hadn’t said anything about the shirt. He hadn’t said anything about the shirt and it was _fine_ \--

“Hyung, is this all? I, I mean,” a slight, hesitant, high-pitched giggle, “There’s not _much_.”

Kihyun froze, ready to go on the offensive, spouting things about ‘angles’ (for some reason that always got people to shut up. Everyone, that is, except Hyungwon, that fucking annoying beanpole), before his brain caught up with him. Changkyun didn’t sound amused, or annoyed, or smug, or disgusted or anything, really. Nothing that Kihyun had been preparing himself for.

He sounded, in fact, a bit, scared. Obviously Kihyun wasn’t an expert at reading Changkyun ( _obviously_ ), but there was a slight tremor in his voice, a slight cadence that gave away that he was trying just a tiny bit too hard to sound unaffected. (Distantly, Kihyun wondered when he had gotten so good at reading the slight inflections in Changkyun’s voice.)

“I mean, yeah.” Kihyun turned around, raising an eyebrow at the way Changkyun was holding the jacket a good foot away from his body. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, obviously…” He trailed off, still unsure how to react to this particular Changkyun.

Another high-pitched giggle. “It’s not that I don’t _want_ to, hyung, but, um, I’m not exactly,” Changkyun gestured to himself, a bit wildly, before running a hand through his hair (a tuft standing at an awkward angle). “I’m not Wonho.” Changkyun cleared his throat. “Or Hyungwon, for that matter. Because I know he looks like skin and bones and shit but he actually _does_ have abs and shit from dancing or whatever. Which, I don’t. The dancing or the abs. Yeah. I mean, I live off chips and ramen. I just-- I don’t have _abs,_ hyung.”

Kihyun frowned. _That’s_ what Changkyun was worried about? He couldn’t help the slight huff of amusement at the thought that this boy was _insecure_. Ridiculous. Utterly laughable.

“So?” he asked, still smiling. “I don’t have abs either. And, honestly, if I wanted someone that looked like they lived in the gym, or, a fucking natural abomination like Hyungwon, I would have asked someone else. This is about natural beauty, remember?” Changkyun seemed to swallow, looking down at the jacket, lip between his teeth. “As in, not that polished image people have of males. Not that I believe for a single _second_ that you’re hiding flab or something under there,” Kihyun ended, pointing at the white t-shirt Changkyun was wearing under his unbuttoned checkered shirt, which, while not tight, was fitted enough to see that the person wearing it definitely wasn’t anything other than thin.

Changkyun laughed softly, face flushing, something Kihyun wasn’t sure what to do with. Changkyun looked up at him, back at the jacket, back at Kihyun, the jacket, then puffed out a breath. “Well, if you _insist_ ,” Changkyun said, shrugging off the checkered shirt.

“Um! You can change in the bathroom. I don’t want my sister walking in on a naked boy or whatever.” Kihyun’s ears were red. They were red and he was trying _extremely_ hard not to concentrate on that as he focused an exasperated glare at Changkyun.

“Why, does that happen often?” Changkyun smirked. _Smirked._

“No, of course not.” Kihyun told his brain to shut up. That was just _once_ and-- _Shut up_. “Now go, before I go beg a random stranger to model for me cause you’re wasting time.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Changkyun said, mock-saluting before quickly grabbing the pants, draping the jacket over his shoulder and walking out of the room.

 

\---

 

Changkyun walked out of the room, into the bathroom, and then promptly sat down against the bathroom door to just take a damn moment. This was fine, right?

He pondered the clothing, frowning. Okay. He could put this on. He could be confident. He didn’t even _sleep_ shirtless, but okay. This was _Kihyun_ , but okay.

This was _fine_.

This was only his ridiculously big crush. No big fucking deal.

He recalled Kihyun mentioning the fact that he was wasting his time, and quickly shook himself out of whatever self-piteous spiral he might be approaching because goddammit, his insecurities could wait. He changed quickly, ignoring the temptation to look in the mirror (he didn’t need to feel more self conscious than he already did), before gathering all his clothes into a little pile and holding it in front of himself as he hurried back to the “studio”, scared Jeongyeon or Kihyun’s mother would find him half-naked (not really, _but still_ ) in their house.

_Half-Naked and Afraid._

He ducked into the studio, silently putting his clothes by his bag as Kihyun seemed to pay him no mind, engrossed in setting up the space Changkyun assumed he’d be posing in. _Posing in_.

 _Christ, he wasn’t fucking_ naked _, he really shouldn’t be so damn nervou--_

“Are you ready?” Kihyun asked, and Changkyun looked over to find the other boy not looking up from the camera now held carefully in his hand. Changkyun took a breath, and a moment. A moment to collect his thoughts; a moment to get the hell over himself; a moment to just look at Kihyun which always seemed to be able to calm him, (and make his heart beat faster nearly simultaneously). It was a dizzying, sobering feeling, one that Changkyun could hold onto so that when Kihyun frowned at him (he was always frowning) and asked, “Are you okay?”, that Changkyun could honestly say, “Of course I’m okay. I’m in good hands, after all.”

Kihyun quickly looked back at his camera, a small smile playing over his lips. “Only _good_? I’m insulted.”

“Hey, I haven’t actually seen the pictures, you know,” Changkyun said with a sudden courage, walking over to the space Kihyun had clearly set up for this. “God knows how you make me look, hyung.”

Kihyun rolled his eyes. “You being a little shit is not enough for me to intentionally take a bad picture. Stand a bit to the left.”

Changkyun shuffled a bit to Kihyun’s left, pulling at the collar of his jacket. “Right. So exactly _how_ sexy would you like me to be here? I can do at _least_ a seven, if eight is, like, a really tasty looking bowl of kimchi. You know, actually, make that a six.”

Kihyun glanced up at him, a small, hesitant smile playing around the corners of his mouth. “Oh, I think you can get at _least_ a nine.”

“Now _that_ sounds like a challenge,” Changkyun stuttered and then, trying to mask his confusion to that strangely flirtatious comment, shook his shoulders loose, took a deep breath, imagined the best goddamn bowl of kimchi he had ever seen, and broke one of the rules Kihyun had given him at the beginning of the shoot; namely, _don’t look at the camera._

He fucking _smoldered_ at that goddamn camera. (Or, well, he tried, at least. _Smoldering was just pouty squinting, right?_ )

He was still staring intently at the camera when Kihyun seemed to choke, coughing up a lung in the process, it sounded like. Changkyun frowned, breaking the, well, fairly ridiculous pose he had been holding, and took a hesitant step forward, lifting his hand before Kihyun noticed him and waved him off wildly.

“No! No, I’m fine.” More coughing. “Just,” cough, “breathed into the wrong airway…”

“Is that even possible?”

“Probably. I mean, I just did, so yes?” Kihyun shook his head. “Anyway, didn’t I tell you not to look at the camera? Especially when you’re all nak-- not fully dressed. I’m not shooting some sort of po-- adult thing or whatever.” Kihyun’s cheeks were _flaming._

“I won’t do it again, then, if you’re going to choke like that.” _Did he just fucking say that._ “No looking into the camera, gotcha.” Changkyun turned around, feeling his own face flush. Why was he _like_ this.

Attempt number two. He could do this. He stretched his neck from side to side, entwining his fingers in front of him and stretching to try and fix that _goddamn tense feeling literally everywhere in his body_ , when he had an idea. He looked down, because looking at either the camera or Kihyun was just a bad, bad idea, and lifted his arms over his head to stretch whatever abdominal muscles might accidentally exist. That should do it, right?

Right at that moment, however, as he was lifting his arms, the door clicked open, and Changkyun turned around to see Jeongyeon poking her head into the door, arms frozen above him.

She smirked at him, eyes travelling up and down him in a way that made him feel a tiny bit as if he were a piece of meat on display, then glanced over at Kihyun, her smirk growing.

“Damn, Kihyun, take the damn picture, it lasts longer.”

At that Changkyun’s arms, which he had for some reason still been holding in his stretch, fell to his sides suddenly, eliciting a ‘whump’ of sound and he turned around to see Kihyun, literally, staring at him open-mouthed.

“I, I need to _go._ Bathroom.” With that, Kihyun almost rocketed out the door, taking his camera with him.

“What just…”

“You heard him, he needs to go bathroom.”

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Help

I can’t

Why is this my life

 

**Wonho**

Did you get locked out of your house again?

I’ve literally lost count

 

**Kihyun**

This is somehow more pathetic than that

(And stop bringing that up they were all accidents and completely unavoidable and not my fault)

 

**Wonho**

oooooooooookay you’re being extra fun

what’s wrong, Kihyun?

 

**Kihyun**

You know I’m not one for hyperbole, right?

So, anyway, I think Changkyun is trying to kill me

 

**Wonho**

I mean, I sincerely doubt it, but he is quite accident prone

You didn’t give him a knife did you

 

**Kihyun**

No, Wonho, I’m not an idiot

Well actually considering what

I asked him???

Well, he offered, and I accepted the offer

He’s modelling for me okay

 

**Wonho**

WAIT LIKE RIGHT NOW?

 

**Kihyun**

Yes

He is shirtless

Wonho

I didn’t know

Why didn’t you just model for me you jerk

 

**Wonho**

Damn Kihyun I’m sorry honestly

I know you don’t

I mean

I was just so busy I didn’t think and I didn’t think Kyun would offer

Are you okay?

  


**Kihyun**

No

 

**Wonho**

Do you want me to come over?

Kihyun?

 

**Kihyun**

I

Please

Please Wonho

  


**Wonho**

Breathe, I’ll be there in ten

And ffs give Changkyun a shirt

 

**Kihyun**

A shirt

Right

I have shirts

 

**Wonho**

Cool, give him one

I’m on my way

 

\---

  


“Oh, God, I screwed up, didn’t I?” Changkyun rambled immediately, hand in his hair. “I took my shirt off and he literally ran away, I’m the worst model to exist ever on the planet.”

Jeongyeon rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall. “Ignore my brother. He is a big gay issue who refuses to acknowledge that fact.”

Changkyun let his hand fall, looking at Jeongyeon as something stirred in the pit of his stomach. “Wait, _what_?”

“This is fucking unnecessarily complicated, which is his own fucking fault,” Jeongyeon’s face seemed to be stuck in a permanent eyeroll, “But, he is messing up his own fucking life with this, so.”

“I literally have no idea what you’re saying to me right now.”

“Okay, first, before I tell you shit, what the fuck are your intentions with my brother?”

Changkyun could feel himself blush, closing the jacket over his chest because, yes, when he blushed, his entire fucking body turned pink. “I don’t-- _intentions_ \-- What are you say--” He swallowed. “I don’t have _intentions_ \--”

“Okay,” Jeongyeon plopped herself down on the couch. “Let me put it this way: do you just want to get in his pants, or do you want to feelings him?”

He gaped at her, open-mouthed and flushed. “How are you even saying that without feeling embarrassed, _oh my god_ .” He ran a hand over his face, heart pounding in his ears. He wasn’t going to tell Kihyun’s _sister_ , was he?!

“I have walked into my fair share of fucked up shit, my dude.”

Did he want to know? “Listen, it’s really not what you think--he’s tutoring me, I’m just helping him out, I don’t--” _Who are you fooling, here?_ “Want to--” Changkyun settled on a pained noise and hiding his face again.

Jeongyeon looked thoroughly unimpressed. “If you want to be clueless, be my guest. My guess is that Kihyun has almost pulled himself together by now, and you are missing out on some _prime_ information here, my dude. But, whatever, if he’s _just_ your tutor…”

Changkyun paused, weighing his options _carefully_ , here. “I don’t… _just_ wanna get into his pants. Okay? Are you happy now?”

“Ecstatic.” Jeongyeon’s facial muscles didn’t move an inch. “So, tip number one, my parents are big homophobes. That’s a thing. Keep that in mind when he runs away and gets pissy. Tip number two…” Jeongyeon paused. “Okay, this one is awkward. I know what both my brother and Wonho looks like naked. Because they were naked together. That’s a thing.”

“ _Wonho?!_ ” Changkyun’s voice strained over what _must_ be his heart stuck somewhere in his throat, eyes wide. He couldn’t get himself to look at Jeongyeon. “I have to compete with _that_ ?” Wonho, bonafide Adonis, sex-god, abbed _Wonho_?! Changkyun had kissed exactly one (1) boy before running away and then struggling to even look at him in class afterwards.

 _They’d been naked?!!?_ Changkyun flushed, hitting his cheek.  _No no no bad thoughts get away bad bad bad._

Jeongyeon frowned, pushing herself up on her elbows and looking actually invested in the conversation for the first time. “ _That’s_ what you held on to? Out of all that? Not the fact about our parents? You need to get your priorities in order, my dude.”

Changkyun frowned at her. “Well, Minhyuk and Shownu--er, they’re friends of mine. Their parents are horribly homophobic, but they’re-- _You know._ Hyungwon’s mum isn’t the best either, I--”

Jeongyeon raised her eyebrows. “Uh-huh. Yeah I’m not sure you’re really getting it--”

The door slammed open behind Changkyun.

“Right! So, the shirtless thing doesn’t really fit my concept, so here’s a shirt and--” Kihyun stopped talking, and Changkyun, who had frozen upon hearing the door open, turned to see Kihyun frowning at Jeongyeon. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“I’m doing you a favour, honestly,” she mumbled, already standing up. She twiddled her fingers at Changkyun, flipped off her brother, and walked out the door.

Kihyun pinched his nose. “Sorry about her. She has no boundaries or just, like, manners. At all.”

“It’s fine,” Changkyun said, clearing his throat, trying to get himself to sound more confident and less like the nervous boy he was. “The, er, shirt?”

“Yeah, right.” Kihyun tossed the shirt towards Changkyun. He caught it (barely) and briefly wondered if he should go to the bathroom again to get changed. That would… probably not help? Or would it? Fuck it.

Changkyun shrugged off the jacket, not looking at Kihyun. Was Jeongyeon just messing with him? She didn’t seem the type, but something in Changkyun had trouble coming to terms with the fact that Changkyun shirtless could cause _anyone_ to literally run away, nevermind Yoo Kihyun. The boy who literally glared at him at least once during every conversation they had. Yeah, he was sensitive in that any amount of teasing could make his ears flare up, but… Nah, couldn’t be.

 _Knock knock_. “Kihyun?”

Changkyun dropped the shirt. Was that _Wonho_ ? _Now?!_

Wow, things just kept getting better didn’t it. He scrambled for the shirt, while Kihyun told Wonho to come in.

“Hey, are you--Oh, hey, Changkyun,” Wonho said, smile a bit _too_ wide. He looked at Changkyun and frowned. Why was he-- _oh christ the shirt just put on the shirt already oh my god--_  
  
Changkyun flushed, quickly turning around to pull on the shirt.

“Hey,” Kihyun barely looked up from the camera he was fiddling with, nodding at Wonho before looking curiously at Changkyun. “Ready to continue?”

Changkyun nodded, pulling the jacket on again, and wondering if Kihyun had invited Wonho over. Must be, right? Kihyun didn’t exactly seem surprised by his presence. Changkyun glanced at them as he took his place again. Okay, so now he had to look like some sort of ‘natural beauty’ with Wonho _right there_. Okay. Wonho, who Kihyun had clearly invited. Who, possibly, according to Jeongyeon, Kihyun had been… naked with. Um. This was going to be fun.

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

Quick question

does Kihyun also constantly order you around when taking pictures of you?

 

**Hyungwon**

Lol of COURSE

The bossy little shit

Like I haven’t been doing this for years

 

**Wonho**

And you are absolutely wonderful

You know Changkyun’s modelling for Kihyun, right?  
Well. I’m here.

Never in my life has Kihyun been this quiet

 

**Hyungwon**

OMG

I mean, yeah Changkyun told me

But, really?

Not even positioning him about a thousand times in the minutest ways because

‘Your hand was making a stupid shadow’?

 

**Wonho**

Nooooope~~~

I mean, props to Changkyun, I know he’s nervous but he’s good at this

But. Damn.

 

**Hyungwon**

I honestly don’t know whether to be amused

Or offended

Like, damn, Kihyun shutting up is the biggest fucking compliment

 

**Wonho**

Honestly, I’m more concerned than anything else >.<

Kihyun doesn’t handle things well

Also I’m like 99% sure Changkyun thinks he’s doing a bad job bc Kihyunnie is this quiet heh

 

**Hyungwon**

Hold on, I got this

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay, I forgot to say this earlier

But don’t be offended when Kihyun tells you what to do like a thousand times

Cause that’s just how he is

Like, even with me

Also, he won’t ever tell you if you’re in the right position to make a shot

He’ll only like, shut up and take photos if he’s happy

 

\---

 

“Is that your phone?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Changkyun winced, quickly digging the phone out of his pocket, reading Hyungwon’s message and ignoring the thirty seven Jooheon had sent him over the last ten minutes.

“Oh.”

“What is it?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” Changkyun tossed his phone onto the couch, a small smile playing on his lips as he tilted his head and Kihyun took another picture without saying a single word.  


\---

 

**Hyungwon**

Did something happen???

Please tell me Changkyun’s reaction

I’ll give you kisses

 

**Wonho**

Holy shit that was you?

yay kisses o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re not getting kisses if you don’t tell me his exact reaction

Like, which freckle moved where etc

 

**Wonho**

He seems fifty times more relaxed.

Like, he’s moving a bit more, smiling more easily, the freckle on his throat is jumping for joy etc

Dare I ask?

 

**Hyungwon**

I sent him like

Fifty puns about dicks

He loves dick puns

 

**Wonho**

I know you’re joking but that would probably work

 

**Hyungwon**

Why would I be joking

I don’t do supportive shit

I’m the sassy bisexual friend

Who cheers people up by being a walking pillar of salt

 

**Wonho**

Of course you are, babe

Heart of stone

Definitely didn’t almost cry when we kissed the first time

lmao Changkyun just acted cute and I could physically see Kihyun’s soul leave his body

 

**Hyungwon**

I didn’t cry it was

Shut up

Honest to God why isn’t Kihyun just fucking dating this idiot already

Instead of _being_ a literal idiot

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun is

I told you about us, right? From literal ages ago

I didn’t tell you everything. I should, it would explain a lot, but

Idk it’s not my story to tell, in a way

Sorry ugh （￣□￣；）

 

**Hyungwon**

So what I’m picking up

Is that he is an idiot with _issues_

 

**Wonho**

Yep

And one of them is modelling for him rn

 

**Hyungwon**

I think

I think we need Kihyun to talk to Minhyuk and Shownu

 

**Wonho**

What? Why?

 

**Hyungwon**

They’ve got a story and a half to tell

And I think, I hope

It might help

 

**Wonho**

And you’re totally not a big softie, right?

 

**Hyungwon**

Not at all.

This is just giving me stress and I need it to end

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

You bother me with your problems

and then you don’t bother telling me WHAT THE PROBLEM IS

He’s gone he left fantastic

You know, I have a life

I didn’t ask to be disrupted in this manner

Seriously why aren’t you answering me

Are there more gay books?

What were you doing in his bathroom

I cannot believe you went to his house

To shoot porn for him

And I know nothing

It took me a week to meet Wonho and now this

Gunhee is upset with you too y’know

Okay you know how I sound angry at you rn

I am a bit but that’s not the point why aren’t you answering me

It’s been

Okay it’s only been ten minutes but still

I’m very concerned

WELL FUCK FINE

I hope you two are being safe

Feel free to continue ignoring me

It’s fine

...Changkyun please I can’t handle it anymore

I’m so fucking curious what is happening

I will lure you out with memes and

And

And pictures of Kihyun I’ll bribe from someone

Okay so Wonho said he won’t send me pictures of his best friend cos it is

And I quote

“Weird, Jooheon, why”

I tried Hyungwon but he’s seriously sending me pictures of hamsters rn

Like, why would he even

DID YOU TELL HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON BUT NOT ME BRO

That hurts

I can’t even ask Gunhee to comfort me cause idk if we’re close enough yet

Fuck you

Okay, not actually

Do you think I can ask Gunhee to come over? That’s not weird right

No why am I asking you you suck

 

**Changkyun**

Not at all

Get your cuddle on~~

 

**Jooheon**

SALJDKJDGDFHGFJ

YOU ABSOLUTE

YOU LEAVE ME FOR HOURS

 

**Changkyun**

It was like, 20 minutes, max

you type really fast wth

 

**Jooheon**

...that is besides the point

ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED NOW OR WHAT?

 

**Changkyun**

Did u know that Kihyun and Wonho used to

Do stuff. Naked stuff?

I think they might have dated?

Idk

Stuff

 

**Jooheon**

….I did not know that no

Why do you know that

BUT, at least you know he has at least a passing interest in dudes now

 

**Changkyun**

His sister told me after he ran away

A passing interest in SHIN HOSEOK

 

**Jooheon**

Wait, why did he run away?

 

**Changkyun**

I was shirtless? I don’t

His parents are homophobic?

Dude I’m as lost as you are

 

**Jooheon**

WAIT WHY WERE YOU SHIRTLESS

WERE YOU REALLY SHOOTING A PORNO?

WHAT

 

**Changkyun**

WTF JOOHEON NO

IDK HE ASKED ME TO TAKE MY SHIRT OFF I’M NOT SAYING NO

AND IT DOESN’T MATTER COS IT WAS FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS

I STRETCHED AND HE RAN AWAY

AND THEN HIS SISTER CONFUSED ME

AND THEN FUCKING GOD ABOVE WONHO SHOWS UP

I need a hug

 

**Jooheon**

But like, did he run away because of those abs you insist don’t exist?

Or because the microwave was on or some shit

 

**Changkyun**

My non-existent abs and I are both confused as to why you would mention a microwave??

I have _abs_ olutely no idea what you mean

Heh. oh man I deal with shit badly

Idk man and it was going so well, he flirted? I think?

I just

Do you ever wish you could read minds?

 

**Jooheon**

Idk man microwaves were the first thing I could think of

I might be hungry

He flirted? What did he say

Also, sometimes

But then I remember that people are fucked up

And I don’t want that in my brain

(How did I not pick up on this but: He asked you to take your shirt off? HE LIKES YOU)

 

**Changkyun**

_FOR THE PHOTOSHOOT U NASTY_

Well Wonho shirtless is forever embedded in my brain

Christ anyway

I’m so lost

How can you say he likes me just like that you don’t actually know that he likes me

 

**Jooheon**

I have intuition about these things

And didn’t you just say he liked dudes?

  


**Changkyun**

Yet it’s too early for you to call Gunhee? Sure

Yes, dudes. Apparently. IDK I’m lost

 

**Jooheon**

Stop being a salty ass bitch and think a bit

 

**Changkyun**

I’m actually physically lost I panicked and just walked out of his gate

I’ll just roam the streets like

Like a pigeon

I’m thinking about it okay it’s not going well

 

**Jooheon**

...did you at least wait until the shoot was over before you walked

What are you thinking then?

Like, come on, I’ll help you, what’s your thought process

 

**Changkyun**

Of course ffs

I’m THINKING

That…

Jooheon, I sincerely, really don’t want to get my hopes up

But I think he might like me

A bit. Not as much as I like him, obviously, but

Something

 

**Jooheon**

You have no idea how proud I am

That you managed to get your head out of your ass

And realise that

 

**Changkyun**

Your fucking turn, bro

 

**Jooheon**

FFS IDEK IF HE’S INTO DUDES

AND LIKE  
HAVE YOU SEEN ME?

I’M NOT EXACTLY A FUCKING CATCH

 

**Changkyun**

I’m going to sit down under this tree just now

Give me a second I got this

I am also seriously going to hit you

 

**Jooheon**

CHANGKYUN NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING

CHANGKYUN???!!!!

DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE

  


\---

 

**Changkyun**

So I’m having one hell of a day

Do me a favour and look at this

Opinion?

 

**Gunhee**

Blessed

Beautiful

My crops are thriving

My skin has cleared

12/10 would bang

Er

I meant

Starbucks is of the devil

Er

[sweats nervously]

 

**Changkyun**

wow dude lmao

okey thank you for your time

 

**Gunhee**

[sweating intensifies]

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

CHANGKYUN WHAT ARE YOU DOING

YOU LITTLE SHIT

WHY AM I YOUR FRIEND

 

**Changkyun**

Gunhee likes exactly one (1) cute-ass dude

 

**Jooheon**

WHO IS HE

Fuck I knew he couldn’t like me

I give up

 

**Changkyun**

Holy shit

Please come pick me up so I can hit you

 

**Jooheon**

I literally can’t, Wonho said he needed a car urgently and

As any human would when asked anything from Shin Hoseok

I gave him mine

 

**Changkyun**

...unbelievable

yet absolutely believable

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Do you mayhaps have a ride?

 

**Gunhee**

DIS DICK

I’m so sorry about who I am as a person

yes I do why

 

**Changkyun**

lol you may stay

I need a favour~~~

  


**Gunhee**

.. _.I’m listening_

I’m assuming you need a lift?

 

**Changkyun**

:)

[location sent]

Please and thank you

 

**Gunhee**

How is a human being that cute

Ignore I just said that and then I will come pick you up

...one for the road?

  


**Changkyun**

ya damn thirsty

 

**Gunhee**

ah jeez

 

\---

 

Kihyun opened the gate for Changkyun and waved a goodbye, letting the same hand fall down onto his face as Changkyun disappeared down the street.

“Is he… walking back to campus?”

“Quite possibly,” Kihyun sighed into his hand. “He’s an idiot like that. Anyway. Have you eaten?”

Wonho gave him a look. “Are you seriously going to stress-cook?”

“No! … Maybe. Oh, shut up. At least I don’t like, smoke or some shit.”

“Fine, you can make me a sandwich. If! _If_ you talk to me.” Wonho frowned at his best friend. “The last time you panic texted me out of a bathroom--”

“Happened a really long time ago, okay? And it was like, a completely different situation.” Kihyun glared, turning to walk into the house.

“Okay, sure.” Wonho trailed after Kihyun, hands in his pockets. “Still, it’s not like you to panic like this.”

Kihyun let out a strangled laugh, pulling the kitchen door open almost viciously, immediately making his way to where the bread was stored. “Are you _kidding_ me? Panicking is _exactly_ like me. I’m just better at hiding it, usually. But that _fucking_ kid…” Kihyun frowned at the bread he had placing on the counter, butter knife clutched in his hand.

Wonho laughed, shaking his head. “He does a good job of shaking you up, who would’ve thought.”

Kihyun was still frowning as he smeared a liberal amount of peanut butter on the bread. “Who gave him the fucking right. Like, why did he even volunteer for the modelling thing? Was he just trying to fuck with me?”

Wonho laughed nervously, eyeing the door. “Careful, dude, your mom’s still here.”

Kihyun glared at Wonho for a second before his shoulders slumped and he said, softly, “Fuck, I know. This is just… I don’t need this. Maybe I should just photograph fruit or some shit. And sit in a really crowded place in programming.”

“I don’t know, man, pineapples are pretty sexy,” Wonho joked.

“I will stab you with this butter-knife. It’ll take effort, but don’t think I won’t.”

“I’m sorry, I just,” Wonho let out a puff of air, tilting his head to look at his best friend looking at a half-made peanut butter sandwich like it was the cause of all his problems. “How serious is this, Kihyun?”

“It’s not serious. I mean, it’s nothing. I just need to, I just need to focus. I just need to focus.” Kihyun took a deep breath. “It’s not like I don’t have enough going in with my classes and all. And my dad wants me to pick up a part-time job, so, there’s that.”

“You're _shitting me,_ right? Aren’t you busy enough as is?”

“It will, apparently, teach me the worth of hard work and make me more responsible. He’s even told me, ‘jokingly’ that he’ll stop giving me an allowance. I know he’s just looking out for me, but still…”

“I really hate your dad sometimes, you know,” Wonho said, biting the inside of his cheek and glaring at the wall.

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. He’s doing what’s best for me. You know that.” Kihyun swallowed and picked up the sandwich. “Want one?”

“I do. Most of it _is_ , anyway, I just--” Wonho sighed. “Yeah, just gimme.”

Kihyun handed the sandwich over, starting on the next. “How’s Hyungwon, by the way?”

Wonho laughed. “Seriously?”

“I am allowed to ask about your stupid--” Kihyun spoke softer, giving a quick glance to the door. “About your annoying boyfriend, okay.”

“He’s perfectly fine, thanks, although that is _not_ going to change the subject.”

Kihyun snorted. “What, no wild urge to start spouting poetry about his frog-face or giraffe legs?”

“Mmm, it’s more of an interpretive dance I’m sure your mother wouldn’t appreciate walking in on,” Wonho joked. “So I’ll get back to you on that one. Your _texts_ , on the other hand--”

“Should have just screamed into a pillow like I planned, but _nooo_ \--”

“Kihyun, please? You keep saying it’s not serious, that things are ‘fine’, and then you reach out to me? You only do that when you feel like you can’t cope alone, and you barely let anyone, nevermind me, see what you consider a ‘weakness’. Please talk to me.”

“I…” Kihyun sighed, turning around to look at Wonho, who looked so damn _concerned_ , and leaning back against the counter. “I-- the barbeque, sleepover thing. We, we were talking in the middle of the night, and I might have been a bit sleep-deprived and--” Kihyun broke off, staring at the floor. “Hyung, I-- I almost kis-kissed him.” Kihyun stuttered, voice breaking a tiny bit. He cleared his throat, shaking his head. “I almost, did that, and I can’t-- I can’t-- Wonho you know I _can’t--_ ”

Sandwich long forgotten, Wonho breathed out a heartfelt, “Kihyun,” and walked forward, hand going to rest tentatively on his friend’s shoulder.

Kihyun tensed slightly at the hand, before his body seemed to lose its will to stand upright and he tilted forward, slowly, his head coming to a rest against Wonho’s chest.

“He, he called me amazing and interesting and, and…” Kihyun’s voice shuddered to a stop, and, with a sort of muted horror, he realised he was shaking.

“Kihyun, it’s--” Wonho’s hand tightened on his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

Kihyun felt an odd, numb, tearing sensation somewhere in the region of his stomach before realising with a start that he was crying. Silently, but, he was crying. Big, fat tears that he couldn’t write off as anything else.

“Shh, Hyunnie, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Wonho pulled him closer, slowly, cautiously, until his arms were wrapped securely around Kihyun and his hands were stroking a soothing pattern on his back.

Kihyun weakly hit Wonho’s chest with his fist, a litany of, “It’s not, it’s not. Hyung, you know it’s not,” falling from his lips. And, for a while, that was all Kihyun was aware of.

 

\---

 

Gunhee leaned over to open the passanger door to Changkyun, who looked very comfortable underneath a tree on the sidewalk. “Your uber has arrived.”

“Rejoice,” Changkyun said, flinging on his backpack and plopping down onto the seat, letting out a breath. “Ah, Uber has a tight budget. Was this your great grandfather's car or?”

“I sincerely don’t think you know how Uber works, dude,” Gunhee said, putting the car in gear. “Put your seatbelt on.”

“I was gonna!” He put on his seatbelt and frowned at the radio. “Hang on, who dis?”

“Oh, er, nothing,” Gunhee said, reaching towards the radio, but Changkyun swatted his hand away.

“Hands on the wheel,” Changkyun smirked, turning the radio louder because he could _swear_ \-- “No way, dude.”

“He produces music, okay, I’m allowed to listen to it.”

“How many times have you listened to it?”

“It’s really, really _good_ music and--”

“How many--”  
  
“Twenty four.”

Changkyun laughed. “Oh, man, here I thought I was whipped.”

Gunhee looked at him, mouth open. “Whaaaaat? This is only the second time we’re talking but I am _aghast_ at not knowing every single detail of your life.”

“ _We are not talking about me,_ we are talking about you listening to Jooheon for--how long is this mixtape even--”

“There are seven songs, and I will not be judged by you. Nice rapping, by the way.”

Changkyun paused. “Really, which one?”

“Interstellar. Is that one of your friends singing?”

“Yeah, it’s Hyungwo-- _don’t distract me like this._ ” Changkyun raised a stern finger to Gunhee. “I was going to say something important.”

“About?”

“I’ve almost completely forgotten--Jooheon! About Jooheon. I,” Changkyun pointed to himself. “Want to talk to you,” he pointed to Gunhee again, who looked exceedingly amused, “about Jooheon.”

Gunhee tapped his hands on the steering wheel, huffing out a breath. “Who?”

“Lee Jooheon?” Changkyun whined. “Dude, seriously, you’re doing _this_ \--”

“No idea who you’re talking about--”

“His name is on the CD in your car--”

“Never heard of ‘im--”

“You cuddled on my goddamn bed--”

“Am I that obvious?” Gunhee asked, looking over at Changkyun with big eyes. Changkyun blinked.

“I---Well, yeah. To me at least. Somehow I thought getting you to say anything would be harder but I guess not.” Gunhee grimaced. “It’s not a bad thing, though! Being obvious. I mean, Jooheon has trouble spotting these things even if you paint it in neon colours and do a dance. I tell him he’s cute every single day and he still thinks I’m just kidding.”

Gunhee looked terribly affronted. “He doesn’t think he’s cute?”

“For some goddamn reason, yeah.”

“He’s not the guy you’re whipped for, right?”

“ _Dude_.”

“I’m all for OT3, I almost run a blog for Stranger Things, but I hardly know you, dude--”

Changkyun laughed. “God, you’re difficult, I get why Jooheon throws me with shit now. _No_ , you _donut_ , it’s not Jooheon.”

“I just realized I don’t actually know where I’m driving you.”

“The dorm’s fine. Are you gonna tell him?”

Gunhee laughed, snorting. “Uhm. No? Of course not?”

“Why the hell not, I need a win today.”

“Who shat in your cornflakes this morning?”

“Try to change the subject one more time and I’ll pull this steering wheel and drive us into a tree.”

Gunhee hummed a near frustrated ‘mmm’, before pursing his lips and squinting. “What do you think he’d do?”

“If you told him?”

“If I kissed him.”

Changkyun flailed in his seat, looking over at him with wide eyes. “Dude!”

Gunhee pouted. “I really wanna.”

“God, this is dumb. Get a boombox and rap about your emotions outside his window or something.”

“I can’t get 'dimple' to rhyme with anything other than ‘pimple’ so I’m not too keen on that one.”

Changkyun considered many things. Not often, but he did. He considered the fact that 1) Jooheon definitely liked this guy, 2) Jooheon was in their dorm right now, 3) they were pulling up to their dorm right now.

“Do you have any big romantic gesture planned or are you just planning on kissing him?”

Gunhee paused, seeming to think about it as he looked at their dorm building. “Kind of? Is that bad…? _Wait, no_ , I didn’t say I was going to go kiss him, you can’t say I said that, I didn’t say that.”

“Dude, just go,” Changkyun said, opening the car door and getting out, making a big sweeping gesture towards the building. “If you have it in your small body--”

“You are literally probably like a centimeter taller than I am,” Gunhee defended, locking his car and stuffing his keys into his pocket.

“Go knock him off his feet, my guy. I’m his best friend, you think I’d lie to you?”

“He likes me?”

“He sure does. Go get ‘im, tiger.”

Gunhee grinned widely at Changkyun, nodded enthusiastically, turned his snapback, gave a big thumbs up, and ran.

 

\---

 

Gunhee ran, physically ran, into at least four people on the way up. He apologised, grinning widely at all of them, who seemed unable to stay angry at the clearly very happy man. He stopped at Jooheon’s door, not even bothering to stop and steel his nerves, just knocking rapidly.

“Kyun, Christ, just gimme a minute--”

Jooheon’s eyes widened comically, _freaking adorably_ , at seeing Gunhee in his doorway instead of his best friend. Gunhee panted a bit, coming to terms with his own level of unfitness as he waved a hand at Jooheon.

“Lemme breath for a sec--phew it was definitely farther than I realized I could handle at a brisk run, _damn_ \--”

Jooheon frowned, eyes still wide. Gunhee smiled, taking another deep breath. “Okay, so, your best friend is a dick--”

“Oh, God, what did he do--Did he get you to drive him around?!”

“Yes, but that’s not why--”

“He can’t just do that, I’m gonna freaking kill him--”

“Jooheon.” Jooheon pinched his lips together, still looking a bit wild-eyed. “Listen to me for a sec, ‘kay? Ahaha, wow, cannot believe I’m doing this. You are, for lack of a better word and my own eloquence, fucking adorable.”

“I, what? I’m not--”

“That thing you’re literally doing with your face right now? Cute as shit. But you’re also just, so, fucking, goddamn _talented_. You know, I saw you rap at the beginning of the year and I honestly think my soul left my body for a while there. It came back to one husk of a man, but still.”

“I’m so confused what did Changkyun _say, oh my god,_ I’m gonna kill him.”

“You are seriously still on that, aren’t you?” Gunhee laughed, shaking his head. “I just exposed myself to you and this is what I get.”

“Did he make you do this or blackmail you into saying--”

Gunhee stepped forward, “He didn’t _make_ me do anything I didn’t already want to do. He just, sort of, brought it to my attention.” Gunhee smiled. “Would you mind terribly if I kissed you right now?”

Jooheon’s fists clenched at his sides, and he blinked furiously. “So, you’re actually, like, serious right now? I mean, I know Changkyun likes jokes but this isn’t, you’re not pulling my leg.”

Gunhee’s first instinct was to laugh, say something like, ‘of _course_ I’m serious’. But. He saw the honest to god panic and fear hiding in Jooheon’s eyes, the way his eyes kept flickering around, the way his hands were clenched tightly in his shirt.

“Lee Jooheon, I, Song Gunhee, really, _really_ like you and I really, _really_ think you’re a great rapper and I really, nearly desperately want to kiss you. May I?”

Finally, _finally_ , Jooheon’s eyes cleared and he looked down, smiling a shy smile that made his dimples pop, a light dusting of red on his cheeks, and nodded. “Um, ye--”

Gunhee cut him off with a chaste, lingering kiss, pulling back just to smirk lightly. “You’re adorable.”

“You’re embarrassing,” Jooheon said, kissing him again, just because he could.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

DID YOU KISS

 

**Jooheon**

I hate you

 

**Changkyun**

NIIIIIIIIIIIICE

 

**Jooheon**

You’re an absolute disgrace of a best friend and I don’t know why I tolerate you

What the fuck did you say to him

 

**Changkyun**

I literally sent him a picture of you and he crumbled like a dry leaf

I didn’t do shit, he talks too fast for his brain to realize what he’s actually saying

OH GOD I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU I’M GONNA CRY

 

**Jooheon**

I LITERALLY DIDN’T SAY THAT ANYTHING HAPPENED???

For all you know we could have had a massive falling out

And decided we hated each other

 

**Changkyun**

Nah he’s reading this over your shoulder I can feel it in my bones

Also Hyungwon asked me who you were kissing in the hallway so

:) have fun

 

**Jooheon**

That fucking beanpole of salt he better wat

HI

THIS IS GUNHEE

I’M GONNA TAKE HIS PHONE NOW

AND THEN HIM

HAVE A NICE DAY CHANGKYUN

I OWE U

 

**Changkyun**

THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER GO GET ‘IM JOOHEON

You two stay off my bed

Are you on my bed?

Sorry you’re probably busy but plz don’t

Jooheon?

JOOHEON

 

**Jooheon**

#revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> https://pa1.narvii.com/6436/4ea41cc77c6388b938cdd3acf5dc74d799952f10_hq.gif


	11. "Breathe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [trigger/content warning for descriptions of a panic attack, and past family trauma due to homophobia]

**Changkyun**

I’m gonna flirt with him

I have made up my mind and

I am going to actually make an attempt and flirt with Yoo Kihyun

 

**Hyungwon**

Marvelous

Please invite me I need to see this

 

**Changkyun**

...dude i’m not scheduling it

“Tomorrow at noon I’ll tell Kihyun his butt is nice”

No that’s not

Christ, I meant to text Jooheon, fuck

 

**Hyungwon**

No no please do tell me more about Kihyun’s butt

I’m practically glued to my screen

 

**Changkyun**

I’m ignoring you in favour of self-love

 

**Hyungwon**

Please don’t call masturbating ‘self-love’

 

**Changkyun**

THAT’S NOT WHAT I

FUCK YOU

 

**Hyungwon**

No need. 

You seem to have that

-light cough-

under-hand

 

**Changkyun**

Never speaking to you again bye

 

**Hyungwon**

Try to be more careful with your texts

I’m sure Kihyun doesn’t wanna know about your ‘self-love’

Or he does idk he’s weird

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Say something nice, Hyungwon is being

...Hyungwon

ALSO I’M GOING TO FLIRT WITH

...oh jeez

I meant to send that to Jooheon

I’m so sorry Kihyun please ignore that I

Death. I am going to flirt with death.

“Death, take me now!”

Ignore me I beg you

 

**Kihyun**

…okay

Who are you going to flirt with dude

 

**Changkyun**

DEATH

 

**Kihyun**

Not yet I still need some photos

You can do that after I have the photos

 

**Changkyun**

I need your permission to die, then?

 

**Kihyun**

Well

Eh

Not permission

Just, make sure not to inconvenience me

  
  


\---

 

**Changkyun**

BITCH I’MA DO IT

 

**Jooheon**

DO LITERALLY WHAT

I WOULD SAY GO FOR IT BUT YOU’RE CRAZY AND DO SOME WEIRD SHIT

SO I NEED CLARIFICATION

CHANGKYUN? 

FFS

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Of course, I’ll remember to stretch beforehand

For hyung’s sake

 

**Kihyun**

…what?

 

**Changkyun**

I still have your shirt, you know

Would you like me to wear it this time or?

 

**Kihyun**

Are we just completely ignoring what you just said

Okay, then

Nah, just bring it along

Saturday still good?

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Newsflash I am bad at flirting

 

**Hyungwon**

Wtf do you mean ‘newsflash’

 

**Changkyun**

Was ‘I’ll stretch beforehand’ too subtle?

Pretty sure he nearly dropped that camera tho

 

**Hyungwon**

Like, I just think that

Basically, Kihyun is stupid

And, like, also that was really bad flirting?

 

**Changkyun**

Fucking fine you tell me what to do then

If you can bag Wonho

WHO APPARENTLY EVERYONE WOULD JUST LOVE TO BAG

 

**Hyungwon**

Idk man

I just basically existed

 

**Changkyun**

That helps

 

**Hyungwon**

My pleasure

 

\---

  
  


**Changkyun**

Okay so if I were to flirt with Kihyun

 

**Jooheon**

KJAGDHGJDGHK YES?

 

**Changkyun**

Advice?

 

**Jooheon**

Just be cool. Be yourself.

 

**Changkyun**

...I cannot be both, pick one

 

**Jooheon**

...say nothing

Just send selfies 

I give up with you

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Saturday is great!

See you then~~

 

**Kihyun**

Yeah

You wear glasses?

 

**Changkyun**

I do, when I’m not wearing contacts

I’ve seen you wear glasses before???

Want me to wear them for you on Saturday?

 

**Kihyun**

Yes

I mean, I think it would fit with the concept

I need to study now

  
  


**Changkyun**

Okey~ go at those books until they beg for mercy _へ__(‾◡◝ )>

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I may, MAY, have gone too far

 

**Jooheon**

What did you do you nasty fucker

 

**Changkyun**

For reasons known best only to myself

 

**Jooheon**

You need Jesus istg

WHAT DID HE SAY

 

**Changkyun**

Jesus wouldn’t want me

Nothing ffs I told you I WENT TOO FAR

SELF-EXPOSE MUCH

CHRIST

 

**Jooheon**

Damn

I would say I feel sorry for you

But you dug your own damn grave

Is he even into that shit?

 

**Changkyun**

I fuckin hope so

Er

I’m going now

 

\---

 

**Gunhee**

LMAO

 

**Changkyun**

THAT SNAKE

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Wonho

You didn’t

Tell Hyungwon anything about us, right?

Like

Did you?

  
  


**Wonho**

You know I wouldn’t tell anyone anything without your permission

Why? You okay? Did someone find out?

 

**Kihyun**

I’m not sure

Like, I would understand if you told Hyungwon we

Kinda

Were together

But you didn’t tell him anything else, right?

You’re  _ sure _

 

**Wonho**

...Why? You only send multiple messages like that when you’re flustered or confused

What is happening

I didn’t tell anyone we dated in high school if that’s what you mean

 

**Kihyun**

I just

Changkyun said some things

I thought maybe you told Hyungwon

And he might have let it slip to Changkyun

 

**Wonho**

...omg you mean

omg HE DIDN’T

Are you serious right now?

Changkyun

Like, CHANGKYUN

We are talking about Lim Changkyun???

 

**Kihyun**

Idk man you all see him as some innocent little fucking puppy or some shit

He isn’t okay

He isn’t 

 

**Wonho**

I’m in shock

Can I tell Hyungwon?

Nvm no not doing that

...u okay

 

**Kihyun**

I’m fine

Maybe he didn’t realise he did what he did

I mean

It was only the one message

Am I obvious about it?

 

**Wonho**

...you ARE very bossy

...were you, er

Bossy

With Changkyun?

He’s good at reading people

 

**Kihyun**

NO

IDK THAT’S NOT

I WAS JUST TUTORING THE KID????????

AND THEN WITH THE FUCKING PHOTOSHOOT

I am calm

  
  


**Wonho**

I see that

gentle reminder that we also had ‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘tutoring sessions’’’’’’’

 

**Kihyun**

That wasn’t the same thing come on

Like, not even a little bit

 

**Wonho**

I cannot tell you how curious I am as to what this kid said

But anyway

Just stick to the friend plan, okay, until

Well, idk, until Something

 

**Kihyun**

...okay but I am pretty sure he is flirting

And he’s sending me selfies

He’s trying to kill me

 

**Wonho**

That is uncharacteristically dramatic of you, Kihyun

 

**Kihyun**

I am not being dramatic

I am being very calm

Considering the fact that he DID THAT

 

**Wonho**

Send a selfie back

That’ll shut him up

 

**Kihyun**

Like, what selfie though?

 

**Wonho**

What kind of attack are we instigating?

Cute or?

 

**Kihyun**

I honestly just want him to shut up with the flirty things

It’s not helping the friends thing

And, my parents just called me to talk to them in the sitting room

I think they fucking saw us last Wednesday

 

**Wonho**

...fuck. I’m so sorry Kihyun

You were crying I couldn’t

I’m sorry

It could be something else

 

**Kihyun**

They sounded very serious idk

Fuck

I’ll talk you you later

 

\---

 

Kihyun wavered in the hallway, hearing his parents talking softly in the living room, and took a deep breath. This could be anything. This could be about his grades (he  _ did  _ do badly in that one Calculus test), about his older brother (who’s kid was nearly a year old now, Kihyun could hardly believe it), about his constant squabbling with Jeongyeon or even about how they finally found out about Jeongyeon’s tattoo and wanted to have a family meeting about it. 

It really could be anything.

There really was no reason to assume it was about the thing that happened Wednesday afternoon. 

Stepping into the living room wasn’t very promising though. His parents were on the ‘lecture couch’. The couch that was just about big enough for two people to sit side by side facing the other, bigger couch… where Kihyun had to sit, trying not to look as nervous as he felt.

“Kihyun,” his father began, reaching out to hold his mother’s hand, “I think we need to talk about your friendship with Wonho.”

Kihyun’s skin felt like it was stretched too tight over his skin. His hands kept twitching, fidgety and restless. Kihyun could feel something lodged in the back of his throat, and he coughed quietly, trying to get it out. It didn’t work.

It could have been anything, but, of course, it wasn’t.

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

What happened?

Are you okay?

 

**Kihyun**

I’m fine

It was nothing

I need to study, talk later

 

\---

 

“How often do you think people lie when they tell you they’re fine?”

“Like, at least nine and a half times out of ten. Minimum.” Hyungwon rolled over on his back, eyes moving away from the textbook he had been paging through. “Why?”

Wonho sighed, locking his phone and tossing it onto the bed, running a hand over his face. “Any chance Kihyun is that zero point five out of ten?”

“Doubt it. When, in the entirety of the time you have known Kihyun, has he ever been ‘fine’. I swear, he has at least five panic attacks going simultaneously at all times.” Hyungwon snorted, but stopped when he saw the frown flitting across Wonho’s face. “Is, um, is something wrong with him?”

“No? Maybe? Ugh, it’s stupidly, unnecessarily, complicated,” Wonho groaned, falling sideways from where he’d been sitting against the wall, looking at Hyungwon with a pout. “I can’t do anything to help him. Anything I do would just… make it worse.”

Hyungwon paused, before closing his textbook and placing it on the floor, turning to Wonho. “Is it something you can tell me about?”

Wonho pouted, shaking his head. “No. Sorry. I want to, though.”

“It’s fine, I get it.” Hyungwon tilted his head, before scooting closer, sitting crossed legged next to Wonho with their knees touching. “Can I do something to make it better?”

“Probably not and, you’re really not being fair right now,” Wonho let out a breathy laugh, turning his face into the bed for a moment before peeking at Hyungwon again. “Seriously, you’re being way too cute for me to be appropriately upset for my best friend right now.”

A light blush dusted Hyungwon’s cheeks. “I, I’m being cute?” He let out a short, stilted giggle. “For your information, I was trying to be a supportive boyfriend. But, I’ll take cute.”

“You’re both,” Wonho mumbled, turning his face into the bed again. “Why am I allowed to be so stupidly happy--I don’t-- _ uuuuuugh. _ ”

“Allowed to be?” Hyungwon laughed, laying down next to Wonho. “What, do you feel guilty or something?”

“Yes,” Wonho moaned pitifully. “You, me, Minhyuk and Shownu, Gunhee and Jooheon. But especially me. No way any of them are as stupidly happy as I am and it makes me feel guilty, okay?.” Wonho faced Hyungwon, a small smile on his lips. “How could I not be happy, though. Having you as a supportive, cute boyfriend and all.”

Hyungwon leaned over, placing a soft kiss on Wonho’s lips. “You are such a fucking cheeseball, you know that?”

“An incredibly lucky cheeseball,” Wonho smiled, big, unhibited. “That loves you very much.”

“Aaaaaaaaaaah, that’s too cheesy.” Hyungwon was grinning however, twining his legs with Wonho’s and laying his head on his chest. “You can die from too much cheese you should stop.”

“As long as you let me cuddle you, of course I’m not gonna stop.” Wonho kissed the top of Hyungwon’s head, closing his eyes. “Its… I just want…” Wonho shook his head. “Nothing, it’s nothing, I’m just gonna keep holding you, if that’s okay.”

“Hey, no, what is it? I’ll move, I’ll wiggle fervently, I swear to God.”

“I’m too strong, you wouldn’t be able to escape.”

“I would snap like a twig, you wouldn’t let me snap like a twig.”

“You haven’t snapped yet, so…”

Hyungwon huffed and hit Wonho on the arm. “What were you going to say, goddammit.”

“I just,” Wonho started, pulling Hyungwon closer. “I just want Kihyun to be this happy, too.”

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Hyuuuuuuuuuuuuung can I borrow your notes pleeeeeeeease

 

**Kihyun**

No

You weren’t paying attention, this is your fault

 

**Changkyun**

You frown, like, all the time, it’s very distracting

  
  


**Kihyun**

How is that distracting

What fucking notes

 

**Changkyun**

You’re going to have frown lines at 27

I’m just very concerned

The ones on what we did yesterday

I cannot remember what it was about, but, like, yesterday’s

:)

 

**Kihyun**

Were you just not paying attention at all good lord

What do I get in return

 

**Changkyun**

My eternal gratitude?

A selfie?

Chai tea?

You may have all of the above

Seriously, I’m at the coffee shop with Minhyuk and them, you could really get one

I still kind of owe you a tea lol

 

**Kihyun**

I LOVE chai tea

I mean, chai tea is a good bribe I will take that

 

**Changkyun**

Good to know ;)

 

\---

 

**Minhyuk**

HEY!

Kihyunnie

Want to get coffee or tea later?

I feel like we don’t talk enough

 

**Kihyun**

We don’t talk

Like, at all

 

**Minhyuk**

I know :( sad, isn’t it

BUT IT’S OKAY THAT’LL CHANGE

You’re in the party now, no takesie backsies

Kyunnie says he asked you to come??? o((*^▽^*))o

 

**Kihyun**

Party?

What are you even talking about

No, he said he was gonna bring me chai tea I’m not moving out of the library

He wants notes, he’s gonna work for them

 

**Minhyuk**

Mmm he wants notes, I’m sure

(.﹒︣︿﹒︣.) well okay but you HAVE to come hang out with us

You just gotta~~~

 

**Kihyun**

Actually, I don’t

 

**Minhyuk**

Okey ㅠㅠㅠ

By the way

Changkyun just bought Chai Tea for you when he could have gotten the notes from me

 

**Kihyun**

That

Why would he do that that’s so stupid

 

**Minhyuk**

Depends who you ask

Enjoy the tea

 

\---

 

The only problem with bringing Kihyun his tea while he was holed up in the library was the fact that, technically, you weren’t  _ allowed  _ to have food or beverages in the library. Of course, that had never stopped Changkyun before, it was just that, all that other times, he had been able to hide his food and drinks in his bag. Since he was never stupid enough to try and smuggle tea or coffee into the library.

Until Kihyun, of course.

The guards at the entrance of the library weren’t the most observant people, (or they just didn’t give a shit, which Changkyun found the most likely of the options), so usually they would turn a blind eye to a water bottle in your bag etc. He had a feeling though, that they weren’t going to be  _ as  _ lenient in this case.

He took a breath, pushed the cup under his jacket, and walked into the library with one hand held suspiciously under his jacket.

Best case scenario; he gives Kihyun his tea, Kihyun smiles (hopefully), all is well and right in the universe.

Worst case scenario; the guards think he’s hiding a gun in his jacket, tackle him to the ground, and his definitely not toned chest gets burned by some tea.

The guards barely noticed him, but he did trip a bit over thin air and dribble some tea over his shirt. Like an adult.

Changkyun knew where Kihyun studied (and it definitely wasn’t because he spied on him sometimes). It was the quietest spot you could find that still had a plug nearby, so it was no  _ real _ surprise when Changkyun turned the corner and saw Kihyun sitting there. No real surprise, so his goddamn heart needs to start  _ acting like it _ and  _ chill the fuck out, please _ . He took a breath, securing the cup, wincing at his slightly wet shirt, now cold and clammy, sticking to his chest, and walked over, waving slightly at the older boy and smiling widely when Kihyun looked up, distracted by the movement.

He opened his jacket and pointed at the tea, grin growing as Kihyun sighed and lowered his face in his hands.

“You actually-- You know you’re not allowed to bring food and drinks into the library. It’s the  _ rule _ .”

“Those are guidelines,” Changkyun grinned.

“I hope you realise that you spilled on your shirt, and they’re really  _ not _ .”

“I realise,  _ and  _ have the burns to prove it,” Changkyun carefully put the tea down next to Kihyun’s book. “Enjoy. It’s illegally smuggled, for your convenience.”

Kihyun’s eyes widened as Changkyun brought the cup into the open, eyes flicking around nervously. “If the librarians catch us…”

“You can just blame it on me,” Changkyun winked. “Besides, they’re quite literally glued behind their desks. I’ve never,  _ ever,  _ seen one of them out and about between the shelves. They have students doing that for them, and they just literally do not give a single shit. Jooheon and I had tacos in here once, so. Tea!” Changkyun motioned towards the cup, smiling.

Kihyun, still frowning slightly, took a sip of his tea. “You ate tacos in here? How did you get them past the guards?”

“My charms, naturally,” Changkyun said, sitting down at the empty table next to him, laying his head down onto his arms and looking at Kihyun innocently.

“You put them in your bag and it smelled like tacos for weeks afterward didn’t it.”

Changkyun paused. “Did Hyungwon tell you about this? Okay, yeah, fine, but it still worked, my point stands.”

Kihyun grinned slightly at Changkyun, who beamed back. As he did, however, a slight shadow seemed to pass over Kihyun’s face. The grin faded, and he looked away, hands clenched just a bit too tight around the cup. 

“Right, the notes,” Kihyun bent down, shuffling things around in his bag for a few seconds before emerging with a sheath of papers. “Here you go. Make a copy, somehow, and give them back to me at the next class. As quickly as possible, please. We have another test on Thursday, remember.”

“Uuuugh,” Changkyun groaned. “Don’t they get tired of setting these things up. I bet they find some sort of… sadistic joy in it.” Changkyun reached out a hand towards the notes, coming up a bit short and hand making grabbing motions in the air.

Huffing, Kihyun extended his arm enough for Changkyun to reach. 

“It’s literally every week, aren’t you used to it by now? And it’s more for us than them anyway. You know, to make sure we can do the things they talk about in class and that we’re not behind and that if we  _ are  _ behind they can help us.”

“Stop rationalizing my struggle,” Changkyun said, smiling nonetheless, carefully stuffing the notes into his bag. “ _ Yes, I understand, Changkyun, I also hate tests, Changkyun, no, you’re not just lazy, Changkyun~ _ ”

“Eh, you are a bit.”

“Says the one who couldn’t even come get his own tea.”

“I was  _ busy  _ and  _ you  _ were the one who wanted a favour, thank you very much.”

“Shhh, you’ll wake the librarians.”

Kihyun rolled his eyes, seemingly fighting a smile. “Hey, why is Minhyuk trying to get me to hang out with him?”

Changkyun tilted his head. “He’s just… I don’t know, he’s Minhyuk, he’s like that. He likes people, and you, apparently. God knows  _ why, _ ” Changkyun teased. “Just give in and say yes. Seriously. He always gets what he wants. Remember why I’m taking this class in the first place?”

“You’re a pushover, it doesn’t count.” Kihyun ignored Changkyun’s scandalised expression. “Also, from what Hyungwon told me, you were threatened with Shownu? Whatever that means.”

“Shownu’s arms hold far too much power over me, okay.”

“...Okay. Now, go away. I have a Calculus test tomorrow and I need to study.”

“ _ Fine _ ,” Changkyun sighed, soft smile on his face nonetheless, as he got up and pushed the chair back in. “Seriously, though. Just say yes. To Minhyuk, I mean. He’s not gonna stop.”

“I’m not a pushover! He needs to like, learn boundaries and shit.”

“Never said you were a pushover, hyung,” Changkyun grinned, walking backwards to leave. “Quite the opposite, actually.”

Changkyun would have been alarmed at the bright red colour that instantly assaulted Kihyun’s face if he weren’t so amused at the slightly strangled noise Kihyun let out.

“What-- I’m not-- Just go away,  _ God _ .” 

“See you in class, hyung” Changkyun laughed, turning the corner. 

Well. That certainly went better than expected.

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Why do you want to hang out so desperately anyway?

 

**Minhyuk**

I wouldn’t say desperately

BUT, I think me and Shownu have a very interesting story to tell you~~

Like, I really think you would be interested

 

**Kihyun**

Why?

 

**Minhyuk**

An inkling~ A suspicion~

Also Wonho and Hyungwon said so

Besides why wouldn’t you want to hang out with me

I’m fucking delightful

 

**Kihyun**

What the fuck did Wonho say

 

**Minhyuk**

Mmm~~~~ not much

So how’s tomorrow at 12? o((*^▽^*))o

 

**Kihyun**

Fucking hell

Okay, fine

Where?

 

**Minhyuk**

YYYYAAAAAYYYYY

The coffee shop on campus

See you then Kihyunnieee~

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

What the actual fuck did you say to Minhyuk

 

**Wonho**

Literally no idea what you’re talking about

 

**Kihyun**

If what Minhyuk wants to talk about what I think he wants to talk about

Then I don’t know

But something

 

**Wonho**

I once literally just sat on you and you couldn’t move

I am not scared of you, Kihyun

Please go, though? For me?

 

**Kihyun**

I already said I would, chill

 

**Wonho**

(ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

 

\---

 

Kihyun walked into the coffee shop, beanie pulled low over his head, half-wishing that Minhyuk had decided not to do this in such a public place. If they wanted to talk to Kihyun about what he  _ thought  _ they wanted to talk about, then they really could have chosen some place less, populated. He would just avoid drawing attention in any case.

Minhyuk seemed to have other ideas, as he waved animately from a corner table, where he and Shownu seemed to have made themselves comfortable. “Kihyunnie~!”

Right, time to deal with this over-excitable child that is,  _ somehow _ , older than Kihyun. He still found that hard to believe. He lifted a hand in a half-hearted wave and seated himself across from the two, slumped in his chair.

What the fuck would they even talk about like, honestly what story would they have that would relate to Kihyun’s kin--

It’s better not to think about it.

“I was asked to come,” Kihyun said.

“Me too,” Shownu said.

“Honestly, you two, just act like this isn’t  _ actually  _ torture.” Minhyuk shook his head, before smiling widely. “How have you been, Kihyunnie?”

“I’m fine?” Kihyun shifted in his seat, attempting to at least  _ appear  _ more comfortable. “Why am I here. You made it sound, well, somewhat serious? I don’t know.” 

“I wouldn’t say it’s  _ serious _ ,” Minhyuk said, attempting to wave the waitress over. “Hyungwon just said I should talk to you, is all. Calm down.”

“Talk to me about what?”

“Well…” Minhyuk trailed off, glancing at Shownu who seemed just as nonplussed as Kihyun. “Okay, so, Hyungwon felt that you would benefit from hearing about how we got together.”

The first thing Kihyun felt was relief. So, they were  _ not  _ there to talk about  _ that.  _ That only lasted a few seconds though. As soon as Minhyuk’s words sunk in, his chest seemed to seize up, a nauseous spot forming in his stomach.

“What, what do you mean? Why would he…” Kihyun’s throat was too dry for this shit.

“I don’t know,” Minhyuk frowned. “I’m sorry. I won’t--” He waved his hand uncertainly. “Inquire or whatever, just, it’s not an easy story to tell either. Not always. But, like I said, Hyungwon asked so…”

Kihyun wanted to scoff. He wanted to pull a face and tell them it wasn’t necessary at  _ all _ and that they didn’t need to relive what was obviously painful memories for them when he didn’t even  _ need  _ to hear this and really, Hyungwon should learn to mind his own business. 

For some or other reason, however, he just… couldn’t get himself to say it. He couldn’t make a joke of it. He couldn’t laugh it off, scoff it away. All he could do was stare at Minhyuk with wide eyes, waiting.

“Okay? Okay,” Minhyuk giggled nervously, hands fidgeting before Shownu placed his hand over them. He let out a breath. “Okay,  _ so _ …” He trailed off and, for a long moment, Minhyuk, talkative, energetic Minhyuk, said nothing, instead looking down at his hands with an unreadable expression.

“We met when we were pretty young,” Shownu said, giving Minhyuk a small, reassuring smile. “Friends of the family. He’d always come around, and I’d always love it.” Shownu shrugged. “In high school, I realised I’d fallen in love with him. It was as easy as that.”

Minhyuk laughed, softly. “If only. We, er,” he looked up, eyes shiny but seemingly more at ease. “It wasn’t a big deal, you know? It didn’t feel like it. He confessed and I--” Minhyuk laughed, breaking Kihyun’s gaze to look at Shownu, who had a huge smile plastered on his face. Kihyun still felt nauseous.

“He said ‘I know, dummy’,” Shownu said, shaking his head. “And I’d gotten myself so worked up, too. Wrote cue cards to read off of and everything.”

“I still have those. When he bitches about me eating all the cereal, I whip them out for good measure.”

Shownu rolled his eyes, and Minhyuk continued; “Like I said, it was fine. We---I don’t know, we just instinctively knew, and we also knew that nobody else  _ should  _ know. We were in different schools, but we could see each other all the time. We managed to keep it a secret for… God, three years?” Shownu nodded. Kihyun felt itchy. He couldn’t sit still, yet he knew he wouldn’t be going anywhere until this story was done. “Yeah, three years, and nobody noticed anything, or treated us weirdly, so we thought, ‘hey, they’d understand, right?’.”

“It was my idea.” Shownu sighed softly. “After we graduate, we’d go home, and we’d tell them. Because it wasn’t just high school, you know. It was going to be forever, and I knew Minhyuk hated lying to his parents, almost as much as I hated having that… barrier, that wall between me and my parents, as well. My mother,” Shownu smiled, but it hardly seemed to reach his eyes. “She was kind. She was the most understanding and compassionate person I have ever known. I thought she would understand.”

“They kicked us out.” The way Minhyuk said it wasn’t sad, or self-pitying. It was blunt, matter of fact. Minhyuk even smiled slightly, mockingly, as he said it. Kihyun’s chest was squeezed so tight he could barely breathe. “Or, well, my parents did. Shownu’s dad…”

“I didn’t have chance to say goodbye before my father had already made arrangements for me to enlist immediately. He blamed my ‘condition’ on Minhyuk. Said I was just...” Shownu shook his head. Kihyun didn’t think he’d ever seen so much emotion on Shownu’s face. “He was livid. Said that some proper discipline would ‘fix me’. Minhyuk had nowhere to go, nowhere to sleep, and I... I had to leave.”

Kihyun swallowed past the lump in his throat, gasping in a short breath. “What, what happened then?”

“I had good friends,” Minhyuk said, his smile almost fond. “I didn’t tell them what happened, though, just that I needed somewhere to sleep. I was lucky. My aunt came back from where she’d been living in England, and she helped me. After giving my parents hell, mind you. Amazing woman, my aunt. I was so, so grateful, but she had ties in my parents’ company, and they cut her off. We had a house, but we both had to work hard to keep it.”

“He had three jobs, and still managed to bother me on a daily basis.”

“Oh, shush,” Minhyuk said, throwing his head back and blinking furiously. “I wrote you letters. And, honestly, how was I not supposed to send you memes 24/7 while stuck at a till or stocking shelves the whole day, honestly.”

“My parents hadn’t exactly considered that, I think,” Shownu said. “You don’t just forget about Lee Minhyuk. He won’t let you.”

“I swear to--” Minhyuk smacked his arm again, but his smile was back, and he looked at Kihyun. “In any case, we survived. He came back from his service--”

“I have never heard someone scream like that--”

“I was excited to see you! It’s not like I had money to go and visit you while you were enlisted.” Minhyuk was giggling again. 

“My parents were there, waiting for me,” Shownu said. “I think they thought that I’d ‘come to my senses’. So I kissed him, because of course I hadn’t.”

“I still can’t believe they--” Minhyuk seemed to bristle next to Shownu, frowning at his cup of long-abandoned coffee.

“I was their only child. I don’t think it was something they could just get over,” Shownu said, squeezing Minhyuk’s hand and looking at Kihyun. “I haven’t heard a word from them for years.”

Minhyuk broke. He turned his face into Shownu’s shoulder, and Kihyun could, just barely, make out what he mumbled against Shownu’s shoulder. 

“ _I’m so sorry, Hyunwoo._ ” 

Kihyun wanted to look away. He shouldn’t be seeing this. It felt almost sacrilegious to intrude on such an obviously very personal and intimate moment.

“I don’t regret it, Minnie. Never will.” Shownu lifted his hand to stroke Minhyuk’s head.

“The--” Kihyun said, looking down, looking away. “The house we stayed at, I thought it was… Changkyun said it was your parents’?”

Minhyuk nodded, quickly wiping his tears to little avail. 

“I was lucky. His parents never came around, but mine did. My mother came by the shop I worked at and saw me. Well, us. There. Me and Shownu. He’d started working, too, so we could save up for college, you know.” Minhyuk breathed deeply. “And she couldn’t believe it. I think she realised, I don’t know… Realised what she did. She started crying and hugged me, and I was in shock. She even--” Minhyuk laughed. “She even hugged Shownu. Went over to him and just squeezed him. I’ve never seen him look so confused, it was brilliant. I was so happy. My mother had lost me, her sister, my brother, even, he’d started resenting my parents for what they did, so. I’m not sure what exactly changed her mind, but I’m glad it did. She talked to my dad. He’s still… Well, he watches Shownu like a hawk.”

“He honestly scares me.”

“It worked out, is what I meant. Well, not everything, obviously,” Minhyuk wiped at his eyes once more. 

“But we’re happy. I’m happy,” Shownu finished, a big smile fixed on his face yet again. “He was worth everything.”

Kihyun’s chest had slowly been getting tighter, constricting his breathing more and more as the story continued. Although some small, vague part of him wanted to stay, wanted to ask more questions, wanted to know the logistics, wanted to know how they had managed it all, the bigger, louder, infinitely more insistent part of him was struggling to breathe, to function.

So, with barely more than a gasped, “Okay. Right, thank you. I-- I need to go,” Kihyun ran off. Literally ran. He slowed down once he reached the library, the only place on campus he could really be alone, flashing his student card before rushing to the quietest corner, between the shelves filled with History books.

Bracing himself against a shelf, he slid down, lowered his head into his hands, and quietly tried to remember how to breathe.

 

\---

 

**Minhyuk**

We told him. He ran away.

I’m so sorry, I didn’t see where he went.

 

**Hyungwon**

Wait, you told Kihyun about you and Shownu?

And he ran away

Oh dear

This is not good

 

**Minhyuk**

Wonho still not telling you what’s going on?

I just wanted to help, I feel so

ugh

 

**Hyungwon**

No, dude, it’s fine

Wonho said he had issues

I just

I thought this would help?

 

**Minhyuk**

Did you see the way Changkyun looked at him at the sleepover?

I’m just so worried for Kyunnie

IDK what this did, if it helped, maybe it did??? 

But I just hope that Kihyun

I’m sorry I’m just worried

 

**Hyungwon**

I know Minhyukkie

Even though I hate the guy

I want him to be okay because Wonho cares about him

Also, Changkyun, the idiot, seems to be head over heels

 

**Minhyuk**

From what Jooheon’s told me, you’re not wrong

 

\---

 

Kihyun, hands still shaking slightly, gathered himself up from the library floor. He still felt a slight buzzing at the back of his head and he knew that, if he thought about it for too long, if he dwelt on it, it would end with him back on the library floor. 

But, he didn’t have time for that right now. He really didn’t. He had a tutorial beginning in, like, Kihyun glanced at his watch, five minutes, and they were getting their tests back today ( _ and  _ writing another test because college is a literal bitch) and he just  _ didn’t have the time _ . 

Later. He would think about it later. If it hadn’t faded by the time he got home and finished his homework, he would think about it. Later. 

Kihyun took a precious few seconds to slip into the bathroom and smooth down his shirt, ensure that his eyes weren’t red, pinch his cheeks so that he didn’t look so god-awfully pale. Kihyun could see he was shaken up. He could see his hands trembling and the too desperate way his eyes kept flicking around, looking for distractions. He could see it, and maybe Wonho, but Kihyun knew his tells were subtle enough that other people wouldn’t be able to. Especially self-obsessed, panicky, college students.

He arrived at the tutorial in the nick of time. For two hours, it was fine. He practised his work, asked questions, wrote his test and basically functioned like a normal human being. 

Then, just before they left for the afternoon, he got the previous week’s test back.

He got his test back, and it felt like the air in his chest was being forcefully pushed out because  _ fuck  _ he had studied so fucking hard for this test and  _ still  _ he couldn’t get his mark above seventy. He pushed the panic back, pushed it and pushed it and pushed it until he was safe, away from the class, hidden in a small, seldom visited courtyard.

He needed help. He needed Wonho.

Fumbling slightly as he pulled out his phone, hands still shaking as he dialed the number, Kihyun focused on taking long, even breaths as he held the phone up to his ear, the dial tone ringing in his ear.

“Hyung?” 

No. Wonho was--That was not Wonho’s voice.

“What, Changkyun, what--” Kihyun gulped in a breath, his rhythmic breathing hitching. “Why do you have Wonho’s phone, I don’t--What?”

“Why are you calling, you barely even text me. This isn’t Wonho’s phone, I--Hey, are you okay?”

Kihyun let out a breathy, gaspy laugh, more a fast exhalation of air than anything else. 

“Of-f-fucking course i-it would be you. F-fuck my entire life.”

“What would be me? I don’t--Seriously, are you okay?” 

“I just--f-fuck I just wanted to talk to Wonho, but I can’t--my hands are shaking I can’t--” Kihyun gasped in another breath, clasping the hand that wasn’t gripping the phone so tight he could feel the edges cut into his palm, between his thighs as he lowered himself to his haunches.

“Fuck, Kihyun, breathe, okay? I can’t--Where are you? I’ll come, I--Hey, please breathe, please.”

“I wasn’t supposed to-- you weren’t supposed to--  _ fuck _ . I’m--” For a startling, terrifying second, while Kihyun looked around, trying to explain where he was, he couldn’t recognise a thing. For a moment, everything was strange and unfamiliar and Kihyun felt so painfully  _ lost  _ he could cry. “I d-don’t know where-- fuck this was just the-the t-test and then Minhyuk and last n-night and, and-- Ugh, I c-can’t even fucking talk,  _ fuck _ .”

“You don’t need to, just breathe--” There was a noise on the other side of the phone. “What test, Kihyun?”

“C-Calculus I don’t-- I think I’m in a courtyard near there. I, I, I,” Kihyun stuttered, trying to breathe and talk at the same time, hoping that the few people walking past wouldn’t look at the guy crouched in the corner. He still didn’t know where he was. His thoughts were too fast, to fragmented, too chaotic to try and make sense of it

“I know where you are. I’m coming, okay? Now God, hyung, please, just breathe, you don’t need to talk, I’m here, just breathe.”

“Changkyun, I-I wasn’t supposed to--” Kihyun broke off, chest aching, and he realised he was taking small, ineffective breaths. Shaking his head, trying to think, trying to  _ reason _ above the din in his head, he started counting, softly, taking breaths in time with the counting.

He counted to ten maybe four, five times, before Changkyun’s voice no longer came from the phone against his ear.

“See, told you I’d find you.”

Kihyun barely had time to register the voice above him before arms were sliding over him, stroking his back, leaning his head against a chest.

“Just follow my breathing, okay? Hyung, please, you’re still breathing too quickly, I’ve got you, but you need to slow down your breaths, okay?”

Slowly, slowly,  _ slowly _ , Kihyun managed to get his breathing under control. It went from erratic, to fast, to almost normal. His head was still chaotically trying to obsess about everything at the same time, still hyping things up to a ridiculous degree, but he could breath. 

He could breathe, and with that came an awareness of where he was, who was with him, and what had just happened.

Kihyun tensed almost immediately, weakly trying to push Changkyun away.

“S-sorry I should just--”

Changkyun let him pull away slightly. “You’re shaking, hyung,” he said, voice small, hand hovering near Kihyun’s face before coming to rest on Kihyun’s cheek. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Okay? Don’t apologise, please.”

Kihyun took one, two, three deep breaths, Changkyun’s hand still on his cheek, before he pulled away completely, sitting back on haunches, eyes slightly too wide, slightly too bright as he looked at Changkyun.

“Right. It’s okay. It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.” 

With the way Changkyun was looking at him, eyes soft and, and _concerned_ in a way that made his heart ache, Kihyun almost felt bad about lying to him. Almost.

But with the way Changkyun was looking at him, he had to lie. He had to.

Changkyun looked down, one hand still grasping at Kihyun’s shirt sleeve. “It’s okay that you’re lying to me, just--It’s okay.” He let go.

Kihyun looked down, at his still shaking hands. He couldn’t stand looking at Changkyun right at that second.

“It was really, it was nothing.” He ignored the faint scoff Changkyun gave at that. “I just got a bad mark on a test and, and things are... a bit stressful right now.”

“You were having a panic attack, hyung.”

“It was  _ nothing, _ ” Kihyun stressed, getting shakily to his feet even as Changkyun made a protesting noise. “I need to go. My parents will be expecting me home.”

“You know, you can--I know it was an accident that you called me,” Changkyun said, looking down at his hands, still hunched on the ground. “But… I care about you. You can talk to me.”

Kihyun nodded once, not bothering to check if Changkyun was looking at him, before walking away, the need to just  _ get away  _ stronger than any guilt he might feel at just leaving Changkyun.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I’m

I’m in love with him

 

**Jooheon**

Changkyun?

Oh, Kyunnie…

Are you sure?

 

**Changkyun**

He called me and

Oh god please just

I do, I love him, and I don’t know what to do

I love him so fucking much, Jooheon

 

**Jooheon**

I wish I could say congratulations

I wish I could say the stuff you’re supposed to say when your best friend tells you he loves someone

Can I ask what made you realise this?

 

**Changkyun**

I realised

I was holding him and he was crying, barely breathing

And I realised I would do absolutely anything for him

Anything to make it stop and

Jooheon, I

What do I do

 

**Jooheon**

I

I don’t know, my dude

I don’t know

Be there for him

Don’t leave him

 

**Changkyun**

He already left, I

Fuck I

 

**Jooheon**

Do you want me to come over?

 

**Changkyun**

I’m in the courtyard by the chemistry building

Please 

 

**Jooheon**

I'm on my way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this hurt to write :)  
> we're sorry


	12. Fun Size

**Hyungwon**

Okay. So.

Should probably come clean and tell you

The story I wanted Minhyuk to tell Kihyun is not exactly

Er

Easy to hear

And I’m scared Kihyun

Uhm, he ran away???

Shit sorry er

 

**Wonho**

Fuck

Hyungwon, I love you and all

But what did you do to my best friend

 

**Hyungwon**

...you what

I

???wha???

 

**Wonho**

What did you do to Kihyun?

I don’t understand the confusion???

You said he ran away????????

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun?

Are you okay?

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

Fuck okay we’ll address the I love yous in a minute

The story, it’s about

Ugh I’m sorry I legitimately thought it would help

Minhyuk and Shownu’s parents didn’t react very well to them coming out

But things worked out! They’re happy!

Minhyuk’s parents even got over it, and Shownu just

I thought it would help I’m so sorry

Kihyun apparently ran away after the story and I haven’t

I haven’t heard anything else idk I’m sorry

 

**Wonho**

Ah, fuck, Hyungwon

I know you meant it well

But Kihyun

This isn’t my place, and 

God, this really isn’t my place

He was fucking

We were, sort of, dating

People at school found out

I was big, and strong-looking even then

No one fucked with me

Kihyun is small

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh god 

Hoseok I’m so sorry

 

**Wonho**

You know where I’m going with this

And his parents….

They didn’t find out

But they know I’m bi

And they’ve tried to forbid him being friends with me multiple times

 

**Hyungwon**

I

I heard from Minhyuk that, fuck I’m sorry for asking this but

Minhyuk said that Kihyun bullied you at school

I don’t understand??

 

**Wonho**

I’m not telling you this so you can pity him

Or tell anyone

I’m still firmly of the opinion that this is his story to tell

This was just

So you wouldn’t think he was being an asshole or something

I already told you enough

I feel guilty enough as it is I’m not going to say anything else I’m sorry

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun please answer me

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

You don’t have to, I’m so sorry

Have you heard anything from Kihyun?

 

**Wonho**

No

He would

He would contact me if he feels too overwhelmed

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Hyung, can I, er

Can I talk to you about Kihyun-hyung? Maybe.

 

**Wonho**

Sure?

What’s up Changkyun?

 

**Changkyun**

Earlier today, Kihyun

He meant to call you, and he got stuck with me instead

He had a panic attack

 

**Wonho**

Oh

Oh no

Is he okay?

Where is he?

Is he still with you?

 

**Changkyun**

I think he was too embarrassed, he

He left. I calmed him down, a bit, I think, I hope

I’m sorry I know he would have preferred you but

I couldn’t just

 

**Wonho**

No, no it’s fine

Was he breathing normally when he left you?

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

I’m fine, Wonho

Of course I’m fine

Why?

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Yeah, but he

He’s not okay, and I just thought you should know

Just ask him if he’s home safe?

I don’t think he’d answer me and I can’t stop worrying I’m sorry

 

**Wonho**

Okay, yeah, no

Thanks for telling me

Thanks for helping him

Don’t

Don’t bring this up to him unless he says something first

 

**Changkyun**

That’s just. I don’t think I actually helped idk he looked so

It’s fine, I won’t, I know that much

Will he be okay?

 

**Wonho**

Probably

Look, you’re a good kid, and I know you like Kihyun a lot

But there’s a lot of stuff going on with him that

Well, that you just don’t know about

It’s not and will never be my place to say anything

So, just

Go easy on him

 

**Changkyun**

100% yeah of course totally

...who told you I liked him

 

**Wonho**

...Seriously, Changkyun

 

**Changkyun**

...really though did someone tell you

 

**Wonho**

You’re so obvious it hurts a bit

I mean, to other people, at least

 

**Changkyun**

Well, fuck

Er. Do you think Kihyun, er

Does he

 

**Wonho**

Know? No

 

**Changkyun**

I’m sorry I know you

I meant, he used to

You two used to

I’m leaving I’m sorry

 

**Wonho**

Changkyun

If I had any feelings left for Kihyun

Other than the feelings a best friend should have

I wouldn’t be dating Hyungwon

 

**Changkyun**

That is oddly comforting

You like them salty, don’t you

 

**Wonho**

…

I don’t know how to deny that

 

**Changkyun**

Okay, okay, last question, sorry

How can I

I mean

I know he’s going through a lot and I sincerely don’t want to add to any of it

I just

How can I make him

Even just a tiny bit

Happier?

 

**Wonho**

Like all of us mere mortals

Although he will deny it

He is a sucker for memes

And sweet things

 

**Changkyun**

Thanks

I just want him to smile, you know?

SDkl;jg ignore that I’m going to go, er

Buy a doughnut or something

Thanks for helping

 

**Wonho**

You two are making me old before my time

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun you don’t have to lie to me

Changkyun, do understand he was just worried but

He told me, okay

I’m not saying you

Fuck I’m not saying you aren’t okay??? I just

Remember when

Well, after all that shit, when you came to my house

We were kids but you were so damn stubborn

And it all just

I’ve told you to stop bottling this shit up, Kihyun

 

**Kihyun**

I’m not bottling anything up

It was just a test

I did bad on a test, okay

 

**Wonho**

Okay, I get that, but

Are you sure the test wasn’t just

Kihyun, you cried for nearly an hour the other day

I’m sorry I just

I’m worried and I care about you

 

**Kihyun**

I know

I’m working through it

Don’t worry about me

Go, idk, fuck Hyungwon or some shit

God I can’t believe those words just appeared in front of my eyes

I made them

I want to scrub my brain

 

**Wonho**

...yeah, me neither

If there was ever a solid indicator of you not being all there

It’s that sentence

Wait

Fuck

Hyungwon

 

**Kihyun**

That’s what I said, yes

Eugh

 

**Wonho**

No it’s not

FUCK

PS this conversation is not over

Just gimme a

Gimme maybe an hour

 

**Kihyun**

Ugh, are you actually gonna go fuck Hyungwon now?

I’m so disgusted I want to barf

WHY DID I SAY THAT

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

WAIT

what did you mean about addressing the ‘I love you’s’?

Do you not want me to say that?

 

**Hyungwon**

I just

You probably didn’t mean

Nothing

Wait

You love me?

 

**Wonho**

…Yes? I’ve said it before?

 

**Hyungwon**

I… am so epically confused rn

When?

What?

 

**Wonho**

I love you, Hyungwon. I literally said that last night.

I, admittedly, er

Thought you just ignored it cos I’m

I fall quickly and it’s not

People don’t always

It’s okay, you don’t have to do anything

 

**Hyungwon**

NO WAIT I

FUCK I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION FUCK I

I WASN’T IGNORING YOU I SWEAR

IT JUST DIDN’T REGISTER

OH MY GODDDDDD

I’m such a massive idiot I’m so sorry you were saddled with me

I’ll just take myself out to the trash now excuse me

 

**Wonho**

NO PLEASE DON’T YOU’RE NOT AN IDIOT I SWEAR

If anyone’s the idiot, it’s the idiot saying

Well, y’know

Wait

Saddled with you? You’re

You’re not

Usually people run in the opposite direction when I say

Well. That.

 

**Hyungwon**

Lol why would people run r they dumb

 

**Wonho**

The opposite, actually

 

**Hyungwon**

Are you calling me dumb

 

**Wonho**

...No?

 

**Hyungwon**

You just implied that people who run aren’t dumb

Which meant you think they’re smart

I’m not running Hoseok

 

**Wonho**

Why not?

I’m sorry I just

I said it too early, why aren’t you

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay, this is how I would have addressed it had I not been an idiot

I don’t know if I love you

I honestly don’t

I’ve never been in love so I just

Don’t know

But

You make me happy

I want to be with you all the time

You’re adorable and funny and sweet and kind

And honestly a fine piece of ass

And you saying that makes me feel all

Ugh

‘Warm’ and ‘fuzzy’ inside so

Yeah

 

**Wonho**

Sorry i’m 100% cr ying rn

Are yio at the dorm i needt o kiss you silly

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m in the library

ON MY TO THE DORM NOW DON’T WORRY

 

**Wonho**

O kay good thats good I thinkl everyone thisnk Im crazy

Im jsust crying infrnt of your room i love u so mch

 

**Hyungwon**

Fuck don’t cry

I’m almost there

I’ll kiss you lots

 

**Wonho**

okay :)

Kiss u soon x

Ignore myf ace it’s all pufy

 

**Hyungwon**

It’s beautiful

Now stop murdering the english language, I’m coming

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

I really hope I’m not sending this in the middle of you two

Ugh

Anyway

I can handle it, okay?

I can handle one annoying little kid

 

\---

 

Changkyun sat down, bumping Kihyun a bit (immediately apologizing, of course), looking particularly antsy as he fidgeted with his bag. Kihyun raised an eyebrow at him before looking away.

“Kihyun-hyung,” Changkyun leaned over to whisper as the lecturer readied himself at the front of the class. 

Kihyun ignored him. He wasn’t in the mood today. Barely two days have passed since the… incident, and he just, wasn’t in the mood. It was still hard to be with Changkyun and pretend nothing happened. Luckily, the kid hadn’t brought it up either.

“Kihyun, hyung,  _ please  _ can we move to the back of the class?”

Huffing, irritated at being distracted, Kihyun, without looking at Changkyun, murmured, “Why?”

Changkyun opened his mouth, and Kihyun heard a small meow emanating from the bag a suddenly frozen Changkyun held in his lap.

Slowly, carefully, ascertaining that Changkyun saw that he was so  _ done,  _ he turned towards him and stared pointedly at the bag.

“What, was that?”

Changkyun opened the bag a fraction, revealing the tiniest of tiny kittens Kihyun had  _ ever  _ seen, peeking up out of the bag, blinking curiously up at Kihyun. “I couldn’t just leave it out there, hyung, it’s so  _ small and cute _ .”

The worst thing, Kihyun mused, as he grabbed Changkyun’s arm and moved to the back of the class under the lecturer’s stern gaze, was that Changkyun was  _ right _ . It  _ was  _ small, and cute, and so tiny and Kihyun just wanted to rub it against his face. 

“Where did you  _ find  _ it?” Kihyun whispered, unable to help himself as he leaned in slightly and held his hand for the kitten to sniff at, before it decided it liked him and started rubbing its face against his hand.

“I-I, er,” , Changkyun coughed a bit, keeping his voice low. “I was late and took a shortcut through on of those small passageways between the buildings, you know, and it was just like, stuck under a plastic bag--” Kihyun frowned at that piece of information, though it was soon replaced by a small smile as the kitten let out a tiny noise. “ _ I know _ , okay. I think its mum was a stray, or something.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” Kihyun mumbled. “Can I hold it?” he asked, looking up. He blinked. Changkyun was staring at him. His eyes were… Kihyun didn’t know how to explain it, exactly. They were, well, soft was the only word that fit, but he didn’t want to use it. Kihyun cleared his throat.

“I--yeah, yeah, of course, here,” Changkyun gently reached into his bag, the kitten meowing as he separated it from the make-shift rubbing post that was Kihyun’s hand. It looked absolutely  _ miniscule _ in Changkyun’s hands, and Changkyun beamed at it, before looking up at Kihyun, holding out his hands, the tiny kitten perched in them.

If asked about it later, Kihuyn would vehemently deny it, but at that moment, he could swear his heart  _ stuttered _ . He, honest to god, actually felt it stop, before skipping into another beat much too quickly. 

Fuck. Not good.

Kihyun ducked his head and made to take the kitten, but, somehow, with fumbling hands and a heart that felt like he had just run a marathon, he miscalculated, and his hands jabbed, fingers first, into Changkyun’s stomach, who let out a loud, pained moan.

Kihyun’s head whipped up, staring at Changkyun with wide eyes.

A tired sounding sigh echoed through the classroom (immediately followed by a loud “WHAT WAS THAT?” from a wide eyed, far-too excited looking Minhyuk at the front of the classroom) and Kihyun looked away from Changkyun to see the lecturer cradling his head in his hands.

“Please, please,  _ please,  _ will you horny little monsters  _ please _ leave the handjobs for  _ outside _ the classroom.”

Kihyun immediately broke out into coughing fit, frantically waving (both) hands at the lecturer.

Changkyun, the absolute shit, scoffed with barely contained laughter, holding the kitten closer to himself.

“From the sound of it, might have been a blowjob, sir.”

“Good point, Mr Min. Yoo, Lim, please leave the class.”

Finally getting a semblance of his breath back Kihyun said, “No! I--” Cough, “It wasn’t like that! You see, he has a kit--”

The lecturer held up a hand, the entire class giggling and whispering at this point, pointing at the two of them, Changkyun still giggling with the kitten held close to his chest while Kihyun literally wanted to sink into the floor.

“Please, spare me. Just, get out. Next time, just, don’t.”

Kihyun, red, embarrassed, felt tears gather at the corners of his eyes as he picked up bag with wooden arms, looking down the whole time. He can’t  _ believe-- _ and this lecturer actually  _ liked  _ him and--

Keeping his back as straight as possible, staring straight in front of him, Kihyun stepped quickly, his face on literal  _ fire _ , just wanting to get  _ out,  _ get  _ away _ .

The door closed behind them with a  _ thunk _ . Kihyun kept walking, not acknowledging Changkyun’s at first laughing call of his name, though his voice quickly turned panicked. Kihyun didn’t want to hear the kid apologise for yet  _ another  _ situation he had placed Kihyun in. He just-- He needed-- 

He needed to get  _ away _ .

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I FUCKED UP

I FUCKING FUCKED UP

SO BAD

IDK HOW ONE FUCKS UP THE CUTENESS OF A KITTEN

BUT MAN

I FUCKED UP

 

**Jooheon**

What iS EVEN GOING ON?

 

**Changkyun**

I am trying to just fucking

Make Kihyun smile

Instead oooooh no let’s get kicked out of class

Good going, me

Do YOU have any ideas cos I’m on like

Confetti and a flash mob atm

 

**Jooheon**

How did you get kicked out of class?

 

**Changkyun**

I made a loud sex noise

 

**Jooheon**

You

what

 

**Changkyun**

IT’S KIHYUN’S FUCKING FAULT

FUCK THIS I’M GONNA BUY

Hey any idea where I can get a giant hamster plushie

 

**Jooheon**

NOW I’M EVEN MORE CONFUSED

KIHYUN MADE YOU MAKE A SEX NOISE

WHAT WERE YOU  _ DOING _

 

**Changkyun**

All I’m saying is that I hope Kihyun’s a bit more coordinated than he seems to be

 

**Jooheon**

I give up

Fuck you

Fuck this

No one tells me shit I am so done with the lot of you

...so Minhyuk just told me

Wtf were you doing giving handjobs in class

That’s nasty

 

**Changkyun**

Okay even if that was true

I was the one making the sex noise so it would have been him giving me

No

Fuck whatever place that sentence was going

I handed him a cat okay I handed him a tiny ass little kitten and he poked me in the stomach

Dunno where the fuck his head was at

Can u please tell me where to find a giant hamster plushie

Minhyk took the kitten btw he's in love

 

**Jooheon**

WHY DID YOU MAKE A SEX NOISE THEN

Idk man, try Toys ‘R Us

 

**Changkyun**

You don’t know my sex noises bro

Thanks bro

I owe you bro

 

**Jooheon**

I’m so incredibly thankful for that

(Do  _ you  _ even know your sex noises?)

 

**Changkyun**

-.-

That is

A fair point

It was a generically sexual noise and I’m not happy about it alright

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

:)

 

**Gunhee**

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

yes?

 

**Changkyun**

Want to come to a toy store?

 

**Gunhee**

Fuck yeah

 

\---

 

“I  _ severely _ misunderstood what you meant when you asked me to come to a toy store,” Gunhee said in the entrance of Toys ‘R Us. Jooheon elbowed him in the stomach. “I’m not complaining,  _ god, ouch _ .”

“Where the  _ hell _ was your mind at? And why were you so enthusiastic about it then?” Jooheon asked, lifting an eyebrow at a grinning Gunhee.

Changkyun looked around the place, eyes searching, standing on the tips of his toes like that would help at all. “We’ll go there next. First, I really need a stuffed hamster.”

Gunhee squinted contemplatively. “See, you say that but all I’m hearing is--”

“Gunhee!”

Changkyun took off for what looked to be the stuffed animal aisle, Jooheon groaning as Gunhee enthusiastically followed.

“You know, guys, I was actually looking forward to just,  _ chilling _ for once this afternoon, but  _ noooo _ , I get to escort two hyper-active toddlers in a toystore,” Jooheon grumbled, looking appropriately put out as he dragged himself after the two aforementioned toddlers.  

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS THE CUTEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN,” Gunhee practically screeched, jumping to try and get one of the stuffed honeybees on the top shelf. “GIMME GIMME GIMME.”

“You’re so short,” Jooheon said, grinning apologetically at two store employees raising an eyebrow at the sight of a fully-grown ( _ well.. _ ) male jumping up and down in excitement, pulling a bee down to deposit in Gunhee’s arms.

“Thanks,  _ honey _ ,” Gunhee said, holding the bee up at Jooheon as he laughed. “Get it? Cos you’re sweet and your name is Joo _ heon _ ? See, it even looks like you!” Gunhee poked a dimple into the bees face, looking practically ecstatic.

“That’s nice…” Jooheon could feel his face heating up, and he looked around for a distraction from his face in the form of Changkyun who was… staring at an entire shelf of hamster plushies in  _ various  _ different sizes. 

“Would it be bad if I got a pink one?” Changkyun asked, still staring like it was the most important decision in the world. Seriously, Jooheon has seen him  _ sign up for programming classes with absolutely no plan or real reason  _ but no,  _ this  _ required thought. “He won’t be offended if it’s small, right? I mean, it’s a  _ hamster _ …”

“This really isn’t such a difficult decision, Changkyun. Just  _ pick _ one.”

“You’re right, I should get the biggest one.”

“That is not what I said.”

“Joohoney, I’m buying this bee.”

“What would you possibly--”

“I’m calling her Beeyoncé.”

“Oh my god, did you even bring your wallet?” Jooheon asked exasperatedly, trying not to smile as he watched Gunhee’s face peeking over the bee.

“...It...” Gunhee frowned. “Might be in the car? Hold Beeyoncé.”

Jooheon caught the bee as Gunhee threw it, before he took off for the parking lot. Jooheon looked over at Changkyun, who he could barely see behind the absolutely enormous hamster plushie he found.

“That’s impractical.”

Changkyun’s voice was muffled. “It’s representative of how sorry I am for being a magnet of dick-jokes and embarrassment. Which is very.”

“Changkyun, you can barely carry it. Wait you’re gonna walk into that--” Jooheon sighed as Changkyun, mercifully cushioned by the hamster, walked straight into a wall.

“Ow.”

“Literally won’t even fit in Gunhee’s car, dude. Also,” Jooheon stepped closer to read the tag, “this is  _ way  _ out of your price range bro.”

“Fine,” Changkyun sighed, turning to try and get the hamster back on the shelf. “Help me, dude. I  _ reeeeally  _ fucked up. I also can’t get this hamster back on here.”

“I have my own toddler to clean up after,” Jooheon sighed as he saw Gunhee enter the shop again, this time with a pleading expression and empty hands, Changkyun still pushing against the massive hamster to force it onto the shelf.. “I don’t have time for this. Just,” Jooheon plucked a smaller, actually holdable, but still big hamster plushie from the shelf, “get this one. Now, excuse me, I have to go pay for  _ Beeyoncé _ .”

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Thanks for the lift dude

 

**Gunhee**

No problem

So I’m assuming we’re NOT going to the toy store anymore

 

**Changkyun**

Drag Jooheon there and take a video I beg you

 

**Gunhee**

lol how are you actually going to give this dude the hamster

Knowing you, you’re probably not just going to walk up to him and give it

You like making your life difficult

 

**Changkyun**

You’ve known me for like

A few weeks how do you

...I don’t know I didn’t think that far

Leave it on his desk? Throw it over his fence? Idk man

 

**Gunhee**

Actually

I know a kid

 

**Changkyun**

You know a kid?

 

**Gunhee**

Who knows a kid

 

**Changkyun**

Fine just

Don’t say it’s me, he’ll know anyway

 

**Gunhee**

It’s that small guy with the pink hair right?   
  


**Changkyun**

You’re literally the shortest person I know

 

**Gunhee**

Shhhh gimme the hamster

Also, I’m fun size thank you very much

 

**Changkyun**

LOL did Jooheon say that to you or

I actually forgot it in your car :)

 

**Gunhee**

He wouldn’t lie to me

 

**Changkyun**

True enough

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Fun size, huh?

 

**Jooheon**

GO AWAY

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Changkyun

I appreciate the apology

But did you fucking have to

 

**Changkyun**

wow the kid actually found you

Guess there really aren’t that many short pink haired boys in this university

 

**Kihyun**

why do you just have people doing deliveries for

ugh I don't want to know

WE ARE THE SAME HEIGHT

 

**Changkyun**

So smol

So angry

DO YOU LIKE IT? ;3

 

**Kihyun**

FUCK OFF

Why a hamster?

 

**Changkyun**

Uhm, you

you have cheeks

 

**Kihyun**

What

You have cheeks too

What

 

**Changkyun**

Well yeah but

Yours are like

Much

Much cheeks

 

**Kihyun**

You confuse me so much

 

**Changkyun**

I confuse myself honestly

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

He looks like a hamster

That’s not just me, right

 

**Hyungwon**

Yes

 

**Changkyun**

That’s not really answering

Which question are you on here

 

**Hyungwon**

Yes

 

**Changkyun**

Changkyun is the handsomest, smartest, cutest man that I know

 

**Hyungwon**

Wonho

 

**Changkyun**

…

Listen I’m not going to argue with you here

But I’m starting to think this conversation is a bit one-sided

 

**Hyungwon**

Yes

 

**Changkyun**

Cool nice chat

 

**Hyungwon**

No 

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

I hope you realize that I have been stuck in a practical for three hours 

Sitting next to a giant stuffed hamster plushie

 

**Changkyun**

What kind of hell practical happens when the sun hath set

 

**Kihyun**

Sweet summer child

You have not been in college long enough

Web development

 

**Changkyun**

KiKi is happy to be at your side though

How is he?? Does he miss me??? I think he misses me

 

**Kihyun**

Kiki?

Who tf is kiki

Ugh I’m almost done at least

Also you’re bothering me

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Hey quick question

Kihyun has many opinions right

What’s his opinion on cinnamon buns???

 

**Wonho**

Loves em. 

Especially the plain vanilla icing ones

 

**Changkyun**

Thaaank you~~~

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Our hamster son, hyung, pay attention

 

**Kihyun**

We do not have a son??

You gave me an overstuffed hamster???

That for some reason you think looks like me

Because of cheeks?????

 

**Changkyun**

My side of the family clearly doesn’t have very strong genes

The Power of the Cheeks

 

**Kihyun**

You are

Ridiculous

 

**Changkyun**

My wit, your cheeks

KiKi will be unstoppable

Practical is almost over, yeah?

 

**Kihyun**

Yeah ten more minutes

Thank fuck

 

\---

 

Kihyun would rather admit that Hyungwon was right about literally  _ anything  _ than admit he liked the giant stuffed hamster sitting next to him,  _ especially _ to Changkyun, but even though the other people in the practical, (especially the girls), giggled and teased when they saw the hamster, most people ignored it. Kihyun has said it before and he will say it again; the things you can get away with in college is fucking criminal, because people just really didn’t give a single shit.

The last ten minutes ticked by slowly, and Kihyun, along with most of the class, let out a sigh of relief when they were finally allowed to sign the attendance paper and leave. Starting a practical at six in the evening is already less than ideal. Having to end at nine and then still go home and do homework… it was downright painful. 

Kihyun walked out of the computer lab hugging the hamster to his chest. There was absolutely no way he was letting Changkyun find out that he liked it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hug it and hold it close to him when he was alone, right? Also, it was cold. It was nice to have something soft and fluffy next to your chest when it was cold.

It was in that frame of mind, a little soft, a little tired (and hungry), a lot  _ done  _ with the cold and college in general, that Kihyun stepped out of the building.

And it was that frame of mind that screamed a little at seeing Changkyun sitting on the pavement next to the building, shivering slightly in the chilly wind, a small pack of papers next to him, and two baby-blue Cinnabon boxes on his lap, a wide, toothy smile on his face as he waved to get Kihyun’s attention. He let his hand drop, smiling even wider ( _ if that was even possible)  _ at what Kihyun guessed was the sight of him, wide-eyed and holding the plushie hamster much closer to himself than anyone who was supposed to actually hate the damn thing would.

Changkyun stood up, apparently having forgotten about the boxes on his lap, if the way he scrambled to catch them as they nearly tipped over was any indication, picked up the papers, and jogged over. “Hyung!” His eyes flicked down to the hamster, eyes practically fucking  _ sparkling _ as he bit down on his lip, saying nothing as he looked at Kihyun.

Kihyun, frozen for the second it took Changkyun to get up, slowly lowered the hamster, aware that if he were to jerk it away it would only serve to make him look more… well, guilty. 

“Changkyun,” he acknowledged with a slight nod. “What, ah, what are you doing here?”

“I forgot to give you your notes back,” he said, nodding down to the papers in his hand, arms full of Cinnabon boxes. “ _ And  _ considering you  _ didn’t  _ like the hamster…” Changkyun smirked. “I thought I might, just--Well, everyone likes cinnabon, right?”

Kihyun scoffed lightly, but nodded anyway. He might think Changkyun is a little shit, but he was hungry. And, honestly, anything would be better than getting home and having to heat up leftovers yet  _ again  _ because he couldn’t be home in time to eat the food when it was actually hot.

“What, so you were just waiting here for me to finish, to, give me a cinnamon bun?”

Changkyun smiled so wide his eyes scrunched up into little crescents, practically closed, nodding almost proudly. “Yep! Well, one is mine, obviously, I have a stomach, too.”

“Damn, and here I thought I was getting two,” Kihyun pouted, laughing when Changkyun’s smile dimmed just a bit.

“W-well, I mean, if you want it, you  _ can _ \--”

“Changkyun, chill, I was  _ joking _ .”

“Right,” Changkyun laughed, looking down at the boxes with a teasing grin. “Sorry, I sometimes forget you have a sense of humour.”

Kihyun paused in reaching out to take the box and notes from Changkyun, eyes narrowing, before lifting the hamster and delivering a sound blow to the back of Changkyun’s head.

“Yah! Respect your hyung.”

Changkyun looked vaguely startled for a moment before laughing and bowing slightly. “My apologies, hyung. Peace offerings will become a habit at this rate.” Changkyun wiggled the boxes in his hands.

“Why? Do you think you’ll be needing them a lot?” Kihyun plucked a box from Changkyun’s head, smiling at the cinnamon bun nestled within.

“I hope not, that hamster cost me a fortune,” Changkyun mumbled, smiling down softly, looking behind him. “Do you, er--I mean, if you have to go home, that’s fine, really, I was just wondering if you maybe, uhm,” Changkyun looked down at his own cinnabon box, and frowned, lips pursing.

“Do I want to what? Spit it out, my parents are probably waiting for me.”

Changkyun scrunched his eyes closed, face pink. “Will you eat with me? I--please?”

Kihyun’s mind flashed back to the ‘chat’ he had with his parents a few days ago. To the pani-- to him calling Changkyun. He shivered in the wind as his hand tensed around the hamster’s paw. Which, in turn, made him realise the ridiculous situation he was in.

There he was, standing outside the Computer Sciences building, hungry, tired, cold, holding a hamster plushie and a cinnabon box, both from the boy who, just a two days ago, he had promised himself he was never going to talk to again because of how much he had embarrassed himself in front of said boy. 

It started as small giggles, growing louder and louder until Kihyun was full out collapsing into himself. It took a while, but he was finally able to calm himself down enough to smile up at an  _ extremely  _ bemused looking Changkyun.

“Ah, sure, Changkyunnie, why not.”

“I--Good? I mean,” Changkyun let out a laugh, frowning before clearing his throat. “Sorry, you just--I mean, you gave me a  _ heartattack _ \--” Changkyun shook his head, still smiling. “Do you--” He glanced around. “Sit? Do you want to sit, is what I meant.”

“Can we just get out of the wind?” Kihyun shivered, pulling his jacket closer around him. “I mean, it’s quite cold, and the wind kinda cuts through my clothing like a  _ knife _ .”

“Fuck, of course, sorry,” Changkyun said, looking around again and gesturing with his head to the entrance to the courtyard close-by, “In there?”

“Okay, or we can just, go inside somewhere?”

“Dude, I don’t know,” Changkyun whined. “You’re older, you make the decisions, I fold under pressure, okay.”

Motioning to Changkyun to follow, Kihyun led him to a tall, brick building, one of the only buildings whose lights were still on, a beacon of light, almost, in the dark. 

“They keep this open the whole night. I mean, the lecture halls themselves aren’t open, but the building itself is. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know.”

“Maybe for the cats,” Changkyun said, following him and looking contemplative.

Kihyun just shrugged, walking into the building and heaving a sigh of relief when the wind immediately cut off. He already felt warmer. He led Changkyun to the stairs, where he sat down, opened the boxes, and started eating, all in silence.

Surprisingly, Changkyun sat down, slipping easily into his silence. He fumbled a bit with the box, but picked at the cinnamon bun without saying a word, glancing around as he chewed.

“I didn’t know you could be this quiet,” Kihyun commented idly after having finished about half of his bun.

Changkyun smiled softly. “Well, you don’t know me very well, then.”

Kihyun tilted his head.

“Huh. Guess I don’t.”

“I don’t know you that well, either, so,” Changkyun shrugged.

“What’s there to know, really,” Kihyun shrugged, picking at the cinnamon bun. “I mean, I study programming and maths, though we both know by now I prefer photography. I’m not the best with people,” Kihyun gave a self-deprecating smile. “I’m just… your average anxious student I suppose. What about you?”

Changkyun frowned at him for a moment, “My calling you ‘amazing’ and ‘interesting’ didn’t stick, then? Well, I  _ am  _ just your average insecure student, I suppose,” Changkyun said, an unreadable smile pulling at the side of his mouth.

Kihyun waved Changkyun’s words away. “I don’t know about sticking it’s just, it’s not, how do I explain this...” He paused, taking a bite from his cinnamon bun, chewing and swallowing before speaking again. ‘It’s like, no matter what people say, or how much they compliment you or whatever, it always feels, somehow, like, they’re just doing it because that’s how they’ve been taught? Because, we all say ‘fine’ when people ask, ‘how are you’, never mind that we might be the furthest from fine you’ve ever been in your  _ life.  _ And, I’ve always felt that applies to compliments? Like, of course you’re going to tell that girl her dress looks nice, or that, no, her speech about knitting wasn’t boring. Those are bad examples, but, do you get it?” Kihyun looked up at Changkyun, waiting for some sort remark. He was well aware that he didn’t sound completely coherent, and that he tended to ramble but, for some reason, it felt really important to him that he get this point across. 

“I get it,” Changkyun said, “I mean, nobody’s going to be like--’How are you?’ ‘Oh, no, I just had, like, the biggest shit of my life’ or ‘you know, actually, death sounds good about now’,” Changkyun laughed softly. “I get it, I honestly do, but don’t you think that, maybe not every compliment, sure, but that… That compliments can be sincere?” Changkyun looked at him, head tilted. 

Relieved that Changkyun wasn’t laughing him off or completely denying it, Kihyun hummed thoughtfully before answering.

“I mean, sure, compliments  _ can  _ be sincere, but there’s always the possibility that they’re just said because, well, that was what that person was taught to do. Not that it’s a bad thing to give compliments instinctively, it just makes it hard to actually believe any of them are sincere, and not just about how that person was raised to interact.”

Changkyun scoffed. “Fair. Maybe we should all just be Hyungwon and never compliment anyone.”

“I once saw Wonho’s phone while he was texting Hyungwon and the amount of sweet, ugh,  _ stuff  _ in there was enough to make me puke. Hyungwon is honest, at least. Most of the time. He’s a dick, but he won’t lie to you.”

“So you think I lied, then?” Changkyun asked, softly, “When I said you were amazing.”

“I just think you don’t know how  _ not  _ to be charming.” Kihyun froze a second after the words left his mouth. Oh my  _ god  _ did he really just  _ say  _ that oh my  _ god _ \--

Changkyun laughed. “I have all the charm of a washed up jelly-fish. Jokes aside, because you obviously do have a sense of humour, my bad, honestly, that’s not  _ really  _ answering my question.”

Kihyun coughed lightly. Well,  _ that _ had gone better than the fifty-five scenarios his head had conjured up in the space of 0.5 seconds.

“I mean, you’re less slimy than a jelly-fish, at least. No, I didn’t think you were lying. But, like I said, you could just be socialised to be extremely, I don’t know, complimentary towards people?”

“You are incredibly difficult to flatter, Kihyun-hyung,” Changkyun exaggerated a sigh before grinning. “You know, now I’m wondering whether you just called me charming because of social conditioning and not because you  _ actually  _ meant it.”

Okay, so he had heard that. He had a chance to play this off here, to make light of it. He should  _ definitely  _ do that.

“I’m not conditioned to any type of social niceties.” Well, there went that plan.

“Awww, thanks, hyung” Changkyun said, popping a piece of bun into his mouth. “You may not know much about me, but at least you’ve got the basic facts.”

“Which is?” Good, take the attention away from the fact that Kihyun  _ just said that _ , dear lord.

Changkyun smiled widely, popping another piece into his mouth. “You said I was charming. Most people just call me an annoyingly persistent little brat. I think you said that, actually.” Changkyun hummed contemplatively. “Not sure what to believe anymore~”

“You  _ are  _ an annoying little brat,” Kihyun scoffed. “Doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re funny and cute.” What. At this point, Kihyun was ready to go home and fucking choke himself. What the hell.

Changkyun seemed to choke on his cinnamon bun, quickly hitting his chest with his fist, laughing a little as he did. “I--you do?” Changkyun looked at him, like he  _ wanted  _ to believe him, but wasn’t sure if it was just a joke or not.

“Ah…” Kihyun could feel all his doubts, all his worries, every single thing he had been feeling two days ago, creep up on him. He could feel them, but, strangely, it didn’t, it didn’t make him want to run away. He could feel his heart beating faster, he could feel his hands start to shake but, inside, where it mattered, he felt, almost, calm. He was still scared. He could still remember the-the things that were said to him in high school, the things his father had called people who liked people of the same sex. He could still feel it, still remember it, but, at this moment, he didn’t feel like it mattered all that much, really. “Yeah. ‘Course I do.”

The carefree smile on Changkyun’s face quickly vanished, replaced by a frown, lips parting. Kihyun could feel his heart beating fast, too fast, painfully fast. His chest was threatening to constrict his breathing. Did he say something wrong? Should he have played it off as a joke? Should he have--

He felt shaky fingers, warm even in this weather, slide cautiously onto the top of his hand, careful and questioning, before settling there, the weight firmer now but the fingers still so shaky.

Kihyun stopped breathing for a moment. His fingers twitched, and the hand on top of his flinched, as if to move away, and, quickly, almost quicker than Kihyun knew he could move, he slipped his pinky over Changkyun’s, keeping his hand there.

He couldn’t look up. He couldn’t look up. He couldn’t look up because if he did, if he  _ did  _ this was really happening, this wasn’t just some strange dream. His breath was already too fast, his brain was buzzing he  _ couldn’t look up _ .

“Hyung?”

Changkyun’s voice was smaller, softer, more vulnerable than Kihyun had  _ ever  _ heard it and that, more than anything else, forced him to lift his head, to take a peek at what expression the younger boy could  _ possibly  _ be wearing.

Whatever Kihyun expected, this… wasn’t it.

Changkyun was looking at him like… Like Kihyun wasn’t entirely sure anyone had ever looked at him before. His eyes were soft, searching... attentive, almost. He was biting softly onto his bottom lip, the hand not currently resting on top of Kihyun’s hovering in the air between them. Without his permission, Kihyun’s eyes fell to Changkyun’s mouth, staying there just long enough to see his tongue flick over his lips, before he dragged them up to Changkyun’s eyes again, which were darker this time, still soft, but more intense.

This, almost, in a way, felt like a curious repeat of what had happened, so long ago, (but, really, not that long ago), in the computer lab.

This time, though, this time, Kihyun couldn’t make himself look away.

This time, though, Changkyun leaned in.

A laugh, incredibly loud in the empty hallway, emanating from two people walking in their direction, brought Kihyun to his senses like a bucket of ice had just been emptied over him, shocking him out of the small, tight bubble of tension he had been trapped in for what felt like eons, but was probably only a few seconds.

Snatching his hand from underneath Changkyun’s, all the worries and fears and  _ words _ that had somehow been kept at bay for those precious few seconds, flooding back in, informing Kihyun that if he didn’t get away  _ right that second _ , he would face the fucking  _ consequences _ . He sprang up, hamster clutched tightly to his chest.

“I, uh, thanks for the cinnabon, and the, uh, monstrosity,” Kihyun half-heartedly waved the hamster before clutching it back again, Changkyun sitting frozen on the steps. “But, I have to go. Bye.”

He just about managed to restrain himself from running out of there, although he  _ did _ have to sit in the car for about twenty minutes, getting his breath and his brain back under control. His skin was still buzzing, (from anxiety or, or something else, he couldn’t tell), when he started the car and drove off.


	13. Push

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [content warning for homophobic slurs, homophobia and mentions of bullying]
> 
> I also just want to thank literally everybody who took the time to comment on the last chapter! Well, every chapter anyone ever commented on, really... Seriously, though, we appreciate it SO MUCH, and we're sorry for not replying as much as usual, life has been... Life. But thank you so much. <3

**Changkyun**

Ever wanted to throw someone with a shoe

 

**Hyungwon**

Yes

Usually you

 

**Changkyun**

Why do I talk to you

 

**Hyungwon**

Because I’m a wonderful human being with a fantastic face 

 

**Changkyun**

Why did the universe just look at you and go

“Nah, he doesn’t have ENOUGH let’s give him HOSEOK”

Like did you save the entire fucking country in a previous life??

 

**Hyungwon**

Bitch I might have

Back to the point

Why do you want to throw someone with a shoe

 

**Changkyun**

BECAUSE THEY’RE WALKING IN THE HALLWAY

AND LAUGHING

LIKE ASSHOLES

WHEN I HAVE PEOPLE TO

THINGS TO

ARGH

It’s not fair

 

**Hyungwon**

No finish that sentence I want to see the trainwreck

 

**Changkyun**

An actual trainwreck happened ten minutes ago on the second floor stairway

You missed it

And now I have cinnamon bun all over my pants

 

**Hyungwon**

Why does the universe hate me

Because I really wanted to see that

 

**Changkyun**

We’ve already established that you’re the universe’s golden child stfu

I didn’t fall if that’s what you’re thinking

Well I guess if you’re being metaphorical???

No stfu changkyun go home and cry into a pillow like a man

STOP BEING DRAMATIC WHY AM I LIKE THIS

_ listen _

 

**Hyungwon**

You should have been a theater major I’ve been trying to tell you for years

I’m listening

(Only because I literally will kill myself if I have to look at this essay I’m supposed to be finishing okay)

 

**Changkyun**

:(

I did a dumb thing

 

**Hyungwon**

What’s new

 

**Changkyun**

That I wanted to do it

 

**Hyungwon**

You mean you  _ didn’t  _ want to get stuck on the escalator for an hour?

Wow

My mind is blown

 

**Changkyun**

Still not sure how I managed to do that tbh

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m pretty sure it involved a shopping cart

 

**Changkyun**

Hyuuuuuuuuuuuung stop bringing up old mistakes and focus on the new one

What do you do if

Hypothetically

You almost kissed

And this is completely hypothetical

Someone that you

Er

Someone that doesn’t

Er

HYPOTHETICALLY

If you almost HYPOTHETICALLY kissed the love of your life

But instead got yourself covered in cinnamon bun cos 

SOME ASSHOLES

Decided to exist nearby and he ran

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh dear god did you kiss Kihyun?????

 

**Changkyun**

Almost

HYPOTHETICALLY

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay, so, HYPOTHETICALLY (bullshit)

You are both idiots

And

I would caution against getting involved with Kihyun

 

**Changkyun**

If I hypothetically wanted to get involved with Kihyun

...why?

 

**Hyungwon**

Let’s just say

He...

 

**Changkyun**

YOU LIED YOU SAID HE DIDN’T LIKE YOU HE DOES DOESN’T HE

 

**Hyungwon**

OMG LET ME FINISH

 

**Changkyun**

…

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m considering not telling you anything don’t fucking push me

 

**Changkyun**

Tell me what?? Hyuuuung

This is hypothetically very important to me

 

**Hyungwon**

Fine

As you know, I’m an extremely funny human being

And make jokes all the time

So, once I made a joke

About something that wasn’t completely heterosexual

Kihyun wasn’t the most receptive of audiences

 

**Changkyun**

I don’t

What do you mean?

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyunnie

He was

Well, disgusted is one word for it I guess

 

**Changkyun**

This isn’t funny, hyung

 

**Hyungwon**

I know

I’m actually not trying to be funny right now

I could have misread it

I’m not very good at people, as you know

But, yeah

 

**Changkyun**

I don’t know why you hate him but 

I mean, I get if last time you just said that shit to get me to leave him alone

But this

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyun, this has literally nothing to do with whether or not I hate him

I’m

God fucking dammit I don’t want you to get hurt okay

 

**Changkyun**

I’m not a child

He hasn’t

I mean, I know I’m not exactly, well, you

But there are moment when I think he actually likes me you know?

I don’t want to think that about him

 

**Hyungwon**

You ARE a fucking child Changkyun

I’m your hyung and however much we like to pretend we hate each other

I don’t trust him

 

**Changkyun**

You don’t trust him or you don’t trust me?   
I’m just a fucking child, after all

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh my god stop being so dramatic

I know that you think you know what you’re doing

But

You’ve never dated anyone

Kissing one boy doesn’t count

And

Kihyun doesn’t seem like the sort of person you want your first relationship to be with

 

**Changkyun**

Yes feel free to throw my inexperience at me, that’ll help me

That is incredibly judgemental of you?

Do you actually know him?

Or are you just being like this because

Fuck idek

I’m sorry hyung I am, okay I just

 

**Hyungwon**

Do  _ I  _ know him???

You fucking

I knew him for two  _ years  _ before you did

You’ve known him, what, a couple of months?

And am I just being like this because of what?

You really think I’m petty enough not to want to you to be happy?

This is WHY I’m doing this you piece of shit

 

**Changkyun**

What do you actually want me to do here?

It’s not like I can

Fuck I should have known you would be like this

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m actually curious as to what you think I’m being like

Should I not worry about you?

Should I not try and spare you the hurt I can practically  _ smell  _ from a mile away with this guy?

 

**Changkyun**

I’m not just going to fucking abandon him or whatever

Just because you’re being a self-righteous snob and justifying it with concern

And to go as far as to say he’s homophobic??   
He dated Wonho ffs

Dated and then some, I’ve heard

Is that your problem?? That he’s Wonho’s ex??

 

**Hyungwon**

...you can date someone of the same sex and still be homophobic, my dude

It’s not that uncommon

Oh I’m being a snob?

You’re being so naive it’s actually hurting me rn

You really think I’m insecure in my relationship with Wonho?

Have you SEEN me?

You know what, I try to help, and I get this treatment

 

**Changkyun**

Now isn’t the time for your ego, honestly

 

**Hyungwon**

Having an ego and having self-confidence is not the same thing

You should try getting some

 

**Changkyun**

I know

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh, spare me

Now’s not the time for your pity-party

 

**Changkyun**

I know you’re right okay

You can stop now

I get it

 

**Hyungwon**

What do you get?

 

**Changkyun**

Fuck do you want a list?

I’m self-deprecating

I’m a naive child 

I’m a stubborn idiot

Meanwhile you’re right and I’m

It doesn’t matter

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyun-ah

 

**Changkyun**

You’re right but it doesn’t fucking help me does it

I’m not you 

I don’t have an off switch

I can’t just

 

**Hyungwon**

You can stop liking someone Changkyun

I mean, sure it would take a while but

 

**Changkyun**

I know you’re angry

So you probably missed the part where I said ‘love of my life’

 

**Hyungwon**

...you’re dramatic

 

**Changkyun**

Maybe

Fine, I am, but

Would you tell Minhyuk this?

If he lost Shownu forever, could you honestly look him in the face and tell him

‘You can stop liking someone’

 

**Hyungwon**

Minhyuk and Shownu are

They’re different

 

**Changkyun**

If someone said that to YOU

Do you think it would make losing that person hurt any less?

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh, Changkyun

Why

Kihyun is so

He has so many issues

Where are the soft gay boys can’t we get them in here

Why him

 

**Changkyun**

He’s so much more than you think he is, hyung

I know you think I’m just a kid with a first crush but he’s

He cares so much more than you think he does and

We all have issues

You said it yourself, I throw pity-parties on a daily basis

 

**Hyungwon**

Your issues are more amusing than anything else

And when they’re not

They don’t  _ actively  _ hurt the people near you

I can’t...

Wonho told me some things in confidence which I can’t tell you

But this is not a good idea

 

**Changkyun**

Yeah, never been good at those, have I

I can’t

I can’t just stop loving him, Hyungwon-hyung

What do I do

 

**Hyungwon**

……

I’ll be here to hug you if

Well

I’ll be here

 

**Changkyun**

Thanks, hyung

I just

It’ll hurt either way, you know?

If I give up

If I don’t and he

Thank you

 

**Hyungwon**

Why was I saddled with you aish

Anyway, if you’re not in your dorm yet

Get there

It’s cold out

 

**Changkyun**

Hah I’m still on the staircase

 

**Hyungwon**

Go to your dorm

Play a game

Read a book

Try to think of something else?

 

**Changkyun**

Idk man this is a good song

Really feeling it

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyun so help me

Get your ass off of those stairs

 

**Changkyun**

Cry Baby’s a good song too

Ugh fine I’m going

I have to go model again on Saturday you know

 

**Hyungwon**

Aish

Do you want me to come?

I can annoy Kihyun into letting me stay

 

**Changkyun**

Ever going to admit he’s actually your friend or…?

I don’t know, I think I’ll just go alone. It’ll be fine.

 

**Hyungwon**

What the hell we’re not friends

He supplies me with photographs

I supply him with a model

 

**Changkyun**

Sure

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m going to kill this fucking kid

 

**Wonho**

We talked about this

Murder is bad

 

**Hyungwon**

It’s for his own sake at this point

Like, can he just

He’s so stubborn

I’m TRYING to HELP

Also, your bff is a dick pass it on

 

**Wonho**

I sense a lot of anger here???

Kihyun is... an acquired taste

I’m so confused I’m just gonna state that as a fact at this point

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyun told me about a very HYPOTHETICAL situation

That ended up with him sitting on some stairs alone

While Kihyun ran away

And now he’s holding a fucking pity party for himself because he is a drama queen

 

**Wonho**

THIS DOES NOT HELP I AM STILL CONFUSED

What did Kihyun do??

No wait what did Changkyun do

What happened

 

**Hyungwon**

Why do you assume it was Changkyun

He is a poor innocent child

An idiot

But a child

 

**Wonho**

Oh okay so it wasn’t Changkyun

Thank god

For a moment I thought you were gonna tell me Changkyun tried to kiss Kihyun or something

 

**Hyungwon**

I mean

I didn’t say it wasn’t Changkyun

Just that you shouldn’t assume

I mean

He told me it was a HYPOTHETICAL situation um

 

**Wonho**

Okay well HYPOTHETICALLY

That would be a terrible idea

 

**Hyungwon**

Well, hypothetically

You know what, fuck this

We just had a massive argument

Kihyun is gonna break his fucking heart and he won’t listen to me

Control your friend

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun didn’t

I mean, he just ran away right?

He didn’t do anything else?

 

**Hyungwon**

Yeah but

Isn’t that bad enough?

I mean, this was just a simple kiss

ATTEMPT, I might add

 

**Wonho**

Idk if you’ve noticed but Kihyun is… a little high-strung

His immediate response to situations he can’t deal with

Is to run away

Not… necessarily things he doesn’t like

Just, things he doesn’t know how to process

 

**Hyungwon**

I know I have noticed thank you

But, I made a joke once

(I am HILARIOUS)

About him banging Changkyun

And he looked fucking disgusted

I’m sorry, but I won’t let him hurt my dongsaeng because he has issues

 

**Wonho**

It’s not his fault...

 

**Hyungwon**

Idgaf who’s fault it is

This is Changkyun

I’ve known him literally forever and he’s like my little brother and

I’m sorry idgaf about Kihyun rn

 

**Wonho**

Changkyun is a great kid and I would never want anyone to hurt him

Especially not my BEST FRIEND, Hyungwon

I know Kihyun has issues but your blatant prejudice towards him isn’t doing anyone any favours

 

**Hyungwon**

It’s not prejudice if it’s true

I know you wouldn’t willingly hurt anyone

But

I want you to know and I want you to know now

This is a line I will not budge about

Don’t hurt my friends

Especially Changkyun

Just, don’t

 

**Wonho**

You make it sound like I’m choosing sides 

And I just can’t

I’m not going to join you in your mission against my own best friend

And I’m not particularly eager for Changkyun to get hurt and you KNOW THAT

 

**Hyungwon**

I know

Let’s not talk about this anymore

 

**Wonho**

Agreed

I just need to say something, okay?

And please, just listen

 

**Hyungwon**

Go ahead

 

**Wonho**

Whatever you might think of Kihyun

And whatever he has done

I know him, and I know, for a fact that he cares a lot about Changkyun

Enough to

You wouldn’t understand me saying this, I guess, but

Enough to let it get to him

Remember when I told you that I feel guilty? That I want Kihyun to be as happy as I am?

Because I am happy, Hyungwon, I love you to bits

I just

You understand what I’m saying, right?

 

**Hyungwon**

Why would you feel guilty though?

Isn’t Kihyun just standing in his own way?

And, what do you mean ‘get to him’?

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun has this… this wall, right

And I feel guilty because he let it down, once

He let it down and he let everything in

Everything that wall had been made to keep out just

Poured in, and that was on me

Because he built it back up again 

It scared me how strong he built it

and I honestly didn’t think anyone would even, ever make a scratch on it

Until he met Changkyun

 

**Hyungwon**

I don’t believe that was on you

Like, I just don’t

But

And I’m trying to be as sensitive as possible here

We’re all making the same risk here?

Like, do you even know what happened with Minhyuk and Shownu?

I understand things are hard with being, not heterosexual, in this country

But he’s not the only who’s had to deal with it

I believe you that you say he cares about Changkyun, I honestly do

But

 

**Wonho**

People… People are different

I get you, I really do

But some people just…

Kihyun just needs more time, I think

Needs more of a reason to risk everything

 

**Hyungwon**

And what happens to Changkyun if Kihyun decides he isn’t worth it?

 

**Wonho**

That’s a terrible way of putting it, Hyungwonnie...

 

**Hyungwon**

I know

It’s the truth though

 

**Wonho**

I want… I just want Kihyun to be happy

I want Changkyun to be happy

Is that so much to ask for

 

**Hyungwon**

I don’t know

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

Because it makes me think about choosing sides

And I don’t think we’re gonna be on the same side

 

**Wonho**

I really hope it doesn’t amount to that

I just don’t

I have dance early tomorrow. Can I see you afterwards? Please

 

**Hyungwon**

Sure

Usual place?

 

**Wonho**

Usual place

I love you

Just needed you to know that

 

\---

 

_ "Why  _ are you following me around? Go bother Jooheon. Or, better yet, go study. You’re always complaining about the amount of work you have.” Hyungwon huffed as he sank down on the bench outside of the studio Wonho had dance class in, Changkyun settling down next to him.

Changkyun pouted, pulling his jacket closer to himself. With his ripped jeans, pink ears and cheeks, Hyungwon knew the kid hadn’t even bothered to check what the weather was before leaving his dorm. “You know I can’t study. It’s against who I am as a person. I can bullshit myself into a distinction.”

“Not in programming you can’t, you dipshit.”

“Exactly, it breaks me down on a spiritual level.”

“Yeah, I heard it’s all about being logical.” Hyungwon glanced at Changkyun. “I can see why you struggle with it.”

Changkyun scrunched his nose at Hyungwon. “You might have a point.”

“I always have a point. Now, answer the question, why are you here?”

“It’s too fucking early to be awake and endure your salt.” Changkyun let out a breath. “Can’t I just enjoy the company of another human?”

“Yes, but why me. I’m only here because I get to see a sweaty Wonho in about ten minutes.”

Changkyun stuck out his tongue. “That’s disgusting, hyung.”

Hyungwon reached out and absentmindedly pat Changkyun’s head. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“Seriously, what is so sexy about--” Changkyun stopped, seemingly taking a moment to think about it. ‘It’ most likely being a scenario Hyungwon prayed to God he would never have to see Kihyun in, ever. Changkyun let out a sudden cough. “Nope, no, shut up, I’m not a  _ kid  _ and--” Cough.

“I don’t  _ want  _ to know where your brain just went.”

Changkyun ran a hand through his hair, before looking at his hand like it had just betrayed him. Hyungwon laughed a little. “Nowhere.” Changkyun squeaked before coughing, again. “Listen, you’re my only option right now, okay, Jooheon has a permanent fixture now, and also threatened to throw my playstation out the window if I woke him up before nine.”

“Why are  _ you  _ awake before nine?”

“I think you being so thirsty that you don’t sleep in is a  _ marvel _ , actually. Sleep is your ex, now.”

“I see what you’re doing, but I’m too tired to care.” Hyungwon saw Changkyun eyeing the steaming cup Hyungwon held in his hand wistfully. “Don’t even think about it. This is for Wonho.”

“Domestic as fuck. Never thought I’d see the day. Mr I’ll Marry My Bed and Have Fifty Cats, waking up early and bringing his boyfriend coffee. Amazing.” Changkyun sounded, admittedly, a tiny bit bitter.

Hyungwon lifted a hand to flip him off, but didn’t complete the gesture as Wonho stepped out of the studio, dressed in a tank top and pressing a towel to his neck, his eyes lighting up when he spotted Hyungwon standing up and holding a steaming cup of…

“Tea?”

“Of course.”

“That’s not even coffee? Uuuugh,” Changkyun slid down the bench, looking despondent, but waving at Wonho anyway, smiling a bit. “‘Sup. I’m dying.”

“I’m Wonho, nice to meet you.”

There was a pause to marvel in the cringe-worthiness of Wonho’s dad joke. “And you... love this man?” Changkyun asked Hyungwon after a moment, pointing at Wonho.

Wonho spluttered, spraying tea, before turning to Hyungwon with his eyebrows raised. Hyungwon could feel his jaw clench as he turned to glare at Changkyun.

Changkyun laughed, a bit high-pitched. “Oh my god I was just making a joke. My bad.”

“Ha ha, that’s so funny,” Hyungwon deadpanned, shooting a strained smile at Changkyun while Wonho lowered his gaze to the floor, a small smile playing around his lips.

“Ugh, I miss memes and dick jokes, when did my life turn into a drama,” Changkyun grumbled, pulling his hood over his head and looking at his feet. “Sorry, sorry, go on, be cute, just ignore me. _ I am the bench _ .”

Hyungwon, a prickly feeling playing over the back of his neck, turned to look at Wonho, an apologetic grimace on his face, only to be confronted by the elder smiling softly at him, leaning in to say, “It’s fine, Hyungwon, really, it’s fine.”

Hyungwon smiled a bit, as Changkyun kicked a stone on the pavement. “How was class?”

“Great! I mean, there’s another Hoseok in there that is seriously incredibly good and I was a bit intimidated, but he’s actually _ super _ nice. You wouldn’t believe how quickly he picks stuff up,” Wonho let out a low whistle, taking another sip of tea, shivering slightly against the cold morning air.

The sound of someone running drew Hyungwon’s attention, and he looked up just in time to see Kihyun, beanie shoved over his head, scarf wrapped around his neck and bundled in possibly the warmest looking sweater Hyungwon has ever seen, coming to a stop beside Wonho, frowning up at him, brandishing a sweater in his hand.

“Wonho! I’ve told you once if I’ve told you a million times, you can’t go out in this cold without a sweater and  _ oh my god,  _ you’re wearing a tank top how irresponsible--”

Kihyun cut off as Wonho grabbed the sweater, laughter shaking his frame. Hyungwon could feel a smile twitching as his mouth corners, but he couldn’t help the faint tightening of his eyes and the way he shifted, just slightly, to cover Changkyun.

Kihyun’s eyes flicked up at the movement, his annoyed frown coming to rest on Hyungwon, before sliding to the form shivering behind him. His frown slipped a bit, softening, and Hyungwon could see the older man’s flailing in his eyes.

Children. Both of them.

(He knew Kihyun would probably have gone off on him not ensuring that his boyfriend was properly clothed against the cold and, as much as Hyungwon loathed getting lectured by Kihyun, he was pretty sure that, at this point, he would prefer it above the awkwardness he was sure was about to descend on them.)

He could feel how rigid Changkyun had gone next to him, and he was sure that if he were to look, the stupid kid would be wide eyed and staring at his fucking shoes or something. Which definitely helps. Fuck, why does he have to deal with this  _ where are the nice soft gay boys honestly. _

“Thanks for the sweater, Kihyunnie.”

_ There they are. _

Before an awkward silence could descend upon them in its suffocating embrace, Wonho piped up, a slightly strained looking smile on his face, “So! Um, would you all like to go get some coffee? Since we’re all here…”

He trailed off, Hyungwon pursing his lips at Wonho. He lifted his eyebrows, trying to communicate with facial expressions and telepathy alone that  _ this was not the fucking time you big sweetheart _ .

“I have to go stu--”

“I hate coffee.”

A gasp sounded from behind Hyungwon and he didn’t even need to turn around to see the absolutely  _ scandalised  _ expression on Changkyun’s face.

“But you’re a  _ student _ ,” Changkyun said, before snapping shut his gaping mouth, sitting back with pink cheeks.

“So?” Kihyun snapped, before his eyes fell to Changkyun’s jeans and he heaved an extremely put upon sigh. “Are you fucking-- oh my god how do you survive without supervision, it’s literally fucking freezing. Here,” Hyungwon watched, a bit shell-shocked, as Kihyun unwrapped the scarf around his neck and held it out to Changkyun, “Take this. I won’t be responsible for you dying.”

Changkyun’s eyes were comically wide as he frowned in absolute confusion. “Wha--huh?”

Kihyun shook the scarf. “Take it. And put it on. My arm is getting tired.”

Changkyun blinked before scrambling to get the scarf (Hyungwon sighed) and put his hood down to drape it around his neck. “Th-thanks, hyung.”

Kihyun nodded, apparently satisfied, before levelling a stern glare at Wonho.

“I had to leave the house a whole hour earlier because I just  _ knew  _ you would forget a sweater. Don’t make me do that again.”

And, with that, and a swift nod in Hyungwon’s direction, he was off.

Changkyun buried his face into the scarf, letting out a pained whine.

“It  _ smells like him _ ,” he whined pitifully, looking up at Hyungwon with a pout.

Hyungwon looked up at Wonho because naturally, this was absolutely  _ ridiculous  _ and he expected Wonho to look appropriately embarrassed for Changkyun, but no, instead of that, Wonho was looking practically starry-eyed.

“That’s so  _ cute _ !”

“It’s not  _ cute _ , it’s--what the hell does he even smell like? Sawdust and rage?”

Changkyun was so fucking pink, it was so dumb. “I don’t know! Just…” Changkyun sank down into the bench, looking progressively more pitiful. “ _ Him _ . Strawberry shampoo and tea...”

“That’s disgusting don’t talk to me about what he smells like  _ jeez _ .”

“You literally asked me!”

“It was  _ hypothetical _ .”

Changkyun turned his half covered face to Hyungwon to glare. “ _ Rhetorical _ .”

“ _ Inconsequential _ . I’m leaving.”

With that, Hyungwon stomped off, before realizing that he was missing his boyfriend and stopped, turning around and crossing his arms. Wonho shot an apologetic grin in Changkyun’s direction.

“I’m sorry about him. You can still join us if you want…?”

“It’s fine. Have fun.”

Wonho nodded, walking backwards to join Hyungwon. “Just give him that scarf back, okay? It’s one of his favourites.”

With that Hyungwon turned around and walked away, though he did turn around once they were a few steps away, raising his eyebrows at Changkyun. A silent,  _ are you okay? _

Changkyun lifted his shoulders in a shrug, a small, dimpled smile on his face, a silent,  _ guess I gotta be _ .

Hyungwon hesitated half a second, body twitching to turn around, but Changkyun shook his head and waved him away. Hyungwon sighed, nodded and turned around, arm sneaking around Wonho’s waist.

Things were going to be fine, right?

 

\---

 

To say that he was nervous about this whole thing would be like saying ‘Minhyuk is quite cheery on occasion’ or ‘Hyungwon is decent to look at’. 

Changkyun’s nerves were fucking  _ wrecked _ . He’d fretted over his clothes and hair and  _ literal entire appearance  _ for ages before Jooheon snapped, reminded him to take his glasses, and basically threw him out of the dorm with the keys to his car.

Jooheon must really have wanted him gone if he’d trusted him with his car.

The car, which quickly became Changkyun’s Metal Box of Angst. He’d parked in front of Kihyun’s house, and stared at his phone hoping that, somehow, it would alert Kihyun to the fact that he was here all on its own and he wouldn’t have to open the chat window and rethink his entire life.

This was fine. This was fine and he wasn’t going to fuck it up and do anything stupid and Kihyun was going to keep talking to him and-- Right. It was fine.

The gate opened, and Changkyun jumped in surprise, dropped his phone, desperately tried to catch it, and hit his head on the steering wheel, which let out a sad (loud) honk. 

Great. Superb. Kihyun was probably laughing at him right no--

“Yah! Oppa!”

_ Wait what the _ \--He looked up, and instead of being faced with the source of his internal turmoil, Jeongyeon, the internal turmoil’s sister, was standing next to his window, grinning and waving at him. 

Changkyun, after blinking up at the girl for a few seconds, belatedly rolled down the window to smile uncertainly at her. “Hi. Er, am I parked in front of something or--I’m here for the thing?” Smooth.

Jeongyeon giggled, pulling Changkyun’s door open without even so much as a ‘by your leave’.

“Kihyun’s running late. He was setting up when Mom asked him and Dad to run to the store, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay in here by yourself while he’s out buying milk. Come on, come in and help us make lunch.”

Before Changkyun could even  _ try  _ to think of a coherent protest, Jeongyeon already had his wrist in her hand and, like a helpless puppy, he was dragged along behind her, finding himself in the kitchen with his hands busily cutting up some lettuce before he could so much as blink.

“Honey,” Kihyun’s mother said evenly, after Jeongyeon called him ‘oppa’ for the seventh time, grinning maniacally as she handed him some tomatoes to chop off. 

“Thank you,” he said automatically, before staring at the tomato, shaking his head and blushing as he heard Jeongyeon laughing beside him. “Sorry, it’s instinct.”

“That’s alright, dear,” Mrs Yoo laughed softly, waving a dismissive hand before continuing with her lunch preparations. “You met Kihyun-ah at one of your classes, right?”

“Yes, ma’am, er, Programming and Problem Solving.”

“You’re also studying Computer Science, then?”

“English, actually.”

Jeongyeon and Mrs Yoo gave him a near identical look, heads tilted, eyebrows scrunched together.

Changkyun almost flushed. “I, er, wandered into Kihyun-hyung’s class by accident--” Jeongyeon snorted. “And I--”  _ Got blackmailed into joining it cos I’m a pushover and your son was really cute so it didn’t take too much prompting, to be honest _ . “Found it interesting.”

Mrs Yoo frowned. “And you just… decided to join the class? Hmm. What did your parents have to say about that?”

“My father is head of the Science Department at the University,” Changkyun said, smiling a bit, concentrating on his tomato. “He was just happy I was taking a class in something useful.”

“I have to admit I  _ was  _ wondering… What do you plan to do with your English degree?”

Changkyun bit onto his lip, his stomach rolling uncomfortably, before smiling at her. “English is the third largest language in the world. I can use it to teach, or edit, or translate. It’s not, well, Computer Science or Medicine, I guess, but it’s what I’m good at.” He shrugged, a bit uncertain as he chopped the tomatoes. God, he wanted them to like him.

“Well, at least you have a plan, some hope for job security. Better than Dramatic Arts or Dancing, I suppose.”

Changkyun’s hands froze for half a second before he nodded and smiled politely. Looking away from Mrs Yoo, he saw Jeongyeon staring at him, rolling her eyes when she caught his, smiling a bit before shrugging.  _ I’m sorry _ , she mouthed.

Changkyun smiled, genuine, the one he always used when Jooheon was sad, before sticking out his tongue, Jeongyeon laughing a little. Mrs Yoo looked over at them, a contemplative look in her eye.

“So,” Mrs Yoo began, a certain lilt in her voice. “Do you have a girlfriend, Changkyun-ah?”

Changkyun nearly dropped the knife as it slipped half-way through cutting a tomato, and he was one hundred percent prepared to stutter and make an absolute fool of himself, but Jeongyeon was already groaning out a loud, “Moooooooom,  _ really? _ ”

“You were the one calling him ‘oppa’, dear!” Mrs Yoo was still smiling as she shrugged ‘innocently’. “I was just curious.”

Changkyun, still smiling a bit disbelievingly, picked up the knife and risked a glance at Jeongyeon who was staring, one eyebrow lifted and something about her expression just, completely unmade Changkyun.

It started as a small giggle, both of them coughing and trying to hide it, but it wasn’t long until it had grown so much that it was all Changkyun could do to stay upright, the corners of his mouth hurting, they were both laughing so much.

So much, that he hadn’t realized that Kihyun and an older man, who Changkyun naturally assumed to be his father, had made their way into the kitchen, Kihyun stopped in his tracks until his father pushed past him, at which point Changkyun managed to regain enough control of himself to notice Kihyun standing wide-eyed in the doorway, fingers slack around a plastic bag filled with milk and various other groceries.

Changkyun looked at him, knowing that he was still smiling and pursed his lips into the smallest smile he could manage at the moment, feeling a bit (a lot) sheepish. He really should have just waited in the car. He waved a little at Kihyun, before realizing he was still holding a knife, and ceasing immediately.

“Um, hi, hyung. I was just…” Changkyun nodded towards the tomato, realised he didn’t know what he was doing, and shrugged again. “Jeongyeon let me in.”

“Of course she did.”

Before Changkyun could answer, Kihyun’s dad, who had been greeting his wife and daughter, turned around to face Changkyun, leaning against a counter.

“You gonna introduce me to your friend, Jeongyeon?”

“Kihyun’s, actually,” she chirped, shooting a tight smile at Changkyun.

“Oh,” his father said, and Changkyun wasn’t sure what to make of the blank expression on his face. He swallowed and bowed his head a little.

“I’m Lim Changkyun, sir. Kihyun-hyung helps me with my studies and I’m here today to, er,” Changkyun glanced a bit uncertainly at Kihyun. 

Thankfully, Kihyun seemed to take pity on him and stepped forward, placing the bag next to his mother.

“He’s here to help me with my photography project.”

“And lunch, apparently.”

Kihyun hummed.

“He’s… early.” Kihyun frowned slightly at Changkyun, who pouted a little.

“No, he’s not,” Jeongyeon interrupted, waving her knife admonishingly at Kihyun, before Mrs Yoo tutted and took it out of her hand. “You’re late.”

Mr Yoo pursed his lips at Kihyun, before shrugging.

“Then you should get started on that, shouldn’t you. You don’t want to waste more of this boy’s time than you already have, son, that’s not professional.”

Kihyun stilled, hand resting on a bottle of milk, before smiling ruefully at his dad.

“Yes, father. Come on, Changkyun, I’m sure you have  _ loads  _ of places to be.”

Changkyun opened his mouth to say something, before closing it and looking down at the cutting board. “But the tomato.”

“ _ Leave the f-- _ Leave the tomato. I’m sure my mom will manage. Right, mom?” 

“Have for years,” she said, before waving the two of them off. “Go on, then.”

Changkyun put the tomato down and bowed a little before he followed Kihyun out of the room. He pushed his glasses up from where they’d been sliding down his nose, and looked at Kihyun nervously. Well, the back of his head, at least. From this angle Changkyun was  _ sure  _ Kihyun couldn’t see how much of a nervous wreck he was.

“I, er, brought your scarf,” Changkyun tried, because he was  _ desperate  _ for Kihyun to say absolutely anything as they entered his ‘studio’, Kihyun automatically walking over to his equipment and making miniscule adjustments Changkyun couldn’t even hope to understand. Changkyun hovered in the doorway. This was fine.

“Thanks,” Kihyun looked over his shoulder, smiling slightly. “You can just put it over there,” he said pointing vaguely to a counter. “You know, after I gave you that scarf, I realised that I had nothing to keep myself warm with. And I was already on campus. That was fun.”

“ _ Hyuuung _ ,” Changkyun said, feeling incredibly guilty all of a sudden, walking over to put the scarf (perfectly folded, thank you very much) onto the counter. “I literally live on campus. You could have just, I don’t know, asked for it back or something. I’m, er, sorry.”

Kihyun shrugged, still fiddling with the camera. 

“It’s not like we had a class together yesterday. Anyway, it was only for about three hours, then I got to go home. It was fine.”

Changkyun puffed a breath of air,  _ unsatisfied. _ Kihyun had been cold when he had been warm, and that was fundamentally not okay. He couldn’t exactly argue any further with the man, though,  _ but still _ . “Well, now I’m just going to  _ have to  _ give you my scarf once and freeze my ass off for a change. So, er, forget your scarf one morning, alright?” Changkyun said, in his sternest voice. “It’s for the sake of the balance of the cosmos.”

“That is literally the dumbest logic I’ve  _ ever _ heard, and one of the students for the Linear Algebra class I TA for once tried to argue that the sky was purple because the logic statement made it true even though it obviously  _ isn’t. _ ”

Changkyun blinked. “That entire sentence makes my brain hurt so I am incredibly glad I don’t take any sort of Math, thank you very much. I struggle enough with past perfect tense, so.”

“I don’t have to deal with that, so. Anyway, the point is, don’t let yourself fucking freeze over some sort of imagined debt.” Kihyun rolled his eyes so masterfully that Changkyun was actually in awe for a few seconds. He stared a little, and Kihyun frowned.

“What is it?”

“Sorry, that was just--literal  _ textbook _ eye-roll.”

“What on  _ earth  _ is a textbook eye-roll? Also,” Kihyun gestured to a small camp table set-up against the wall, “I want to focus on ‘Inner Beauty’ today, so you can just look there for some props.”

Knowing full well he couldn’t even begin to describe Kihyun’s amazing eye-roll, and honestly very curious, he made his way over to the box, laughing a little as he peered into it. “Inner Beauty? Like, personality and stuff?”

Kihyun stopped himself mid eye-roll, frowning. “Yes.”

“So, when you were thinking ‘hey, we should put emphasis on Changkyun’s personality’, you got--” Changkyun reached in, waving a stuffed little bear in front of his face. “This, and,” he placed a fake (obviously) gold crown on his head and grinned. “Ta-dah! How do I look?”

Kihyun grimaced, shrugging. “Those were just  _ ideas, _ okay. If you think of something better  _ by all means _ … Also, you look like a child, but I guess that can’t be helped either way.”

Changkyun felt his smile dim a little (a lot), but turned back to the box, digging around.

“I mean,” Kihyun cleared his throat and Changkyun turned around to see him smiling a bit sheepishly. “I just, that is kinda your personality, right? It’s not,” he turned around, barely even  _ pretending  _ to fiddle with the weird camera equipment, in Changkyun’s opinion, “necessarily a bad thing.”

“Well,” Changkyun said, as he hugged a teddy bear to his chest. “What’s the point in being an adult if you can’t be childish every now and then.”

Kihyun mumbled to himself and Changkyun thought he caught the words, “Every  _ now and again _ , huh.”

Changkyun threw the teddy bear at Kihyun, regretting it for a split second before he saw Kihyun’s face and burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry--”

“Did,” Kihyun spluttered, ears rapidly reddening, mouth comically wide and eyebrows raised “did you honestly, just,  _ throw a teddy bear at me? _ ”

“I’m emphasising my--” Changkyun laughed. “My inner beauty.”

Changkyun felt a wave of amazement as Kihyun seemed to deflate, some sort of nervous energy he hadn’t even noticed in the room dissipating as Kihyun chuckled slightly. 

“You’re a fucking menace, is what you are. Now, please, I want to finish before my mother comes in here asking if we’ll be joining them for lunch.”

“Emphasize my inner beauty  _ in front  _ of the camera, I getcha,” Changkyun said, before grabbing a few more things and hurrying to the area Kihyun had set up, fixing the crown on his head and grinning. “Am I seriously supposed to just let you photograph me while I’m fooling around?”

Changkyun frowned as Kihyun’s jaw clenched and he seemed to shake his head, widening his eyes, before looking up at Changkyun with a just slightly strained smile.

“Just, be yourself.”

Changkyun picked up the little horn and did a sad little  _ toot _ before bursting out into laughter. It was as he was laughing, the horn still loosely clutched in his hand, that he heard the camera erupt into little clicks, and, startled, his laughter stopped abruptly as he looked inquisitively at Kihyun.

“Don’t stop,” Kihyun whined, pressing some buttons on the camera before looking up at Changkyun with a frown. “That was what I was talking about.”

It was odd, how  _ this _ made him more self-conscious than the other photoshoot they’d held, even the short (disastrous) shirtless debacle, because, well… They hadn’t talked about  _ it _ . About any of it. Kihyun had given him his scarf and Changkyun had accepted that as a ‘you may stay’ but they haven’t actually  _ talked about shit _ , and now he had to, well, be himself. Be himself, under the critical eye of the person he was a tiny bit scared disliked him  _ for  _ said childish behaviour. He let out a breath.

“Alright, then,” Changkyuns said, picking up the teddy bear again, and trying to balance it on his head with the  _ utmost  _ concentration.

Kihyun broke out into a grin, lifting the camera to his eye again and, somehow, after that, things were a bit easier. Sure, every now and again Kihyun would tilt his head and frown and Changkyun would freeze, worried that he was being too silly, too irreverent, somehow  _ not doing the right thing _ , but, every time, after a few seconds, that frown would even out as Changkyun did something even more ridiculous, or, once, simply buried his face into the teddy bear. 

After a while, Changkyun wasn’t sure how long, since he had stopped being so very extra a while ago and was now mostly softly stroking his fingertips across the soft fur of the bear while watching Kihyun out of the corner of his eyes as surreptitiously as possible, Kihyun lowered the camera, flipping through the pictures with a soft smile on his face.

Hesitantly, Changkyun straightened up, trying to crane his head enough to see even a sliver of the photos, before Kihyun noticed, rolling his eyes, (Changkyun chose to think it was fondly), before waving him over and tilting the camera towards him.

He left the teddy bear as he walked over, eyes fixing themselves on the camera and he was honestly taken aback by how Kihyun had managed to make one idiot boy fooling around look soft, cute, even. Kihyun continued to flip through the pictures, making some comments here and there, but Changkyun had stopped looking at the pictures at about the same moment he realised how close they were standing.

Kihyun didn’t seem to realise their proximity, leaning even closer as he pointed out some detail in one of the pictures. Changkyun, however, couldn’t concentrate. He couldn’t, couldn’t focus and, and Kihyun was so  _ close _ , and he was warm and, and, and he had been smiling so softly, even being nice, in his own way, throughout the photoshoot and  _ oh god _ , his hand had just brushed against Changkyun’s and--

“Changkyun?” 

Changkyun’s head snapped up, eyes wide, as Kihyun called his name, and he found the photographer staring at him with something, something perilously close to concern in his eyes.

“Are you paying attention to a word I’m saying?”

Frantically, Changkyun nodded, willing himself not to flush, not react to the fact that  _ Kihyun’s face was right fucking there _ and  _ god,  _ he could see the few, almost non-existent freckles on his skin and--

“Yeah!” His voice came out as a bit of a squeak and he cleared his throat, beaming a slightly desperate, (and a slightly deranged looking, he was sure), smile.

“Really?” Kihyun sounded unimpressed, and opened his mouth again, clearly about to say something but, at that moment, Changkyun’s traitorous,  _ bastard _ eyes flitted down, lingering for just a  _ second _ on Kihyun’s lips, before he swallowed tightly, heart thudding in his ears and hands shaking slightly as he slowly lifted his eyes, the faint tendril of hope he had been clinging onto, the one that had been whispering into his ears that maybe,  _ maybe _ , Kihyun hadn’t seen that, dashed to pieces as he met Kihyun’s eyes.

Kihyun’s eyes were, not something that Changkyun had seen before. They were darker, darker than he had ever seen them before, pupils slightly dilated and, and, Changkyun would swear before God himself that he wasn’t imagining the swift glance Kihyun shot at Changkyun’s own lips.

“Hyung…”  _ God _ , his voice was a  _ wreck. _ Changkyun couldn’t find it in himself to care though, as Kihyun’s eyes seemed to grow even darker at the sound.

Changkyun felt a drop of sweat slide down his neck and  _ it wasn’t even hot, what the hell _ , but somehow he was burning up and Kihyun wasn’t  _ moving, _ just staring at him with eyes that looked like they wanted to swallow him up and--

Changkyun felt something in him, (his will? His fear? His caution? Who the fuck knew), snap and, with another, small, whimpered, “ _ Hyung, _ ” he leaned in, lips softly bumping against Kihyun’s with a sort of heavy finality.

 

\---

 

Kihyun was frozen.

He wasn’t an idiot. (He was many things, but not that.)

He saw the intent in Changkyun’s eyes. He saw it and he couldn’t move. Worse, much worse, something in him wanted to lean in, lean closer, close that gap, let this whole, this whole  _ thing _ , just come to an end already. 

But he hadn’t. He had stayed, staring, palms sweaty, still frozen even as Changkyun swayed towards him. He had stayed, even when Changkyun fucking  _ whimpered  _ at him and, when, he had leaned forward, this time with intent, Kihyun--

He didn’t move. 

He didn’t move and, for a few, blissful, silent seconds, all he could think about, all he could  _ feel _ , was the sensation of Changkyun’s lips on his, still not moving, but starting to press a bit harder now, starting to make their presence a reality.

But, of course, it was only for a few seconds.

As Changkyun’s lips pushed a little against his, still hesitant, but definitely there, his mind came crashing back, almost painfully and, really, Kihyun should have anticipated this.

… _ ”Are you sure?” Kihyun’s voice was shaking, unsure, even as his hand trailed up Wonho’s side, taking his shirt with it. “Are you sure this is okay?” _

_ “Trust me, Kihyunnie. Have I ever let you come to harm before?”... _

Kihyun couldn’t move, he couldn’t  _ move _ and Changkyun was  _ still  _ kissing him, an almost desperate whine in his throat.

… _ ”Faggots!” _

_ The yell came from behind, and Kihyun pushed Wonho away, pushed him away with enough force that he stumbled backwards and almost fell. They were supposed to be  _ alone _ , there wasn’t supposed to be anyone  _ there _. _

_ Wonho turned around to yell something back at them, but deflated when he saw Kihyun’s face, eyes wide in fear as the boys neared them. Kihyun couldn’t, he couldn’t go back to school with the label ‘faggot’. He was already--they already bullied him for being, for being small and playing piano and not being manly enough, he can’t--he can’t go back home with another black eye, his father would-- _

_ “Ugh,” Kihyun heard himself say, pushing away from the wall. “I told you  _ no _!” he yelled, distantly aware that his heart was shattering as he saw Wonho staring at him, an almost resigned look on his face. _

_ He had no choice. He had no choice… _

Changkyun was moving his lips insistently now, seeking a response and, Kihyun, Kihyun, he couldn’t--

He lifted his hands, braced them against Changkyun’s chest, and  _ pushed _ .

_ …”--don’t want you to be friends with that boy anymore, Kihyun, do you hear me? We heard some rumours and--”  _

_ “I won’t have my boy being friends with some ponce!” Kihyun’s father interrupted, his face nearly unrecognisable as he sneered, disgust clear. “Is that clear, Kihyun? Kihyun, I asked you a question.” _

_ Kihyun swallowed past the lump in his throat. _

_ “Yes, sir.” _

_ “You have to understand, dear,” his mother said, voice sweet. “If people thought that you were… You know...” _

_ “I understand.”... _

_...He was sobbing, knocking against Wonho’s door, shaking. The door flew open to reveal Wonho, disheveled, as if he had just woken up and Kihyun, Kihyun sobbed even louder at the sight of his face. _

_ “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, my parents just-- Wonho, I’m so sorry, please, forgive me, I’m so sorry--” _

_ Kihyun heard a sigh above him, before he was gathered into strong, warm arms, tugged into the house. He collapsed against Wonho’s chest, sobbing so hard it hurt to  _ breathe _. _

_ “It’s-- it’s not okay. Not yet. But,” Kihyun felt a hand petting his head, “it will be. It will be.”... _

“Get away from me!” 

It was a ragged cry, tore from somewhere deep in Kihyun’s chest, the place he always tried his very best not to think of. It was  _ wrong _ , this was  _ wrong _ , he wasn’t allowed, he wasn’t allowed, his father, this wasn’t  _ right,  _ (yet somehow, pushing Changkyun away wasn’t right either but  _ he couldn’t think about that _ ).

Changkyun was looking up at him, pushed so hard he had fallen onto the floor, he was saying something but, but there was a buzzing in Kihyun’s ears and, and  _ his father was in the house he couldn’t-- _

“Get out!”

Kihyun turned around and collapsed into himself, arms around his knees, rocking back and forth.

He wasn’t allowed, he wasn’t allowed, he wasn’t  _ allowed _ .

He barely registered a broken sounding whisper behind him, followed by some scuffing sounds, a door closing and, then, silence.

He wasn’t  _ allowed. _

 

\---

 

He managed to make it to his car. He’d asked Jeongyeon to please open the gate, that no, he wouldn’t be staying for lunch, thanks, and to tell her parents he said goodbye. He even managed to keep a polite (strained, but polite) smile on his face the whole time. He managed to get the car started, and drive for two, three minutes, not even two blocks, before he felt it.

He managed to stop his heart breaking just long enough so no one would see. He pulled the car over and felt a sob tear its way up his throat, felt a sharp, shooting pain in his chest, and folded in on himself.

He coundn’t stop. He felt sob after sob wrack his body, and it hurt, it  _ fucking hurt  _ how much he was crying, but he couldn’t stop.

He’d fucked up. He’d fucked up, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Kihyun’s face after he pushed him away.

He had been so  _ sure _ , though. For a few seconds, just before the kiss and the few seconds into it, he could’ve  _ sworn _ that… that Kihyun wanted it, too. But there was absolutely no mistaking the look on Kihyun’s face as anything other than disgust.

It broke him all over again, the sobs _ hurt  _ as they shook his body, and he wasn’t sure for how long he just sat there in the car, crying, but eventually, when every sob didn’t make him curl into himself anymore, he managed to get his phone out of his pocket, breathing still uneven and broken, and he called the first person, the only person, really, he could think of, the first person he thought might be able to help him.

“Changkyun?”

He couldn’t say anything coherent, couldn’t get his breathing fixed, couldn’t stop  _ thinking _ .

“Changkyun?” There was a sharp edge of worry in Hyungwon’s voice. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“Hyu-hyung, you were--” Changkyun’s voice broke. “You were right, I’m--I’m sorry, you were right.”

“Changkyun? Right about what? Changkyun, please, where are you?”

“About Kihyun. You were right, I--” Thinking about what happened, about what he had to say, it was too much.

“Changkyun, breathe. Come on, breathe with me. Now, tell me where you are.”

“I don’t--I drove a bit, but I can’t--He kicked me out and--” Changkyun breathed, deeply, a shudder more than a breath.

A growl sounded over the phone.

“That absolute  _ wanker _ . Can you make it to the bus stop near, um, his house? I’ll meet you there.”

Changkyun looked up. “Yeah, I--I think so, sorry, I’m just--” He wiped at his tears, feeling stupid, feeling like an idiot  _ child _ . Hyungwon had been  _ right,  _ he’d been right and-- god, he’d fucked up so much.

“It’s fine, Changkyun-ah,” Hyungwon’s tone gentled, though Changkyun could still hear his voice trembling, a hard edge lurking underneath the soft words. “I’m gonna actually kill that asshole, but it’s fine. See you in about fifteen minutes.”

“I--Okay,” Changkyun said, ending the call, putting the phone down on the seat next to him, and wondering how he could have been so, so wrong.

 

\---

 

Hyungwon was  _ livid _ . 

He was shaking with unspent anger, trying to keep it in check for Changkyun who was currently sitting on his bed, staring miserably at a bowl of yogurt Hyungwon had forced into his hands, still sniffling every now and then.

So, when the knock on his door came, Hyungwon was grateful for the chance to unleash his wrath on some clueless first year who had the bad luck to come to  _ his  _ room to ask for help. Little shits.

When he opened the door however, ready to unleash a tirade of how first years should really be more considerate of their sunbaenims trying to get some work done, he was faced with Wonho’s smiling face, a face that quickly turned into a frown as he looked behind Hyungwon to see Changkyun sitting on his bed.

“Is... is he okay?”

Hyungwon quickly stepped out of the room, closing the door behind himself, before turning to face Wonho, arms crossed.

“I--I really don’t think you should be here right now, Wonho. Your presence right now isn’t going to help  _ anything _ .”

Wonho frowned, utterly confused. “Did---Did I do something?”

Hyungwon let out a strangled laugh, fists clenching.

“No! No, you didn’t and, well, funnily enough, that’s kinda the whole fucking problem.”

“Hyungwon, I don’t--I don’t know what you’re--”

“ _ Your friend _ , that marvelous excuse of a human being,  _ made Changkyun cry. _ He  _ pushed him away _ and I  _ told _ you, I  _ told you _ to control your friend. But you’re so fucking  _ scared _ of offending someone that you did absolutely  _ nothing _ and now look where we are.”

Wonho paled, eyes filled with concern, mouth opening and closing. “What--What did Kihyun do? I’m sorry, Hyungwon, I don’t--”

“ _ He pushed Changkyun. Hard.  _ He  _ kicked him out. _ Do you know how hard it is to make that kid cry? Like, actually  _ cry _ ? Do you know how-- No, you don’t. He  _ called me _ ,  _ sobbing _ , parked on the side of the road somewhere because he was crying so hard he  _ couldn’t breathe _ .”

“I’m sorry, I told Changkyun to go easy on Kihyun, I didn’t think he would--”

“I’m sorry?!” Hyungwon could feel the white, hot rage pushing up his throat, clouding his thoughts. “You told  _ Changkyun _ to go easy on  _ Kihyun _ ? Are fucking  _ kidding _ me? Are you an  _ idiot? _ This boy has kissed one boy in his life, just kiss, mind you, ever, and he’s supposed to be the one going easy? Are you  _ fucking kidding  _ me right now?”

“Hyungwon, I’m sorry, okay, I am, but that’s not fair, you don’t know what Kihyun’s been through, he--”

“I. Don’t. Give. A. Single. Fuck.” Hyungwon was breathing heavily. “I don’t know. But you do. You do. You could’ve done something. It’s all well and easy, saying you want everyone to be happy, that you feel guilty for being happy, but you don’t--”

“What do you want me to do?!” Wonho yelled, his voice raised for the first time, an odd desperation in his eyes. “What exactly is it that you wanted me to do here, Hyungwon?!”

“YOU COULD HAVE TOLD KIHYUN TO BACK OFF. You could have told him to leave Changkyun alone. You could have-- you could have at least  _ warned  _ the poor kid other than ‘go easy on him’. Jeez, fuck, if he was  _ so damaged _ , you never should have encouraged this in the first place,” Hyungwon hissed. He felt a heavy weight in his stomach.

“Warned him?!” Wonho gaped. “Hyungwon,  _ you  _ don’t get to decide when someone is  _ damaged _ . You don’t get to judge someone over shit you don’t have a fucking clue about. Kihyun’s not---He’s  _ not _ \--”

“You can’t even say it.” Wonho froze, and Hyungwon shook his head. “Get out.”

Wonho hesitated, before saying the exact wrong thing. “Can I just… Can I talk to Changkyun? Maybe just explain--”

Hyungwon felt a fierce wave of protectiveness rush over him.

“You,  _ stay away _ from Changkyun. You and him  _ both _ . You don’t get to talk, you don’t get to  _ explain _ . Not after shit already hit the fucking fan. I am  _ not _ giving you the opportunity to  _ justify _ Kihyun breaking his fucking heart.  _ Get. Out. _ ”

Wonho stood there, eyes watering, as Hyungwon turned, opened the door to his room, and slammed it in Wonho’s face.

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

Come near him again, Kihyun, and I’ll kill you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're sorry.
> 
> please bear with us. we've had this in mind for the story since we started, and we've thought it through to great (painful) lengths.
> 
> thank you.


	14. Changkyun Protection Squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THIS TOOK LONG
> 
> blame sensitive subject matter and overwatch

**Wonho**

Kihyun, I really fucked things up for myself standing up for you

The least you can do is answer my texts

Kihyun?

Goddammit, why did you have to do this…

Again...

 

\---

 

There was no conceivable way to not think about Kihyun, so that’s what Changkyun did. 

He thought about Kihyun as Hyungwon screamed at his boyfriend on the other side of the door, knowing that it was his fault, Changkyun’s own stupidity, his  _ own damn fault _ _ ,  _ and no one else’s. He thought about Kihyun as he tried to sleep, but the tightness in his chest felt almost like hands, pushing, pushing at him until he couldn’t do much else than try to breathe. He thought about Kihyun as he got up the next morning, tired from dreams that sought to tease him, trying to remember if he had ever felt so torn up before. He thought about Kihyun, about how wrong he must have been to think that his smile and help and company was anything more than just being polite to the annoying kid from programming.

He thought about Kihyun, and he would keep thinking about him, until the sharp, stabbing pain in his heart would regress to a throbbing ache.

It would take time, he knew that, so he thought about Kihyun, and the knife in his heart twisted.

A pillow hit him square on the chest.

“Changkyun-ah?” Jooheon asked, sat on his bed across from Changkyun, laptop open on his lap, earphones dangling from an ear, eyes wide with concern, hand hovering from where he’d thrown the pillow. “Changkyunnie, you’re crying.”

Changkyun blinked, and sure enough, felt tears run down his cheeks. He looked down, the page of his textbook stained with three, four drops. “Oh.”

Jooheon moved the laptop off his lap. “Dude, just talk to me or--”

“I’m sorry,” Changkyun apologised.

“Are you--” Jooheon slumped where he was sitting, shaking his head. “Kyunnie, are you apologizing to me for  _ crying _ ?”

Changkyun thought about it and nodded, saw Jooheon’s face fall, and went to the bathroom, not looking at his reflection as let the pain and its effects run its course. When he went back to their room, tired, spent, he apologised again, turned his back to his best friend, and pretended to sleep as his heart pained, and he thought about Kihyun.

 

**\---**

 

**Jooheon**

Hey bro wanna come over? Gunhee’s here

He’s making me play support to his reckless Genji loving ass

Like that isn’t ALL I DO ANYWAY

Could really use that melodramatic dragon of yours

 

**Changkyun**

Thanks but I have a test to study for

Sorry

 

**Jooheon**

Oh, what test?

I need to study too, actually

Maybe we can study together?

 

**Changkyun**

It’s Literature

We don’t have any subjects together it’s fine just

Just go play overwatch with your boyfriend, I’m fine

 

**Jooheon**

Bro...

 

**Changkyun**

I know. I’m sorry

I know you care but I just

I'd rather be alone than pretend to be alright

I need to finish this book, okay?

Have fun with Gunhee

 

\---

 

Kihyun frowned at the black screen of his computer. He was supposed to be putting together the planning for his project, which included some sample shots. He had the proposal and everything all written up it was just the… well, it was  _ just  _ the sample shots.

All of which were of… him.

Kihyun felt a sharp pain lance through his stomach and he hunched over, wincing. Which, that right there, was the fucking problem.

How the fuck was he supposed to complete and submit the proposal for tomorrow, if he couldn’t even  _ think  _ about… certain things.

Kihyun knew he had… fucked up. To put it lightly. 

_ It was just-- _

No. Thinking about it made everything worse so he would just, not think about it. Because that had worked  _ so _ well in the past. But, like it or not, he needed to get this proposal done. Photography was the only thing--well. Photography was the only thing worth caring about at the moment.

He just, had to get this over with. It’s like ripping off a band-aid, right?

A few minutes later, feeling a bit light-headed and a lot nauseous as he tried to edit  _ his  _ pictures, Kihyun had to admit that, no, this was not like ripping off a band-aid. In fact, he would, at this point, take ripping off fifty band-aids  _ simultaneously _ , rather than this.

Right at the point where he was beginning to think it would just be easier to just, like, attach all the contents of his memory card rather than go through this torture, a knock sounded at the door, followed by Jeongyeon opening the door and slipping into his room. With Jeongyeon, it was always more of a warning that she’d be coming in than waiting for any sort of acknowledgement or permission.

“Ooooh, that looks nice,” she commented, tilting her head at his computer screen.

Kihyun glanced at the screen, before quickly looking away and staring up at Jeongyeon, too tired and,  _ used up _ , to muster up the energy for a glare.

“What do you want?” He meant to sound accusing, irritated. Instead, he sounded nothing other than tired.

She frowned a little. “Can’t I compliment you? It’s a nice picture, I don’t get why you look like death itself. You barely ate yesterday.” She poked his arm with a squint.

“School’s just tough,” Kihyun grunted, flinching away from Jeongyeon’s finger.

“School’s always ‘been tough’, don’t think that’ll work on me.” She rolled her eyes, before leaning over to his computer, reaching for the mouse. “Lemme seeee.”

It was like something came over Kihyun. It wasn’t… it wasn’t rational, or deserved, or anything close to an appropriate reaction to his little sister asking to see his photos.

“No!” Kihyun slapped her hand away, the feeling still riding hot and heavy in his chest. “Just, no, don’t touch my stuff. Fuck, just leave me alone.”

“Ouch! Jeez, I knew you were the jealous type but--”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?”

She huffed a breath, leaning away from him. “Oh, please, you’ve never been shy about your pictures. And you’ve always shown  _ me, _ at least,” she looked down for a moment before tilting her head at him. “I’m just  _ saying _ ...”

As suddenly at it had appeared, the feeling receded, leaving Kihyun with a lot of pent-up frustration and guilt.

“I--I’m sorry, okay, but now’s really not the best time. Please, can you just…” Kihyun trailed off, lowering his head into his hands.

“Kihyunnie…” He felt a hand on his back. “I didn’t mean to--I just…” She sighed softly, the hand moving up and down his back. “Why did Changkyun-oppa leave like that? On Monday. He looked… I don’t know, like he’d jump the gate if I didn’t open it. What happened?”

Kihyun froze, before frantically shaking his head.

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about. We were done with the photoshoot, and he-- he had somewhere to be, that’s all.” Even Kihyun could tell his voice was sounding far too strangled to be as nonchalant as he was trying to be. 

“I’m not…” Her voice was soft, careful. “You don’t have to lie, hyung-ah. Not to me.”

Kihyun cleared his throat, shaking Jeongyeon’s hand off of him. 

“I’m not. I’m not lying.” He stared fixedly at a spot just to the left of his computer screen.

“You are!” Her voice cracked a little. “I thought that this---That he--” She stood her ground, unrelenting, like she couldn’t see his heart forcing itself up his throat. “You like Changkyun-oppa, don’t you?”

“What are you talking about?” Even as he said it, Kihyun could hear the panic in his voice, his chest tightening up and, and, all he could think was,  _ not again _ . He was so, so  _ tired  _ of this. Why couldn’t it all just stop? Why can’t he just live in his own little world and why… why do people keep  _ bothering him _ ? 

“I saw you, Hyunnie,” she said, pleaded, almost. “You never even looked at Wonho-oppa like that.”

“You saw  _ what _ , exactly?” Icy, so, so icy. Kihyun couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to be like this. “And why are you talking about, about  _ that _ ? I thought we agreed it was-- it was a mistake, and we wouldn’t talk about it again, ever.”

Jeongyeon visibly deflated, her eyes searching as they took him in. “Why are you so…” She trailed off, unsure, fidgeting with the sleeves of her sweater. 

“So what? I’m just… asking Changkyun to help me was a mistake. It--he didn’t fit the modelling, and we both agreed that we--” He broke off. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say it.

“You’re lying again.” She didn’t sound hesitant, like she was questioning him. She said it like a fact, like she somehow  _ knew _ .

“I--what? How would you know if I’m lying or not. You weren’t there. You didn’t see…” See Kihyun being an asshole. Seeing him pushing away a boy that, that, despite everything, he had managed to grow  _ fond  _ of. Didn’t see her brother being a literal excuse for a human being because he couldn’t  _ deal  _ with the fact that maybe, maybe he’d grown fond of the boy in turn.

“I saw the pictures,” she said, glancing up at the screen before looking at him. “Did you chase him away because he’s…” Jeongyeon bit down on her lip. “Because he likes you?”

There was a long silence after he words. Kihyun tried to rationalise his way out of this, tried a thousand different renditions of, ‘that’s ridiculous, I would never’ and, ‘don’t be silly, he doesn’t like me’, but, in the end, didn’t have to energy to keep lying to himself.

“Maybe.”

Jeongyeon’s fidgeting hands stilled. “Are you worried you’ll make another mistake?” She looked at him, eyes shining with unshed tears but, somehow, determined. “I’m not even sure what you consider a mistake anymore. Asking Changkyun to model was a mistake, Wonho was a mistake…” She shook her head a little, looking down at her hands again, scoffing. “Maybe I should have just lied to Changkyun in the first place. Should have known you’d never--”

Something cold crawled up his spine, stopping at his heart. 

“Wait,  _ what _ ? What did you tell Changkyun?”

She looked up, eyes wide, guilty, almost. “You ran away! What was I supposed to--”

“ _ Jeongyeon _ . What did you tell Changkyun?” 

“He was so worried you hated him and I--he likes you so  _ much _ , hyung,” she pleaded. “I told him that--I told him about you and Wonho.”

Kihyun was numb. He was legitimately _ numb _ , apart from the sharp sting in his chest of... of... Shock? Betrayal?

“Why would you do that? You, you know that mom and dad-- you know they’re not-- that  _ I’m not _ \--”

“You are!” He looked up, and she was crying. Her body wasn’t shaking, she wasn’t falling in on herself, she just let the tears fall down her face. “And I’m--” Her voice broke. “I just wanted you to--to come to  _ terms  _ with it, so I don’t… So I wouldn’t have to do this alone.”

Kihyun had been getting ready to yell. He had been getting ready to get righteously angry at Jeongyeon for talking about his private business, but.

He was speechless. There was something soft, yet at the same time, suffocatingly heavy settling in his chest. 

“I thought that--” She hiccuped a little. “I thought that it’d be better if--if it wasn’t just-- _ me _ . Everything I do it’s ‘Yes, well done, Jeongyeon, but look at your brothers, can’t you be more like your brothers.’ Not just you, it’s--He has  _ kids _ , a wife, and I just thought that  _ this _ , with you, at least...”

Kihyun felt the soft thing in his chest expand and encompass him, and, suddenly, he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of pity. For both of them. 

They were both trying so, so hard and… And he hadn’t even  _ known _ , hadn’t looked past himself, his own hang-ups, to focus on the fact that his baby sister--always getting into trouble with his parents, constantly testing boundaries--might also… That she might also have been struggling.

“I’m sorry.” That was the first thing he could think to say. The only thing he could say, really. “I’m sorry. I, I didn’t know. I wasn’t paying attention.” He swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

She laughed a little, sadly, trying in vain to wipe away the free-falling tears. “Hey, it’s not like I was trying to hide it or anything,” she said, sarcastic, sniffling. “And it’s not--” She breathed in. “It’s not anything to be sorry about. I know who I am. Guess I was just being… I don’t know, hopeful that it wasn’t just me. It’s fine, hyung-ah.”

Kihyun swallowed again.

“And what... Who are you?”

“I’m really, very gay,” she said, and tried a smile, that quickly crumbled in a cry she hid behind her hand. “I’m sorry.”

There was a lump in Kihyun’s throat, something big and painful.

“There’s nothing--” he let out a choking kind of laugh. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. Guess we’re both kinda fucked, right?” He tried smiling, failed, and held out his arms. “Come on, I can’t have my baby sister crying in my room. Mom and Dad will think I hit you, or something.”

She laughed despite her tears, quickly walking over to hug him, breathing unsteadily as she leaned her head on his chest. 

Though he felt nothing like it--like he was simply spouting nonsense platitudes--he chuckled quietly, stroking her hair, and said, softly, reassuringly, believably, in the same way Wonho had held him all those years ago when Kihyun cried his eyes out his arms; “It’s okay. We’ll be okay. We’ll both be. We’ll be okay.”

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

WHAT DO I DO I THINK MY BEST FRIEND IS BROKEN WHAT DO I DO

 

**Minhyuk**

Changkyun?

Is this about us throwing Kihyun with a rock?

 

**Jooheon**

...did you really?

 

**Minhyuk**

No! Of course not

But, Hyungwon told me to do that if I saw Kihyun

And while I trust his saltiness

I don’t really understand why

BUT

If he made Changkyunnie sad

I will throw two (2) rocks

 

**Jooheon**

I have never seen Changkyun like this, hyung

Legitimately. I’ve known this kid for years, okay

This is… scary

Cos I thought I knew him best in the world and I’m at an absolute loss

 

**Minhyuk**

Hmmmmm

Do you think a movie night (cuddle party) will help?

Changkyun can never say no to that

 

**Jooheon**

A few months ago I’d agree vehemently

But I tried to hug him yesterday

And just.. Nothing

 

**Minhyuk**

Do you mean nothing as in he didn’t react?

Or do you not want to say

 

**Jooheon**

Idk it was odd

He smiled kind of… like he didn’t think I meant it

Like a pity hug or whatever

Hugged me back meekly and then went to the bathroom for a while

And last night, he was just sitting on his bed

And I don’t even think he realized he was crying

And he said sorry. To me. For crying

And I’m so sure he wasn’t really sleeping. I kept hearing

Idk sniffling. My heart is breaking rn

 

**Minhyuk**

…

I will definitely be throwing two rocks at Kihyun

 

**Jooheon**

Do you remember that conversation me and you and Shownu had?

It was like fckn two months ago or something

 

**Minhyuk**

Yeah?

 

**Jooheon**

Should we have… done something?

 

**Minhyuk**

:(

You were the one who told us to back off...

 

**Jooheon**

Hey, I know that! Doesn’t make me feel any better okay

THAT’S JUST THE THING THOUGH I AM SO CONFUSED

Why would Kihyun do this? I was there

You should have seen it, dude, Kihyun got jealous of you, me

He took pictures of Changkyun all the fucking time

It makes no sense

And he even seemed nice, you know? At the party... 

He made us all breakfast. IDK. I was just hoping.

 

**Minhyuk**

Love makes no sense

Just

Let’s all try and be there for Changkyun, okay?

There’s not really much else we can do

 

**Jooheon**

Of course I’ll be there for him

Something still doesn’t feel right though

Ugh I’m going to buy some food. Don’t think he’s eaten today

 

**Minhyuk**

How do you think he would react if I just came and

IDK bothered him for a bit

 

**Jooheon**

You buy food for him, then

I spent my last money on a stuffed bee

 

**Minhyuk**

I WANT A STUFFED BEE   
JOOHONEY

 

**Jooheon**

Holy shit Queen Beeyonc é

Idk if I wanna hit Gun or kiss him that’s so shit

 

**Minhyuk**

You guys are so cute

My sweet baby gays

Now, on to go help my distressed gay son

 

\---

 

**Minhyuk** created  **_Changkyun Protection Squad_ **

 

 **Minhyuk** added **_Jooheon, Hyungwon, Shownu_**

 

**Minhyuk**

Week 1, Day 2:

Picking up snacks for the pupper

Will update later~!

 

**Jooheon**

This… is actually not a bad idea

 

**Hyungwon**

Just to be clear

This is not about an actual puppy

Right?

 

**Shownu**

Hyungwon, read the group name

 

**Minhyuk**

And _ I’M _ the dumb one pfffff

 

**Hyungwon**

I got CONFUSED

 

**Shownu**

Are you using my credit card?

I can’t find it

 

**Minhyuk**

I’ll bring home a snack, dear, shhh~~~

What’s the point of a daddy if you don’t buy me things

*sugar daddy hehe

 

**Hyungwon**

I believe that correction

I need it

 

**Jooheon**

I FUCKING KNEW IT SDHGKHAHA

 

**Shownu**

I don’t mind

I was just a bit worried about where it could be

Do you want me to be your sugar daddy now, too?

 

**Minhyuk**

I already get enough sugar, honey, it’s fine

 

**_Hyungwon_ ** has left the chat

 

**_Minhyuk_ ** added  **_Hyungwon_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

Okay, sorry, I’ll be good

 

**Shownu**

He always is

 

**_Hyungwon_ ** has left the chat

 

**Jooheon**

FJHDSD AHAHAHAHAHA

MY THEORIES FUCKING VALIDATED BITCHES

 

**Minhyuk**

Try not to sound too happy about it, Jooheon ;)

 

**Jooheon**

lol why

Hyungwon owes me five pizzas

 

**_Minhyuk_ ** added  **_Hyungwon_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

Going to Changkyun’s now!

Sorry Hyungwonnie~

 

**Hyungwon**

I crave death

 

**Jooheon**

And hopefully, pizza

SUCK IT

 

**Hyungwon**

I HAD HOPE

 

**Jooheon**

Y’all

we need to get Changkyun back on his feet so I can kinkshame him again in peace

 

**Shownu**

Kids

Play nice

 

**Jooheon**

Now that’s definitely NOT Changkyun’s kink

lololololol

I’m sorry

 

\---

 

Minhyuk knocked at Changkyun’s door, his hopes high as he held a plastic bag filled to the brim with soft drinks and candy in his hand. Nothing was bad enough that candy couldn’t at least help you feel better, right? Even just a little.

Minhyuk waited a few seconds. Then a few more. Frowning, he knocked again. Again, nothing.

“Kyunnie? Open up, it’s me, your favouritest hyung! I brought snacks!”

The door opened, barely enough. and Minhyuk could feel his smile dim a little. He wasn’t sure what he expected but… Changkyun looked fine. He honestly did. His hair was combed, he was wearing pants, his eyes weren’t red and the bags under his eyes could easily just be late nights of studying or tumblr in bed, but… His bed was made. There were no accumulation of coffee cups next to his computer on his desk.  _ No socks on the floor _ .

Minhyuk smiled determinedly. 

“You look good! Guess you’re finally getting used to college life, huh? If you’re this put together.” Minhyuk smiled some more, waiting for Changkyun to move aside.

Changkyun scoffed softly, smile sardonic, barely glancing at the plastic bag in his hand. “Did Jooheon send you here?”

“What are you talking about, I sent myself, I don’t see my son  _ nearly enough _ . Now, are you really going to leave me standing in this hallway. Alone. With no one to help me eat this?” Minhyuk asked, pouting and holding up the bag of goodies.

“No, of course not,” Changkyun sighed a little, stepping aside. “Come in, hyung.”

Minhyuk stepped inside, glancing over at the desk to see an actual textbook open and an exam pad next to it, filled with notes.

“Have you actually been studying? I’m so proud! Want me to help you with programming? I know that’s something you struggle with a bit.”

“Fuck programming,” Changkyun said, walking over to plop down on his desk chair.

Minhyuk paused, sinking down on the bed head tilted before saying, “Actually, don’t do that. I think your dick would get stuck in the wires.”

Changkyun pursed his lips, eyebrows raised and furrowed. “Yeeeah, wouldn’t want that.”

Minhyuk shook his head, face serious. “You really don’t want that.”

“Is this coming from experience?” Changkyun asked, staring at his legs, toying with a little thread of material on his jeans.

“... No.”

“Your hesitance indicates that you definitely  _ at least _ tried.”

“You can’t prove shit.”

“You know,” Changkyun sighed. “I wasn’t actually lying when I told Jooheon I needed to study,” Changkyun looked at Minhyuk but Minhyuk felt like Changkyun could just as well have been looking at the wall behind him, for all the interest that lay there. “And I’m not exactly amazing company right now, so...”

Minhyuk waved a hand, smile drooping a tiny bit. 

“That’s fine. Just let me sit on your bed, eat my snacks, and use your Netflix account. I don’t care if you know I watch Drag Queens but last time I did that on our account Shownu kept trying to talk to me about lipstick and honestly it scared me. I’ll be quiet.” To demonstrate this, Minhyuk mimed zipping up his lip.

“I don’t need a babysi--” Changkyun stopped himself, just sighing again and turning to his laptop. “It’s fine. Whatever makes you happy.”

“Who’s the babysitter,” Minhyuk mumbled, shifting around on the bed, patting the cushions into submission behind him. “I’m the fun one, honestly.”

“That you are,” Changkyun mumbled, picking up his pen and putting in an earphone and proceeding to speak about four sentences to Minhyuk for the rest of the afternoon.

 

\---

 

**_Changkyun Protection Squad_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

Week 1, Day 2, Update:

:(

 

**Jooheon**

:(?

 

**Minhyuk**

:(!!!

 

**Jooheon**

:’’’(

 

**Hyungwon**

What language is this

 

**Shownu**

Changkyun is sad, so Minhyuk is sad

And Jooheon is sad because they’re both sad??

I think

Oh, and I think the emoticon you now need to use, Hyungwon, is >:(

 

**Hyungwon**

I hate this

 

**Minhyuk**

Let’s just

I’m sorry but let’s just

Changkyun’s not… He…

He’s not himself and it scares me

Let’s just be there for him. Okay?

 

**Hyungwon**

And throw a rock at Kihyun?

 

**Minhyuk**

Hyungwon

 

**Jooheon**

I’ll be there, don’t worry, Hyungwon

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay, but if  _ Shownu  _ throws a rock at Kihyun...

 

**Minhyuk**

It will actually kill him

 

**Shownu**

Thank you

But I do not want to kill anyone

 

**Hyungwon**

...and…?

I sincerely don’t see the problem

 

**Minhyuk**

Hyungwon

It will make Changkyun sadder

And you're welcome, dear~

 

**Hyungwon**

Only for a little while!

Then nice soft gay boys will enter his life

Ones WITHOUT issues

 

**Minhyuk**

LISTEN HERE YOU SALT STICK

I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL  _ SHOW YOU _ FUCKING ISSUES

BE A SUPPORTIVE HYUNG TO CHANGKYUN 

OR I’LL GET SHOWNU TO THROW  _ YOU _ WITH A ROCK

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m very supportive

Of him having a healthy relationship

With a nice boy

 

**Jooheon**

From what Kyun told me, Kihyun  _ is  _ nice in a

Er

In his own way

And he was! Tutoring, breakfast, just saying! 

I’m shocked at this development alright

And you know full well Changkyun didn’t choose any of this 

so while I fully support your...

Rage???

Let’s just deal with this first ok

 

**Shownu**

You can have a healthy relationship with someone who has issues

As long as you work things out and nobody’s hurting anyone because of said issues

Just saying

 

**Hyungwon**

Where the fuck is this even coming from

Also, this is obviously not that scenario

Since Kihyun  _ is _ hurting Changkyun

 

**Minhyuk**

THIS IS THE CHANGKYUN PROTECTION SQUAD

NOT THE CHANGKYUN PROTECTION SQUABBLE

Changkyun is heartbroken because of a guy with issues

So shut it and focus on where Changkyun is in this

And not where you think he should be

Okay? Okay.

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun, it has been days

Answer your fucking phone

 

**Kihyun**

I

It

I didn’t

Initiate it

 

**Wonho**

And that makes it alright, does it?

Listen, I know where you’re coming from

This is something I’ve had to forgive you for before

But 

 

**Kihyun**

Of course it doesn’t

I’m not dumb

I know what I did

 

**Wonho**

I really don’t think you do

Kihyun?

For fuck’s sake, Kihyun, this isn’t just something you can ignore

And hope it goes away

Changkyun cried in his car on the side of the road, you dick

Hyungwon told me

He had to go fetch him

I don’t know what’s even going on with Changkyun anymore

Because Hyungwon fucking refuses to talk to me

Because I was defending  _ you _

And you don’t even have the fucking nerve to reply to my texts

Changkyun isn’t a problem, so good luck ignoring him

And me, for that matter

You know what

Actually

Fuck this

 

\---

 

Kihyun stared at his phone. Well, there goes Wonho. 

_ Isolating yourself always works wonders good job. _

He sat for a while, thoughts on absolutely nothing but Calculus. A big test was coming up and he had to do well. That’s all there was to it. He vaguely registered the sounds of movement outside the house, probably just Jeongyeon’s friends. His parents weren’t home, so they were probably going to annex the living room. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too loud and he could--

His door slammed open.

“We are going to fucking  _ talk _ whether you want to or not.”

Kihyun jumped so bad his chair tipped over backwards, ending with him groaning on the floor, arms coming up to cradle his head.

“You deserve that.”

“Hyung,” Kihyun tried, blearily blinking up at him. “I literally just fell on my head and you’re not even sorry?”

Wonho paused, walked forward, helped Kihyun up, and frowned. “I can’t yell at you when you’re on the floor, okay? That is the extent of the amount of shits I give right now.”

Kihyun took a seat on the bed (considering the fact that it was much less likely to tip over), and frowned at Wonho.

“Why are you--”

“No, no, no, this is  _ my time _ now, I’m going to stand here and be angry at you and you’re going to listen and be appropriately ashamed. Alright?”

Kihyun still frowned, but Wonho continued staring at him expectantly, hands on his hips, so, reluctantly, he nodded.

“Thank you. Now. How fucking  _ could  _ you, Kihyun?”

“You know, if you’re expecting an answer--”

“It was a rhetorical question!” Wonho said, red faced, as he suddenly paced the room.

Kihyun watched him, a strange calm settling over him. Distantly, he was aware this was not an appropriate response to your best friend yelling at you, but he felt almost  _ well _ . He deserved to be yelled at. For once in his life, Wonho wasn’t treating him with kid gloves and it felt not good, but freeing... in a way.

“I thought---I thought you were better, you know? After high school, after what you did, you just decided to fucking bottle  _ everything  _ and…” Wonho let out a breath. “Fuck, I don’t even know. I wasn’t even as angry with you then as I am  _ right now _ , I hope you know that. You literally beat the shit out of me and I wasn’t even angry. But this…”

“This?” Kihyun let out a broken sounding laugh, and shook his head, unable to continue. He felt his heart, that traitorous bastard that he’s been ignoring for  _ days _ , (weeks,  _ months _ , if he’s being honest with himself), give a shivery little pang and, for once, he didn’t shove that feeling down. He was so  _ tired _ .

“Yes, Kihyun,  _ this _ ,” Wonho looked at him. “You pushed me away, and it was fine, you know? We were kids.  _ You  _ were a kid. We were just fooling around, figuring things out. We were  _ best friends _ , Kihyun, and even when you pushed me away, and even as you _ turned on me _ , I knew you still gave a shit about me. Do you think Changkyun has any sort of assurance? Absolutely anything in his mind that’s holding him together?  _ Fucking hell,  _ Kihyun.”

“Do you think I don’t know?” As he spoke, a part of himself that’s been screaming loudly in his head since Saturday took over. “Do you think I’m giving myself any sort of  _ lenience _ here? I know what I did to you was terrible, and I still regret it, and I will forever be sorry for it. But, Seok-ah,” Kihyun’s voice broke and, with a shock, he realised there were tears streaming down his face. “I, I’m  _ broken _ . I can’t even--I can’t even  _ kiss _ a boy without having a panic attack and I, I’m so sorry for having hurt Changkyun but--but don’t you think he’s better off without me? I don’t--I don’t  _ work  _ the right way, my mind’s not, _ not right _ and--” Kihyun took a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry for coming between you and Hyungwon, and I’m sorry that you had to defend me. I’m sorry I hurt Changkyun, and it’s not his fault it’s just--” Kihyun sobbed, now. “I’m not worth it, hyung. I’m not worth your attention, your  _ unending _ kindness and acceptance of me, and I’m  _ definitely  _ not worth that kid.” Kihyun breathed deep, trying to take control of himself. “He deserves someone less broken than me, don’t you agree?”

Kihyun looked up from where he’d been staring at his hands to find Wonho looking at him in plain, unadulterated shock.

“Ah, hyung,” Kihyun smiled, slightly, “Don’t look so surprised. It’s not like that wasn’t what you were thinking as you came over here.”

“Not at all,” Wonho said, face drawn, though clearly still shocked. “God, Kihyun, why do you think I was so angry at you in the first place?”

Kihyun shrugged, half-heartedly wiping at his face.

“I’m  _ angry _ , Kihyun, because you are worth so much fucking more than you allow yourself to have. You’re worth forgiveness, and you’re worth...” Wonho sighed, “You’re worth loving. Whether you believe it or not, you’re worth that stupid kid, and whether you like it or not, you already have him.”

Kihyun still sniffed, raising a disbelieving eyebrow at Wonho. Wonho has always been too soft on Kihyun, and Kihyun didn’t think he was above spewing platitudes to keep Kihyun from crying.

“Sure,” Kihyun said, not even trying to hide his rolling eyes. “Now, why is that tall bean pole refusing to speak with you?”

“Because my best friend broke his dongsaeng,” Wonho said, plainly.

“Right, of course. That’s just great. You know, the long term benefits of being friends with me really isn’t paying off. You should request a refund.”

“Christ,” Wonho breathed, coming to sit down next to him, slumping forward to bury his face in his hands. “Do you think me giving you a black eye will get me my boyfriend back?”

Kihyun shrugged again, wiping at his face a bit frustrated now. The tears still hadn’t stopped. 

“You could try.”

“I really might,” Wonho said, reaching out to put his arm around Kihyun’s shoulders and pull him closer. 

And so, quietly and without much fanfare, Kihyun, for the first time since Saturday, let himself cry about what he had most certainly lost, and, again, Wonho just held him there. This time, without those kid gloves and words to soften everything. He let him cry, let him mourn. Later, when he had mostly cried himself out and was pretending he wasn’t using Wonho as a cushion, a quiet voice murmured above him.

“You need to make a decision, before you lose everything.”

“Haven’t I--” Kihyun hiccuped. “Haven’t I already?”

Wonho paused for a moment, long enough for Kihyun to see it as agreement when he finally spoke: “People don’t stop loving so easily.”

“Loving, huh?” Kihyun sniffed. “Okay, and how do you propose I fix things, if I  _ do  _ decide to do that?”

“Hell if I know, Kihyun. But I think the first thing you need to do is literally the opposite of what you’ve been doing.”

“Great advice, thanks. I knew I kept you around for a reason.”

“Sarcasm has no place here, okay. Just… I know you’re scared but you’re delaying the inevitable, just... Aish, Kihyun, just do something before you lose that kid forever, okay?”

“I’ll…” Kihyun hesitated. “I’ll try.”

 

\---

 

**_Changkyun Protection Squad_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

Week 1, Day 3:

It honestly feels like years since I last saw Changkyunnie smile

 

**Hyungwon**

Christ…

 

\---

  
  


**Minhyuk**

About Changkyun yesterday...

He really

Isn’t handling this well

 

**Hyungwon**

He hasn’t talked to me

What happened when you went over?

 

**Minhyuk**

I watched Drag Queens on his Netflix account for a bit while he studied

He didn’t even want any snacks

 

**Hyungwon**

Unrelated

But you need to learn to watch Drag Queens on your own account

I’ve been getting recommendations to some weird stuff

 

**Minhyuk**

Drag Queens ‘till I die

Watch the recs~~ maybe you like it

Hyungwoooon not he pooooint Changkyun’s broken

Studying? No snacks???? NO SNACKS, HYUNGWON

He’s been going to every class today and barely said a word to me and Jooheon

Your throwing rocks idea doesn’t sound too bad now

 

**Hyungwon**

I always have good ideas

 

**Minhyuk**

What’s Wonho saying about all this?

I know he’s soft on Changkyunnie but Kihyun IS his best friend

 

**Hyungwon**

Well

The last time I spoke to him he

He tried to defend Kihyun

Said there was ‘extenuating circumstances’

And ‘I don’t know everything’

So I told him to go away

 

**Minhyuk**

Well, aaaare there extenuating circumstances?

Still...

That is a bit

Mmm

Well, I suppose if he can forgive Kihyun for bullying him there’s nothing he won’t overlook

 

**Hyungwon**

Somehow

I completely forgot Wonho was the guy Kihyun beat up

I hate him even more now

That’s nice

Also, why the FUCK

Would Wonho stand up for that douchebag

 

**Minhyuk**

For the same reason he forgave him in the first place, I guess

I don’t see someone like Wonho getting beaten up by

Well... Someone like Kihyun

Without Wonho kind of… idk letting him? I’ve been thinking about it

Nothing makes sense

Maybe there really are extenuating circumstances? 

Also, please tell me what actually happened cause all I know is that

Well, obviously  _ something  _ happened...

 

**Hyungwon**

While I don’t necessarily think Changkyun should have done it

The way Kihyun reacted was way out of line

Changkyun

He kissed Kihyun

As he tells is, Kihyun pushed him away and looked at him with disgust

 

**Minhyuk**

I guess Changkyun’s reaction kind of makes sense now…

He’s insecure at the best of times

He really liked Kihyun, huh?

 

**Hyungwon**

That’s one way of putting it I guess

 

**Minhyuk**

So you’re… not talking to Wonho anymore..?

 

**Hyungwon**

That’s right

 

**Minhyuk**

I’m sorry, Wonnie. How are you doing with all this?

 

**Hyungwon**

You know me

Heart of stone

Feels nothing

What are feelings anyway

 

**Minhyuk**

Definitely not a coping mechanism or anything...

Hyungwon, really, though

You guys never actually said you were dating or anything but...

 

**Hyungwon**

I just

I just want him to admit that

Well

He shouldn’t have been defending Kihyun

I  _ know _ Kihyun’s his best friend

But right at that second

He should have just let it go

And he seriously needs to explain to me why tf he actually likes that...

Excuse of a human being

 

**Minhyuk**

Would you have let it go? If he started talking bad about Kyunnie?

EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES

Plus, Changkyun likes ‘that excuse of a human being’

So~~~

 

**Hyungwon**

I never said he had good taste

…

It’s different

 

**Minhyuk**

You are deflecting

It’s not different, not really…

I’m just saying. You said it yourself, you don’t know everything

And I know you get… er… I don’t wanna say dramatic

But maybe deciding then and there you wouldn’t talk to Wonho again was 

JUST A BIT

Hasty

I get what he did was wrong, what Kihyun did was wrong, all that

But everyone has that person you’d forgive for nearly anything

PLUS this not talking this is driving me insane, okay

Can’t help Changkyun, I guess, but I can at least give you some grief

 

**Hyungwon**

Go

Go give Shownu a blowjob or something and leave me alone

 

**Minhyuk**

You’d only mention Shownu’s dick if you knew I was right~~ heehehe

But gonna go do that anyway

You now have that image in your brain 

An image you specifically asked for

Your hyung loves you!

 

\---

 

The first programming class, actually the first class, that Kihyun could get himself to go to, fell on a Tuesday. Which was, in a way, good, since he only had two classes that day, (the first of which only started at ten), and a tutorial in the afternoon. On the other hand, his first class of the day was programming. He played around with the idea of skipping it, but the fact that their exam was creeping up on them wasn’t helping his resolve and, also, he… Well, he had promised Wonho.

He would try. He had made no promises about how good that try would be, but he would  _ definitely  _ be trying. 

He couldn’t quite keep his leg from jumping up and down while he waited for Changkyun to enter the classroom, but he figured that was better than a full-out panic attack.

Soon enough, Changkyun walked into the class, his eyes flitting over the classroom once, landing on Kihyun only fleetingly before flickering away, the boy’s shoulders coming up almost defensively, which at the same time somehow made him look smaller.

Kihyun swallowed. 

Right, this was on him. He... he needed to... um... say something. He needed to like, at least get the kid to  _ look _ at him for more than a split-second. 

Right, this was his fault. He could... he could be a functioning human.

Kihyun steeled himself, waiting for Changkyun to take his customary seat next to him but… he walked right past Kihyun. Walked right past him, and didn’t even acknowledge the way Kihyun, (like an idiot), kept staring after him. Changkyun sat down next to Minhyuk, who slung one arm across his shoulders and lifted an eyebrow at Kihyun before looking away, while Kihyun couldn’t get himself look away and was only vaguely aware of the fact that the lecture had started. 

He saw Minhyuk say something to Changkyun, head bowed, and looked away as soon as Changkyun minutely shook his head, before burying his face in the older’s hoodie.

Right. First attempt failed. Kihyun swallowed, turning back to the lecturer and ignoring the pounding of his heart and the sick feeling pushing up his chest. (Kihyun was pretty sure it was half absolute panic about talking to Changkyun after what happened, or the way Changkyun had barely looked at him, the way his face was turned… and it was half panic that he had  _ actually attempted to do something.  _ Attempted being  _ strongly  _ emphasized, here. _ ) _

Right.

If his hands would stop shaking, he might attempt that again. 

Some other time.

 

\---

 

_**Changkyun Protection Squad** _

 

**Minhyuk**

Week 1, Day 4:

Kihyun showed up to programming

And looked at Changkyun

It’s the first time I’ve seen Kyunnie cry since it happened

Albeit silently and on my hoodie in the back of a lecture hall...

 

**Jooheon**

Oh great now I’m crying

 

**Hyungwon**

Are you gonna post this every day?

 

**Minhyuk**

Yes.

From the looks of it, we’re gonna be here a while.


	15. Better Soft Than Hard?

**Kihyun**

I tried

 

**Wonho**

Did you talk to him?

 

**Kihyun**

I mean

No

 

**Wonho**

Then try again

 

**Kihyun**

But

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun I am in my fourth hour of strenuous dance practice

After having to study through the night for a test

But I will literally still find you

And enact upon you my frustrations

 

**Kihyun**

Did you eat enough?

You know how you sometimes forget to eat

Also, don’t tell me you forgot your jacket again

It’s really getting cold out

 

**Wonho**

YOU’RE DEFLECTING AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

YOUR SHIT

I AM TIRED OF IT

 

**Kihyun**

AM I NOT ALLOWED TO WORRY ABOUT MY ONLY FRIEND

JESUS CHRIST FINE

I WON’T BRING YOU THE LUNCH BOX

 

**Wonho**

...is it ramen

 

**Kihyun**

I have only known you for about ten years

So no

The salt is bad for you

 

**Wonho**

Fine

Feed me and I’ll help you in your “””attempts”””

Have you tried just smiling or winking

Usually works for me

 

**Kihyun**

I feel like you need to understand

That I am not you in any way

 

**Wonho**

So that’s a no on stripping half naked

 

**Kihyun**

...ignoring that

Also, maybe he’s too angry at me

I mean, I tried

Sort of

And he didn’t even look at me

 

**Wonho**

I’m not allowed within ten feet of the kid

Seriously I think he has a bodyguard

But anyway

From what I know of him, and what Hyungwon told me

I don’t think he’s angry

Did he LOOK angry?

You’re bad at emotions, maybe you got confused

 

**Kihyun**

(I’m not  _ that _ bad)

Then he’s an idiot

Fuck

Anyway

Need to work on my project

My prof said he liked my idea

And the samples

 

**Wonho**

Oh. fuck

Is this the shots of the kid?

 

**Kihyun**

No it’s of the butterflies that follow my ass around

Of course it’s of the fucking kid

 

**Wonho**

...find me being concerned again pffff

I’m glad the project is doing well and

Er

Just bring me my food

I have the desperate need to eat and then fix your life

 

**Kihyun**

Fine

Talked to Hyungwon yet?

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun…

 

**Kihyun**

Yeah okay gotcha I’m on my way

  
  


\---

 

**Changkyun Protection Squad**

 

**Minhyuk**

Week 1, Day 5:

I hate this

I hate this so much

I just want things to go back to the way they were

 

**Hyungwon**

Sometimes something needs to break so it can heal

 

**Jooheon**

Shut up

 

**Minhyuk**

Stop with your fake deep quotes

I’m sad :(

Let me be sad you ass

 

**Hyungwon**

Nobody’s stopping you

Also, I thought we were supposed to get updates on Changkyun

Not you

 

**Minhyuk**

I’m with him right now

He is literally right here

And I miss him :((

 

\---

 

As Kihyun saw it, this was his fault.

(Actually, everything was his fault but he wasn’t going to  _ think _ about that because thinking about that made his throat close up and-- Yeah.)

Wonho wasn’t talking to Hyungwon, someone who, although Kihyun had a hard time fathoming why the fuck, made Wonho happier than he’d been since high school.

Kihyun wasn’t under any delusions that Hyungwon would want to talk to him, or agree to meet up somewhere so, of course, the only solution was to, well, wait in front of the one class Kihyun knew he had.

Sitting in front of the lecture hall, hands twitchy, his hands fluttered to his pocket, hovering over the fidget cube Wonho had stuffed into his hands yesterday after Kihyun had precisely and methodically torn up an entire pile of napkins. His hand clenched over the small object, before releasing. 

There were people milling about, and although Kihyun knew it was most likely in his own head, that it was most probable that no one was paying attention to him, he couldn’t help but think about how it would look. He didn’t need to play with a toy. This was okay.

It really was, really. It was just Hyungwon. He could handle anything the tall bean pole threw at him. 

There was muffled noise behind the door, and then the doors slammed open as a parade of hipsters and bored-looking humanities students poured out, slowing down to a trickle after the first big rush.

Kihyun watched the door closely, but after five minutes had gone by and no one had exited in a while, restlessness turned into agitation and he decided to leave, to say fuck Hyungwon and his stupid, well, stupidness and if he wanted to be such an idiot as to let Wonho go that really wasn’t Kihyun’s problem and--

And there the idiot was, stepping out of the room with his head down, focused on the phone in his hand and a slight frown on his face. 

Kihyun took a deep breath, tried to shove the buzzing anxiety away, stood up and neared Hyungwon, stopping a few feet away from him to say, in as normal a voice as he could manage, (the buzzing was in the back of his head now and all he could think about was Changkyun’s face after Kihyun shoved him away and then there was his dad and Jeongyeon and and and--)

“Hey, Hyungwon. Do you have a moment?”

Kihyun saw a faint tightening of Hyungwon’s jaw before the boy turned away and started walking.

“Oh my g-- Are you serious right now?” Kihyun waited for a second, hoping that Hyungwon would at least  _ stop _ if not turn around, but he just kept walking. Rolling his eyes, Kihyun started walking after him. And he, the fucking ass, started walking  _ faster _ and taking  _ longer steps. _ The absolute  _ asshole _ . “Are you honestly making me chase you down a fucking hallway? Oh my  _ god, _ slow down you fucking giraffe,” Kihyun panted, now almost jogging to keep up and desperately trying to make it seem like he wasn’t.

“You know, I’m literally not forcing you to follow me. In fact, most people would assume someone didn’t  _ want  _ to talk to them if the person just walked away,” Hyungwon called over his shoulder, still walking.

“Yeah, well,” Jesus, fuck, Kihyun was  _ really  _ unfit damn he needed to work on that, “I don’t particularly care if you want to talk to me and I’m  _ going  _ to talk to you so will you  _ slow the fuck down _ .”

Hyungwon kept walking for a few more seconds, before he slowed down, coming to a stop as Kihyun walked up to him.

“Thank you for being a human being. Now, can we have--”

“I’m not talking to you about Changkyun,” Hyungwon said, resolutely not looking at him. “You’ve done enough. I literally wouldn’t even have stopped if you hadn’t been so embarrassing.”

Kihyun felt something heavy and painful land in his chest and he winced, slightly, but shrugged as he turned to face Hyungwon, keeping his face as neutral as he could manage.

“This, isn’t about Cha-- him. Not exactly. It’s about Wonho.”

Hyungwon scoffed, shaking his head. “Seriously? You want to lecture  _ me _ ?”

Kihyun straightened up slightly. “I’m not here to--”   


“Then what? Are you going to ask that I talk to him? I wouldn’t do anything you ask me to do, almost purely out of spite at this point.”

Kihyun scoffed. 

“That’s fucking stupid. And, honestly, what you did to Wonho was the stupidest fucking thing ever I mean… I get being mad at me, okay. I get it. But Wonho? You know him. He wouldn’t harm a mosquito. A fucking  _ mosquito _ . And you’re angry at him for, what? Trying to defend his friend of more than ten years? Are you actually insane? He didn’t do anything to Chang-- ah fuck. He wouldn’t do anything to him.”

Hyungwon let out a breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s not just killers that go to jail, dumbass. The people that hide the bodies follow very soon after. I am  _ angry at him _ ,” Hyungwon said, opening his eyes and clenching his jaw. “Because he saw you standing there with a goddamn gun to Changkyun’s heart, and did nothing. How is he not to blame for that? And who the fuck are  _ you _ to come here and try to make  _ me  _ feel remorse? Jesus Christ, Kihyun,” Hyungwon shook his head, something like disbelief in his eyes.

Kihyun knew he should stop and think about what he was going to say. He knew that answering with his gut would not be the most helpful thing right now but  _ damn _ , Hyungwon always knew how to say just the wrong (right) thing and the guilt was clawing up his throat, working its way behind his eyes and it was just. 

Breathing out a dry laugh, more a bark of air than anything else, Kihyun shook his head.

“ _ Held a gun to his heart? _ What, are you fucking Shakespeare now? I get that I did something a bit bad, that it was really shitty and all, but I wasn’t the only one there. Changkyun kissed  _ me. _ He kissed  _ me, _ I didn’t initiate anything, I really didn’t, and I might have reacted very, well, bad, but it wasn’t my fault he read me wrong.” Kihyun’s heart was thumping in his ears, the beat sounding out the word,  _ liar, liar, liar _ like a refrain. “All that is beside the point because to paint Wonho as some sort of  _ accomplice  _ in this weird little story you’ve built for yourself in your head is--”

Hyungwon punched him. That must have been what happened, because the next thing Kihyun knew he was staggering backwards, his hand clasped to his nose, warm liquid starting to drip and the pain setting in.

“‘A bit bad’?!” Hyungwon yelled, looking (now that Kihyun was paying attention) absolutely furious, fists clenched at his sides, face red and eyes wild, jaw clenched so tight Kihyun could see the veins popping out in his neck. “You fucking  _ broke _ him, Kihyun! I have never fucking seen him like this, and you think it’s a ‘bit bad’?! That you were ‘sending the wrong signals’?! Are you--” Hyungwon bit down on his lip, hard. “You actually expect me to--” Hyungwon laughed, cold, disbelieving. “Have you fucking met the kid? He had ‘I’m whipped for Kihyun’ written all over his face and you want to tell me the first time you thought to say anything about it was pushing him and chasing him out of your fucking house?”

Kihyun breathed heavily. He wanted to say something, anything, but not only was blood dripping into his mouth and pain lancing through his head, making it hard to form words, but anything he could think to say paled in front of the cold fury radiating from Hyungwon.

“He called  _ me _ . Fuck knows why, but  _ I’m  _ the one who had to hear--hear him break. Hear him cry over  _ your stupid ass.  _ He’s not---He’s not eating, he doesn’t--” Hyungwon breathed in again, fists clenching even tighter. “I want you to know--and I swear to God if you come near me or Changkyun ever again, or try to fucking lecture me about a decision  _ I  _ made to distance myself as far as fucking possible from you, I will actually break your goddamn nose--But I want you to know, and if you ever cared about this boy I really hope it fucking  _ hurts _ ... You broke Changkyun’s heart.”

Hyungwon looked at him. Hyungwon looked right through him.

Swallowing, a curious numbness forming in Kihyun’s chest, a small, wounded, pathetic little sound escaping his throat, he said, softly, voice muffled by the hand to his face, hardly daring to look at Hyungwon, “He’s not-- I mean, he’s not angry? I thought he was angry, I didn’t think--”

“Yeah. That’s kinda the whole fucking problem here. You didn’t fucking  _ think _ .”

Kihyun swallowed again, opened his mouth to speak, but Hyungwon beat him to it.

“You know what he said to me? The only goddamn thing I’ve gotten out of him since all this shit went down. The only sincere thing he’s said to me. ‘Tell him I’m sorry’.”

“No! That’s not--  _ I’m _ sorry. That’s what I wanted to--” Kihyun couldn’t speak. He could barely breathe. This was so bad. He’d fucked up so bad and he couldn’t breathe and he didn’t know how to handle this. He didn’t know how to handle this. He was supposed to be  _ fixing this _ , why did he keep  _ fucking things up _ .

“I held him as he cried, for  _ hours _ . And before he left he said ‘I’m sorry’. Do you fucking  _ get that _ ? No, you don’t, because all you saw was this kid, a kid who fucking  _ adored you _ . And you  _ loved it _ .”

Kihyun thought he might be crying at this point. He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t feel his face. 

“I-- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

“That doesn’t really matter right now, does it?”

Kihyun turned around, stumbling a bit, hand still over his mouth. He had to get out of there. Hyungwon was right,  _ damn him _ , he was right, and Kihyun couldn’t handle this. He never could. He was just a fucking fuck up who makes everyone around him unhappy.

He could feel the panic setting in, feel his breaths shortening dangerously, feel his grip on his surroundings falter. He needed to call Wonho--

No. He couldn’t do that.

Wonho, sweet, caring Wonho, who literally lost his boyfriend because of Kihyun’s stupidity and--

He was alone.

For the first time in a long time, he was really alone.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun Protection Squad**

 

**Jooheon**

Would anyone care to tell me why I just saw Kihyun 

walking around with red eyes and bloody nose?

Anyone?

 

**Minhyuk**

WHAT?

 

**Shownu**

Hyungwon, what did you do?

 

**Hyungwon**

He fucking deserved it

Also, why did you all assume it was me?

I mean, it  _ was  _ but that’s beside the point

 

**Minhyuk**

You literally wanted us to throw rocks at him, Hyungwon

 

**Jooheon**

I sincerely don’t see how punching Kihyun helps Changkyun

AT ALL

Seriously, hyung

 

**Hyungwon**

You didn’t fucking hear him

Any of you would have punched him, too

Kind of wish it was you, Shownu

Didn’t break his nose

Fucking should have

 

**Shownu**

What did he say?

 

**Hyungwon**

He was playing the victim and I called bullshit, okay

 

**Minhyuk**

None of us were there Hyungwon…

We don’t know what happened, exactly

 

**Hyungwon**

Seriously, you, too?

Fucking hell...

 

**Jooheon**

Guys, Changkyun’s back, he just sort of

Fell down on the bed. 

I think he’s sleeping

Kid must be exhausted. Don’t think he slept at all last night

 

**Minhyuk**

What do you mean me too?

I’m just listing the facts here. 

Which is: we weren’t there

We don’t know what happened

Not that I don’t think Kihyun is an asshole for shoving Changkyun away

But maybe it isn’t all that clear-cut

Also, Jooheon, make him some camomile tea with honey next time

It should help him sleep

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyun is hurt, and Kihyun is the fucker that hurt him

That’s all that matters to me right now

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

I talked to Hyungwon

 

**Wonho**

No no no 

Please tell me you didn’t

 

**Kihyun**

You love him, right?

Like. Actually love him.

Like, hold his hand and wake up next to him

All that gooey shit

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun, come on, why would you ask me that…

 

**Kihyun**

I have to know

 

**Wonho**

I do. I love him but that doesn’t explain why you’re asking me about it

You know he won’t talk to me

 

**Kihyun**

Why would you

Why would you defend me?

Do you even know what I did?

You’re so goddamn stupidly loyal

Like, has it ever crossed your mind

That maybe I really did something very, very bad

And that I shouldn’t be defended?

 

**Wonho**

Yeah but you didn’t mean to...

 

**Kihyun**

But what if I did?

What if I meant to hit you?

What if I meant to shove Changkyun away, to lead him on

 

**Wonho**

Kihyunnie please stop I know you didn’t

Why are you saying this???

 

**Kihyun**

Because you’re so goddamn stupid 

I have to point it out to you

You’re such a loyal person, that you would never suspect me 

Never think I’d do anything bad on purpose

You’re too trusting by far

 

**Wonho**

STOP IT

You’re being

God, I don’t even know what you think you’re doing right now

I mean

Why would you come to me

Why would you cry like that if you meant it all

 

**Kihyun**

Maybe I got scared

Maybe I was scared of being alone with myself

Doesn’t mean I’m not a bad person

 

**Wonho**

I don’t understand

Goddammit Kihyun answer your phone

 

**Kihyun**

So, you see

I’m really not someone you should be wasting your time with

 

**Wonho**

This is ridiculous, I’ve known you for ten years

Why would I ever believe you’d purposefully hurt me

Or Changkyun. Or anyone

 

**Kihyun**

You aren’t listening to me

I was a selfish, bossy little shit as a kid who loved to tell you what to do

I still am

But, for once in my life

I’m trying not to be the bad person

So, seriously, just

I’m still selfish

I still don’t think about other people

But, I think I’ve hurt you enough for a lifetime

Just do yourself a favour

And choose Hyungwon

God knows I’m not gonna get better

And I’d rather not take you down with me

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun stop please

I told you to fix things

This isn’t

Breaking even more things isn’t going to help

 

**Kihyun**

I meant all those things I said to you

That day in the alley

I meant it

I tried not to

But I did

 

**Wonho**

No. No you didn’t

I’ll never believe that

Stop this

 

**Kihyun**

Please, choose Hyungwon

If you ever cared about me

Choose him

You don’t need me

Goodbye, Hoseok

 

**Wonho**

Please please please just answer your phone

Kihyun?

Kihyun…

Kihyun, I know what you’re doing

I’ll give you your space but please

Please be kind to yourself

This isn’t who you are

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

I’m sorry, Changkyun

I really didn’t mean to

I know it doesn’t mean shit

But I didn’t mean to hurt you

I’m sorry

 

\---

 

Changkyun stared at his phone. He’d reached for it, expecting yet another message from Minhyuk or Jooheon or whoever, someone trying to get him to do shit, reminding him to eat, but now he couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. He was vaguely aware of the fact that his chest hurt, that he was supposed to do something. He stared at  _ it _ , and he didn’t know what to do.

This was Kihyun.

This was the reason he couldn’t sleep. The reason he turned his back on his best friend so he wouldn’t see him crying. The reason for that dull, ever present ache, and he didn’t know what to do.

This was Kihyun, and he wanted so desperately to say something.

He wanted to ask what the hell Kihyun could possibly be on about when he said ‘I’m sorry’, like he had to apologise for not loving Changkyun. He wanted an explanation. He wanted that specific string or words that could maybe fix everything. He wanted so desperately to tell Kihyun everything, that he loved him and that he didn’t even know what he could be apologizing for but he’d forgive it, forgive everything if it meant they could just go back. 

Kihyun didn’t need to love Changkyun back, Changkyun just wanted Kihyun back so he could love him.

He’d do anything.

But it wasn’t much use when he didn’t know what ‘anything’ was.

So he stared at his phone, heart so incredibly tight in his chest, and didn’t do anything at all.

 

\---

 

Hyungwon pushed his way into the room, his knock having been answered by a muttered, “Come in,” box of tea held loosely in his hand. Changkyun turned in his chair with a little wave, Hyungwon blinking for a moment at how pale the kid looked.

“Studying?” Hyungwon asked, glancing at the papers and books strewn in front of Changkyun.

“Trying to. What’s that?”

“Chamomile tea,” Hyungwon said, holding the box up and giving it a little shake. “Thought it--Er, it helps to relax your muscles. And shit. So, you know, nice and relaxed for bed.” Hyungwon shrugged. Changkyun scoffed a little, nodding, fidgeting, his hands in his lap.

“Do you want some tea or--”

“Can I ask you something?”

Hyungwon paused, box still in the air, before lowering it.

“Yeah, sure.” He sat down on the bed, adjusting the cushions behind him.

Changkyun chewed his lip, glancing at his desk, at his phone that lay, screen down, before twisting his chair around to face Hyungwon.

“Why aren’t you talking to Wonho anymore?”

Hyungwon froze in his patting of the cushions into shape, fingers twitching slightly, before he turned around, settling back against them, mouth pinched.

“Don’t be stupid, Changkyun. You know why.”

Changkyun shrugged, lips pinched together, before tilting his head at the older boy. “I am stupid. So humour me.”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes, shoulders tensing up. Why would Changkyun bring this up now?

“Ah, fuck, Changkyun. He was trying to defend the asshole. He was picking his side. What was I supposed to do?”

“Right, yeah, I did hear the yelling at each other,” Changkyun hummed.

“Then why the fuck did you ask,” Hyungwon grumbled, tossing the box at Changkyun as he did. “And here, take this tea. I didn’t buy it for myself.”

“ _ Because,  _ hyung,” Changkyun said, catching the box with deft hands as he fixed his eyes on Hyungwon. “You seem to think you’re doing this for my benefit. Are you telling me you would have taken Kihyun’s side if I’d been the one who--” Changkyun coughed, taking a small breath. “If things were different.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m doing this for my own benefit. I didn’t know how willfully blind Wonho could be before this. You wouldn’t have done anything like this, so that would never have come up.”

Changkyun laughed, sardonic and without any warmth, a sound that made Hyungwon flinch slightly. “Wow. So, what, if only  _ Wonho _ had been there to, what, tackle me before I could approach Kihyun. Is that it?”

Hyungwon shook his head, irritated, eyes narrowing.

“That’s not what this is about. He knew Kihyun a  _ lot  _ longer than either of us did, and he obviously knew the guy had some issues or whatever, and he  _ still _ didn’t say shit while he watched you lose your heart.”

“It wouldn’t have made any difference, hyung,” Changkyun said, evenly.

Hyungwon blinked.

“What are you talking about? Of  _ course _ it would have made a difference.” 

Changkyun shook his head. “No, it wouldn't have. I can’t imagine what you think Wonho could have possibly told me that would have stopped me from, how did you put this--’Losing my heart’.” Changkyun looked at him, a small, sad smile on his face. “It’s not Kihyun’s fault that he doesn’t love me back. And it most certainly isn’t Wonho’s.”

“What-- That’s not--” Hyungwon spluttered, before taking a deep breath. “Listen, you little idiot, no one who wasn’t a colossal idiot could look at you, watching them with fucking stars in your eyes, and not care about you. He obviously did care, and he still did that, which just makes him that much more accountable. And I’m pretty sure you might not have been so easy for Kihyun if you knew the stuff about him that Wonho apparently does.”

Changkyun frowned, “Stuff that you apparently know as well. What ‘stuff’?”

Hyungwon sighed, rubbing his hand across his face.

“I don’t know all of it. Bits and pieces, here and there. I pieced stuff together. You know Wonho and Kihyun dated too, but, apparently, at some point they were caught out, or something and… things didn’t go well for Kihyun.” Hyungwon watched as Changkyun’s hands stilled, the fidgeting stopped, as he rested wide eyes on Hyungwon. Hyungwon swallowed. “As far as I know, things got bad, real bad. At some point, Kihyun, well, he turned on Wonho. He… bullied Wonho.”

Changkyun turned his eyes down to his hands, knuckles white as he clenched them around the arm rests. “You knew this.”

Hyungwon opened his mouth, paused, closed it again, and nodded.

“You knew this, and you’re blaming  _ Wonho _ for not telling me.”

“I had  _ no,  _ absolutely  _ no _ idea it was this bad. I  _ tried  _ to warn you, but at that point I still trusted Wonho to know his friend, to trust that he wouldn’t hurt you. And I didn’t want to break Wonho’s confidence if he didn’t think it was necessary. I’m  _ angry _ at him, because apparently it was that bad and he didn’t inform me and…” Hyungwon trailed off, a slightly lost look on his face as he glanced at Changkyun. “And I couldn’t protect you.”

“That’s not your--” Changkyun’s voice broke, and he took a breath.

‘What, it’s not my responsibility? Of fucking  _ course  _ it is. We’ve known each since damn near in the cradle, Changkyun, of course it is. You’re my brother in every way but blood.” Hyungwon looked away, hands clenching, unwilling to see the reaction his words provoked.

“I don’t--I don’t understand--why would--” He took another breath, swallowing thickly, face turned away from Hyungwon.

Still looking down, Hyungwon unclenched his hands, one finger at a time.

“Why what?”

“Wonho forgave him. Wonho forgave him, Hyungwon, I--” Changkyun shook his head. “Hyung, please, just, talk to Wonho. Please. You said yourself, Wonho knows Kihyun better than both of us. If Wonho could forgive him--”

“If Wonho could forgive him, and he was still capable of pulling shit like that, then Wonho’s clearly a massive pushover.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Hm,” Hyungwon hummed, abruptly tired of the conversation. He had just yelled at Kihyun, punched him, yelled some more, went to buy tea, and then had a very nice conversation about stuff he’d rather not think about. “Have some tea.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Changkyun said, and Hyungwon looked up, frowning with the abrupt realisation that Changkyun appeared to be crying.

Slowly, slowly, aware of the fact that he and Changkyun didn’t really share a very touchy relationship, Hyungwon shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, hand hovering above Changkyun’s shoulder for a moment before descending, pulling slightly. And, with a soft sound, Changkyun slipped off the seat, ending up kneeling on the ground as Hyungwon semi-awkwardly pet his head.

“You don’t have to do anything.”

Changkyun took a shuddering breath. “I don’t--I feel like there’s so much I don’t know, and I hate it, but I can’t stop--I don’t understand. I was--I was going to ask you what to do, he--Kihyun, he--he sent me a text and--”

Hyungwon’s hand paused, before a slight whimper from Changkyun had him resuming his ministrations. 

“He did what?” 

Changkyun sniffed, moving to fumble for his phone which he managed to reach, but let fall almost as soon as he’d gotten it into his hands. He picked it up, unlocking and handing it to Hyungwon. 

Hyungwon stared at the message, a curious sensation in his chest. He could see, clearly, that this was sent after their little  _ talk _ , and. Well. He didn’t know how to feel about it. Although his gut instinct was anger, something in the message had a whole different sort of warning flashing in his brain.

“I just--I just wanna talk to him, I just want to know--I don’t understand what he’s sorry for, hyung.”

Hyungwon bit his lip, trying to squash the feelings in his chest. Kihyun  _ definitely  _ deserved everything he said to him, seeing as it was all true. He deserved to  _ know _ how much he had hurt Changkyun. What it made Kihyun feel really wasn’t Hyungwon’s problem. Hyungwon suddenly had a very clear, startling flash of Kihyun’s face before he had turned away, apparently done with being yelled at. At the time, Hyungwon hadn’t felt much beyond anger and vindictive sense of righteousness. 

Kihyun had needed to hear that. He deserved to feel even an  _ ounce _ of what Changkyun must have been feeling.

And yet. And yet.

Kihyun was also the photographer Hyungwon had laughed and made jokes with. The one who had always accepted the tea Hyungwon brought with a grateful smile, eyes friendly. He had even helped Hyungwon get his first professional modelling gig.

He was angry, he was  _ so  _ angry. But, something inside him, small and hesitant against the rage filling him up, whispered to him. Told him that, maybe, just maybe, Kihyun was in a really bad place. That he was still that same boy. That no one deserved that amount of pain. 

He handed the phone to Changkyun, already angry at himself for what he was about to say, but unable to keep it in either.

“Well, why don’t you ask him, then?”

Changkyun blinked up at him, eyes big, still wet with tears. “I--” Changkyun looked down at his phone. “I don’t know what to say…”

Hyungwon huffed out a laugh that felt like gravel.

“Quick, before I change my mind and confiscate your phone.”

Changkyun smiled. It was small, barely noticeable, but a smile.

“You’re a big softie, you know that?”

“Never say those words again.”

“Thank you,” Changkyun said, taking a small, shaky breath. “Dunno what I did to deserve a brother as stubborn as you.”

Hyungwon felt a curious squeezing sensation in his chest and sniffed, glancing at the phone with a scowl. 

“Do… whatever. Drink your tea. I need to go… buy some fucking milk.”

“Hey, could you maybe go get something while you’re out?”

Hyungwon huffed and scowled at Changkyun.

“What am I, your delivery boy?”

Changkyun smiled at him, and for a second, Hyungwon could see that familiar spark in his eye. 

“Oh, it’s not for me.” 

Hyungwon frowned.  _ What the _ \-- 

“Go get Wonho back, you big idiot.”

“I--”

“Yes, I know you’re a moron, shh, just go.” Changkyun smiled again, tilting his head. “I think what we’ve learned here is that there’s very little that hurts as much as the person you love pushing you away. Don’t lose him, Hyungwon. Like I said, it’s not his fault. Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

Hyungwon stopped in the doorway, head racing a mile a minute. He was still so  _ angry _ . Every time he thought about Changkyun’s face when he went to pick him up, every time he thought about Changkyun’s listless attitude the past week, the rage just swelled up again. At Kihyun, (the bulk of it), at Wonho, at himself, even at Changkyun, a bit, for being fool enough to fall for someone like Kihyun.

But he also, he also missed Wonho. 

He drowned it out, tried not to wince every time he looked at his phone and he didn’t have a hundred sweet, loving messages from Wonho, every time he saw a puppy or flower or, hell, a sunset that Wonho might like, taking out his phone to take a picture before reminding himself that he doesn’t do that anymore.

At night though, when he had to sleep and couldn’t think of anything other than the empty space next to him, the one that Wonho had been occupying a lot recently, he had to work hard to stifle a few stray tears. And, he didn’t always succeed.

He didn’t like apologising. Didn’t like admitting he was wrong. Especially when he wasn’t convinced he  _ was _ wrong. 

But, oh, and this was the one thing that made him turn around, stare at Changkyun slightly, before nodding and walking off, the thing was, the damnedest, stupidest thing was, he loved him.

And his heart never liked listening to his brain anyway.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

What would you say if

Like, imagine that everything depended on what you said next

Everything depends on what you choose to say in one particular moment

If everything you loved hanged in the balance

What would you say?

 

**Jooheon**

Fuck, Changkyun, I don’t know

The only the thing that matters at that point, then, I guess

The truth

Did Hyungwon bring you that tea?

He said he would

Minhyuk said it might help you sleep

 

**Changkyun**

Yeah, Hyungwon was here with the tea

Let’s hope it’s worth all the fuss you guys are making about it

 

**Jooheon**

...don’t know what you’re talking about

 

**Changkyun**

I know I haven’t been very

Let’s call it ‘receptive’, this last week

But thank you

 

**Jooheon**

Always bro

You know me

We’re bros

 

**Changkyun**

I’m incredibly thankful to have you as a brother, Jooheon

You and Hyungwon

And those two goddamn parents I managed to pick up along the way

 

**Jooheon**

I’m

I’m so soft rn

 

**Changkyun**

Better than being hard, dude

  
  


**Jooheon**

...you just had to do that

 

**Changkyun**

Indeed I did

So

The truth, you said?

Lemme try that

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

I love you

 

\---

 

Kihyun stared at the message, nails digging grooves into the palm of his hand. 

This was... this was everything he wasn’t allowed to want, wasn’t allowed to have, and this kid, this stupid kid, was offering it to him. As if Kihyun hadn’t taken his heart and stomped all over it before. As if Kihyun  _ deserved it _ . Deserved  _ him _ . 

Kihyun swallowed.

He could hear his sister singing along to music in her room, his mother busy stitching clothes in her work room. His father was at work. 

Everything so normal. Every _ one _ so normal, peaceful. 

They thought everything was fine. They didn’t know that Kihyun had come home, finally having managed to calm down only to realise he’d missed his practical and his last class, washed his face, and said all those, horrible,  _ horrible _ , things to Wonho, because he had to. They didn’t know that their son, brother, was holding on by a thread.

But, Hyungwon had been right, after all. He was selfish. He was stupid, and mean. He’d seen the affection growing in Changkyun’s eyes, had ignored it, happy to have him, but too scared to actually  _ face  _ him. And then, when the poor, innocent, stupid,  _ lovely _ kid had kissed him, he’d…

He’d been an asshole.

And assholes really don’t deserve to get the happy ending.

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Don’t

 

\---

 

Kihyun typed, ‘I’m not worth it’, finger hovering over the send button, before sighing and erasing it.

He knew Changkyun wouldn’t take that lying down. Would make it his personal mission to convince Kihyun he  _ was _ , that he wasn’t as big of a fuckup as Kihyun  _ knew _ himself to be. And then, Kihyun might believe him. Might let himself believe it. Might let himself  _ have  _ this.

And he just, really couldn’t stand hurting Changkyun again. So, it was better this way.

Let Changkyun think he rejected him. Let Changkyun think he wants nothing to do with him. Let Changkyun move on. Let Changkyun fall in love, with someone else, someone better.

Let Changkyun be happy.

(And, if Kihyun crawled into his bed afterwards, hamster clutched to his chest, shaking with the weight of his sobs, trying to muffle them in the hamster’s fluff. Well. That was no less than what he deserved.)

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

Can I

Can I meet you somewhere?

 

**Wonho**

YES

I mean, yes, of course

Um, where?

 

**Hyungwon**

The courtyard next to the chemistry building?

 

**Wonho**

Meet you there in 10?

 

**Hyungwon**

See you there

 

\---

 

Hyungwon was tapping his fingers against his leg, absently staring at the tree in the middle of the courtyard, when he registered a presence approaching from his right.

“Hey,” Wonho said, head down, smiling sheepishly at the ground, hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

Hyungwon sprang up, rubbing his hands against his jeans, clearing his throat as Wonho regarded him with wide eyes at the sudden burst of activity.

“Hey.” They stared at each for a few seconds before Hyungwon nodded at the bench, heart clenching at the sight of Wonho in a big, green sweater. “Um, wanna sit?”

Wonho, Hyungwon noted, was nearly uncharacteristically unsure of himself, as he nodded, sitting down and busying himself with the cuffs of his sweater.

“You wanted to talk?” Wonho prompted, looking up at Hyungwon, before quickly looking away again after the silence had reached profoundly awkward. Hyungwon had the nearly unstoppable urge to grab Wonho’s hand, but he held himself in. He had some things to say.

“I-- yeah. I did.” Hyungwon cleared his throat again, shaking his head. Why was this so fucking  _ hard _ . “I-- I’m still mad. I’m not going to lie. Though, I’m a bit angry at just about everyone right now, so I don’t know if that really counts.” A rock seemed to have taken up residence in Hyungwon’s throat. “I’m still mad. But-- but I’m also sorry.” 

Wonho looked at him (finally), eyes wide and hopeful.

Hyungwon found it impossible to keep talking and looking at Wonho, so he looked down, hands fidgeting with the rips in his jeans as he continued.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-- have put all that on you. It wasn’t fair to you, to me, or to Changkyun. I was just-- I was  _ so  _ angry.” Hyungwon let out a ragged breath, swallowing. “I was  _ so angry _ , and Changkyun was not-- he wasn’t okay, still isn’t. You were there. You were convenient, and I felt almost justified in blaming you. I  _ punched Kihyun _ .”

Wonho let out a bark of laughter, and in the time it took Hyungwon to glance at him in incredulous amusement, Wonho’s hands had come up to cover his mouth.

Hyungwon just shook his head, at himself or Wonho, he wasn’t sure, before looking down again.

“I was angry,  _ am _ angry, but that’s not an excuse. So. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” A choked sounding noise came from beside Hyungwon, but he didn’t look up, knowing that if he didn’t push through, he’d chicken out. “I’m sorry, and…” Here Hyungwon trailed off, paused, steeled himself, and looked up, straight into a now crying Wonho. Hyungwon smiled softly. “And I miss you. I miss you. I-- I love you.”

Hyungwon lifted a hand, shaking visibly, and wiped at the tears on Wonho’s cheeks, feeling strangely light. Grinning now, he repeated, “I’m sorry. I love you. I love you. I lov--”

Wonho let out a sob, throwing himself at Hyungwon, who had to brace himself with an arm behind his back.

“I love you, too, so much, I’m so sorry that I--” Wonho sniffed around his crocodile tears, clinging onto Hyungwon like Hyungwon would physically even be able to get out of his embrace. “That I didn’t do enough or that I let you down, I just wanted everyone to be happy and, and, and then you got so angry and I just felt so bad, thank you for forgiving me, I love you and, and--”

“Shhh,” Hyungwon hummed, finally having found a way to stay upright, mainly cling onto Wonho. “It’s not your-- well, it’s not all your fault, at least. I know, dear, I know. Shhh. You didn’t let me down. Shhh.”

Wonho sniffed, nodding against him before pulling back, dragging Hyungwon with him so that they were just sort of, sitting on a bench, holding each other. Wonho wiped at his eyes, and fixed his hair with quick fingers. “God, I’m such a mess.”

Hyungwon grinned at him.

“Yeah. You are.” Wonho pouted and Hyungwon wiped a tear off his cheek. “ _ My _ mess.”

Wonho’s eyes softened to a degree that Hyungwon wasn’t sure humans should be able to reach. “You know,” Wonho sniffed again, before smiling wide, eyes disappearing into crescents. “You should be careful. Someone told me once that you can die from too much cheese.”

“Pssh,” Hyungwon scoffed. “That person probably wasn’t very smart.” He winked at Wonho, who laughed, throwing his head back.

Wonho calmed down, nodding, clearly trying to stifle a giggle.

“Of course not. What smart person would ever let me go.”

Leaning closer, forehead resting against Wonho’s, Hyungwon huffed. 

“So, so dumb. Definitely never doing that again.”

With that, Hyungwon leaned in, sealing their lips together, uncaring of the fact that other people might be walking by.

This boy was  _ his _ , and from now on, he wouldn’t allow anyone a sliver of a doubt about it.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took long ahaha sorry, blame the holidays  
> hope you enjoy~ this was absolute hell to write. I think we seriously gave ourselves whiplash. I cried about a hamster plushie, guys. A fuckin' hamster plushie. This fic is ruining my life.


	16. Defeat

**Wonho**

Hyungwon apologised

Which is, you know, amazing

Apparently he punched you? I’m so sorry

I just wanna make it clear that I didn’t choose him or anything

I mean, I love him. But you’re my best friend

I don’t see why I even have to choose if you would just

Anyway

I don’t know if you’re going to answer

But I’m not just gonna let you go, okay

 

\---

 

Changkyun gripped the strap of his backpack tightly as he entered the class, following closely behind Minhyuk. He had been skipping the class for the past three weeks, mooching off of Minhyuk’s notes, but the last time he had showed up at Minhyuk’s to get the notes, Minhyuk had looked at him with a creased brow and told him that he had to have 65% attendance to pass the class. Which meant not coming anymore wasn’t really an option since his parents had already shelled out the money to _pay_ for this fucking hell-class, so there’s no way he’s _not_ passing now.

If he could understand what the hell they were doing, that would really help that plan.

He had really thought he understood the notes Minhyuk gave him and, in theory, he did. In theory, it was easy.

It was while he watching the lecturer demonstrate some of the code onscreen that he realised he probably should have taken what his textbook said a little more serious.

_Programmers learn by doing - not listening._

There was also, of course, that certain _something_ eating gently at the back of his mind, as he tried his best to understand just how much studying he actually still had to do. That _something_ that told him that three weeks of coping, of slowly building back up what one simple text (one word) had broken down, would come crashing as soon as he might happen to glance over and see a boy with pink hair, frowning at the front of the class. That _something_ that made him glance around anyway, that _something_ that wanted to see him, even if it hurt, even if he had to start all over again.

(Because he was a fucking masochist and didn’t know when to stop.)

Minhyuk elbowed him, frowning. “Pay attention,” he whispered, and Changkyun nodded and smiled and pretended he didn’t see the concern in Minhyuk’s eyes. That’s all he ever saw from his friends, these days. The only one who didn’t treat him as fragile, at least to his face, was Hyungwon, though Changkyun was about 95% sure he was the one who orchestrated the ‘spontaneous’ midnight excursions that led Minhyuk to drag him out of his room at midnight to ‘go look at the pretty stars’ and that made Jooheon and Gunhee show up with enough junk food to make them all pass out and insist on playing Overwatch the whole night.

(Minhyuk, at least, thought he was ‘un-fragile’ enough to withstand Minhyuk’s frankly brutal ‘constructive’ comments about how ‘he couldn’t hit something if it stood still in front of him’. Which, fair, but he shouldn’t say it. Besides, Hyungwon was _much_ worse.)

Changkyun tried to concentrate, so hard to only pay attention and not let his mind wander and look as okay as he wanted people to think he was, he really did. He tried so hard Minhyuk must have thought he actually _was_ , since he didn’t bother Changkyun again, but Changkyun didn’t really see how that could be possible, seeing as, well. Seeing as missing orientation and stumbling into this classroom and picking that _exact_ seat (just four rows in front of him and damn he shouldn’t be paying attention to stuff like that, not anymore), was the best mistake he’d ever made.

He took a deep breath, and looked back to the lecturer.

There was nothing to miss. There was never anything. Changkyun had made (almost, sort of, sometimes he believed that) peace with the fact that whatever it was, whatever he’d thought he’d seen, was just the delusions of a stupid kid falling in love for the first time. The smiles he’d coaxed out, so proud of his work, had been nothing but friendship. The times Kihyun had called him, texted him, let Changkyun _hold_ him while he broke, that was just… Changkyun was there.

He was convenient, and he didn’t protest, and he didn’t tease Kihyun about it. That was all.

And, every time he thought to think that it was anything else, every time the little hopeful goblin in his brain insisted that it meant something more, that Kihyun had _felt_ something, every time his stupid heart tried to change his mind, all he had to do was think about that; that word that had quite literally left Changkyun motionless for more than half an hour, staring at it, not really wanting to look away and acknowledge that this was not some sort of nightmare.

Because if he did, if he looked around and saw his dirty boxers shoved under the bed, saw the setting sun outside his window, saw the empty take-out containers in the dustbin, then he would have to accept that that had really happened.

That he had just _done that_ , had just opened himself up, putting his feelings out there like a naive _child_ who couldn’t read the signs, couldn’t see that he was being an embarrassment.

So he sat there, only blinking himself out of the stupor when his phone buzzed again, lighting up the now dark room with a message from Hyungwon; a selfie of him and Wonho, smiling.

That had been… a dark night.

One he really shouldn’t be thinking about in the middle of class, when Minhyuk was urgently whispering his name, when Kihyun could see him, when he should be focusi-- “Changkyun-ah?”

“I’m fine,” Changkyun said, instinctually. He’d start to believe it eventually.

 

\---

 

“Congratulations, Kihyun.”

Startled, Kihyun looked up, discomfited to see so many eyes focused on him.

“I-- what?”

Professor Kim, a tall, lanky man, frowned at him, crossing his arms, before smiling again and gesturing to Kihyun.

“Congratulations, you won.”

Professor Kim was smiling, but Kihyun still couldn’t make heads or tails of his words. He… won? What?

“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t--”

There were a few snickers around him, the students around him glancing at him as if he was being particularly dense. Kihyun hunched his shoulders, before deflating slightly. It’s not as if he could blame them for laughing at him. He probably would have, too, if he wasn’t in this situation. It’s just… he’s been having trouble concentrating, lately. Things, people, events, _time_ , seemed to slip by without Kihyun’s notice, leaving him feeling slightly (a _lot_ ) out of step with reality.

Professor Kim smiled again, but, this time, instead of looking happy and congratulatory as Kihyun was belatedly realising he had the first two times, there were now two faint lines between his eyes, even as he smiled and said, “I see someone had a late night last night,” cue laughter from the class.

(What they didn’t know what they didn’t know was that Kihyun had been having five sleepless nights in a row before crashing and sleeping for twenty hours straight, his work wasn’t up to standard anymore his father was getting angrier and angrier at the dinner table, still demanding updates and Kihyun didn’t have anything good to say and they didn’t know they didn’t know--)

Kihyun forced a smile on his face, forced it hard enough that his eyes laughed along almost automatically, (it was a trick he learned during the two years he took drama in high school, and every day thereafter with his family), and nodded gratefully at Professor Kim.

After class, one in which Kihyun desperately tried to stay present enough to pay attention (because goddammit this was the only class which he actually _liked,_ he wasn’t going to fuck this up, too. At least, not without trying his damndest first,) Kihyun approached his professor’s desk, one hand in his pocket, playing with the fidget cube.

(He had found it helped to ground him, to keep his head from spinning into a thousand different directions and tearing itself apart. Which was something he desperately needed these days.)

“Ah, Kihyun,” Professor Kim said, lifting his head to smile at Kihyun once he came to a stop in front of his desk. “Still not sure what competition I could possibly be talking about, right?”

Kihyun shrugged, then shook his head, hand tightening on the fidget cube.

“Um, no, sorry, professor. I guess I was drifting off a bit there.” He smiled sheepishly, but Professor Kim merely smiled a slightly pained smile before nodding slightly.

“You’re my best student, Kihyun, but try not to drift too far, okay?” Professor Kim sat back in his chair.

(Kihyun wanted to say it didn’t matter one little bit how good he was because it wasn’t like he would be allowed to take this class next year, not with how his father had been going on about his other marks and how this class had been monopolising all his attention lately. But, he sealed his mouth. It wasn’t Professor Kim’s problem.)

“In any case, I should be the one apologizing. Of all the projects, yours really stood out to me, so I submitted it to the annual University photography competition. Well, more of an expo, but you understand.”

“Oh.” Kihyun honestly couldn’t think of anything more eloquent to say. “I… won?”

Professor Kim nodded. “You won a spot in their gallery, yes. If you want it, that is. Like I said, I did submit it on your behalf so you are more than welcome to decline, but it is a fantastic opportunity to put your work out there.”

Kihyun swallowed.

“I don’t… take this class because I think I’m going to be a photographer one day, sir.”

It was odd, the way the older man tilted his head and frowned, gentle, more understanding and compassionate than people usually are.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Kihyun, it’s not easy. But I give this class because of people like you. You’re _already_ a photographer. I’m not teaching you anything you don’t know, rather, _refining_ those skills. Those qualities that a select few, you included, seem to be born with. I’m not saying the other people in this class don’t have a chance to make it, that they wouldn’t do just as well, but _you_ , you have something special. Don’t you think it would be a shame to waste it?”

Kihyun felt frozen, his mind brittle, the only thing keeping him from spinning out of control the steady pressure of his thumb on the spinning wheel on the fidget cube.

“I--” Kihyun broke off, glancing up to stare into the older man’s earnest gaze. He couldn’t lie. He couldn’t trot out his usual reasons, like it was just a hobby, just a way to relax, that he _wanted_ to do Calculus and programming his whole life. Not when photography had literally become a lifeline for him, in so many ways. “It’s not my choice, sir. I don’t-- I don’t get to decide.”

The older man paused, the frown sliding off his face as he looked at Kihyun with absolute sincerity. “Of course it’s your choice. A lot of things in life aren’t, where you come from, who you are. But,” he said, leaning forward on propped up elbows. “I just want you to think about this gallery, for now. Nothing afterwards, not what you want to do with your life, just this one gallery. And that, at least, is completely your choice.”

Kihyun swallowed, again.

“What--But what if, what if I want to do it again?”

He _hated_ the way his voice sounded, the way it came out all desperate and, and, the way he said anything like that at _all_.  

“Then choose to. Or choose not to,” Professor Kim shrugged, features still relaxed. “But I think you deserve at least this one, or you’ll go your entire life not being given any choice in the first place.” He paused, before grinning. “Oh, and the finger foods at events like that are nothing to sniff at, let me tell you.”

Kihyun nodded, not agreeing to anything, simply acknowledging, before turning around and making his way to the door.

“Oh, by the way,” Professor Kim’s voice stopped him in the doorway, Kihyun turning around to face the man again. “Who is he? The boy in the photographs.”

Oh. Kihyun smiled. This was an easy one.

“Just a boy I used to know, sir.”

 

\---

 

**Changkyun Protection Squad**

 

**Minhyuk**

Week 4: Day 3

Changkyun came with me to programming for the first time since

Well

 

**Jooheon**

This group chat is still going, huh…

Did anything happen?

 

**Minhyuk**

No

Yes

Maybe????????

No. He was understandably on edge and I’m not sure he even concentrated on Professor Lee for like, a minute

But it was… better. I think. IDK the kid’s hard to read when he actually tries

 

**Hyungwon**

Kihyun was there right?

I mean, he hasn’t missed a class once so I ASSUME

 

**Minhyuk**

I didn’t see him???

Pink hair isn’t really something you can miss easily

 

**Hyungwon**

I don’t know how to break this to you, Minhyuk

But I’m 100% sure his hair isn’t naturally goddamn pink

 

**Minhyuk**

That’s not the point

ANYWAY

Are you guys avail? Just for a coffee or something

Changkyun looks like he needs it

Ugh I just wanna wrap him in a blanket and keep him at home :(((

 

**Jooheon**

Well, yes

I’m glad you got him to go to class though

 

**Minhyuk**

You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d seen his face

 

\---

 

Kihyun knew this wasn’t healthy. He knew this was the opposite of what he was supposed to be doing, namely avoiding Changkyun and letting him live his life without the threat of Kihyun looming over his head.

He could force himself to stay away. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t used to it. But… he might need a few more photos. And that was a convenient excuse to at least _see_ Changkyun again. To see what Changkyun’s life looks like without Kihyun in it. To ensure that, that he was better off. Or, at least, getting there.

So, he waited, hoodie on his head, hunched over his books, for them to show up. They always show up at this coffee shop, one or other way.

Ah, there.

Kihyun swallowed a lump in his throat as he saw Changkyun throwing his head back, laughing, and he lifted his camera without even thinking about it. This, this was what he wanted.

This is what he had cried over for weeks. This is what he _wanted_.

He ignored the sharp twist in his heart, lowering the camera and getting up.

This is what he had wanted.

 

\---

  


“Kyunniiiiiiiiie.”

Changkyun tried not to laugh. Really, he did. But Jooheon holding a solitary noodle in front of his face with a pair of chopsticks, voice incredibly (eerily) similar to that of a goddamn baby, dimples showing and bouncing in his seat, it was impossible not to. Gunhee, for one, was smiling at Jooheon like he was literally the sunshine on a cloudy day.

“Just one lil noodle, Kyuuuunniiiie.”

“I did eat breakfast. This time. You don’t have to keep feeding me.”

Jooheon pouted. Like a goddamn five year old. “But I wanna.”

“...If I eat this noodle--”

“--one lil noodle--”

Changkyun laughed, trying not to notice the way all the faces around him brightened at the sound.

“--Will you stop?”

“I will only stop for at least five lil noodles.”

“Four.”

“Five.”

“Three?”

“That’s not how this works.”

“Fine, five,” Changkyun relented, opening his mouth and rolling his eyes. Jooheon looked far too pleased with himself as he fed him one solitary noodle. “This is really sad, you know.”

“What’s sad is how long it took you to eat the damn thing,” Hyungwon said, looking down at his drink as he played with his straw, feigning disinterest, but Changkyun knew that the quick glance Hyungwon threw Minhyuk’s way held a smile. He was intuitive like that.

Changkyun accepted the other four noodles (all separately for some reason) with resignation and vague amusement. Yes, his friends were absolutely ridiculous, but any annoyance Changkyun could have felt at their persistence was easily clouded by the warm knowledge that they cared enough to keep trying.

At least they’ve been getting results, or, they think so, at least. Changkyun wouldn’t lie and say he felt quite as bad as he had three weeks ago. But, he felt far… less, than he normally did. In a way. Yes, his friends were funny and silly and and he loved them, but there was a curious distance to all the joy and happiness they were trying to force on him, as if he could sense it, could even appreciate it, but he couldn’t… feel it.

He just… didn’t have the capacity.

He blinked himself back into the present, the familiar coffee shop they’d been coming to since the beginning of the year, as Hyungwon raised his voice to call Wonho over from outside.

Wonho smiled widely at the five of them sitting there, his eyes softening so perceptibly when they landed on Hyungwon that Minhyuk cood and Changkyun gagged, grinning, as Wonho came in and took a seat next to Hyungwon, who was, Changkyun was horrified, (in a horrifically pleased way), to notice was smiling a particularly dopey smile as well.

“Shownuuu,” Minhyuk whined with a pout, playfully hitting Shownu’s arm, who had trailed in behind Wonho, both of them in exercising clothes. “Why don’t you look at me like that anymore?”

“Your ego would cause a gravitational disruption and we’d all die,” Hyungwon said, playfully pushing Wonho away with a wrinkled nose and a pointed look at his sweaty clothes, relenting when Wonho pouted at him.

“I look at you like that all the time,” Shownu shrugged. “It’s not my fault you stopped noticing.” Minhyuk continued pouting. “No, really! Look.” Shownu looked at Minhyuk, before looking at Hyungwon, and back at Minhyuk again.

“...Damn, he’s right.”

“We’re talking micro-expressions I’m not even sure he’s aware of.”

Jooheon squinted at the couple, before turning to Gunhee, who barked a laugh at Jooheon’s squinting.

“No need to look _so_ in love with me, dear.”

Jooheon coloured up to his ears, a brilliant red colour that would have put a tomato to shame, mumbling something indistinct, though Changkyun did catch, “not”, and “you never said”.

Gunhee blinked, nodded, pursed his lips and turned to the table, clearing his throat before loudly and almost proudly proclaiming, “I am a moron.”

Changkyun nodded seriously.

“We know.”

Jooheon kicked Gunhee under the table as the latter fell forwards to hide his face in his crossed arms, while Minhyuk fussed around Shownu’s shoulders, starting what looked like a massage. Hyungwon and Wonho were having a hushed conversation about what sounded like a (slight) argument about whether Wonho ate enough, and Changkyun was....

Yeah. Changkyun just was.

He pulled at a thread on his jeans. He bit down on his lip. It wasn’t difficult to look away, not really, but Changkyun hated that he had to. That he couldn’t just be happy for his friends. That this had to _get_ to him at all.

There was a sharp, pointed sound from Hyungwon, nothing more than an abrupt cough, really, but it was enough to snap everyone out of their little bubbles, leaving every single one of them looking at Changkyun with a trace of guilt in their eyes.

Changkyun sighed, inwardly rolling his eyes at how ‘subtle’ they all were, before plastering a smile on his face and pushing his chair backwards, getting up.

“I, actually, I just remembered I need to study for this test I have tomorrow. It’s just a class test, but if I do good in them it can boost my exam score, you know?”

They nodded, all sympathetic sounds and understanding faces and Changkyun knew full well that nobody believed him for even a second. Hell, he barely believed himself.

“Right. Bye,” Changkyun said, giving a quick wave before slinging his backpack onto his back and pushing his hands into his pockets, walking off.

After barely a minute of walking along morosely, eyes fixed on the ground in front of his feet, he heard hurried footsteps behind him. More pointed and coming in his direction than any of the hundreds of other footsteps from students around him, that is.

Right. Of course they wouldn’t leave him alone. He couldn’t remember the last time he was alone.

Jooheon, maybe? Nah, he had Gunhee to talk to now. (And, from the look of it, they have some serious talking to do).

Hyungwon? Nope, wouldn’t make so much noise on the pavement.

Changkyun turned around, ready to tell Minhyuk that while his expertise in programming would be appreciated any other time, he was more than capable of handling a class test, (even though deep inside he highly doubted it), but whatever he’d planned on saying to brush off his nosy friends, died on the tip of his tongue as he saw Wonho. Almost running after him, by the looks of it.

Changkyun slowed, walking backward, before stopping entirely, awaiting his fate resignedly. It wasn’t like he could outrun Wonho anyway. Might as well make this easy on himself.

“No, I don’t have any ramen on me at the moment.”

Wonho caught up to him, barely breathing heavily, (which just wasn’t fair, okay), and frowned.

“I, um, I wasn’t going to ask..?”

“I know, hyung. I was just…” Changkyun shrugged, barely a lift of his shoulders, before looking at Wonho. “I’m fine, okay? You didn’t have to come check up on me.”

Wonho scratched the back of his head, a slightly sheepish look on his face.

“I know…” He sighed. “I just-- we haven’t really spoken since, well, since everything. I just wanted to spend some time with you?” Wonho winced, and Changkyun had the feeling that wasn’t supposed to come out in the form of a question.

“You don’t.” Changkyun shook his head with a sigh. “Sorry, I just mean--”

“But I do want to spend time with you!” There was a surprisingly sincere distressed look on Wonho’s face, eyebrows pulled in the center of his face and puppy-dog eyes so big it made Changkyun doubt his own.

_It wasn’t difficult to see why Kihyun had loved him._

Changkyun shook his head at himself. No. He wasn’t going to think like that. He had _told_ himself he _wasn’t_ going to think like that. It hurts _so much_ and--

_No. Not going there._

“I didn’t mean to be so loud just then, uhm,” Wonho shifted from one foot to the other. “I’d just like to get to know you better. You’re a good kid.”

_A good kid. Ouch._

“Yeah, just the best kiddo out there.” Changkyun sighed to himself, again. Fuck, he really wasn’t trying to be like this. “Listen, hyung, thanks for wanting to submit yourself to babysitting duty, but maybe another time, okay? I can’t--” _I can’t look at you and see everything I clearly don’t have. I can’t look at you without thinking of him._ “I can’t.”

Wonho wilted, shoulders shrinking in on himself, nodding.

“No, yeah, I understand. But,” Wonho paused, lifting eyes that looked _suspiciously_ perceptive, “You know… me and Kihyun didn’t really… I mean, it wasn’t serious. Between us. We were just,” he smiled slightly, “figuring things out, you know?”

Changkyun could feel himself wince. He tried not to, but the sharp twist in his chest made that nearly impossible. “Well. Nice to know we have something in common.”

Wonho shook his head.

“No, no. That’s not what I meant. He.. cared more. With you.” A twist of his lips that was too self-deprecating to be a smile. “He tried more.”

Changkyun laughed. A loud, broken, stupid thing, as he looked up at Wonho. “ _Seriously_?”

“I know you don’t see it. I know it feels like he threw you away. _Trust me_ , I know.”

“He did! He threw me away, but the fucking _difference_ is that he still kept you around. A friend or whatever, I don’t care, you still...” God, Changkyun couldn’t _do this_.

Wonho shook his head, a vehement light in his eyes. Changkyun didn’t know what could possibly be on his face at that moment, the mish-mash of feelings inside him threatening to overwhelm him.

“No, he didn’t! You think he cared more about me because he let me stick around? You really think that? Let me tell you what happened in high school. I know you got hints and stuff from Hyungwon, but, trust me, you don’t know the whole story.”

“Why does that _matter_ ?" Changkyun almost cried. "What does that have to do with _anything?_ ”

“It has _everything_ to do with _everything_. Listen.” Changkyun looked at him. He was so tired. “Please?”

Curiosity was a terrible thing.

Changkyun nodded, and followed Wonho to a nearby, quiet space between buildings. An alleyway.

“That whole thing in high school? Us ‘experimenting’ and figuring out what we liked? That was mostly me. I asked. He went along. Yes, we were friends, yes, we cared about each other, but I was the one who pushed it into another territory. _I_ was the one who dragged him into that _fucking_ alleyway,” Changkyun blinked, not used to Wonho cursing, “Just like this one. And _I_ was the one who pushed him enough that, at that point, even though I _knew_ the pressure he faced at home and at school, about being _delicate_ and _feminine_ , he… turned on me. I’m not saying he couldn’t have handled it differently, but, I pushed him when I knew. You didn’t. You didn’t know, and he knew it, and he felt that you deserved more and and--”

“Wonho, what---What alleyway? Wonho, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Wonho took a deep breath.

“We were near school, and I kissed him. He didn’t really want to. I made him. Or, well, persuaded him, I guess. Gave him reassurance when there was none. They found us. Those same boys who had tortured him his whole school career. I could see it in his eyes. Not only was he going to side with them, but he blamed me. And, the thing was, I kinda did too. The point is, the point is. Kihyun felt so bad about something that _wasn’t even his fault in the first place_ , or, at least not at the start, that he came crying to me about it later.”

Somewhere between Wonho talking, between Changkyun trying to process what he was saying, Changkyun had backed himself against the wall. Somewhere along the way, his legs gave in, slowly, as he sunk down against it.

Wonho wasn’t done talking, however.

“He felt _so bad about it_ , he still hasn’t stopped apologising. But, with you, I just think-- no, I _know_ , he feels so bad about what happened with you, blames it so much on himself, that he-- he didn’t tell me but _damn it_ I _know_ that boy-- he thinks he’s protecting you. By staying away. He didn’t stay away from me. He… cares more. Trust me.”

“I--” Changkyun started to say, tried to say. He pressed his forehead against his knee, legs drawn in to himself, back cold against the concrete wall. “I want to believe you.”

Wonho tilted his head at Changkyun.

“You… don’t think he ever cared at all, do you?”

“Of course I don’t.”

Wonho sighed and sank down next to him, close enough that Changkyun could feel the heat of his body next to him.

“May I ask, why?”

“You may,” Changkyun said.

“Changkyun…”  
  
“You didn’t see his face, hyung.” Changkyun took a deep breath. It was uneven, shaky. He hated it. “I was so sure. I was so scared, but I was _so sure_ . I made a fool of myself because of how sure I was. He pushed me, and I saw--There was this look on his face. Sometimes I still dream about it. It was disgust, hyung.” Fuck, he wasn’t crying. He wasn’t. He _wasn’t_. “I was convenient. I was annoying and persistent and I pushed myself into his life and nothing in me is telling me that ‘hey, maybe he wanted me there’! ‘Maybe I’m just a terrible kisser’!” Changkyun laughed at himself. God, was he always this dumb. “He doesn’t want me. And I don’t blame him.”

There was a pause for a few seconds. A few seconds in which Changkyun fell even further into that hole he had tried so hard to get out of.

“I think you’re wrong.” Wonho said it so softly, so delicately, that there was no reason for it to hurt so much. “He let you calm him down, after he talked to Minhyuk and Shownu, didn’t he? From what I saw between you two, there was more than that, things that neither of you told me about. And that means a lot. He doesn’t… He’s not a fan of vulnerability.”

“I told him I love him,” Changkyun said, raising his head to look at Wonho, to let Wonho look at him. “And he told me not to. I told him I loved him, and it wasn’t enough. I know you mean well, hyung, I really do. But any hope that he might have cared for me, any hope of… whatever you’re trying to tell me. That he’s letting me go for my own good? God, that doesn’t even sound right… Whatever you’re saying, it’s not… I don’t… He _doesn’t_ \--”

“Changkyun, I really think--”

“Stop,” Changkyun pleaded, cried, almost. “Please stop. I can’t afford to be hopeful. I can’t--I need to stop and I can’t if you keep--” Changkyun turned his face back to his knees, hugging them closer. “You can’t mourn if there’s hope. Please.”

“Okay.” Wonho put an arm around Changkyun and pulled Changkyun up against him. “Okay. I’ll stop. I’ll stop.”

“Thank you.” And Changkyun let himself be pulled in, let himself cry, again, like he did with Hyungwon. With Minhyuk. With Jooheon about a month ago when he missed Kihyun so much he couldn’t even breathe. Except, this time, it felt like he was finally letting something go.

And hopefully, one day, someone.

 

\---

 

Kihyun stared down at his bowl, trying to appear present even while his mind was a million miles away.

The gallery thing had been bothering him almost _incessantly_ for the past two days. When he got home that night, he’d sent Professor Kim an email saying he’ll… participate. He agreed. He’ll cooperate. Whatever.

For a short time after he’d sent the email, he’d been almost euphoric. For once in his life, he’d decided to do something for himself. He was going to do the thing. Something that _he_ wanted to do.

And then… reality came crashing back. Yeah, he was going to do this. His mother, (though, not his father, he was pretty sure), might even be happy for him. As long as he made it out to be a one time thing, just something he did for fun, it should be fine. But… it was only going to be for one night.

He was still miserable. He still missed Wonho and, and Changkyun and even Hyungwon. That miserable bag of salt. He was still stuck studying something he _desperately_ didn’t want to be studying.

“Kihyun? Did you hear me?”

Kihyun’s head whipped up, startled to find three sets of eyes fixed on him.

“Um, yeah? I mean, no, sorry. I’m a bit tired. Must have drifted off.”

“Mmm,” his father hummed. “Better than drifting off in class, I suppose. I said that I’m glad you came to your senses and dyed your hair back to a reasonable colour. As you know, I wasn’t too keen on my son walking around with pink hair.”

“I liked the pink,” Jeongyeon butted in, shaking her newly cut hair so that her overly long fringe shifted out of her eyes. “I begged him not to change it to black when we went to the salon but…” She trailed off, lifting her eyebrows.

“I’m still not so sure you made the right choice with your hair, honey,” his mother fretted, frowning. “You had such beautiful long hair.”

His father laughed humorlessly. “Funny, the moment my son starts looking like a boy again my daughter decides to stop looking like a girl.”

Kihyun grimaced slightly, before cracking an incredibly fake smile. It was better to play along. He didn’t have the energy to get into a debate tonight. Jeongyeon, however, didn’t seem to have any of that kind of restraint.

“Oh, please, dad, we watch TV all the time and you’ve seen plenty of male celebrities with dyed hair like Kihyun’s was.”

Mr Yoo gave her a pointed look. “That’s different, dear. Everyone knows most of those… ‘boys’ are, well…”

Kihyun’s eyes widened, seeing the way Jeongyeon’s shoulders straightened, the way her eyes narrowed and, without really thinking too much further than the voice screaming in his head to, ‘stop this stop this’, he blurted out, “I’m going to be showcasing at a gallery!”

“What?” his father asked, voice level as his mother cooed next to him.

Shit.

“I-- I mean-- That is-- Professor Kim submitted my pictures and--”

“Oh, isn’t that nice! People like your pictures, dear? Oh, don’t look like that, hon, if he has fun with his little hobby, so be it,” his mother said, smiling encouragingly as she cut Kihyun off, smile turning slightly icy as she looked at her husband.

Kihyun shut his mouth with a snap, glancing between his parents with wide eyes. Was this actually going to work? Were they actually going to let him? His eyes flitted to Jeongyeon, seeing her watching the situation just as closely, before her eyes caught his and she smiled widely.

Kihyun started to smile back, adrenaline pumping through his veins, before he froze.

His mother had just been supportive of his showcasing at a gallery. She’ll probably insist on coming. Maybe, god save him, his father too. And… his pictures were all of Changkyun. All of them. Most were candid shots…

Kihyun swallowed.

Well, this was going to be fucking _brilliant_.

They might not notice. They… might not notice.

“When is it, Kihyun?” his father asked.

“Friday night in two weeks.”

Please let them be busy. Please let them be busy. Please fucking _G_ _od_ let them be busy.

“Isn’t that when you have that meeting with the Japanese, dear?”

“Yes, and it’s a dinner, so I need you there with me.”

His mom smiled apologetically and apologised, and Kihyun made all the right noises, but inside he was _jumping_. That was close.

“I can go, right?” Jeongyeon, who actually was bouncing a little, asked excitedly, smiling widely at him.

“Of course, Jeongyeon.”

 

\---

 

**Gunhee**

Soooo

 

**Jooheon**

Sooooooo :)

 

**Gunhee**

Sooooooooooo

 

**Jooheon**

I feel like you’re trying to tell me something

But I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT

 

**Gunhee**

Cool yeah good talk guess that’s me off the nearest cliff

You know, I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic

 

**Jooheon**

Take a wild guess

 

**Gunhee**

...can we add like a little smiley face or something…

...just so we know…

  


**Jooheon**

What if I don’t feel like adding a smiley face?

Lol, it’s fine

I mean

It’s nothing

 

**Gunhee**

It’s… er… it’s not nothing?

I’m just an idiot?

 

**Jooheon**

Don’t worry about it

 

**Gunhee**

Listen, Jooheon, I didn’t mean to say that

 

**Jooheon**

I know, it’s fine

Really, you can chill

I know it was just a joke

 

**Gunhee**

Christ alive lemme just rephrase

I didn’t mean to say THAT like THAT

Like it’s nothing

Like it’s a joke or like you don’t deserve at least five months of planning

And the murder of a million roses

Or fireworks or whatever the hell else people do these days

I didn’t mean to just let it… slip like that

I forgot that you didn’t know

I forgot that it’s not blindingly obvious

 

**Jooheon**

Let what slip?

 

**Gunhee**

Wait fuck no I’m not fucking this up again

Where are yOU?

 

**Jooheon**

You honestly don’t have to

 

**Gunhee**

Damn, you’re right, I really don’t have to

But fuck, I want to

All the time, every day, every chance I get

But hell, I don’t want to tell you with a text

Please tell me where you are

 

**Jooheon**

I’m in the computer labs

Supposed to be working on my essay and leeching off the uni’s internet

 

**Gunhee**

This bitch be running

 

\---

 

Jooheon locked his phone. He looked at the computer screen, his half-written essay staring back at him. He looked at his phone again.

Swallowing thickly, he saved the file and pulled out his memory stick, packing up his stuff so Gunhee wouldn’t be tempted to run into the building and make a scene. Not that that wouldn’t be funny, but, not this time.

Jooheon had a heavy, nagging sensation of guilt tugging at his conscience. He shouldn’t have reacted so strongly. He shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of it. It was obviously just a joke and he can’t help feeling that he, somehow, forced Gunhee into… whatever this was going to be.

He stepped out of the building _just_ in time to catch a red-faced and out of breath Gunhee racing towards the door. As he stumbled under Gunhee’s weight, Jooheon grinned slightly at the thought that Gunhee probably would have run into the door if he hadn’t caught him.

“Damn, there’s a door there?” Gunhee panted, before grinning widely at Jooheon, a quick waggle of his eyebrows. “Heeey.”

Jooheon rolled his eyes, pushing Gunhee away slightly, so that Gunhee was no longer literally leaning on him.

“Hey. Come on. Let’s get out of the way of the door.”

“Good idea,” Gunhee said as he started walking, throwing a quick look back at the door. “Hmpf.” He looked back at Jooheon. “You know, I was planning on this big speech in the middle of the computer labs before I inevitably pass out from exertion. This is very anticlimactic.”

“I think that would’ve been embarrassing for both of us,” Jooheon grinned, softening his words.

“You say embarrassing, I say big romantic gesture, but alrighty.”

Jooheon smiled, but that same guilt dropped like a stone in his stomach. He stopped them after a while, after they got what Jooheon deemed an acceptable distance from other people.

“Listen, I didn’t mean to guilt you into anything,” Jooheon started as soon as they stopped, wringing his hands in front of himself.”

“What now.”

“You don’t have to, like, do anything you don’t want to. I know you were just being funny and, yeah. I-- it doesn’t matter, okay? I didn’t mean to-- it’s fine.” Jooheon felt so infinitesimally small at that moment, overly aware of his definitely no-abs stomach, his thick thighs, his round cheeks. All those things he tried really hard not to think about most of the time.

“But.” Gunhee blinked rapidly, opened his mouth to say something before closing it, before opening it just to make a “Huh?” noise. He shook his head. “I told you I want to. Listen, I _breathe_ bad jokes. It’s bound to betray me every now and then--” Jooheon winced. “No, no, no! I mean. Fuck. You know how sometimes you make a joke and you kind of want it to be true? Or you’re making a joke but it’s… not really a joke, but more a way of saying something, but jokes have, like… ‘Oh, just joking!’ and then people just forget all that stupid shit you said cos you’re unsure and dumb? Well. That. I guess.”

Jooheon frowns.

“I’m still not… actually sure what you meant to say there.”

“Yeah, neither am I at this point,” Gunhee mumbled, taking off his snapback to run a hand through his hair and put it back on back to front. “I’m an idiot, this has been established.”

“Okay..?”

“Do you not… want me to say it?”

Jooheon shook his head, then shrugged.

“It’s not that. You just, you only brought it up because I… reacted to it, and, obviously I sort of guilt-tripped you into saying it and--”

“I haven’t said it, Jooheon. You haven’t guilt-tripped me into… I mean, why would you think…”

“Because,” Jooheon’s face, despite his best efforts, contorts into the face Changkyun calls his, ‘kicked puppy’ face. “Because I’m not particularly, well, anything. I’m not that funny. I’m not that talented. I’m _definitely_ not that handsome. I mean, my cheeks are so round and my thighs are--”

“Fucking amazing,” Gunhee said, eyes glazed over a bit as he looked at Jooheon’s, well, thighs.

Jooheon blinked.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I just, I hear what you’re saying, and you know I value your opinions and feelings about things, but you’re just really, really wrong.”

“I don’t-- what?”

“I wish you could meet yourself. Seriously, you have _no idea_ . I think my appreciation for your thighs is frankly sinful at this point, but, like, you’re so talented? And you make me laugh with just a simple facial expression. You’re cute and extra and sexy and you get so frustrated so easily and it’s adorable and I’m an idiot most of the time cos that makes you smile and then you have those _dimples_ . Those motherfucking _dimples_ , _Jooheon._ ”

Jooheon touched his face, a bit gobsmacked.

“My… dimples?”

“You’re so _cuuuute_ ,” Gunhee whined. “And you don’t _know it_ , and that _hurts me_ . Okay, wait, not the point,” Gunhee slapped his own face lightly. “It doesn’t work that way, anyway, by the way. There’s no set level of talent or handsomeness or whatever that you have to surpass or conform to for someone to love you. That’s just not how it works. I mean, you’re dating _me_ of all people, so.”

Jooheon frowned.

“Yeah, so? You’re, well, you’re you. You’re like,” a light blush dusted his cheeks, and he looked down, unable to meet Gunhee’s eyes. “You know. You’re _you_.”

Gunhee laughed a little, high pitched. “Thanks. And you’re _you_. Just in case you forgot.”

“So…”

“I am me, you are you, and I--” Gunhee laughed again, a bit high pitched, a bit shaky. “Damn, I really do, don’t I. I, and it’s not much, but I…” Gunhee giggled again. “ _Oh, my god, I’m so useless_.”

Jooheon made a high pitched sound in his throat and grabbed Gunhee’s hands, trying to ground him.

“Okay, Gunhee, I need you to use your words here.”

Gunhee bounced a little. “I don’t know if I have _anyyyy_ , I’ve forgotten how language works.”

“Gunhee, love, please.”

As soon as the words left Jooheon’s mouth, he froze, watching in a sort of frozen dismay and excitement as Gunhee’s eyes widened.

“I’m sorry I--” he started.

“There it is! That’s the word!” Gunhee squeezed his hands. “‘Love’. I love you, Jooheoney.”

Jooheon jumped a little at the words, a grin spreading on his face.

“Really?”

“Yep! I really, really, _really_ love you.”

“Brilliant,” Jooheon grinned, euphoria flooding through his veins.

“ _Aahh, dimples_ !”  


 

\---

 

**Jeongyeon**

WONHOOOO~~~

Wonnie Wonho

‘Sup. It’s me

Ya girl

Back with the newest edition of Hamster Watch

 

**Wonho**

If he knew you called it that

He would… do something?

Idk

He wouldn’t be happy

  


**Jeongyeon**

Furiously run on his lil wheel or hide in a plastic tunnel idk

SO ANYWAY

Are you okay?

Sorry you just sound down :((

...Wait is that a stupid question it probably is

 

**Wonho**

It’s fine.

Dance exams just have me stressed

What’s new?

 

**Jeongyeon**

Do you know one Professor Kim?

I want to send him flowers and hear if he has a daughter

Seriously tho he sent Kihyunnie’s pictures into

Well I’m not sure what but now he has a showcase!

For his pictures! AaaaAAAAH!

 

**Wonho**

Oh, WOW

That’s great!

I’m glad he’s doing so well

 

**Jeongyeon**

Doing well and being happy isn’t the same thing, unfortunately

Ugh sorry Daddio was a dick tonight, I’m on edge

 

**Wonho**

But, he’s still fine, right?

Kihyun, I mean

 

**Jeongyeon**

He’s… idk he’s being my stupid older brother

But yeah, I think he’s okay enough

But I’ll keep an eye on him~

Good luck with your exams, oppa!

 

**Wonho**

Thank you

Both for watching over Kihyun and the exams thing

 

**Jeongyeon**

Happy to help~

 

\---

 

Kihyun stepped back, eyes flitting over the walls. Okay. This was it.

He’d… he’d actually done it.

This was… a lot. All these pictures. Of _him_. Up on the walls for everyone to see. He, he didn’t want to see it. Not when he first took them, and not when he edited them. He ignored it. He put them up, helping to organise them, (as much as they would let him, that is), and… now there it was.

All those feelings he didn’t want anybody to know, not even himself, put up on the walls to see. And… it hurt less than he thought it would. More the sting of a papercut than a thousand band-aids being ripped off at once.

It was bearable.

This was for one night. One night he was allowed to be honest with himself. And however many people actually showed up. One night.

He took a quick walk through the gallery, (hands flying up every now and then to tug on the tie that _still_ felt too tight, even after one of the staff members folded it over for him and he ascertained he could stick his whole thumb through the opening between his neck and that tie), artist’s eye tracking the positioning, the colours, before he stopped in front of the centerpiece, feeling his knees go slightly weak even as he chided himself. That was the first time Changkyun had literally left him breathless.

“Kihyun!”

He spun around, smiling as he saw Jeongyeon walking in, her short hair full of glitter, looking beautiful in a black cocktail dress, before he saw the woman walking in behind her and… afterwards he would swear his heart stopped for a second, before resuming in a frantic beating that left him breathless and swaying without even moving.

“M--Mother,” he managed to get out, trying his level best not to _actually_ faint. This was fine. This was, this was art, there was no reason his mother would-- Best not to complete that thought. “I-- I thought you had to go to the dinner thing with father?”

His mother’s eyes took a long, meandering journey along the interior of the gallery, before landing on him with raised eyebrows and something, something indefinable in her gaze. Something that made Kihyun want to fucking dump the tie and just _run_.

“I managed to get out,” she breathed, still with raised eyebrows. “This is, quite a collection. You’re… very good.”

“T-Thanks,” Kihyun managed to stutter out, throwing a wide-eyed glance at Jeongyeon who made some sort of complicated shrugging movement before rolling her eyes and spreading her hands. Right. That was helpful.

Throwing him finger guns, ( _extremely_ fucking helpful, Jeongyeon was), she sauntered off, leaving Kihyun to handle his mother, who was beginning to get an uncomfortably knowing glint in her eyes.

“This… is all of the same boy? All of Changkyun?”

Kihyun felt his neck tensing as he nodded, unable to say something. Anything. His, his heart was on the fucking _walls_ , and he just… had nowhere left to hide.

His mother stepped closer to the centerpiece, hand lifting up as if to trace before she took a lengthy glance at the pictures surrounding it.

“I had wondered, that day after he rushed out, why you were suddenly so… withdrawn. Not that you were ever the most loud person, ever the most _sharing_ ,” she laughed, slightly, almost tiredly. “You know, I wasn’t blind to you and Wonho, in high school. I knew there was something. I was hoping you’d grow out of it, of course and, when it seemed to resolve itself, I thought it was fine.”

Kihyun knew he was still standing only by the fact that he wasn’t staring up at the ceiling. His body seemed to have locked up. Head swimming. He was still calmly, methodically, taking deep breaths. Mostly out of habit.

“I--” Kihyun coughed, “It wasn’t-- Wonho and I-- there’s not-- _I’m not_ \--”

His mom waved a hand at him, effectively stopping his stuttering.

“I know you’re nothing more than friends now. I also know that, no matter how much I wished that you actually _wanted_ to become a computer scientist, or that you would find a nice girl and settle down, how I was still hoping it… I can’t look at these pictures, at the passion that went into them, and the subject, and believe that any of those wishes would come true.”

Kihyun could feel his legs shaking, his breath coming in gasps. This was… Was this bad? He didn’t know. He couldn’t think.

“M-Mom I’m-- I’m sorry I don’t-- I tried--”

“Kihyun, honey.” Kihyun lifted his eyes with from his feet with some effort, finding his mother standing in front of him, eyes impossibly soft. “I know. I know you tried. I’m not,” his mom lifted a hand to wipe at her eyes, sniffing slightly, “I’m not going to pretend I’m not sad. I’m not going to pretend I’m not worried about you and your happiness and your future and… I’m not going to pretend. But, _honey_ , I can’t stand it seeing you this way. Do you know how hard it’s been for me, this past month, knowing that my little boy was sad, that something was _wrong_ and that, that I couldn’t _fix_ it, couldn’t make him smile, because _I didn’t even know what was wrong_.”

Kihyun was horrified to discover wetness on his cheeks, and he made to turn his head away, something, _anything_ , to get away, before his mother’s hands came up and grabbed his face, wiping at the tears, cradling.

“You’re, you’re my little boy, okay? I might not, I might not agree with all your choices, or even, even _understand_ them, but if it makes you this sad, then, honey, you _need to make them_ . I’d rather see you living a life I don’t understand, happy and smiling and _glowing_ , than living a life pre-chosen, miserable. Come here.”

Before Kihyun quite realised what was going on, before he could process the words, he was pulled into his mother, sobbing quietly onto her shoulder, such a sharp feeling of, of _relief_ coursing through him that, really, there was nothing else he _could_ do.

His mother stroked his back with one hand, the other petting his hair, rocking him slightly for a few minutes before giving him a light push, smiling at him with a watery smile.

“Come on now, suck up those tears. We can’t have a crying artist at his first showing! People will think you don’t want to do this.”

Kihyun laughed through his tears, ugly, wet noises, as he shook his head, desperately trying to wipe the tears away even as they kept flowing.

“I’m just gonna-- bathroom--”

“Of course, dear. Oh, and, Kihyun?”

He looked around, seeing his mother’s glance slide off of Changkyun’s pictures before landing on him.

“You love this boy, don’t you?”

Kihyun thought about denying it. Of course he did. That was his knee-jerk reaction, always. Easier to pretend photography didn’t mean much to him. Easier to pretend he wanted to go along with his father’s plans. It was… easier. Not to deal with things.

But.

He loved photography. He didn’t want to work with computers in an office all day, every day the same thing day in and day out. He didn’t want to… keep pushing it down. Didn't want to keep having to pretend indifference towards the things closest to his heart.

“Yes, I do.”

And he did. He loved Im Changkyun.

 

\---

 

Jeongyeon leaned against the wall (a necessity, at this point) and smiled to herself as she cried. Her heart felt impossibly full, and she almost didn’t notice when Kihyun and their mother went separate ways. She quickly wiped at her cheeks, still smiling softly as she looked into the other room. Empty. She sniffed, took out her phone, walked towards the pictures on the wall, and took a picture.

 

\---

 

**Jeongyeon**

Wonho, the whole place looks like this

My mom saw this

I think the boy in the pictures should see them, too, don’t you?

 

**Wonho**

I

Oh my god

 

\---

 

Wonho had a key to Hyungwon’s room. Hyungwon knew this. Hyungwon really shouldn’t have been so surprised when Wonho came barging in.

“What the--” Hyungwon started, headphones having fallen off his head to around his neck, eyes wide as he took in his boyfriend leaning against the door, panting.

“Right! So you know how you got mad at me for not interfering last time and letting people get hurt?”

“Well, yeah, but we already discussed that and--”

“Okay! So! Keeping that in mind, please look at this.”

Wonho handed his phone to Hyungwon. Hyungwon frowned at him, before looking down at the phone, eyes slowly widening as the significance set in.

“Is he _shirtless_ here? What the fuck? Who told Kihyun he could--”

“ _Hyungwon_ ,” Wonho laughed. “That is not the point here.”

“Yeah, okay, but _still_.”

“Hyungwon, Changkyun needs to see this.”

Hyungwon bit his lower lip, glancing up at Wonho’s through his eyelashes.

“Are you _sure--_ ”

“Changkyun really thinks Kihyun never cared. Never ever. I talked to him, that time when he left the coffee shop and… Whatever happens, he needs to know he was wrong about that.”

Hyungwon raked a hand through his hair, squared his shoulders, before deflating and looking at Wonho.

“Okay, fine. Take note, however, that I’m _still_ angry and I _still_ think Kihyun is a di--”

“I won’t make you apologise for punching him.”

“...Deal. I’ll punch him again if he fucks this up, though.”

“So will I. Now. Any idea where Changkyun actually is or…”

Hyungwon made to shrug, before tilting his head, considering.

“Actually, he might be at an internet cafe. I mean, he was complaining about how his computer was too shitty to play Overwatch on so. Maybe we could ask Jooheon?”

“Ooh! Great idea.” Wonho didn’t even wait before nearl running to Jooheon’s door, which was so close he really didn’t _need_ to run, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right.

Hyungwon waited a few seconds, putting on shoes, before Wonho appeared with a grinning Gunhee and a red-cheeked Jooheon.

“Oh, my _God._ ”

“ _Oh,_ my _God_.”

Jooheon said ‘oh my god’ five more times before Hyungwon had to intervene.

“You know, what, I don’t want to know. Let’s just… go find Changkyun.”

“He’s playing Overwatch at the internet cafe,” Jooheon said.

“Hah! Knew it.”

“Have y’all ever actually _looked_ at Jooheon’s thighs--”

“ _Gunhee--_ ”

“I know how I want to die now.”

“ _GUNHEE_.”

“Oh, God,” Hyungwon groaned, massaging his temples. “If you don’t _both_ shut up, _I’m_ gonna die.”

“How long do gallery showcases usually last?” Wonho asked.

“Er, the whole night, usually, why?”

Jooheon hopped on his feet, typing something on his phone. “Damn, we need to get there. Gunhee--”

“You’ve offered a ride, I’ll offer a ride, it’s cool.”

Hyungwon frowned. “What are you talking-- _oh jesus christ what did I just say about shutting the fuck up_ \--”

“Dunno if we’d all fit in there, though.”

“It’s cool,” Jooheon said, holding up his phone before gesturing for everyone to follow him. “I already texted Minhyuk. He’s on his way with his van.”

Hyungwon followed Jooheon with the rest of them and locked his dorm door behind him, sighing. “When did this turn into a field trip…”

“Listen, if you think Minhyuk will ever forgive us if he misses out on this gay ass showcase, you’ve got something coming.”

 

\---

 

Changkyun was good at this game, really, he was.

He just… wasn’t used to having a good computer, is all. He’d developed all these tactics to deal with having a shitty computer, see, like shooting wildly cause you might hit something cause aiming is useless when you’re computer is slow so… he just needed to learn different tactics.

He whined in frustration, kicking his legs a little under the table as he got sniped _again_ , wondering if he really should just give in and ask Minhyuk to help him or actually admit that he can’t actually aim and therefore Hanzo is just a really fucking stupid choice to play, but _uuuugh_.

He wondered idly if Kihyun would be bad at this game, too, and laughed softly to himself because, yeah, probably.

 _Goddammit_.

He shook his head, pouted, picked Mei, ran out, and died again. At this point, he wasn’t sure his ranking could _get_ any lower.

“CHANGKYUN!”

“Uhm, sir, could you not scream, there are people playing with micropho--”  
  
“CHANGKYUN-AH, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

Changkyun took off his headphones, the word “DEFEAT” flashing across his screen to nobody’s surprise, and poked his head out from the crowd of desks and people. He knew that was Minhyuk’s voice, and for a moment thought that Minhyuk had actually _felt_ how bad Changkyun was in the Force and had come here to whoop his ass, but no, _everyone_ was here.

“What the--”

“There he is!” Jooheon said, hopping.

“Excuse me, could you please leave?”

Shownu smiled apologetically at the employee.

“We’ll be gone soon, I promise, I’m so sorry.”

“NO TIME TO EXPLAIN, GET IN THE VAN.”

“What’s going on--”

“Sir, please! Just go.”

Changkyun took one look at the employee, saw that she was near to tears and quickly stood up, collecting his things and bowing profusely at her as he followed his absolute _asshole_ friends out of the cafe.

“You couldn’t just text me, could you?” Changkyun asked, but he was already being chauvered into Minhyuk’s bright yellow van. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise,” Wonho said, grinning as Minhyuk fussed with Changkyun’s hair. Minhyuk frowned, ruffling Changkyun’s hair again, before, apparently, going by his grumbling and the amount of pawing at his head, trying to comb it into some sort of style. Fuck knows why.

“We are going to… a…” Wonho began, and Changkyun wasn’t an idiot, (despite some compelling evidence to the contrary), so he squinted at him, immediately suspicious. “A party!”

“Riiiight,” Changkyun said, as Minhyuk took a critical look around. “Because, of course, Hyungwon always wears sweatpants to a party.”

“Shownu, did I bring my make-up?”

“I didn’t want to go,” Hyungwon grumbled.

“It’s under the seat, dear.”

“Well, _neither do I_ \--”

“Bro, this is a once in a lifetime experience. Trust me, you don’t wanna miss it,” Jooheon added, leaning over from the backseat where he and Gunhee were squashed up, an uncharacteristically serious look on his face.

“Is this a ‘never dye your hair blonde again’ level of trust me?”

“Oh, dude, yeah, definitely.”

Changkyun sighed as Minhyuk started prodding at his face and shoving his own jacket at him. “Fine. But I’m not happy about it.”

Hyungwon laughed softly. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

 

\---

 

Everything was a bit hazy, if Kihyun was going to be honest.

After he went to the bathroom, cleaning his face and making himself presentable, the revelation still humming in his veins, he’d emerged to the gallery filling up, and he’d barely even had a moment to _think_ past the overwhelming attention and people looking at _his work_.

He’d seen Professor Kim a while ago, arm around the waist of a tall man, staring up at his work with a smile. He’d managed to catch the professor’s eye for a second, smiling a bit incredulously, before his attention was grabbed by the people next to him exclaiming at the use of colour in one photograph.

It was a lot.

But it was manageable. Or, it got manageable, as the evening wore on, as he got used to… everything.

That was, until the door opened for the nth time that night and he turned around with a smile that felt practically _ingrained_ on him by now, only to be faced with… Changkyun.

There were other people around Changkyun, hands pushing him forwards, whispers rushing around them but. Changkyun was here. He was staring at the walls, mouth hanging slightly open and, and Kihyun’s hands felt too big and he felt like an absolute _moron_ why did he do this what was Changkyun doing there and--

“Don’t fuck this up,” a voice whispered close to him, and Kihyun glanced up just enough to see Wonho smiling at him, before pushing Kihyun forwards a little bit, and, stumbling, he came to a stop in front of Changkyun.

Who was, oh god, he was staring at Kihyun. What, what was going on. Why was he here. Was Kihyun having a nightmare again?

“What are you doing here?”

The words sounded harsh, biting, and Kihyun winced as Changkyun, who had been staring at him in something close to awe, flinched back, head lowering.

Changkyun looked up, not at him, but glancing at the walls, at the floor, at his hands.

“I, uhm,” Changkyun swallowed. “That’s me? I mean, the pictures, I…”

Oh. Right. The pictures. Shit. _Fuck_.

“I don’t understand..?”

“I-- I’m sorry. I didn’t ask you if I could use them for this. I mean, it was for the project and then--” Kihyun stumbled to a stop, heart beating too loudly in his ears. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Changkyun said, shaking his head, still not _looking_ at him. “I mean, I offered, so… It’s just weird to see myself everywhere…”

Kihyun nodded, once, sharply.

“Okay. But, what are you doing here? I didn’t tell…” Kihyun’s mind flashed to bouncing, excited looking Jeongyeon. “Ah, fuck, that kid.”

“I can leave! It’s--you didn’t invite me, they just sort of dragged me here--”

“No!”

They both paused, everyone did, shocked at the volume of the word. Kihyun shook his head.

“I mean, no. I don’t want you to leave. I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d want to come. Or want anything to do with me, really. I-- If you want, you can stay.”

Changkyun blinked, frowning at him, biting at his lip. “Hyung, I don’t--when did you take these? I only posed for--” Changkyun’s cheeks reddened and he coughed a little. “Well, that one you’ve put in the middle, f-for some reason.”

“Ah.” Kihyun’s hand snuck up to the back of his head, scratching. “I-- sorry, this is weird, I took a few candids. You were just so, so b--beautiful, and I-- I had to.”

“Beautiful?” Changkyun choked out the word, cheeks still red, eyes wide.

“W--Well, yes.” Kihyun frowned. “That’s not-- I wouldn’t have asked you to be-- I mean, yeah.”

“I, uhm, I offered.” Changkyun fidgeted with his hands. “You didn’t ask.”

“I should have.”

There was a pause. Kihyun didn’t know what to say. His palms were sweaty. He was overly aware of the people around them, of his _mother_ somewhere in the crowd, her tentative acceptance still too new to flaunt; he wanted to _run_ . But, Changkyun was here. He was in front of Kihyun, beautiful, red, wide-eyed and _goddammit_ , Kihyun didn’t have the strength to turn him away twice.

“Five weeks ago,” he started haltingly, eyes fixed on Changkyun’s face, “You sent me a message.”

“Oh, _God_ ,” Changkyun whined, covering his face with his hands. “That was so _stupid_ \--”

“I just, I wanted to know,” Kihyun’s heart was beating _so hard_ , his head was screaming at him. He shouldn’t be doing this. He was bad news. He hurt Changkyun so bad. He was, he was _broken_ , his mind didn’t-- “I just wanted to know, if you still, if you still meant it.”

Changkyun let his hands fall, looking straight at Kihyun with wide, sad eyes. “I---Does it matter?”

No. It shouldn’t. Kihyun should be strong enough, unselfish enough, to give this boy to someone who deserves him but--

“Maybe. I mean, I-- I don’t know why you would-- would l-love me, but. I’m not, I’m a horrible person, Changkyun. I, kinda fucked everything up, for myself and Wonho and _you_ and--”

“It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have… Done that. It’s not your fault that you don’t…” Changkyun took a deep, shaky breath.

Kihyun heard a soft, sad sound, realising it came from himself a second after Changkyun’s eyes fell on him.

“That I don’t… what?”

“That you don’t…” He saw Changkyun’s hand tighten around his arm, arms forming a protective barrier across his torso, scrunching together the fabric of his hoodie. “That you don’t love me back. I don’t blame you, it’s--”

“That’s not…” Kihyun breathed, incredulous. “Why do you even love _me_ ? I, I’m _broken_ , Changkyun. You shouldn’t… care about someone like me.”

“You’re not broken, hyung,” Changkyun said, smiling at him with such terrifying amount of affection, Kihyun’s chest tightened up. “You’re just... you.”

Kihyun felt something inside himself _shatter_ at those words, a clean break, something that simultaneously made him want to cry in relief (you’re okay you’re okay you’re okay you’re not broken you’re okay) and curl up into a ball, in front of all these people.

“Changkyun…” Kihyun’s voice broke, scratching. He could hardly _speak_.

Changkyun frowned softly, and god, if Kihyun didn’t notice the pure concern in this kid’s eyes as he took a tentative step forward, lifting his hand. “Hyung, what is it, what’s wrong?”

Kihyun took a deep breath. God, of course he’d still care like this. Kihyun hurt him so much, and still…

He’d fucked this up enough. He’d been an absolute _idiot_ long enough. He was _not_ going to mess this up. Not again.

Hand visibly shaking, he caught Changkyun’s hand, holding it tight, ignoring the gasp the boy let out, the way his hand was shaking.

“Changkyun,” Kihyun started, Changkyun blinking at him in what was obvious confusion. “For the past few months I’ve been, I’ve been trying my _damned_ best not to like... Not to fall for you. Because, because there was just _no way_ I was ga-- that I was going through that again. Just, no way. I just, wasn’t. And, I thought I had it handled. I thought I knew what I was doing. You were just a harmless kid. Fun to hang around with.” Kihyun winced. “Convenient. Until, until you weren’t. Anymore. I didn’t, I didn’t let myself realise this, because it was easier to keep telling myself it was nothing.”

Changkyun’s hands tightened around Kihyun’s, and Kihyun looked over to Changkyun looking at him with shining eyes, full of confusion, full of hope. Kihyun took a shaky breath. One word at a time. He could do this.

“And _then_ , and then you kissed me. And I… freaked out. I was so _deathly afraid_ , and I know that’s no excuse and I’m _so sorry_ , Changkyun I’m so sorry, the way I acted was just, I’m _so sorry_ \--”

“I shouldn’t have done it,” Changkyun said, voice shaking. “I don’t--Hyung, I don’t _understand_ , you said I shouldn’t love you, you pushed me away, you--”

“I love you,” Kihyun blurted out, the words tripping out of his mouth without his permission, and, though Kihyun knew that everybody probably _wasn’t_ looking at them, that there was probably just a small circle of people around them aware of the fact that they were talking, it still felt as if everyone fell silent around them.

“What?” Changkyun asked, his voice so, so small, eyes shedding the tears Kihyun had seen swimming in his eyes.

“I-- It’s probably not enough, and I’m sorry I took so long and hurt you so much, but, but I love you. I _do_. I swear. I’d understand if you don’t--”

“Oh, shut up,” Changkyun said, mumbled, almost, smiling like nothing mattered before this, stepping forward and taking Kihyun’s face between his hands and kissing him, surely, securely, even as his hands shook and Changkyun pressed close enough that Kihyun could feel the frantic beating of the kid’s heart against his chest. Changkyun kissed him, and this time, instead of being an idiot, instead of pushing him away, he pulled him in, and kissed him back.

_ I love you _ , Kihyun thought, arms coming up around Changkyun, holding him close, deaf to the cheers and chatter around them.  _ I love you, so much _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [#shitty4eyes] GODDAMN FINALLY AMIRITE
> 
> Seriously, though, nobody is happier about this than us. Jeeeesus.
> 
> After this, we'll have a handful of chapters (because kissing and I love yous doesn't fix everything) and y'all deserve it for the river of tears and threats of fighting me in my own home we have received from you guys, so yeah. Thank you for reading this, and sorry that we don't get the time to reply to every comment, but trust me, we appreciate the shit out of them.
> 
> Also, I made this: https://youtu.be/8Ya2cEDgKcY
> 
> It's shitty but it's cute and I like it.
> 
> For higher quality of the gallery pictures, here you go: 1) https://i.imgur.com/3ofrhJ1.png 2) https://i.imgur.com/TNvlanz.png


	17. From Zero (To A Hundred)

Changkyun had walked into that gallery ( _ not  _ a frat party, or whatever his friends had been gearing him up for, no a  _ gallery _ ) with his pictures up on every damn surface, some he had hadn’t even  _ posed _ for, his eyes falling onto the boy insistent hands were pushing him towards last of all. For a second, what Changkyun was seeing didn’t make sense. That was, that was Kihyun’s face, but his hair…  _ Kihyun _ was standing there, in a suit, hair dark and eyes wide, and his walls, his defences, those damn  _ precious _ defences he’d worked  _ so hard _ to build up just… vanished. Blown away by the boy before them as if Changkyun hadn’t spent nights crying about it, nights fighting with himself.

And it was stupid, it was  _ ridiculous  _ and almost dangerous how quickly he fell back into that boy’s orbit, how quickly he was  _ aware _ of… just about everything about himself. From his tattered jeans to the ratty old hoodie that was his most comfortable but that he knew made him look a bit like a homeless person, of the sweat already gathering under his arms, on his brow, of his stupid arms and hands and how he had  _ no idea _ what to do with them.

Changkyun knew Kihyun was talking, and that he was replying, but he honestly… wasn’t-- no,  _ couldn’t _ pay attention to anything that was being said, not really, until… he brought up that damned stupid message. (He shouldn’t have said that. He really, really shouldn’t have said that, not if he wanted any semblance of… well, anything, when it came to Kihyun.)

Changkyun wanted to die. He wanted to  _ die, _ and after that he was going to  _ kill _ every. Single. One. Of his friends.

But… but then Kihyun… kept talking. And he…

Made no goddamn sense.

Changkyun didn’t really understand what was going on, but he knew he couldn’t stand there and just, just  _ let _ Kihyun have that incredibly broken and open and  _ vulnerable _ expression on his face and not at least  _ try _ to do something about it, anything.

And then he said some more stuff and everything was a blur and moving  _ way _ too fast and Changkyun didn’t  _ understand  _ and then--

And then he said it.

He said it, and Changkyun’s ears felt as if they were ringing.

There was no way he’d heard that right.

But, but then Kihyun  _ kept talking _ and he was saying something, something completely  _ idiotic _ , (not a word Changkyun ever thought he would be applying to Kihyun), and Changkyun’s ears were  _ still _ ringing, but his heart had understood the words and his eyes felt suspiciously sore and he just… He stepped forward, pulled the stubborn, stupid, complicated,  _ beautiful _ boy that he loved, to him and… kissed him.

And, this time, instead of arms coming up to push him away, he felt arms coming around his back, pulling him  _ closer _ , keeping him near.

And, for one still, silent, beautiful moment, everything was okay. Everything made sense, no one had ever gotten their hearts broken, and no one was confused.

Of course, because his name was Changkyun and he knew some of the most goddamn  _ irritating _ people imaginable, that moment was broken by a piercingly loud wolf whistle, causing Kihyun to stiffen before jerking away, hands going hard and tense, causing Changkyun to whimper unconsciously. 

Changkyun flushed hotly at the sound, glancing at Kihyun through his eyelashes who was staring at him with slightly wide, panicked eyes, eyes that softened a bit as they took him in and, even though Kihyun was still stepping away, still putting distance between them, he let one hand linger on Changkyun’s arm, sliding down as he stepped away before halting at Changkyun’s hand, linking their pinky fingers together.

Changkyun took one swift glance around, before hiding his probably  _ incredibly red _ face behind the hand not by Kihyun’s side. 

“Oh, my god, I just kissed you-- _ you _ \--in a room full of people with my face  _ everywhere _ \--”

“I’m so proud of my little gay son,” Changkyun heard Minhyuk say in a stage-whisper behind him.

“Which one?” Jooheon asked, earnestly.

“ _ Both _ of them.”

If the earth could hurry up and swallow him already, that’d be great.  _ God,  _ his chest felt  _ really, really full _ . He looked at Kihyun. That helped.

Kihyun blinked at Minhyuk and Jooheon, jaw clenching, before turning to Changkyun and proceeding to stare somewhere in the vicinity of Changkyun’s shoulder.

“Yeah. Um, you did. And… in front of my mother and sister. Um.”

Changkyun almost screeched in horror. “ _ Your mother is here?! _ ”

At that moment, of course, Jeongyeon came bouncing up towards them, her smile so blinding Changkyun felt the urge to look away. He was so distracted by Jeongyeon, he didn’t see Mrs Yoo behind her until she was with them.

Changkyun, pinky around Kihyun’s ( _oh god_ _this was really real, wasn’t it?_ ) bowed.

He was a goddamn moron.

He straightened up, face hot, and glanced at Kihyun apologetically, hoping his predicament was clear enough. (And valiantly trying to ignore the uncomfortably big lurch his heart gave every time he looked at Kihyun.)

Kihyun nodded slightly, almost as if to himself, then straightened himself up, loosening his pinky from Changkyun’s to fix his collar. Changkyun stared mournfully at Kihyun’s hand, but, before he could spiral into some sort insecurity parade, Kihyun took his hand again, firmly this time, lacing their fingers together, pulling Changkyun’s slightly as he faced his mother.

“Mother, I know you’ve met Changkyun, my friend, but this is Changkyun my....” He trailed off, losing the confident tone of his voice as he looked at Changkyun, a questioning tilt to eyebrows and a slight amount of fear in his eyes. For a second, Changkyun couldn’t figure out what was going on, why Kihyun looked afraid, until…

Oh. That was a question. 

“Boyfriend. I--” Changkyun cut himself off, looking at Kihyun for confirmation, before his brain completely caught up with the situation, gaping. “You want me to be your boyfriend?!” 

Kihyun winced, and Changkyun realised he might… have been a tad loud.

“Sorry,” Changkyun laughed, high pitched and nervous, feeling the stupid smile on his face he really shouldn’t be wearing in this, er, situation. “Don’t let me stop you. Continue.”

Kihyun frowned at him, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and Changkyun could actually  _ see  _ the moment he gave in and full out  _ giggled _ , mouth stretched into the kind of smile Changkyun could count the number of times he’d seen on one hand. 

Kihyun turned back to Mrs Yoo, still giggling slightly. 

“Um, yeah, this is my boyfriend.”

Changkyun brought his hand up to his mouth, trying to cover his smile, as he looked over at his friends (trying not to think  _ too  _ much about the small Korean woman who had given birth to Kihyun standing right in front of him while he held hands with her son and giggled like an idiot).

“I… see.” There was silence for a tense second as Mrs Yoo’s eyes swept over Changkyun, before her eyes moved to Kihyun, lingering a moment before she sighed, quietly, and smiled a small, careful smile. “I see.”

Kihyun’s hand tightened around Changkyun’s, and Kihyun nodded at his mother, almost a mini-bow. There was a silence, verging on awkward, before Changkyun took a deep breath, firmly commanded his heart to  _ calm the fuck down _ , (to… minimal success), and tugged at Kihyun’s hand, head tilting towards the doors. Kihyun stared at him for a second, before blinking rapidly and, with a  _ very _ short glance towards Hyungwon, took a step towards the door.

“We’ll… be back in a moment. Hopefully.”

Kihyun tugged Changkyun forward, and with another nervous, painfully awkward smile towards Kihyun’s mother, he followed, towards the doors, towards his friends who--”Could you please stop standing here like a row of newborn ducks.”

Minhyuk pouted, as Wonho awkwardly shuffled sideways, moving slightly behind Hyungwon as if  _ that _ made it any better. “But it was the only way we could all watch the show.”

Changkyun didn’t even have to look at Kihyun to know that he was rolling his eyes. “Well, show’s over. Enjoy the gallery,” he said, pushing the doors open.

“Yeah, great photos. Still creepy,” Hyungwon mumbled, but Changkyun ignored it and the concerned look thrown his way. Kihyun pulled them to just outside the door, paused, then looked at Changkyun, who took the lead and led them to a sheltered corner. Changkyun looked down at their hands, fingers entwined, and physically couldn’t  _ not  _ giggle in glee.

“What are you laughing about?” 

It would have sounded harsh, demanding, but Changkyun could hear the smile in Kihyun’s voice and, sure enough, when he looked up, there it was. He giggled again.

“I’m  _ happy _ , I can’t help it, you’re--you’re  _ beautiful  _ and that just happened? That really just happened?”

Kihyun ducked his head, and even the low light, Changkyun could see the red on his cheeks.

“I-- Yeah. I guess it did. That was-- unexpected.” Kihyun laughed, slightly. “I was saying goodbye to you tonight and then-- well then you showed up.”

“Goodbye? I wasn’t going anywhere.” Changkyun winced, still grinning. “Sorry, that was cheesy. I just--there’s a lot of stuff I don’t really  _ understand  _ at this point and will probably be nagging you about but--” Changkyun laughed, again, he  _ couldn’t help it, fuck _ . The best part, though? Kihyun was laughing, too.

“Um, okay, sorry, I’m trying to be serious but my face won’t play along, what do you want to know? I mean, I can’t talk long, there are people in there I need to talk to but--”

“It can wait, hyung,” Changkyun said, reaching out to take Kihyun’s other hand as well. He could  _ do that _ , now.

Kihyun paused, the smile on his face fading slightly. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want-- I don’t want you to, to, to work things up in your head and not understand and go away and--”

“You love me?” Changkyun asked. He still couldn’t really believe it. “You love me and you want me to be your boyfriend? You really, really mean that? Cos--”

Changkyun squeaked as Kihyun’s hands came up to grab his face, lips silencing him.

“Yeah. Yeah, I meant that,” Kihyun said, smilling, having pulled away after an amount of time that Changkyun literally couldn’t name if held at  _ gunpoint _ .   

Changkyun stared at him, feeling the heat most likely lighting up his cheeks. He nodded a little, blinking. “Right, yeah, I’m sorry, but that will  _ literally  _ be the only thing I’ll be thinking about now.”

Kihyun nodded and smiled, taking a step away, before pausing, tilting his head.

“The others… Please get them out of my gallery. I’ll text you.”

“Hm,  _ your  _ gallery, huh? I am at least eighty percent of what’s going on in there right now.”

And, just like that, the Kihyun Changkyun knew and loved, was back. Kihyun rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

“ _ Listen _ \--”

“Okay, okay, I’ll get them out. God knows what Hyungwon’s doing right now.” Changkyun glanced to where they’d come out, before squeezing Kihyun’s hand a little, nodding. “You’ll text me? You really will? Sorry, I--”

Kihyun squeezed his hand, head bent down, and nodded.

“Yeah, I will, I promise,” he said, voice soft,  _ soft _ , before flashing a small, sweet, slightly embarrassed smile at Changkyun, slipping his hand out of Changkyun’s and walking off.

And, if Changkyun stood outside for a few more minutes before going to deal with his friends, if he stood there for a moment, rubbing his lips and smiling a small, entirely delighted smile, well. That really wasn’t anyone’s business at all.

 

\---

 

**_Changkyun Protection Squad_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

AAAAAAH I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE

!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Jooheon**

BITCH SAME

 

**Hyungwon**

…

I’ll be watching

Always watching

 

**Minhyuk**

You’re a spoilsport

Be happy for him! :<

 

**Hyungwon**

Don’t get me wrong

I’m goddamn ecstatic

I haven’t seen the kid smile like this in over a month

I’m just saying

He does anything like this again

:)

 

**Minhyuk**

Then I’ll help you hide the body

BUT FOR NOW

 

**Jooheon**

While I agree with all of those statements

The smiley face scares me

Please never use it again

 

**Shownu**

I don’t usually get involved with discussions like this

But if Kihyun hurts Changkyun again

I’m with you Hyungwon

  
  


**Minhyuk**

Damn that’s hot

Speaking of which~~~

Shownu and I will have a talk with Kyunnie about some

Er...

Things

 

**Hyungwon**

…

But

...but he’s a baby I don’t

He doesn’t do anything

Ever

No

 

**Jooheon**

I am his roommate and I regret to inform you that he most certainly does

There being another person present might confuse him a little though...

 

**Hyungwon**

I DON’T WANT TO KNOW STOP

HE’S A BABY

 

**Minhyuk**

Yeah, Kihyun’s~

 

**Hyungwon**

Kihyun’s what?

…

OH NO YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW

 

**Minhyuk**

If he’s anything like me and Shownu

Just saying! 

I know a dom when I see one

 

**Hyungwon**

CHANGKYUN IS NOT A

_ THAT _

OKAY

 

**Minhyuk**

I was talking about Kihyun, dear

 

**_Hyungwon_ ** _ has left  _ **_Changkyun Protection Squad_ **

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

I am going to ask you a question

And then I am going to throw my phone off a bridge

If you ever

Tell anyone

That I asked you this

I swear to GOD

 

**Wonho**

...lmao uhm okay?

What is it?

 

**Hyungwon**

Is Kihyun

OH CHRIST ALIVE 

Is Kihyun

I can’t do it

Is he

 

**Wonho**

Use your words

 

**Hyungwon**

They taste horrible in my mouth I cannot

Okay

Is Kihyun

I am deleting this message right after I send it do you hear me

Is Kihyun a… 

dom

I want to die

 

**Wonho**

………………………………….

………………………………..

…..

 

**Hyungwon**

ASKING FOR A FRIEND

 

**Wonho**

…..

...yes

(WHAT FUCKING FRIENDS?????????)

 

**Hyungwon**

My poor, poor little sub dongsaeng

Oh god

I need to save my boy

 

**Wonho**

I’m sorry

I’m laughing so much

If it makes you feel any better

Kihyun’s a  _ very _ caring dom

ahahahahahahahaha

 

**Hyungwon**

…..

………..

I hate this so much but yes, I do feel better

I’ll just go die now okay thanks

 

**Wonho**

See you tomorrow

:)

Goodnight, love you

 

**Hyungwon**

I cannot believe you learned all that shit from KIHYUN

I’m 

Yeah okay dead bye love you too ffs

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

...Go talk to Changkyun

But I do not want to know a single fucking thing, okay

 

**Minhyuk**

LMAO FUCKING KNEW I WAS RIGHT

Are you sure you don’t want back in the chat?

RN it’s just us having a ~chat~ with Jooheon

Riveting stuff

 

**Hyungwon**

I’ve had enough horror for one night tyvm

...You seriously have a radar for this kind of shit? 

Seriously?

 

**Minhyuk**

What can I say, I’m talented

 

**Hyungwon**

...What about me

What’s my… 

Ugh

kink?

 

**Minhyuk**

For me to know~

And Wonho to find out~!

 

**Hyungwon**

I hate you

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Hi

Sorry

I’m not sure what to say

 

**Changkyun**

HI!

Ahaha yeaaaah me neither

But if it’s any consolation

I am going to go out of my way to be awkward and cringey so

You looked GREAT by the way

Just real good

Uhm

 

**Kihyun**

Thanks

You looked good too

 

**Changkyun**

I’m sure through your camera I would really rock this threadbare hoody and holes for jeans

 

**Kihyun**

You looked cute

It was fine

I’m sorry

I’m really trying to be normal but my brain is

Loud

 

**Changkyun**

If it’s at all as loud as my heart rn you’re forgiven

You don’t have to say anything or aaaaaaaaaaah sorry

I’m just happy and it’s fine, really

 

**Kihyun**

I’m

I’m very happy

You had questions?

And, I should probably explain some stuff a bit more...

 

**Changkyun**

Yeah, I think there are some things to clear up but honestly, take your time…

 

**Kihyun**

Questions would be nice

So I know where to start

 

**Changkyun**

Ahaha riiiight sorry uhm

I don’t know??? I just

You’re really difficult to understand sometimes??

Which isn’t a bad thing! It just

Hah makes my life a little bit hard when I’m desperately trying to not make an absolute fool of myself in front of you, or impress you or

I’m gonna shut up

 

**Kihyun**

I’m difficult to understand?

I always feel like I give too much away

 

**Changkyun**

You really don’t

How do I put this delicately uhm

Hahah sorry I’m a nervous wreck rn I just

I kissed you

Not tonight, the, er, first time

And you… pushed me

Like, really, pushed me

And I know people think I’m confident and carefree or whatever but

I really thought you hated me, hyung

 

**Kihyun**

I could never hate you

But, I can

I can see where the confusion comes in

I don’t know how much Wonho told you?

(Obviously, all of that does not excuse what I did I am still horrible)

(But yeah)

 

**Changkyun**

He told me about you two

Which I’m going to be really honest intimidates me a little but that is a story for waaaay another day

Now that I actually think about I

I don’t know, I found it easier to just accept that you hated me than anything else but

Yeah, he told me about school and the kids who caught you

What you did and

Sorry he was just trying to comfort my emo ass but yeah

I’m sorry, by the way

For all of that

 

**Kihyun**

Yeah, the school stuff… sucked

But

That’s really only… half the story

 

**Changkyun**

Oh. Okay

 

**Kihyun**

Okay

So

You’ve met my parents

Both of them

They’re, they’re very nice people

In fact, my mother even made me cry earlier tonight about some… stuff

But yeah

They’re not

Or, well, more my father, really

He’s

Very traditional

You get good grades, get a (useful) degree, get a job, and get married to a nice girl

In that order

None of those are bad things

But

Wow, okay this is harder than I thought

 

**Changkyun**

I’m here, it’s

Not okay I guess but

Sorry

I’m here, I’m listening, I love you

 

**Kihyun**

I love you, too, Changkyun

Sorry, my brain is stupid

Okay

My dad has always been, well, less than positive about

‘Sissy’ boys

And it didn’t exactly help that I played piano and sang in the choir

And that I… 

Fuck it

I’m small. Smaller than most people

Some would say… delicate looking

My dad didn’t like that

He wanted me to do sports and get a girl and basically be the perfect son

Like my brother who I love but who is also very much Normal

God, it wasn’t even

He never fucking  _ hit me _ or something

He just said some… stuff

I’m probably making a bigger deal out of this than it has to be

He was always making comments

Like the boys at school

That was

That was all, really

It sounds stupid now

 

**Changkyun**

It’s not stupid…

I’m not saying he did abuse you AT ALL okay I just

Not everything is physical stuff and

Words

Especially for some people

Can take a worse toll and

Fuck I’m sorry I’m just

I keep saying that but I’m here

And I really wish I wasn’t just in my stupid dorm room rn but actually with you and

I wanna hug you so bad right now

 

**Kihyun**

I

Aha

I’m hugging that fucking hamster plushie

 

**Changkyun**

@ google how to be a hamster plushie

Sorry I shouldn’t but it’s

You’re so cute god help my fragile soul

And... Hell, I’m so sorry you went

Well, that you’re still going through that

 

**Kihyun**

I’m not cute

I need to sleep

I’ll

I’ll talk to you tomorrow?

 

**Changkyun**

Is “I can’t wait” cheesier than “not if I talk to you first” or

 

**Kihyun**

Both are incredibly cheesy

Goodnight

I love you

 

**Changkyun**

SDGDFH

Dropped my phone. Never gonna get used to that

Goodnight, hyung

I love you more <3

 

\---

 

“It’s just  _ such _ a beautiful day, don’t you think?” Changkyun said, grinning at the bleak, unpromising sky through the window of his dorm room.

“Mmm. Yeah, who doesn’t love the fact that they’re  _ definitely _ getting rained on when they walk between classes,” Hyungwon hummed, half-lidded eyes scanning his surroundings as he clasps his hands around a steaming cup of tea.

Changkyun turned his face up to the sky, like the light rain outside would actually fall onto his face, cheeks still dimpled in a smile. “It’s refreshing.”

“You once threatened to sue God cause he ‘ _ made it rain _ ’ when you had to walk five steps without a roof to your next class,” Hyungwon deadpanned.

“We’re on good terms now,” Changkyun said, laughing a little as he turned to look at Hyungwon. “What shat in your coco pops this morning?”

“Firstly, fuck you for putting that imagine in my head and, secondly, I don’t eat coco pops you know this. It’s a little kid’s cereal--” Changkyun gasped. “How many times must we talk about this.”

“Has Wonho been making you eat cardboard in the morning? I can’t stand that stuff. Is that what’s wrong?”

Hyungwon glared at Changkyun for a few seconds before his face broke into a grimace.

“He’s been making me eat All Bran for the past  _ week _ . Changkyun, I’ve never used the bathroom this much. My colon feels scraped clean. I hate myself more every second.”

Changkyun burst out into a laugh. “God,  _ no _ . If you lose any more weight you’ll just poof out of existence.”

“It’s not  _ funny _ ,” Hyungwon whined, shrinking into himself, staring balefully at his tea. “This isn’t even  _ normal tea _ , Changkyun. It’s some sort of fucking, herbal, healthy, green tea thing.”

“Have you tried  _ telling  _ him?” Changkyun asked, trying his damndest to stop laughing.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened, looking  _ genuinely _ shocked.

“I can’t  _ do that _ . He looks so fucking  _ happy _ every time I eat the things he tells me to. I can’t let him know I  _ hate it _ . That would be cruel.” Hyungwon’s stomach gave a sad little gurgle and Hyungwon patted it consolingly. “I know, trust me, I know.”

“The things we do for love,” Changkyun hummed in a sing-song voice. “Good to know I have blackmail on you now, though. Classic.” Changkyun jolted as his phone buzzed in his jean pocket, grabbing for it before pouting. 

“Lover boy ignoring you already? See, I  _ knew _ he would--”

“He’s not! We talked last night,” Changkyun locked his phone, letting it fall to his lap, held in his hand, blushing a little at 'lover boy'. Kihyun. Lover boy. Lord help him. He continued pouting. “That was Jooheon. Some meme. I didn’t look.”

Hyungwon lifted an eyebrow. “You didn’t look at a  _ meme _ ? Wow, who hurt you.”

Changkyun squinted at Hyungwon. Squinted. Not glared. Hyungwon would smack him if he dared glare. “You realize I’m made of more than memes and insecurity, right?”

Hyungwon shrugged. “Occasionally.” Hyungwon let out a sigh, placing the tea on the window sill with a thud. “Yes, Changkyun, of course. I just didn’t realise this conversation was serious.” 

Changkyun, looking down at his phone with a pout, said, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“What was the last thing he said to you?” Changkyun opened his mouth to reply, before Hyungwon seemed to shudder before saying, “ _ Except _ if it’s any…  _ personal _ stuff, like, you know,  _ I don’t want to know _ . Please, don’t make me know.”

Changkyun’s eyes widened, blushing to the tip of his ears. “ _ Personal stuff _ ?! He didn’t--I--” Changkyun let his shoulders fall, scrunching up his face and whining a little. “Hyuuuuung, I’m new to this,  _ stooop _ .”

“Oh, good god, thank god. You’re too young to be thinking about stuff like that anyway.”

“I’m not--” Changkyun tilted his head. “Hang the hell on, didn’t you lose your virginity at, like, sixteen?”

“Irrelevant. You’re a  _ baby _ \--  _ No you’re not what why brain _ \--” Hyungwon broke off, an absolutely  _ horrified _ look on his face.

“This is hard for you, isn’t it.”

“Stop it. Seriously though, are you okay? Do I need to hit Kihyun again?”

“You don’t need to  _ hit _ Ki--wait, again?!” Changkyun gaped. “You hit him?! When? I-- _ What? _ ”

Hyungwon paused, eyes wide, deer in the headlights expression on his face. 

“I never said that. Hey, do you want a cheeseburger? I want a cheeseburger.”   


“I cannot believe you went out there and defended my honour. Wow,” Changkyun said, shaking his head. “I physically can’t imagine you hitting anyone.”

“... I had bruises on my knuckles for five days.”

“Ooooh, that’s what that was. I just thought you and Wonho--”

“ _ Stop it, that doesn’t even make sense _ . Now, let’s go get me a cheeseburger so I don’t starve. And, Changkyun,” Hyungwon stood up. “I know he… kissed you and, like,  _ stuff _ , but that doesn’t mean he won’t hurt you and, and I just-- Be careful, okay? Don’t get pressured into doing stuff you don’t wanna do and--”

“I know,” Changkyun said, sighing softly before pocketing his phone again, standing up to follow Hyungwon. “I’m pretty sure I want my heart to stay in tact more than you do, hyung. Which is  _ actually  _ what I wanted to talk to you about.” Changkyun bumped Hyungwon slightly with his shoulder. “Lead the way, you’re not the only starving human here.”

“I’m  _ pretty _ sure I’m the only one that ate All Bran this morning so, your argument is flawed.” 

Hyungwon paused by the door to grab an umbrella (the Avengers one Changkyun bought as a joke but then grew unironically fond of), shepherding Changkyun out the door and locking it behind him.

“Is it weird that, although this is my dorm, you’re the one locking it?”

“No. Someone has to do it.”

Changkyun pouted, although, to be fair, he had forgotten to lock his door a few times. And the one time he’d actually forgotten his keys  _ in the door _ , but that was neither here nor there. He tested a theory though, where one night he intentionally didn’t lock his door, and heard someone lock it from outside, proceeding the slide the keys under his door afterwards. Ah, if Hyungwon only knew that Changkyun knew about his soft little heart.

(He would definitely kill Changkyun, but Changkyun preferred not to dwell on that.)

“I didn’t take my wallet.”

“You don’t own a wallet, you have loose cash everywhere and a card that switches from jean pocket to jean pocket.”

Changkyun shrugged.

“I could have  _ gotten _ a wallet, jeez, hyung. Have some expectations.”

“Did you?”

“No, but my card is in my other jean.”

Hyungwon bumped his forehead against the door. 

“Fuck,  _ fine _ , I’ll pay, but this  _ is the last time _ , I swear.”

Changkyun grinned, steering Hyungwon away from the door and down the hall with an arm around his waist. “Nobody has a hyung like mine. Nobody~”

Hyungwon sighed and whined and swatted and Changkyun, though he did stay close enough for the arm to stay around his waist.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. What did you wanna talk about, anyway?”

Changkyun puffed. “Yeah. I’m just--I told you we texted, right? And it went great! I was giggling and grinning into my pillow like some sort of teenager, but I feel like--I don’t know, like I was thrown into the deep end of the pool and I’ve never swam in my whole life.”

“Speak in normal human and don’t use ridiculous metaphors.”

“Can’t I just be myself anymore,” Changkyun laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I just meant--we said I love you, hyung. We kissed and we’re  _ dating _ , but I’ve never even just… hugged him. I have no idea how to go from zero to a hundred like this.”

“You’re sure you’re dating? I mean, I just meant, this is something you should talk about a bit more than something said in the heat of the moment. Like, a good long discussion. Not that I’m an expert, or anything. And, anyway, you  _ shouldn’t _ go from zero to a hundred. That’s unhealthy.”

Changkyun thought about the rushed conversation they’d have outside of the gallery, his heart too full to really think about anything. “He said I was his boyfriend. To his  _ mother _ . In a room full of people.”

Hyungwon groaned and came to a stop, stepping away from Changkyun to face him head on.

“Okay, yeah, he did do that.  _ But _ , and hear me out here, things,  _ emotions _ were running really high there. It’s the first he’s seen you, that you’ve seen  _ each other _ , in  _ weeks _ . I’m not saying he didn’t mean what he said, or that you shouldn’t be all happy and shit about it, but I would recommend talking to him again. I mean, he,  _ and _ you, for that matter, might have rushed into something neither of you were ready for as a result of like, high emotions and shit.” Hyungwon paused, then smiled. “Huh, I actually sounded smart there.”

“We’re all very surprised,” Changkyun mumbled, knowing full well that he was pouting. “You don’t think he’ll change his mind, right? I’ve liked him for  _ months _ , hyung. I don’t mind rushing a little.”

Hyungwon grimaced, motioning Changkyun into motion with his head.

“You’ve liked the  _ idea _ of him for months. I know you know things about him that I don’t, and you guys are closer than we are, but I  _ also _ know that, after a  _ year _ of his snark, it’s really not that endearing anymore. And that people have a lot of quirks and tricks that you don’t know about until after. I mean, Wonho is making me eat healthy. This is not what I signed up for. I’m not saying don’t go for it, just be aware. Although, if you also  _ don’t _ want to go for it, I’ll support you one hundred percent.”

He said this with such a big smile that Changkyun had no choice but to scoff.

“You’re terrible at pep talks, I hope you know that.”

“That wasn’t a pep talk.”

“Exactly, I wanted a pep talk.” Changkyun groaned. “I  _ know,  _ okay. Trust me, I know he has flaws, hell, I never lock my dorm room door. But despite your confusion about the fact, I really  _ do  _ love him. I’m just.” Changkyun shrugged. “Unsure.”

They walked in silence for a bit, Changkyun fiddling with his sleeves, Hyungwon’s hands jammed in his pockets, before Hyungwon spoke up again.

“Aha, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, since this will only paint me in a bad light, and I need you to know this is horrifically uncomfortable for me and you  _ are _ going to buy the food next time, but the first time Wonho said he loved me I freaked the fuck out and couldn’t really believe him for like, a few weeks. He, well, he said he didn’t care, but I could see that he did, and it only got better when I finally got the guts to tell him I love him. So, um,  _ stop staring at my face Changkyun _ .”

“ _ You’re blushing, it’s so cute, oh my god _ .”

Hyungwon lifted his hands to cover his cheeks, glaring at Changkyun.

“ _ My point is _ , asshole, that the fact that you and Kihyun had already both said it, already makes for a less unsure relationship than me and Wonho had. Okay, I’m seriously gonna need you to stop cooing now.”

Changkyun laughed. “I might never stop. Ugh. Okay. So. So I should just. Be confident, right? He loves me--” Changkyun giggled a little. “Sorry. He loves me so I can just hold his hand and smooch his cheeks and shut up.”

Hyungwon raised an eyebrow. “You’re so fucking whipped.”

“Whatever you say, Shin Hyungwon”

Instead of hitting him again, as Changkyun had half expected, Hyungwon ducked his head and grinned, slightly.

“ _ So fucking whipped _ .”

 

\---

 

He… probably had to say something, right?

His mother hadn’t said anything, and his sister, surprisingly, had held her mouth, but… he should say something. Right?

Kihyun felt the familiar old demons filling up his head and clawing up his throat even as thoughts like that filled his head, and he gasped, once, before picking up his phone and calling Wonho. He hadn’t spoken to his friend in  _ weeks _ , had only exchanged the most cursory of words with him the night at the gallery, but… Kihyun had absolutely  _ no _ doubt in his mind that Wonho would answer.

“Kihyun-ah? Are you okay?”

“I-- Hi. I’m fine. I, want to do something. Something, that might be a bit… stupid. And, damn, I, aha, probably should have said this first. I’m, really,  _ really _ sorry for all the things I said. All those horrible things. I didn’t mean them. I want my best friend back.”

“I know you didn’t mean it, Kihyun-ah, just breathe, okay. You didn’t lose me in the first place. What--what do you want to do?”

“Don’t sound so worried.” Kihyun let out a hesitant laugh. “It’s-- it’s not a bad thing. I don’t think. A bit scary, maybe. A bit stupid maybe. But… something I have to do anyway.”

There was a slight pause on the other side of the phone, before Wonho breathed out a soft, “Oh.”

Kihyun breathed in, a bit surprised to feel his chest rattle and hitch. He hadn’t realised he was that worked up.

“Yeah, oh. I just, I wanted to ask, if you wanted to, if you didn’t-- if you would please come over. I don’t think… I can’t do this alone, Hoseok.”

“Of course I’ll--Yeah, I’ll be there. Do you want me to come over right now?”

“I mean, I’m pretty geared up for it now, but if you don’t-- if you can’t come right--”

“Shut up for a second, okay, I’m coming. You don’t--I assume you don’t want, er, Changkyun to come?”

“No!” Kihyun paused. “No, he doesn’t need to see this. However this turns out, it’s more my and your business anyway.”

“Hyunnie, are you sure? Not about Changkyun, about… You know. Sorry, I’m just…”

Kihyun tilted his head, giving the question the consideration it deserved.

Was he sure? Was he sure he wanted to blow, perhaps forever, the little security he had now? The financial security, for one. Knowing his parents supported what he did, even if he didn’t want to do it?

Kihyun swallowed.

No, no he wasn’t sure. But… it had to stop somewhere. If he didn’t stop it now, didn’t do something about it  _ now _ , he might never do anything and then, before he knew it, he could be doing a job he absolutely  _ loathed _ , going on blind dates his parents set up, just because he didn’t have the guts to tell his parents… anything.

And, Kihyun had made this very clear to himself, earlier, knowing that if he didn’t do it and things went wrong later, he’d resent himself  _ and _ Changkyun,  _ this wasn’t about Changkyun _ . Not... entirely. 

Sure, he had been the lynch pin, the thing that galvanised Kihyun into action, that made him struggle  _ past _ his anxiety, but this wasn’t about him. It was about Kihyun. It was about what he wanted, and what he deserved, and, good fucking  _ lord _ , he had gone  _ so long _ , so long, denying that he deserved  _ anything _ , that he didn’t  _ need _ to be miserable…

This was about him. 

He didn’t deserve this. This was about Kihyun.

“I’m scared,” he answered, honestly, the shiver in his voice making it abundantly clear. “I’m scared, but yeah. I think so. I think I am. At least, I want to  _ try _ .”

“Then… Then I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Kihyun ended the call with shaking hands, fingers automatically opening his most recent chat.

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Hi

Did you put on a sweater today?

It’s cold

 

**Changkyun**

Kind of wish I still had that scarf of yours~

But yeah, I did

I’d be less cold if you were around though :<

 

**Kihyun**

Are you blushing

 

**Changkyun**

...how did you know that

I’m smooth

I don’t blush

 

**Kihyun**

You’re always blushing

You’re adorable

It’s cute that you think you’re smooth

 

**Changkyun**

SDGKJHSDFG STOP

Don’t invoke that curse upon my brand like that

I only blush when you’re around though

so I understand how you could be so very confused

 

**Kihyun**

Mmmhmm

I

I might be about to do something

A bit scary

So, yeah

 

**Changkyun**

Oh. I’m sorry

Can I help at all??

Does me telling you you’re amazing and can do anything help?

I hope so cos it’s true

 

**Kihyun**

I’m not amazing and I  _ can’t _ do anything

But, thank you

 

**Changkyun**

Fine, you can’t reach the top shelf

But you’re amazing nonetheless

Er, good luck, I guess?

I don’t wanna pry, I’m sure you’d tell me if you wanted to

Now I’m gonna tell you I love you cos it’ll never get old

So fair warning

I love you~

 

**Kihyun**

I love you too

Now….

Go do literature stuff or whatever you actually study

 

**Changkyun**

Okay fine I’m blushing you win <3

Also, rude (but I will)

 

\---

 

His father was in his study, door open just slightly, to let out a sliver of light. His mother is at yoga, something she picked up a few weeks ago and which she claimed has been doing her a world of good. His sister, he was fairly sure, was still at school, practising for some play. 

Wonho was standing next to him, holding his hand, (because Kihyun was a fucking baby. And also, Wonho insisted), and they were both staring at the door, Kihyun’s heart running so fast he was sure he was about to get a heart attack. In fact, the light-headedness might be an early sign and he should really--

“Ready?”

Kihyun swallowed.

“No. Let’s go.”

Kihyun stepped forward, Wonho just behind him. He wanted Wonho to take the lead, to open the door and just, tell his father, but he also knew, he knew that he had to take the steps. He had to do it. He had to start it.

He pushed open the door, his father glancing up at them, glasses perched on his nose, eyes immediately falling to their linked hands. Kihyun had the sudden, almost unstoppable urge to jerk away, to fold his arms, to make himself small, unnoticeable, and… he almost did. He almost jerked his hand away, but Wonho tightened his grip and Kihyun looked over to see Wonho looking steadily at him, eyes soft and serious.

Kihyun took a deep breath, and nodded. Right.

“Father, I--”

His father took the glasses off his face, rubbing at the bridge of his nose, and Kihyun’s words got stuck in his throat. “What is it, Kihyun?”

“I-- I wanted to talk to you.” He had to say more, had to go on, had to _tell_ _him_ , but this was harder than Kihyun thought it would be and his father _is just looking at him_ , and he still felt like he was about to cry.

“Does Hoseok also want to talk to me, then?” he asked, his jaw tightening slightly as he glanced down at their hands again, before putting his glasses on, folding his hands, and looking at the two of them evenly. 

“Uh, no, I just--”

“Why is he here, then? Talk to me by all means, Kihyun, but I’ve--” his father glanced at Wonho. “Made my position quite cle--”

“”Let me  _ speak _ !” Kihyun exclaimed, yelled almost, and, and his father actually, actually  _ flinched _ backwards. Kihyun, Kihyun didn’t really know what he was doing, but his father had shut up, had seemed surprised, wasn’t  _ saying anything _ , so. So he had to speak. 

“You, you never let me  _ speak _ .”

“Kihyun, you’re being dramatic--”

“No. No, you, you be quiet now. I’m talking, and you’re going to listen.” Kihyun was shaking. Shaking and hyperventilating but this  _ felt good _ . “You’re always, you’re always speaking over me, pressing your own ideologies and, and your idea of what’s  _ right _ and, and what I should be  _ doing _ down on me, on  _ everyone around you _ and, I don’t want to listen anymore. Dad,” Kihyun paused, hand squeezing Wonho’s so tight, if he could think clearly he would guarantee there would be a bruise. “Dad, I’m gay. I’m a, a fucking  _ sissy _ . I don’t like girls. I never have. And, and I don’t  _ want _ to be a computer scientist. I don’t want to write programs. I  _ hate math _ . I honest to god hate it. I want to take pictures and make art and--”

The sound of his father slamming his hand down on his desk made Kihyun jump. “ _ Enough _ , Kihyun, that’s  _ enough _ . I  _ knew  _ I shouldn’t have let you take those classes, that I should have been stricter about your contact with people like him--”

“I don’t--”

“Giving you these  _ ridiculous  _ ideas about--about--” His father gritted his teeth. “I will not let you throw this family’s name in the dirt for these notions of yours.”

“ _ Dad _ , it’s not  _ about _ the family, it’s about  _ me _ and, and I deserve to--”

“And you are a part of this family! Whether you like it or not, whether I--” His father closed his eyes, face red and letting out a breath.

Kihyun took a step back, his heart in his throat. Whether his father liked it or not. He was part of this family, this family that hated him and, and that he  _ didn’t fit into _ and  _ why couldn’t he just be normal,  _ couldn’t just be the son his father wanted--

“I just want what is best for you, Kihyun. You  _ will _ get a job--not this--this hobby of yours, and you  _ will _ get over this--this perversion of yours.” His father glared at Wonho, still seated at his desk, but speaking like he was looming over them both. “You will get over this, you will continue your studies--without that ridiculous subject--and marry a nice girl, and live a happy life, and you’ll thank me for it. I will not let you throw your life away, okay. I will not  _ allow it _ . Do you understand me, Kihyun?”

Kihyun was frozen. He, he wanted to say  _ so many things _ , but he couldn’t get enough breath to speak, could barely move his head enough to nod and, and it was all too much. Why did he ever think he could do this?

“How--how fucking  _ dare  _ you.”

Shocked, Kihyun looked to the side, seeing Wonho squaring his shoulders, jaw tight and with the angriest expression Kihyun had  _ ever _ seen on him.

“How fucking  _ dare  _ you try to determine his  _ life _ , his  _ happiness-- _ He’s your  _ son _ , not your--your  _ prisoner _ or--”

At this, Kihyun’s father stood up, bracing his hands on his desk.

“Young man, I don’t know what, what  _ relationship _ you and my son share, but you do  _ not _ get to speak to me like that in  _ my own home _ and--”

“I can do whatever the  _ hell  _ I want, thanks. I have absolutely nothing to lose by speaking my mind to you,  _ sir _ . Kihyun is my best friend and--” Wonho clenched his jaw. “And I’m sick and tired of seeing him do this to himself because of you. Because you care more about your family’s reputation, or yourself, or whatever hell else--you care more about  _ that _ than your own son.”

“I  _ love _ my son, you don’t get to say  _ anything  _ to me about him--”

“Do you  _ know  _ your son? At  _ all _ ?”

Kihyun’s father straightened himself up to his full height, and, although he wasn’t much taller than Kihyun, Kihyun felt like he was a tower, and he was cowering in it’s shadow.

“Of  _ course _ I know my son. He’s flighty and dramatic and makes poor choices, and needs someone to guide him. Someone that will  _ take him away  _ from bad influences such as yourself.”

Wonho laughed, bitterly, face still red. “Wow, you are  _ so _ full of shit. I didn’t ask what you  _ see  _ in your son, I was asking when the last time was that he  _ told you anything _ . The last time he could come to you, his own goddamn  _ father _ , and trust you with something about himself. The last time he complained about a headache, or talked about his friends--do you even know any of his friends? Do you know what calms him down or makes him happy? There is a giant goddamn hamster on his bed and I bet my right leg you have no idea where it came from, and my left leg that you don’t care as long as whenever you walk into his bedroom, he’s studying something he hates.”

Kihyun still felt small, still felt like running, but Wonho’s hand was like an anchor weighing him down to reality and Kihyun clung on with all his might.

“Maybe you should start caring about your son more than you care about the expectations you put on him. Because then, maybe, you’d actually be the kind of father he’d  _ want  _ to make proud. Or--or--” Wonho closed his eyes, breathing out, breath shaking in anger. “Just. _ Listen to him  _ when he talks to you. Care about what  _ he  _ wants every now and then. Be a father, and  _ help  _ him, instead of pushing him so far that he doesn’t dare ask for help. What use is it to have the son you always wanted, if he’s fucking  _ miserable _ , and not your son at all.”

Kihyun was so busy processing what Wonho had just said, about Wonho apparently  _ thought _ , about how it made his heart ache, he almost didn’t register his father getting closer until he was standing right in front of him, steely eyes fixed on Kihyun.

“I’m giving you a choice, Kihyun. You either say goodbye to, to your ‘ _ friends _ ’, and live your life and get a good job, or you can get out. You can get out, stop getting money and food and shelter from me, and never talk to me again.” Here, his father’s eyes softened, slightly, and made Kihyun’s stomach  _ turn _ . “Make the right choice.”

Kihyun swallowed, glanced at Wonho who was staring at Kihyun’s father, although his hand was  _ impossibly _ tight around Kihyun’s and… And Kihyun remembered his mother. Remembered her hug, her  _ acceptance _ . He, he wasn’t alone. This was scary and he was going to regret it a  _ bunch _ of times, but…

“I am. Goodbye, dad.”

And, with that, still holding Wonho’s hand, Kihyun walked out, stopping off in his room only to pick up his laptop, camera and the hamster plushie, Wonho grabbing bunches of clothes out of his closet and stuffing it into a bag, before walking out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm all the messy shit that happens after the 'credits roll' 
> 
> finally some good fucking food
> 
> more changki? don't know her
> 
> seriously though, we wanted to do this shit justice, and this is obviously not the end, and I know full well that if we don't put in fluff, y'all will show up at our door with pitchforks. enjoy~ feel free to scream at us here or on twitter. we love you, we swear


	18. Hold Me

**Changkyun**

Hey cutie

Is the scary thing over yet?

 

**Kihyun**

Um

You see

Well

 

**Changkyun**

Hyung are you okay?

 

**Kihyun**

Well

You see

The thing is

I sorta

Well I kinda

um

 

**Changkyun**

“Yes Changkyun I’m fine don’t call the police”

Seriously low key stressed?? What’s wrong???

 

**Kihyun**

Ahahahahah

Nothing’s wrong

Exactly

I…

You remember me telling you about my dad?

 

**Changkyun**

Yes… Was he the scary thing?

 

**Kihyun**

Yeah…

Long story short, I got kicked out of my house

 

**Changkyun**

Fuck I’m

Fuck I’m so sorry Kihyun I have like

Every bed is a bunk bed if someone sleeps under it man you are more than welcome

To sleep on the bed I mean not the

Fuck I’m so sorry

What happened???

 

**Kihyun**

Are you seriously proposing sleeping under your no doubt shitty dorm bed

It’s

Well, not fine

But Wonho said I could stay with him for a while.

Fuck

In the moment I was all like, ‘fuck yeah fuck him’

But now I’m realising I’m probably gonna have to drop out of college

fuck

 

**Changkyun**

God bless Wonho now I don’t have to clean under my bed

I’m… I’m really sorry. I’m sure there’s something we can do

I’ll, uhm, I’ll tell my grandparents I’m taking up photography!

 

**Kihyun**

Sorry I’m loading this all on you

I should go calm down somewhere before I talk to you again

 

**Changkyun**

:( I want to help you, hyung…

It’s not much but yeah my shitty dorm and shitty dorm room bed is always open for you

  


**Kihyun**

I shouldn’t but

I mean, I’ve already put you through so much shit but

Can I

Can I come over?

I mean, if you’re studying it’s FINE

I should really calm down first but

I mean I

 

**Changkyun**

Hyung

Of fucking course you can come over

I wasn’t kidding about the whole I love you thing, you know

Like I said, it’s not… much

But I’m here

 

**Kihyun**

Good to know

You in your dorm rn?

Or at class or idk

 

**Changkyun**

I’m next door begging Hyungwon for a broom :)

See you soon? My dorm is the one next to the drama department

Big stupid horse statue outside, can’t miss it

A BROOM! SUCCESS

I’ll meet you outside, just lemme know when you’re here

 

**Kihyun**

Why do you need a broom

 

**Changkyun**

To defend your honour

En guarde, world

 

**Kihyun**

Why do I talk to you

 

**Changkyun**

Cos you think I’m cute shhh

I’m sweeping for you, Hyungwon’s taking pictures

 

**Kihyun**

Hmmmmm

Hyungwon’s there huh

 

**Changkyun**

Not anymore I hit him with the broom

His own broom lmao

Hyungwon: smacked

Honor: defended

He won’t hit you again, I’m armed

 

**Kihyun**

Ah

He told you about that

 

**Changkyun**

Yeah… I can’t really imagine him angry enough to do that

Or having enough power in his stick arms

I’m sorry, by the way, he’s… stupidly protective

 

**Kihyun**

I deserved it

It’s fine

 

**Changkyun**

I might hit you with this broom though stop saying that

It’s okay, I forgive you, it’s over, would do it all again, yadda yadda

 

**Kihyun**

It’s not okay yadda yadda

But I’m outside so

 

**Changkyun**

It will be

On my way!

 

\---

 

Kihyun was standing outside, fingers clenched in the hoodie Wonho yanked over his head when Kihyun asked if Wonho could drop him outside Changkyun’s dorm, all worried protectiveness and endless assurances that Kihyun always had a place to stay.

“Did you really mean everything you said to… to my father?” Kihyun had choked out, wide-eyed and still unbelieving that he had actually Done That.

Wonho had paused, turning off his cars ignition. “Of course I did. Been wanting to say all that stuff for years now. Sorry, for, er, snapping at him a bit.”

Kihyun had let out a slightly hysterical little giggle, shaking his head, waving away Wonho’s apologies.

Because… this was… not good. Not really. But it _was_ freeing. It _was_ needed. And it made Kihyun feel, in equal amounts, exhilarating excitement and soul-crushing anxiety.

Kihyun had never been one for physical touch, never needed, never _wanted_ or even _understood_ other people’s need to touch the whole time, or how other people could touch each other so casually.

But now, he needed a hug. He needed, he needed someone to hold him, to tell him he was going to be okay, that things were going to be fine, that he hadn’t just _ruined his fucking life_.

Kihyun could feel his breathing speed pick up, could feel himself beginning to get light-headed and, at a loss, wrapped his arms around himself, huddling himself into the hoodie. Where was Changkyun?

At the thought, the sound of a door opening had him looking up on instinct.

Changkyun looked around for a second, before he saw Kihyun, and his face practically lit up. Kihyun tried to muster a smile, but it quickly faded, Changkyun’s smile with it. Not surprising,  with what Kihyun must look like, pathetic and stupid and--

Kihyun barely caught Changkyun’s expression (a mix of what looked like a frown and, and something that looked so much like tenderness Kihyun’s heart _ached_ ) before Changkyun had rushed over and pulled Kihyun into a tight embrace.

“God, hyung, I’m so sorry. It’s--It’ll be okay. I swear it will, I promise.”

“I--I’m f--fine,” Kihyun stuttered, even as he tried to nose his way into Changkyun’s neck, beyond caring what he looked like. Changkyun was warm. Changkyun felt safe. Changkyun made him feel less like everything was spinning apart. He… he was allowed to have this.

That’s what this had all been about right?

“I--I’m fine,” Kihyun sighed, coming to rest with his face pressed against the side of Changkyun’s neck, trying his best to disappear into Changkyun’s arms, clutching handfuls of Changkyun’s sweater.

“Okay,” Changkyun said, hands rubbing soothing circles into Kihyun’s back, voice somehow soft and deep at the same time. “Gonna take more than that if you want me to let go any time soon.”

“Don’t.”

The word is out before Kihyun could stop it, slipping out with no brain to mouth filter and, and he wanted to take it back, he shouldn’t be so needy, so fucking clingy--

Changkyun’s hands stilled for a moment, before he let out a little, shaking sigh, squeezing Kihyun a little tighter, just for a second, just holding him for another minute, until the weight on Kihyun’s chest didn’t push down on his lungs, until his heartbeat felt on par with Changkyun’s, the sure slow beat of which he could thudding against him, close as they were.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Changkyun said, pulling away, a small smile on his lips as he brushed a few strands of Kihyun’s hair away from his eyes. “My bed’s not that shitty, and I did sweep for you, so you kind of have to come up now.”

“Are you inviting me up to your bed?”

Changkyun flushed. “I, er, kind of don’t own a couch, so. Yes?”

“Oh.” Kihyun flushed, and shrugged himself out of Changkyun’s arms, only one hand still grasping the hem of Changkyun’s sweater. “Well, then. Up we go I guess.” Kihyun took a step forward before pausing. “Wait, wait, did you just call me sweetheart?”

“Some, er,” Changkyun said, a truly impressive shade of pink, “Some really soft part of my brain just went ahead and did that, yeah. Hah, what’s a filter, what’s a stable heartbeat, never met her,” Changkyun laughed nervously, before hiding a little groan behind his free hand.

Kihyun smirked, a modicum of, of control and just, a damn urge to _tease_ rising up in him.

“Aww, it’s okay baby, you can call me sweetheart anytime.”

Changkyun made a satisfying mini-series of choking noises behind his hand, which was now clenched in a fist in front of his mouth. His face was doing a _lot_.

Kihyun shivered, shifting slightly closer to Changkyun.

“Not that this isn’t awesome and all, standing outside in the freezing cold and making you blush, but I’m fucking freezing so…”

“Right, I was just dying real quick, come on,” Changkyun tugged at his hand, pulling him into the (admittedly still a bit cold) building.

Kihyun, somehow more cold at Changkyun pulling away from him, even if it was just to lead him forward, stretched his steps so that they were walking arm to arm, shoulders brushing with every movement. He… needed this.

It was okay, he, he was allowed to have this now. He was allowed to see Changkyun’s still pink cheeks stretch into a tiny grin as he realised what Kihyun was doing, he was allowed to, to _look_ and not feel guilty and, and _smile_ _back_.

He realised, as they fell into a comfortable silence, that he’d missed this. Just… the company. They’d studied together, after all, there hadn’t been much space for conversation, but the silences didn’t feel awkward, and every time Kihyun had piped up about something or wanted to talk about the work or just complain about the kid in the corner of the room who’d obviously sneaked doritos into a freaking computer lab, Changkyun had always looked up and given him his full attention.

“Did you buy this hoody five sizes too big or something?” Changkyun asked as he ran his hand up and down Kihyun’s arm as they walked. For heat. For comfort. Both, maybe.

“I do _not_ need judgement from someone who looks like all their clothes are at the _minimum_ five years old.” The heat in Kihyun’s words were negated as his arm snuck around Changkyun’s waist.

“These rips are _fashion_ ,” Changkyun said. “And the tightness of these jeans would have worn in five years, okay. And I wasn’t judging you. It’s kind of cute, you look like you’re drowning in clothes.”

Kihyun glared at him, only to find Changkyun looking at him with such a soppy expression that all Kihyun could do was scoff and shake his head.

“You’re biased.”

“Obviously,” Changkyun scoffed right back, stopping by a door in a hallway of stupidly similar doors, and fishing for his keys in his jeans. “Now speaking of not judging anyone… I sweeped.”

Kihyun eyed Changkyun’s hand wriggling its into his pocket, and was just opening his mouth to say something probably a bit insulting when--

“Like what you see?”

Kihyun glanced up to see Changkyun waggling his eyebrows at him. Scoffing, Kihyun crossed his arms, leaning backwards.

“I wasn’t-- those pants are just tight and your hand--”

Changkyun laughed, opening his door, switching on the light and stepping in. “Yeah, it’s the _jean’s_ fault. Uhm.” Changkyun glanced around, biting onto his lip. “Just, er, look at my ass for another minute, I need to check if I left any cups standing around.”

“ _I wasn’t looking at your fucking ass_.”

Changkyun looked around at him and pouted. Unbelievable.

“You’re negating the point of my ridiculous jeans.”

And, well, okay, Kihyun might regret this later, because this honestly wasn’t him, it wasn’t how he acted or what he _did_ , but, godammit, he just got kicked out of the house and he was keeping the anxiety at bay with a combination of sheer pigheadedness and Changkyun’s presence and he didn’t really know what he was going to do about school, what he was even going to do _tomorrow_ but, dammit.

“ _Changkyun_ ,” he whined, slouching in on himself and, and stepping forward to rest his head against Changkyun’s back. “Hold me.”

Before Kihyun could feel embarrassed at how _needy_ he must look right then, Changkyun turned around, sliding his arms around Kihyun, replying with a soft “Come here” and a tug towards the bed, folding himself down and pulling Kihyun into his embrace.

“Why am I the little spoon,” Kihyun grumbled, settling himself tighter against Changkyun.

“Do you wanna switch?” Changkyun asked, carding his fingers softly through Kihyun’s hair.

“...No.”

Changkyun chuckled softly, wiggling a little to settle, before letting out a soft sigh against his hair. After a few minutes of just laying there, Kihyun letting himself feel, feel small and, and protected and… taken care of, he said, quietly, almost unwilling to break the silence, but unable to keep it in any longer, “Changkyun… did I do the right thing?”

Changkyun paused, his hand wavering for a moment before continuing its soft ministrations. “What did you do? Sorry, you just said they kicked you out… I can guess, but. Yeah.”

Kihyun took a deep breath, one hand catching Changkyun’s hand slung over his hip.

“I… told my father I’m gay. That I’m a fucking sissy.” Kihyun shook his head, even as Changkyun’s hand tightened around his. “Sorry, I didn’t mean--”

“Hyung, while not appreciated, I once lost an Overwatch game and cried, you’re good. Go on.”

“Ha,” Kihyun blinked, eyes feeling suspiciously tight. “Okay, yeah, so I told him that, and that I didn’t, I didn’t want to work in IT. That I really don’t like it. That I want to be a professional photographer. And, and he basically told me to, to stop, to stop, st-stop--” Kihyun’s voice was stuttering now, his throat hurting from forcing back the tears.

“Hey, it’s okay, I got you...” Changkyun hushed, squeezing Kihyun’s hand.

“Sorry,” Kihyun huffed, sniffing. “I’m getting your pillow all wet.”

“You’re more important. Cry all over the thing, it’s fine,” Changkyun said, an attempt to tease, but his voice was smaller than Kihyun was used to.

“Wonho, hah, Wonho yelled at my father. That was… something.”

“Wonho _yelled_? Damn…”

Kihyun let out a hiccupy laugh. “You’ve all got this picture of Wonho as a precious little cinnamon roll, and I’m not saying you’re wrong, just that you… really don’t want to make him angry. What’s that thing they always say? ‘Beware the anger of a good man’?”

“‘There are three things all wise men fear’,” Changkyun quoted. “‘The sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man’.

“You’re so smart,” Kihyun mumbled, eyes beginning to feel heavy, all the exhaustion of an emotionally charged day catching up with him.

“It’s literally a quote from a Patrick Rothfuss book,” Changkyun chuckled, nuzzling into Kihyun a little. “You don’t have to tell me now, hyung. Or ever. I just… wanna help.”

Kihyun breathed out heavily.

“Changkyun… I, I don’t have a home anymore.” Kihyun hated how small his voice sounded in that moment. How very _vulnerable_.

“I… I’m sorry. We’ll…” Changkyun’s voice shook. “We’ll get you a new one, okay? Shownu and Minhyuk are okay. It wasn’t easy, and it might not be, but you’ll be okay, too.”

“I…” Kihyun hesitated. He was warm. He felt safe. The, the boy he _loved_ was with him, arms around him and, and right at that moment, he couldn’t, he couldn’t stress about classes, and money, and his _family_ , (oh, god, Jeongyeon). He was with Changkyun. So… “Okay. Okay.” Kihyun sniffed. “Sorry I’m such a mess.”

Changkyun chuckled lightly, his shaking jostling Kihyun.

“Hyung, have you _seen_ my room? Well, clearly, but I mean, I’m not exactly the _neatest_ person and--”

“ _Changkyun_ ,” Kihyun grumbled, eyes slipping closed even as he wriggled slightly.

“I don’t remember you always being this cute,” Changkyun laughed. “Were you always this cute? Damn.”

“I’m not cute.”

“I have evidence to the contrary. They’re called ‘my eyes’.”

“Are you sure, are you sure you’re okay with having a b-boyfriend that doesn’t have a h-home and is probably gonna drop out of school and--” Kihyun stopped, gasping slightly at Changkyun’s particular method of stopping his rambling. It was… efficient, to say the least. Not much else mattered when Changkyun was pressing his lips softly against Kihyun’s own, the uncomfortable angle easing out as Kihyun wriggled around, giggling slightly as it jostled his lips against Changkyun’s.

 _God_ , this was a thing he could do now? Like, this was something he was allowed to have now. He… didn’t have to hide anymore. Or, or be _scared_ , at least not of himself. Everything else, yes, but, but not himself.

Changkyun kissed him like it was the easiest thing in the world, and for once, it was.

Kihyun leaned up, having to strain his neck a little to reach, to kiss back, and Changkyun practically sighed against his mouth. Changkyun’s hand, still in Kihyun’s hair, shook slightly as it smoothed its way down to the back of his neck, and it… It wasn’t desperate in the way their kiss had been in the gallery, but desperate like Changkyun was trying to _prove_ something, pressing Kihyun almost impossibly close, hand pressing against his back.

Changkyun pulled back. Not much, leaning his forehead on Kihyun’s, breath still hot, enough to make Kihyun glare at him playfully, but Changkyun was smiling at him so damn _sweetly, dammit_ . Kihyun really, just, _really_ couldn’t help the small smile that broke out across his face.

“I’m really, really, _really_ sure, hyung,” Changkyun said, voice almost a low whisper, cheeks dimpled in a smile. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Kihyun ducked his head down, pressing his face to junction of Changkyun’s neck. “That’s… okay then. I guess.”

Changkyun giggled. “Sorry, that’s so _you_ , I’m so goddamn happy I got lost as hell that first day of uni.”

“You’re such a _sap_ ,” Kihyun groaned, lips pressing against Changkyun’s neck. “Why the hell do I love you.”

There was this high pitched _squeal_ and it took Kihyun a second to register that it was coming from Changkyun, who kicked his legs slightly, like an excitable puppy. “You can’t just _say that and that tickles._ ”

“I’m not doing anything,” Kihyun murmured, withdrawing his fingers from Changkyun’s sides. “I’m… probably gonna fall asleep soon. I’m exhausted.”

“Wait, you’re staying?” Changkyun asked, pink faced and blinking at him.

Kihyun stiffened.

“I mean, I didn’t mean to assume, I-I’ll go it’s fine--” Kihyun started to struggle away from Changkyun, trying to extract himself from the younger’s grasping arms. Arms that didn’t let go, but instead clung even tighter.

“I, er,” Changkyun stuttered. “I didn’t say you had to go, I’m just,” Changkyun laughed a bit nervously. “I’m just still getting used to being able to just… Well, kiss you and stuff.”

“And stuff, huh?”

Changkyun’s eyes widened, pink cheeks now red. “No! No? No, I just _meant_ \--do you actually want me _dead oh my god_ \--I just _meant_ \--Stay. Sleep here. No, er, stuff.” Changkyun pinched his eyes shut. “Or just leave me here to die. Your choice.”

Kihyun pursed his lips, ignoring the flush in his cheeks.

“So… you _don’t_ want to do stuff?”

Changkyun whined like he was in literal pain. “ _Hyuuung_.”

Kihyun huffed a laugh.

“Okay, I’m gonna sleep now. I’ll shush.”

Changkyun opened an eye to peek at him. “Don’t you want to take your pants off, though?”

“I mean if you wanna do stuff _now_ \--”

Changkyun stared up at the ceiling. “I--I can’t even be mad, I walked right into that one.” He turned his head to squint at Kihyun, although he was still clearly flustered, which was hilarious, honestly. “You really want to sleep in jeans? Just for the sake of giving me a heart attack?”

Kihyun shrugged, before shaking his head and getting up, starting to shimmy off his pants, before pausing as he saw Changkyun staring at him, wide-eyed.

“See something you like?”

“‘Like’ isn’t the word,” Changkyun said, before smacking himself on the head and jumping up, opening his closet and throwing Kihyun with a pair of sweatpants. “It’s cold, okay.”

“Mmmhmm.”

Changkyun glanced at him, before giving himself another soft smack and walking towards the bed. “If you went back and told past me this would be happening in his future, he wouldn’t believe you. I barely believe it and it literally is happening.”

Kihyun glanced at him as they settled back onto the bed, Changkyun’s hand settling almost gingerly on Kihyun’s waist before Kihyun wriggled himself firmly into Changkyun and his hands settled into a comfortable grip.

“Are you happy, now?”

“Almost stupidly so, yes.”

“Good. That’s… good.” Kihyun was slipping fast now, falling into that floaty space just before you fall asleep. “I don’t deserve this…” he mumbled, voice trailing off.

“I think you deserve everything you want. And I’m lucky enough to be part of that.”

“Shut up,” Kihyun mumbles, before slipping into sweet, dark, sleep.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun Protection Squad**

 

**Jooheon**

THE SMOLS ARE CUDDLING

I REPEAT, THE SMOLS ARE A-CUDDLE

 

**Minhyuk**

HOLY SHIIIIIIIIT YES

 

**Hyungwon**

The what is what now

Is this code for something you guys didn’t tell me about again

 

**Jooheon**

I WENT BACK TO THE DORM

I LEFT OBVIOUSLY I AIN’T DISRUPTING THIS SHIT

BUT I WENT BACK AND

KIHYUN IS IN CHANGKYUN’S BED Y’ALL

WRAPPED AROUND HIM LIKE A KOALA

IT’S GODDAMN FUCKING ADORABLE

 

**Hyungwon**

The WHO is in the WHAT NOW

 

**Shownu**

Why do I feel both proud

And also like I should threaten Kihyun’s life a bit

Just a bit though

 

**Minhyuk**

Dad instincts, dear

Omg I’m so happpyyy ^o^

 

**Hyungwon**

NO WAIT WHAT

ARE YOU SERIOUS WHY WAS HE

IN HIS _BED_

 

**Jooheon**

Those bran flakes makin’ you real slow huh

Metabolism speeds up and brain function comes to a halt

Yes, Hyungwon, they were sleeping

Together

In Kyun’s bed

 

**Hyungwon**

THEY’RE _SLEEPING_ TOGETHER??????????????

 

**Minhyuk**

Of the unconscious variety, I assume

Sadly

HEY WERE THEY NAKED

 

**Hyungwon**

!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Shownu**

I don’t think you’re helping

(Were they?)

 

**Jooheon**

They were dressed, you animals istg

I mean there were jeans on the ground

but I’m pretty sure they were wearing sweatpants

Do you feel better now

Are you comforted somehow

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh thank god clothes

Oh fuck that doesn’t really help

OH GOD IT’S

IT’S WINTER FUCK

 

**Minhyuk**

lol winter fuck

Love those

 

**Shownu**

REALLY not helping dear

 

**Hyungwon**

I need to go

I need to go SAVE HIM

 

**Shownu**

Save him from… Kihyun?

From sex?

I’m confused isn’t Changkyun an adult

 

**Hyungwon**

NO

He’s a BABY

I mean

No

He’s a child

Children shouldn’t be…

Doing that

 

**Jooheon**

I agree

But then again

Changkyun is a grown ass man

As difficult that is to believe…

 

**Hyungwon**

NO HE’S NOT

HE ALWAYS ASKS TO PLAY ON THE PLAYGROUNDS OF MCDONALDS

THAT’S NOT AN ADULT

 

**Minhyuk**

At least Kihyun knows what he’s doing ;)))

He can show him the ropes

 

**Hyungwon**

NO ROPES

NONE

 

**Jooheon**

Wait omg did Wonho tell you stuff???

Is that why you’re so damn clenched??

 

**Hyungwon**

I don’t know anything go away

 

**Shownu**

lol he totally did

 

**Jooheon**

lmaaaaao omg no way

They really are perfect for each other

 

**Hyungwon**

Wtf does that mean

 

**Jooheon**

Weeeeeeeeell

Oh and this which still gives me nightmares

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay so

Right

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SHOW US THAT

HAVE PITY ON OUR INNOCENT EYES

 

**Minhyuk**

MY SON

HYUNWOO IF EVER HAD ANY DOUBTS

HE IS OUR BLOOD BORN GODDAMN SON I CANNOT BELIEVE

Also, Hyungwon, innocent eyes?

Please

I know what’s on your laptop

 

**Jooheon**

It’s like you’ve never met Changkyun lmao

Our own lil baby boy Changkyun

But sorry it was easier than having to explain my best friend’s obvious sub kink

[shudders]

Wait what’s on his laptop

 

**Hyungwon**

Hyung please

No

 

**Minhyuk**

*cracks knuckles*

Okay listen up kiddos

 

**Hyungwon**

Hyung

Please

 

**Jooheon**

Hyung

_Please_

 

**Shownu**

I love that you’re saying the same thing

But somehow not

 

**Minhyuk**

Wait for it

(and boy does he like to)

...

EDGING

And

Ahahahaha

This is fun

 

**Hyungwon**

I hate all of you

 

 **_Hyungwon_ ** _left_ **_Changkyun Protection Squad_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

I’m not done though!

There’s more!

 

**Jooheon**

AHAHAHA BRING HIM BACK

AHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD

OKAY LISTEN THIS IS BEAUTIFUL PLEASE ADD HIM AGAIN

 

 **_MInhyuk_ ** _added_ **_Hyungwon_ ** _to_ **_Changkyun Protection Squad_ **

 

**Hyungwon**

WHY

 

**Minhyuk**

AND

(I’m having so much fun)

PET PLAY

COCK RINGS

OKAY

I’M DONE BYE

 

**Jooheon**

I have so many questions

Do you own a tail

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m not doing this with you people

 

**Jooheon**

WAIT

Does Wonho know

Hyungwon

Is Wonho satisfying you sexually or should we have a talk

 

**Minhyuk**

We don’t mind talking to him, Hyungwon

I can even send him some links

The deliveries are VERY discreet

 

**Hyungwon**

I am DONE

BYE

 

**Jooheon**

WHAT ANIMAL HYUNGWON

WHO’S THE PET

YOU HAVE TO TELL ME I AM LITERALLY AMAZED

 

**Hyungwon**

NOBODY IS ANYTHING WE’RE NOT

I’m leaving

 

**Jooheon**

omg Minhyuk I have to do something

 

**Shownu**

I would scold you Minhyuk

But this is funny af

 

**Hyungwon**

Ooooh no protect Changkyun but expose Hyungwon I see how it is

Fake friends smh

 

**Jooheon**

No wonder you’re so tense

 

**Hyungwon**

Fuck right off

 

**Minhyuk**

Grrr Kitty got claws

 

 **_Hyungwon_ ** _left_ **_Changkyun Protection Squad_ **

 

**Minhyuk**

Wait Jooheon real question

You know Changkyun better than anyone

 

**Jooheon**

Amen

 

**Minhyuk**

Is he a furry???

I heard him howl once

I’m not judging…

 

**Jooheon**

Lmao no omg

 

**Minhyuk**

Oh thank god

Because I was totally judging

I WILL buy him a wolf tail for his birthday though

 

**Jooheon**

Jokes aside I cannot think of my best friend like this for another minute I am

Screaming a little

wait

I have to talk to Wonho I literally have to

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

Good evening, hyung

I hope you are doing well

Are you still awake?

I wouldn’t want to bother

But this is important :))

 

**Wonho**

Um

Hi

I’m doing fine

What’s going on?

 

**Jooheon**

Nothing :)

I just wondered if you

Okay listen

Please don’t ask too many questions just do me this one thing

And I’ll owe you one

_I need this_

_There is a bunny filter_

_Use it_

_Send it to Hyungwon_

Please and thank you

 

**Wonho**

This is the strangest thing I’ve ever heard in my life

But okay

The bunny filters are really cute…

Heh gimme a second

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

Hey babe~~~ Hope you’re having a good night~~

 

**Hyungwon**

A;kgbdfg

Ah

That’s cute

 

**Wonho**

Awww ⌒(=∵=)⌒ thanks!

I like these filters they’re so cute

 

**Hyungwon**

They are

Very cute

Um, what made you decide to use those filters?

NOT that I’m complaining

Just curious

 

**Wonho**

Jooheon reminded me that they exist and now I loooove them

Being a bunny is fun hahaha

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh, Jooheon

That

Rascal

Aha

Yeah, being a bunny

So fun

Hold on for a moment

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re a snake and I hope you die slowly and painfully

 

**Jooheon**

Bouncy bunny bounce~~~~

I’ve accepted death LMAO

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

Okay, I’m back

That’s honestly adorable though

 

**Wonho**

Didn’t think you’d like it so much

I’m all blushy now heh

 

**Hyungwon**

CUTE

 

\---

 

**Jooheon**

So does he like it???

 

**Wonho**

Yes… Quite a lot actually

How did you know??

 

**Jooheon**

:))

You’ll thank me later

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

Oh my god I never mentioned!!

You know I dance??

Of course you know I dance

But we had a stage once and we performed a girl group song

It was hilarious lmao but yeah we had to wear these bunny ears??

I almost forgot about that

 

**Hyungwon**

Oh my GOD

Ar;iughst

I mean

That sounds hilarious and cute and

Ahahaha yeah

Cute

 

**Wonho**

Kihyun took pictures?? hang on

It was so much fun! Heh I was just bouncing around and stuff

Hyungwon?

Lol sorry am I being weird I just thought you thought it was cute so...

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HIM

 

**Jooheon**

Oh he’s jumping (hopping ehehehehe) to his own assumptions here my guy

You’re fucking welcome though

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

I have a sneaking suspicion…

 

**Jooheon**

Yes

Just. Yes.

 

**Wonho**

I didn’t even say anything yet???

 

**Jooheon**

:)

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re not being weird

I think it’s fucking adorable

I’m just

Processing the cute

 

**Wonho**

I still have the ears~

You’re very flustered it’s very endearing

 

**Hyungwon**

Aaaaaaaaaaaah

Stop teasing me

 

**Wonho**

I’m teasing you? mm

With what, I wonder

heehehe

 

**Hyungwon**

Go away

 

**Wonho**

:”( i’m sorry

See I was being weird!

You said I wasn’t being weird but I was!

 

**Hyungwon**

You weren’t

I’m weird

Oh my god

I’m going to KILL Jooheon

 

**Wonho**

He didn’t say anything…

Well, besides pointing me to you and a filter

But :’((

I mean

I can… bring the ears when I come over next time?

Fkhgdjfhgkdfh omg bye

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m sorry I made you feel weird and uncomfortable I’m sorry

I’m gonna go live in a hole now bye

 

**Wonho**

So that’s a no to the ears then...

 

**Hyungwon**

I MEAN

I don’t want to make you uncomfortable

Because I’m weird

 

**Wonho**

Hyungwon

I kept the bunny ears

It’s been a year

Think about it

 

**Hyungwon**

You…

Like the bunny ears?

 

**Wonho**

:3

I love the bunny ears

 

**Hyungwon**

Cool

Cool cool cool cool

Cool

 

**Wonho**

Shall I bring the tail too?

 

**Hyungwon**

God yes

 

\---

 

What had Hyungwon been thinking?

Why had he told Wonho he should come over? It was, it was embarrassing and something Hyungwon usually tried his best not to think about, because people tended to think it was weird, and, and--

Damn it, Jooheon. Why’d you have to be like this?

No, actually, _fuck_ Minhyuk.

Hyungwon had rolled his eyes when Changkyun had come over to ask for his broom, solemnly promising not to ‘disturb’ them, but… damn now he wished he had an excuse to go in and bother him. To _do_ something, instead of pacing around his room, obsessively straightening the books on his two shelves and opening and closing the Word document he was supposed to be typing his essay on (he had the title so far, which he thought was _excellent_ progress).

Wait. Had he remembered to change his sheets this week?

Just as Hyungwon was about to change his shirt (why? He didn’t even know), someone--Wonho, obviously, who the fuck else, Hyungwon--knocked at his door. He could do this. He wasn’t slightly worried that he’d open the door and Wonho would have bunny ears or anything. Not at all.

_Knock._

“Wooonniiiiiie.”

 _Knock knock_.

Hyungwon opened the door with an unimpressed, lifted eyebrow.

“What did you call me?”

“Wonnie,” Wonho grinned, unabashed, eyes curving into crescents. “The only Wonnie for me.”

Hyungwon squirmed, shoulders lifting uncomfortably.

“Don’t…”

Wonho’s grin faded slightly, a frown maring his forehead. “Oh. I’m sorry. Can I come in?”

“Uh,” Hyungwon looked behind him, at the actually quite spotless room, thanks to his nervous pacing. “Sure.”

Wonho stepped in, glancing at Hyungwon again before sitting down on his bed with a slight exhalation of air, eyeing Hyungwon carefully as he set his bag down next to his feet. “I’ve called you Wonnie before… Are you okay?”

Hyungwon scratched the back of his neck, looking away, still standing next to the door.

“I just… you just…” he hesitated, the words running through his head, before bursting out, “Are you making fun of me? I just, this is why I don’t tell-- I know it’s weird and I don’t--”

“What?! No!” Wonho stood up, eyes wide and concerned, wringing his hands in front of him. “I wouldn’t make fun of you, I’m sorry I was just… I don’t know, being cute? I’m sorry.”

Hyungwon took a step closer, sticking his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

“You don’t, you don’t have to be sorry. I just, I would-- seriously I know this is strange. Like, I know. And you really don’t need to pretend, or like, push yourself to do anything. Like, I’m honestly fine with what we have now.”

“I, er--” Wonho laughed nervously. “I don’t think it’s weird, though. It’s cute that something gets you flustered like that.”

Hyungwon took another step closer, glancing down.

“You think it’s cute?”

Wonho nudged Hyungwon’s foot with his own. “Yeah. B-besides, you know I like cute things.”

Hyungwon pursed his lips. “You stuttered there.” He glanced up through his eyelashes. “Why?”

“Sh-shut up, I’m--” Wonho giggled before putting his hand over his mouth. “If I tell you something really embarrassing, will you feel better about... well, this?”

“Depends.”

“Minhyuk sent me a picture of you in a dress.”

“Oh my _god_ . I hate my friends. Why would that make me feel better oh my _god_.”

If Hyungwon thought that Minhyuk had an _ounce_ of shame about his proclivities, he would have blurted them out for the world to hear, but, as it was, he knew Minhyuk did most of the blurting himself anyhow. God _damn_.

“It didn’t occur to me that this might not _just_ be embarrassing for me… My bad.”

“Wait, why is this embarrassing for _you_?”

“Because I... kind of couldn’t stop looking at it.” Wonho screamed into his hands a bit. “I’m sorry! You were wearing _stockings_ and a wig and--” Wonho screamed a bit more.

“You… like looking at me in dress?”

Wonho peeked at him through his fingers, incredibly pink. “Maybe? You’re so pretty. Not that you’re not pretty right now that’s not what I meant, uhm.”

“Hyung,” Hyungwon grinned, stepping closer and pulling Wonho’s hands away from his face, “do you like the idea of me in a skirt, pulling off my stockings?”

Wonho stared at him with wide eyes, red-faced and swallowing dryly. “Is that--oh _god_ see I’m the weird one!”

“Hyung,” Hyungwon crooned, excitement thrumming in his veins, “Hyung, I still have those heels. And Changkyun bought me two new skirts as a joke.”

“How did he _know_. Wait,” Wonho shook his head, before blinking. “I’m processing--you’re okay with that? With--that.”

Hyungwon shrugged. He’s never fantasized about wearing a skirt, about… that. Not really. But… the thought of Wonho’s hands creeping up his skirt, finding Hyungwon bare underneath and…

It had a certain charm.

“I’m… pretty okay with that, yeah.”

“I can’t believe we’re at that point where we’re discussing kinks,” Wonho giggled, nudging at Hyungwon slightly.

Hyungwon ducked his head into Wonho’s neck.

“I’ll make you a deal. If you wear those bunny ears, I’ll get out my stockings. Hm?”

“So you admit that the bunny ears are definitely a kink.”

“Oh my _god_ , shut _up_.”

“Deal. But you have to wear the ears once too,” Wonho grinned, still pink, but clearly more confident than he’d been a minute ago. His hands had even relaxed, coming up to rest on Hyungwon’s waist. “Like I said. I like cute things.”

“Good.”

 

\---

 

Kihyun groaned. He was… not in his bed. His bed had a softer blanket. And he had been waking up to his face buried in his hamster plushie for a month or so now but… this time, something seemed to be wrapped around him.

He realized something was vibrating harshly against something, probably the reason he’d woken up in the first place. Could that thing just like, shut up? He was comfy and the arms around him were tightening and pulling him closer and--

Wait. Arms.

Kihyun’s eyes flew open.

Arms. Around him. Warm, comforting arms. Turning, carefully, trying not to disturb the boy around him, Kihyun came face to face with Changkyun. He looked… peaceful. Resting. Not like a million and one things were still going around in his head like it always, always did when he was awake.

Softly, so as to not disturb him, Kihyun whispered to himself, not censoring the awe on his face or voice even a little bit, “Holy. Shit.”

Changkyun stirred slightly, before frowning softly with a groan. “Phone,” he grumbled, voice even deeper and more gravelly with sleep. “Throw it out of the window.”

(His voice did _not_ send a little thrill down Kihyun’s spine _thank you very much_.)

“Changkyun,” Kihyun whispered, ignoring the buzzing. He was feeling soft, and warm, and the most adorable boy in the world was in front of him and god _dammit_ it he wasn’t going to say something. “Changkyun, you’re adorable. I love you.”

The frown slipped off Changkyun’s face as quickly as his eyes opened, blinking incredulously at Kihyun. Changkyun smiled widely, cheeks pink and dimpled, looking at Kihyun like… like something, before ducking his head into his pillow.

“What?” Kihyun grinned. “Should I not say that?”

Changkyun peeked at Kihyun (so _cute_ ), eyes softening. “I’m dreaming, right? Nobody’s this beautiful when they wake up.”

“Dimples,” Kihyun mumbled, hand coming up to poke softly at Changkyun’s face. “Also, this is all soft and shit, but the fucking vibrating of that phone is driving me _insane_.”

Changkyun laughed, leaning forward and over Kihyun to poke at his phone, the vibrating _finally_ ending, Changkyun leaning back before scooting forward a little, clinging, forehead leaning against Kihyun’s, eyes searching Kihyun’s face for a moment before he spoke. “You’re… You’re really here.”

“Yup.” Kihyun’s hand had gone rogue and was now smoothing over Changkyun’s hair. It was so _soft_.

“I still can’t believe it,” Changkyun smiled softly, a strange, vulnerable expression on his face, “Hyung. Can I kiss you?”

“Okay.”

Changkyun leaned in, lips soft but slightly chapped against Kihyun’s. Kihyun sighed against his mouth, pressing closer. This was so _nice_ . Why had he… made this so hard for himself. (Okay, various valid reasons but _still_ ). Changkyun was soft and pliable and whining softly as Kihyun’s mouth slipped from his and pressed small kisses against the line of Changkyun’s jaw.

“I love you, too,” Changkyun breathed. “I--I’d forgotten to m-mention earlier. M-my bad.”

“S’fine,” Kihyun breathed, nosing his way behind Changkyun’s ear and latching onto the skin there, sucking softly. Changkyun’s hand tightened on his arm, a soft, sharp sound leaving his mouth.

Kihyun pulled away slightly.

“Do, do you want me to stop?”

Changkyun swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing. “No--not at all.” Changkyun squirmed slightly, teeth biting into his bottom lip.

Kihyun felt something bump into his hip, and, after a breathless moment, he lifted Changkyun’s leg, sliding his thigh between Changkyun’s legs, watching with wide eyes as Changkyun’s breath hitched, his hips kicking down reflexively before he froze, eyes snapping to Kihyun’s.

“Should I-- is this-- do you want me to--” Kihyun rambled, struggling to find the words as Changkyun flushed bright pink right in front of his eyes.

“You--” Changkyun’s voice was just a _little_ higher than usual. Maybe more than a little. “You w-want to?”

Swallowing, Kihyun kicked his own hips forward, just enough for his own erection to brush against Changkyun’s.

“I--I mean, if you want-- we don’t have to I just--”

“Yes.” Changkyun’s grip on his arm pulled him closer, hips stuttering against Kihyun’s. “ _Yes._ I mean-- _fuck_ , yeah, of course.”

“Okay.” Kihyun latches his mouth onto Changkyun’s collarbone, hands gripping Changkyun’s hips and pulling him down on Kihyun’s thigh. “Okay. That’s-- okay.”

Changkyun breathed out and his breath shook, and Kihyun could feel his fast heartbeat under his mouth and under his hands. He heard a muffled whine, and looked up to see Changkyun pressing his face into his cushion, his hips now making small circles against Kihyun’s thigh.

“Changkyun. Changkyun, please,” Kihyun grabbed his hips more firmly, “Changkyun, baby, let me hear you.”

At that, Changkyun turned his head slightly to look at Kihyun with a glazed expression, before letting out a decidedly not muffled whine as Kihyun moved against him.

“Good. Yes, _fuck_ ,” Kihyun whimpered, finding _just_ the right amount of friction as they moved against each other.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Changkyun panted, hand coming up to grab at Kihyun’s hair, clenching. Kihyun groaned, dropping his head against Changkyun’s chest.

“Yeah, I know. You, you okay?”

Changkyun moved his hand, the one not pulling at Kihyun’s hair, down Kihyun’s side before gripping at his ass, hand snaking in under the sweatpants.

Kihyun gasped, hips bucking up almost violently.

“Gorgeous.”

Kihyun grinned almost helplessly, face red.

“Me or my ass?”

“Definitely both,” Changkyun said in a breathy laugh, before throwing his head back. “Fuck, I’ve never--I don’t think I can-- _aaah.”_

Kihyun could feel Changkyun’s hips starting to stutter, losing their rhythm.

“Are you, are you close? Come on, baby, Changkyun-ah, it’s okay, it’s fine--”

With a whimper and Changkyun’s hand tightening almost painfully in Kihyun’s hair, Changkyun’s hips stuttered and with a last jerk of his hips and a cry that sounded like Kihyun’s name, held onto him and whined as he shuddered through his orgasm.

Kihyun petted his hair as Changkyun huffed out a breath against his neck, his own hips still twitching against Changkyun, mindful of how sensitive he would be, but… damn it. Fuck it.

Pushing Changkyun away slightly, Kihyun stuck his hand into his (well, Changkyun’s, technically), sweatpants, getting in two good strokes before Changkyun was shuffling closer and shoving his hand away, even as he asked, surprisingly hesitant for his confident movements, “Hyung, can I, I mean…?”

Kihyun nodded almost frantically, heart pounding in his ears and already _extremely_ close with just the _feeling_ of Changkyun’s hand wrapped around him. Changkyun wrapped his fingers around him, leaning in to kiss at Kihyun’s neck, before--thank _god_ \--realising how much Kihyun needed to come right _now_ , and moved his hand in fast, hard strokes.

After a few more strokes, Changkyun sucking a mark onto Kihyun’s neck, Kihyun cried out sharply, finishing in Changkyun’s hand.

“Ah.” Kihyun moved gingerly, trying to limit the mess in the sweats getting on everything, panting slightly. “Sorry about the mess. These are your sweatpants. Oops.”

“Mmm, my favourite ones now,” Changkyun said, grinning down at him.

“Ew. That’s actually gross.”

“I meant! I was being sentimental, you asshole.”

“Sure."

Changkyun sat back, looking considerably more abashed than he had a few minutes ago. “There’s... a shower, if you wanna use it. You can borrow some clothes, too.”

Kihyun sat up slowly, eyes blinking, still slightly sleepy, bones heavy with that and, well.

“Right. Wonho still has my clothes.” He blinked again. “ _Oh_. I was supposed to go over to his afterwards… I was supposed to stay there. He must be freaking out…” Kihyun trailed off as he picked up his phone, brow furrowing. “...Aaaaand, there’s nothing. What, did he just completely forget about me?”

Changkyun frowned, leaning over to his own phone, scrolling for a minute before bursting out into laughter. “ _Oh my god_. He didn’t forget about you, don’t worry.”

“Um, okay?”

“He was with Hyungwon. He’s like, three rooms down, man. Apparently, if Jooheon is to be believed, doing some _interesting_ things with a--”

“ _I don’t want to know_ . Please, spare me. The time when I was interested in his sex life is _long_ gone. And I sure as fuck don’t need to know about Hyungwon’s.”

Changkyun winced slightly, mouth corners tightening and chin dipping slightly.

“What?”

“Er. Nothing, it’s stupid.” Changkyun moved to get off the bed, head still ducked down, a red flush visible on the back of his neck.

“Wait,” Kihyun reached out, grabbing his wrist, pulling him around to face Kihyun. Changkyun refused to meet Kihyun’s eyes. “Changkyun, seriously, what is it. What’s wrong?”

Changkyun slumped his shoulders, glancing at Kihyun before flushing even more and staring at the ground. “It’s nothing! It’s just… _Wonho_. You know?”

Kihyun frowned. What was he even talking about?

“Um, no? Changkyun, I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Changkyun groaned. “He’s, like, some sort of demi-god and I’m just a little twirp and you guys used to--” Changkyun stopped himself, eyes widening as they stare at the ground. “ _You know_.”

Kihyun flushed, but shook his head. “Okay… I mean, yeah, we did. But, that’s in the past. You know, past relationships and shit. Like, I don’t understand… didn’t you ever meet any of your other boyfriends’ exes?”

“Uhm,” Changkyun scratched at the back of his neck. “I’ve, er--that, er, stuff we just did? Yeah, I’ve never… done anything like that. You’re my--I mean, I’ve never dated anyone before, hah, surprise.”

Kihyun knew he was gaping. He knew his eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open and he was _staring_ as Changkyun shifted his feet and crossed his arms in front of himself but-- what the fuck. This boy, this beautiful, cute, funny, adorable boy, has never had a boyfriend before? He’s never had someone to, to kiss him breathless and to squeeze him so tight it _hurts_ just, just _because they wanted to and loved him so much_. So, he just, he just couldn’t be--

“ _What_ ? You’ve never-- And we just-- And you’ve never done--?” Kihyun was sputtering and gasping a bit because _oh my god he just did that without making it special or--_

Changkyun groaned like he was in pain, hiding behind his hands. “I’m sorry! I know it’s kind of sad and see that’s the thing you had Wonho and I--”

“That’s not what I-- I just mean, why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have, I wouldn’t have made it so rushed or, or whatever, or pushed you if, if I knew you didn’t--”

“Cos it’s _embarrassing_ and you didn’t _push_ me, I--I wanted to. I _really_ wanted to and it was just... fooling around, hyung, it’s not like we--It's fine.”

Kihyun was still reeling a bit, still shocked, but Changkyun’s words helped to assuage the sudden guilt that had threatened to overtake him.

“I mean, I mean, okay, but still. Also, why didn’t you have a boyfriend before? I mean, you’re, you’re fucking _adorable_ I don’t understand why you wouldn’t?”

Changkyun flushed even deeper, shrugging. “There was never anyone I liked.”

“Oh.” Kihyun swallowed. “Okay. But, you-- Me. You like me. Huh.”

“You sound surprised,” Changkyun chuckled, finally glancing up at him.

“Uh, yeah? I mean, I’m not exactly the greatest person? I kinda, fucked you up a bit, Changkyun.”

Kihyun wasn’t going to go into a flat-out spin over the guilt. We’re not doing this right now, Kihyun. Keep it together.

Changkyun smiled shyly. “I’ve heard first loves can do that to a person.”

“Um. Okay.” Kihyun’s voice was squeaking, slightly. “I’m… going to go take a shower. Um,” Kihyun glanced up, shyly, “Wanna join me? _Not_ for, you know, anything weird. Just, it’s faster…”

“Mmm, domestic.”

“Is that a no…?”

" Hyung. _Fuck no_. I am _fully_ on board for seeing you naked.”

Kihyun choked on a laugh.

“Well. Same. For you.”

Changkyun seemed to waver for a second, before quickly pressing a kiss to Kihyun’s lips before standing up, rubbing the back of his neck as he grabs clothes from his cupboard, smiling to himself.

Kihyun allowed himself a small, happy smile as he stood up to join Changkyun, his hands bumping against Changkyun’s as they walk. Things… might be okay.

 

\---

 

**Jeongyeon**

What

The

FUCK, HYUNG?!?!?!

 

**Kihyun**

Ah

Hey, Jeongyeon

 

**Jeongyeon**

‘Hey Jeongyeon’

Unbelievable

You know, I come home

And dad is on some sort of

Fuck idek yelling high

I have no idea what the fuck is going on

But apparently his son has run away from home

WITHOUT ME

 

**Kihyun**

Jeongyeon

You’re still in high school

You can’t run away

I…

Am a bit sorry I came out without you?

 

**Jeongyeon**

What happened to queer solidarity, man

Yeah, you should be

Fuck now I’m gonna have to wait

Mum…

Kihyun, mum’s crying a lot idk what to do

 

**Kihyun**

Fuck, mum

Also, technically, I didn’t ‘run away’

He told to either, to either ‘stop it’ and to leave my friends

Leave Changkyun

Or, or go away.

I… chose to go away

 

**Jeongyeon**

God that’s so cute

I thought it might have been something like that

Mum’s defending you, you know

So am I

Nobody wants to lose you, not even dad, I think

I hope

I’m so sorry

 

**Kihyun**

I don’t

I have nothing to say to, or about, Father

He told me he didn’t want me in the family

Basically told me I was a disappointment

Yeah

I’m with Changkyun rn, btw

Was supposed to stay with Wonho but…

  


**Jeongyeon**

:OOO

:OOO!!!!!!

MY BABY BROTHER

I’M SO PROUD

 

**Kihyun**

I’m older than you

 

**Jeongyeon**

So cute

God, you should have learned from me how to be an incognito gay

Been going strong for years

 

**Kihyun**

I Am Older Than You

Stop calling me cute

 

**Jeongyeon**

Riiiight that’s Changkyun’s job now ;))

And listen, I’m not talking to dad either

But mum’s not happy about it

 

**Kihyun**

What

What’s mum saying?

 

**Jeongyeon**

She mentioned that she knew about it

And he got even angrier

She’s really upset about what he did

Says she wants you to be happy and you were brave for telling him…

She’s trying but she keeps, like, saying the wrong thing???

She said that Changkyun was a nice boy

And he just went off

Idk dude it’s crazy

 

**Kihyun**

God, I love mom, but she doesn’t

Aish

Are you okay, though?

Like, you’re okay with father there?

 

**Jeongyeon**

He’s still the same asshole as before, Ki

And it’s not like he’s yelling at me

I’ll be fine, but I’m glad

Euuurgh this sounds bad but I’m glad you’re not here rn

I want him to get this shit out of his system

I don’t even want to think about what went down when you told him

He really dislikes Wonho

lol how do you dislike Wonho

 

**Kihyun**

Wonho might have

Said Some Things

 

**Jeongyeon**

Oh god I wish I could have seen that

How are you, though?

He’s not going to pay for you anymore

He was loud about that bit...

 

**Kihyun**

Yeah…

I’m going to have to drop out of school

Not like I actually like what I’m studying

But still

 

**Jeongyeon**

I see you took your camera

You’ll be fine

Just ask Changkyun before you hang his nudes on the walls of a gallery ok

  


**Kihyun**

It wasn’t nudes stfu

 

**Jeongyeon**

Just some advice for the future~~~

Just text me if you need me to sneak shit out of the house for you

 

**Kihyun**

Thanks

And, be careful and shit and

Yeah

You’re not an awful sister you know

 

**Jeongyeon**

:’’’))

You’re not an awful brother either, Ki~~

 

\---

 

**Kihyun**

Hey, mom

I’m okay.

I’m with friends

I love you

 

**Mom**

Stay there for now, okay?

I’m sorry about this, and I’ll help where I can but don’t come home just yet

I love you, Kihyun

 

\---

 

Kihyun sighed as he locked his phone, stuffing it into his pocket after the umpteenth email he’s had to send to a lecturer to apologise and… Well. At the moment, he was just waiting for the email from administration to come through to confirm that he had been deregistered from his classes. The longer he stayed registered, the longer he had to pay.

But, this class. This class he wanted to, no, he _had_ to do this in person. This was something he had to do. He owed it to himself. He owed it to Professor Kim.

 _Knock, knock_.

Kihyun cleared his throat, stepping away from the door. Maybe he wouldn’t be there. Maybe Kihyun didn’t have to deal with this awkwardness and--

“Come in!”

Of course he was here.

(Kihyun _had_ come in office hours, but, you know. College man. People were never where they were supposed to be.)

Kihyun walked in to a tall, broad-shouldered man ruffling his Photography professor’s hair with a stern expression, before smoothing it back down, glancing over his shoulder at Kihyun. Kihyun recognised him as the (unreasonably beautiful) man Professor Kim had been talking to at the gallery.

“Sorry, I’ll be out of your hair in a minute.” He turned back to Professor Kim. “Namjoon. For the love of god. Start eating the food I bring you or I will shame you in front of your student.”

“Yes, Jin. Stop nagging me.” Professor Kim was grinning however, taking away from the harshness of his words. “Also, aren’t you supposed to be at your restaurant right now? You know, interviewing the new cook?”

Jin groaned. “Yes, I know, I brought you restaurant quality food and still--Aish, I’m going, stop grinning. Bye, sweetie,” Jin leaned in to give Namjoon a loud kiss on his dimple before turning and smiling at Kihyun as he walked out, before calling back. “Remember to buy milk this time!”

Professor Kim (er, Namjoon) laughed as the tall man, Jin, disappeared out the doorway, leaving Kihyun standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, gripping the strap of his backpack like a lifeline.

“Um, Professor…”

“Morning, Kihyun,” Professor Kim said, taking the little plastic tub of what looked like kimchi off his desk and pushing it into the little mini fridge behind him.

“Morning. I wanted to come talk to you…” Kihyun trailed off. Professor Kim was smiling at him. Expectantly even. He couldn’t… say it.

“Which, of course, you can. I just really want to take the moment and be _that_ professor and just congratulate you on the gallery, Kihyun. It went amazingly. It’s like you were born to it. Usually I have students stumbling around in confusion, but you were reprimanding the photo placement before I could even get a word in. I’m so proud.”

Kihyun flushed, grinning slightly. That was… a great night.

“Yeah. That was fun. That was… really fun.”

Professor Kim’s smile grew. “I have to admit, I didn’t expect the, er, _inspiration_ for your exhibition to make an appearance. As confessions go, that was… well. Something.”

Kihyun was grinning full out now.

“Yeah. Changkyun is, I, he’s-- yeah.”

The older man laughed. “No, I saw. Jin was squealing in my ear the entire time. In any case, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“He was?” Kihyun laughed slightly, but it tapered down as the reality of the situation settled in. “Okay. So. Yeah. I… have to drop this class. Actually, I have to drop out of school. I just, I wanted to come and tell you myself. I felt like I… had to do that.”

Professor Kim blinked up at him, frowning in confusion. “ _Have_ to?”

“Yeah…” Kihyun swallowed. Took a deep breath. Gripped his fidget cube _hard_ . He was _not_ going to spin right now. “I have to. There was a situation at home, after the gallery. After… Changkyun. I’m… I’m with friends now, but at the moment, I can’t afford to pay for my classes. So. Yeah.”

“Oh, God. Oh, I’m so sorry, I don’t even have to imagine but--but you don’t have to drop out of my class, Kihyun.”

Kihyun grimaced.

“Yeah, I do. Like, even if I drop out of all my other classes, which, I don’t even like them anyway, so whatever, but, I can’t. I can’t pay for this.”

“You don't have to. Sorry, could you sit down, maybe?” He opened his drawer, frowning as he searched through it. “I was going to approach you about this after class.”

Kihyun frowned. Professor Kim wasn’t making any sense.

“Okay…” He eased himself down onto the chair, sliding his backpack onto his lap and clutching onto it.

“Hah, knew I remembered it,” Professor Kim said, after rummaging around in a drawer and putting a small pile of papers in front of him. It looked like a form. “Okay. Don’t know if you remember but there was this woman at the gallery, Ji-eun. Small, long black hair?”

“A little bit? Sorry, things were a bit of a blur that night.”

“Understandable. Anyway, she owns a photography company in Seoul, IU Photography, you might know it? And absolutely adored your pictures. I mean, she loved it. She even wanted to buy one of them but I wasn’t sure how keen you would be on having Changkyun’s face hanging on the wall of her house. Was gonna ask you about that, too, but _anyway_.”

Kihyun’s head was spinning.

“I-- what?”

“They give out like, two scholarships a year. Highly esteemed, etcetera. It’s a--” Professor Kim looked slightly nervous and he picked up a few pages and read for a second. “Yeah, it’s a full scholarship, but it’s for Photography. It wouldn’t have covered your other classes, which is why I _wanted_ to talk to you and--”

Kihyun held up a hand, cutting off the flow of words.

“I can get-- I can get a _full scholarship_?”

Professor Kim blinked at him. “Uhm. Yes. You’d have to take art history and English--it’s an international company and I guess the art thing is just for personal growth or something I don’t even know but--”

“Yes. I, yes. How do I, what do I sign, what do I give, how--”

Kihyun was rambling and stuttering and he was a _mess_ , hands shaking and heart beating so fast it was _painful_ but, but it wasn’t a bad thing. He didn’t think so anyway. It didn’t feel bad. It felt. It felt free.

Kihyun was aware of the fact that his eyes were burning, slightly, pricking at the corners of his eyes but, but this was _a lot_.

“Just say yes. Er, and register for the classes, I just need to do a few things, but it’s all admin, ‘ll need to call Ji-Eun, but don’t worry about--Are you okay?”

Kihyun was sniffing, trying to hide his face.

He’d been ready, crushed, but _ready_ , to drop all of his classes. To drop out of college. To work a long list of shitty jobs and maybe, _maybe_ , one day making it back to college. And, yet, here he was. Getting a full ride to, to do something he _loved_ , to go into the field that made him feel _alive_ and, and Changkyun _loved him_ and--

“I--I’m okay.” His voice was breaking. He was choking up, and he knew it. “I’m just-- I thought I was going to have to drop everything and--” Kihyun broke off, leaning forward, hands coming up to cover his face, unable to stop the silent sobs from rising up inside him and shaking his shoulders for the whole world to see.

“Oh. Oh, no, don’t cry, I--Do you want me to call Changkyun? I don’t have his number, but, er--”

Kihyun shook his head, still hidden in his hands. No. He was, he was okay. He really was. This was just. It was a lot.

“Well, er. Congratulations, Kihyun. You… you deserve this.”

“I-- I’m sorry,” Kihyun mumbled into his hands, still sobbing lightly. “I’m not, I’m not usually like this, I promise. This has been. A long two weeks. I’m sorry.”

“I know, Kihyun, I physically had to seperate you and Jungkook because the sass was just.. Palpable. You’ve corrected me in class before. I know, but it’s okay. Tissue?”

Kihyun laughed wetly, grabbing the tissue and wiping off his face and blowing his nose, looking up with watery eyes.

“Thank you. I, I owe you.”

Professor Kim smiled at him, pushing forward the box of tissues on his desk. “You took the pictures. You held the gallery opening. I just sent an email.”

Kihyun laughed, grabbing more tissues. Things… things were looking good. He was so happy. He was so _happy_.

“I need to go tell Changkyun,” he realised, suddenly, almost jumping up from his chair. “Bye. Thank you. I’ll… I’ll see you in class, I guess.”

“I’ll see you in class,” Professor Kim said, before mumbling to himself as Kihyun practically bolted out of the room. “God, Jungkook is going to be _insufferable_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changki deserve this, y'all


	19. All Good Things

**Kihyun**

Mom, I think you and me and father should talk tonight

 

**Mom**

Alright, dear

\---

 

“Did you send it?”

Kihyun sighed, staring at his phone.

“Yeah. She said we could talk. Hah.” Kihyun shook his head, curling up on Changkyun’s bed.

Changkyun frowned, scooching closer to run his fingers through Kihyun’s hair. “It’s better like this. I’m not one to talk, God help you when you finally meet my mother, but… It’s better than just ignoring it."

Kihyun groaned, burying his face in the pillow.

“But it’s so much _easier_ to just ignore it. Like, we can all pretend it doesn’t exist and live peacefully in self-inflicted discomfort and ignorance. It’ll be great.”

“Listen,” Changkyun scoffed. “I am all for procrastination, but shit like this just, gets worse the more you ignore it. You know that.”

Kihyun pushed himself up and frowned at Changkyun.

“ _Listen_ , everything _might_ have worked out. We don’t know for _sure_ it wouldn’t have worked.” Changkyun quirked an entirely disbelieving eyebrow and Kihyun sighed. “I just… don’t want to see my father again.”

“Completely understandable,” Changkyun nodded. “There’s parts of my family I haven’t seen in years and don’t intend to. I get it. But that was _after_ I got to say everything I wanted and it felt really, _really_ good. And some of them even still talked to me afterwards.”

Kihyun scrunched his nose and moved over to lay his head on Changkyun’s shoulder.

“Okay, yeah, but my father doesn’t even _want me in his family_. I’m not even sure I want to be in my family.”

Changkyun laughed softly, hands trailing up and down Kihyun’s back. “Then you don’t have anything to be scared of. It’s just some more people you can reprimand to your liking.”

Kihyun scoffed, nosing into Changkyun’s neck.

“You act like I actually _like_ reprimanding people.” Kihyun paused. “Well, okay, yeah, sometimes. When they deserve it.”

“Well, they definitely do.”

Kihyun said nothing, closing his eyes and just breathing, feeling Changkyun’s heartbeat (which still managed to be slightly erratic, even after a week and a half of acclimatiSing themselves to being able, to being _allowed_ , to touch, casually, constantly) and finding comfort in the warmth, there.

“Do you…” Changkyun swallowed. “Do you want me to come with you? I’m _really_ awkward, but I can, I don’t know, hold your hand and nod vehemently at everything you say?”

Kihyun snorted. He was too comfortable and warm now to panic properly now, to enter into a head-space that made his skin itchy and tight, but he could feel it linger under the surface. The hand smoothing its way up and down his back helped, though.

“Now _that’s_ an image. You just sitting there, nodding and trying to keep a serious face. You have the most expressive face I’ve ever seen, Changkyun. You _really_ can’t keep a straight face.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Changkyun teased, pressing a finger into Kihyun’s side (Kihyun quickly swatting his hand away and nestling back into his shoulder, feeling Changkyun’s voice rumble against his ear, warm and comforting.)

“Oh, shut up. Yeah, probably.”

“So was that a ‘yes, walk into my parents’ house on my arm like the trophy wife you are’ or ‘no way in hell I’m letting you sit there and look like an idiot’? I’m a bit unclear.”

“Why are _you_ the trophy wife? Is this supposed to imply that I’m the one that makes the money and shit? Let me be the trophy wife.”

“Oh, shush, you can be the trophy wife when you meet my parents.”

Kihyun could physically feel his face pale, and he glanced up at Changkyun with wide eyes.

“Oh, yeah, god, I still have to do that.”

Changkyun rolled his eyes, smiling, placing a quick kiss on Kihyun’s cheek. “You have literally nothing to worry about. My dad's super chill. And my mother’ll probably insist you’re too good for me and then try to teach you how to two step ‘for the wedding’.”

“...She does know it’s not actually _legal_ for us to get married, right?”

Changkyun shrugged. “She’s an optimist. All I’m _saying_ , is that I told her I was gay and she said ‘No Shit, Sherlock’. Didn’t even pause the show she was watching. You’ll be fine.”

Kihyun laughed quietly against Changkyun’s neck.

“That sounds… underwhelming. Nice, but doesn’t quite live up to the hype of coming out.”

“‘Coming out’ is for the straights. Ridiculous concept, but we indulge them,” Changkyun joked, laughing, before his hand stilled on the small of Kihyun’s back. “Wait, your only problem with us getting married is that it’s not legal?”

Kihyun stiffened and stuttered.

“Well, you see, in a purely hypothetical situation-- I mean I wouldn’t be _against_ \--” Kihyun shut his mouth with an almost audible snap, burying his head further into Changkyun’s neck. Who was laughing. The ass. “Shut up.”

“I’ll make sure my mum teaches you, then,” Changkyun said without a hint of mirth, turning his face to press his lips against the sensitive skin behind Kihyun’s ear. “Are you okay?”

Kihyun shivered lightly.

“Yeah. What makes you think I can’t dance?”

“Mmm,” Changkyun hummed against Kihyun’s skin. “Can you?”

Kihyun pursed his lips, trying to subtly open up as much of his neck as possible. He had a weak spot, okay?

“M-maybe. A bit. My mom made me take a few classes in high school.”

“You’ll have to show me some time.” Changkyun, thankfully, took the hint, brushing his lips against Kihyun’s skin and placing soft kisses down his neck and against the line of his jaw.

“Where-- where do we ever-- _would_ we ever dance like that. D-Do you just want to dance in some random room?” Kihyun laughed, slightly breathless, one hand sneaking up to weave into Changkyun’s hair.

Changkyun pressed closer, hands on Kihyun’s waist, fingers teasing at the hem of Kihyun’s shirt as he hummed against his skin again. “Mmm, mine would do. I’ll sing us a song and we’ll dance like in the movies.”

“ _You’ll_ sing a song? I thought you hated singing.” Kihyun was squirming slightly, he knew he was, but Changkyun’s fingers were tickling, gentle, dragging slightly against his stomach.

“I want to see if you can dance while in stitches laughing,” Changkyun breathed out a slightly shaky laugh, hand snaking up the back of Kihyun’s shirt.

“I wouldn’t be laughing. Too much,” Kihyun smiled, pressing a kiss just beneath Changkyun’s jaw, his own hand smoothing over Changkyun’s stomach. Kihyun had a shaky, anticipating feeling in his stomach, something he was familiar with but hadn’t felt in years, and even that… Hadn’t felt like this. It had tugged and pulled at him, but hadn’t left him feeling like every inch of his skin was too hot and too cold, hadn’t made his hands shake like this, hadn’t made his head spin and heart tighten and flutter painfully, dizzyingly. Changkyun took a breath, leaning his forehead against Kihyun’s chest and it felt a lot like standing on the edge of a cliff.

“You okay?” Kihyun asked, reaching down to tilt his head up and gently touch Changkyun’s cheek. He traced his fingers along the small indents on Changkyun’s cheek and felt him flinch beneath his touch. “Changkyun?”

“I’m sorry, I just--” Changkyun raised his hand to cover his cheek, tilting his head down again, eyes avoiding Kihyun’s. Kihyun felt his heart _clench_ and, on a whim, dove in a placed a kiss on Changkyun’s other cheek.

“Don’t be sorry. You’re beautiful, Changkyun. Don’t…” Kihyun paused, lifting a shaky hand to cup Changkyun’s scarred cheek. “Don’t hide from me. You’re beautiful.”

And, and he _was_ , and Kihyun couldn’t, he couldn’t believe, didn’t know even know _how_ , this boy could think he wasn’t. He shone like a fucking star, all through Kihyun’s photographs and, and Kihyun just wanted to _tell him_ until he believed it.

Changkyun raised his eyes and a smile tugged at his lips. “You’re biased.”

Kihyun shrugged, pulling Changkyun closer. “So? Doesn’t mean it isn’t true. You have _no_ idea how hard it was to pick some pictures for the gallery. I wanted to pick all of them, but, you know, the gallery is only _that_ big.”

Changkyun laughed softly, flushing up to his ears and threatening to duck his head down again. Kihyun kept his hand on his cheek, thumb gently stroking. Changkyun’s eyes softened so perceptively Kihyun couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t been joking when he said Changkyun’s face read like an open book, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

“I should show you some of the texts I sent Hyungwon and Jooheon about you,” Changkyun admitted with a laugh, eyes glancing down shyly. “The cute boy in my programming class. You wore a beanie once and the world collapsed in on itself. I… I still look at you and wonder how you’re real, how any of this is real.”

Kihyun flushed, shifting so he could place a long, lingering kiss against Changkyun’s lips.

“That’s so fucking sappy. I love it.”

“And I love you,” Changkyun breathed. “So so much.”

“I love you too. I was stupid to try and pretend I didn’t. I’m sorry I fucked up a lot, but I love you a lot. I do,” Kihyun breathed, pressing his face against Changkyun chest.

“Don’t be sorry,” Changkyun said and Kihyun could almost laugh, if Changkyun’s hand wasn’t in his hair, if his nails weren’t dragging softly down the small of his back. “You’re here now.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun agreed, kissing down to Changkyun’s collarbones, “Yeah, I’m here.” Kihyun’s heart was _pounding_ and he felt a little bit like he wanted to die, but, but Changkyun was here and he was holding onto Kihyun so _tightly_ Kihyun could barely think past the constant refrain of ‘I love him’.

Changkyun kept his grip on him even as he pulled back, just enough to create and instantly close that space between their lips. He was pulling Kihyun closer, like they could be closer even with their chests pressed up against each other, Changkyun’s hand gripped tightly at the back of Kihyun’s neck.

Kihyun smoothed his hand down Changkyun’s side, hesitating at the edge of Changkyun’s shirt.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Changkyun breathed against his lips, swallowing thickly as Kihyun let his hand wander under the shirt, pushing lightly in the process until Changkyun tipped over backwards, ending up beneath Kihyun, staring up at him with wide eyes as Kihyun’s hands continued to push up his shirt.

Kihyun ducked down to place a kiss to Changkyun’s soft stomach and he could feel Changkyun’s stomach muscles contract, could feel the way Changkyun shook under his touch. Kihyun smoothed his hands up Changkyun’s sides, pushing the shirt up only after kissing the skin the motion left uncovered, working his way up, inch by inch, until it bunched up and Changkyun lifted himself and his arms so Kihyun could pull it off. Changkyun’s arms immediately came up to cover himself, head ducking down again, and Kihyun shook his head, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips until he could feel the tenseness in his shoulders dissipate, and his arms slowly come down to his sides.

“Don’t hide from me,” Kihyun repeated, smoothing a hand over Changkyun’s chest, thumbing almost absent-mindedly at a nipple, revelling in the soft little gasp Changkyun gave. He guided Changkyun’s hands to the hem of his own shirt, nodding as if giving permission and lifting his arms obligingly when Changkyun slowly, slowly, started sliding his shirt off. Kihyun found Changkyun’s eyes again, and--God, Changkyun was smiling at him and he felt himself smile, heard himself giggle. Changkyun smoothed a hand over Kihyun’s hair.

“Hello.”

Changkyun was smiling, smiling so beautifully, head tilted, lying open and vulnerable in front of Kihyun and Kihyun’s heart felt so _full_ he could hardly breathe.

“Hey,” Kihyun giggled again and leaned down, hoping his soft, insistent kiss would make Changkyun feel even a little bit close to as precious as he was to Kihyun. Kihyun moved, knees on either side of Changyun’s hips, and could do nothing to prevent gasping against Changkyun’s lips.

“Are _you_ okay?” Changkyun giggled shakily against Kihyun’s lips, breathless as he ran a hand down Kihyun’s back (his _bare_ back, oh my god), shyly lingering at the waist of Kihyun’s sweatpants.

“I’m, I’m fine,” Kihyun breathed, unable to stop his own hands from going back to playing with Changkyun’s chest, just to see Changkyun gasp and writhe against him. “Changkyun, I--Do you--” Kihyun bit down onto his lip and against the question that _shouldn’t_ be this difficult. “What do you want?”

“You.”

Kihyun laughed, breathy, because of course he would say that. He looked down to see Changkyun smiling up at him, gently, but with a serious look in his eyes that had something deep inside Kihyun _aching_.

“You, and everything you’re willing to give.”

“That’s _so_ fucking cheesy,” Kihyun smiled, kicking down slightly with his hips to see Changkyun gasp, curling up slightly.

“I,” Changkyun panted, hands gripping at Kihyun, more urgent, and Kihyun could feel his nails dig just slightly into his skin and he almost shivered. “I have really annoying friends who showed up here two days ago with a _Couple’s Care Package_. J-just thought you should know.”

Kihyun let out a full-bellied laugh at this, sitting up so that he properly straddled Changkyun’s waist.

“You have _really_ annoying friends. But, at this moment, I kinda wanna know where this so called _Care Package_ is.”

Changkyun laughed softly, eyes scrunched shut and face red. “There’s a really obvious joke there but I’m going to ignore it. It’s--” He lifted his hand towards his bedside table, taking deep, steadying breaths. “I shoved it into the bottom drawer.”

Kihyun gently shoved Changkyun back onto the bed from his slightly raised position, getting up to get it out, valiantly trying to ignore the tent he knew he was sporting. Changkyun, however, seemed to have no such misgivings.

“Oh, so you _are_ just excited to see me.”

Kihyun flushed, but turned around to raise an eyebrow at Changkyun’s own crotch.

“You’re one to talk.”

Changkyun groaned, legs twitching, as if wanting to lift up. “Just get _back here_ ,” Changkyun chuckled, running a hand over his face and peeking through his fingers at Kihyun.

Kihyun who... Who… was staring at the products in his hand, a flurry of indecision running through him before standing up and hesitantly holding up a bottle of lube and a condom.

“Do you… I mean… do you want me to?”

Changkyun paled and blushed at the same time, hands knotting on his stomach. It was amazing.

“Do I want you to what?”

“Changkyun, don’t make this difficult. What do you want?” Kihyun huffed out, getting back on the bed and over Changkyun, ignoring his own flaming cheeks.

“Do you…” Changkyun winced, clearly embarrassed. “Do _you_ have a preference?”

Kihyun shrugged, putting down the lube and condombending down to mouth lazily at Changkyun’s collarbone before saying, “Not really. It feels good both ways.”

“Oh,” Changkyun breathed. “Okay. I--”

Kihyun palmed at Changkyun’s erection through his sweatpants, effectively turning Changkyun’s words into a low groan.

“I’m _new_ at this, Kihyun,” Changkyun managed, chest heaving and legs tensing up as Kihyun moved his kisses down to his chest.

“Hmm,” Kihyun hummed, slowly moving his hand up and down as his tongue flicked at Changkyun’s nipple. “Do you want me to stop?”

“God, no.”

Changkyun grabbed at his hips, gripping tightly, thumbing at Kihyun’s exposed hip bones and Kihyun quite abruptly decided he’d had _quite enough_ of pants for now. His and Changkyun’s both. Kihyun tugged at the band of Changkyun’s sweatpants, dragging them down slightly before hesitating, looking up at Changkyun.

Changkyun, who looked wonderfully wrecked, chest heaving, red spots bright on his cheeks.

“Can I?”

All Changkyun seemed to be able to do was nod, and it was all the encouragement Kihyun needed to tug them down his legs, tugging his pants off completely, before lowering his head to kiss at Changkyun’s inner thigh. Changkyun whined, loud, the pitch high and wonderfully foreign to Kihyun’s ears, and Kihyun had to push down at Changkyun’s squirming legs.

“Mmm, probably shouldn’t leave a hickey where anyone can see, huh?”

Changkyun looked to be almost beyond words at this point, and Kihyun felt an incredible pull at his gut with just how gone the boy looked _already_. Changkyun was still in his underwear, a little patch of wet adorning the bulge there. Kihyun glanced at him again, before ducking down and lapping his tongue there, pressing it flat against the heat.

Changkyun cried out, hands fisting in the sheets of his bed and legs threatening to snap shut. Kihyun pushed down, laving the material with long strokes. Just for a moment, though. Kihyun was in absolutely no rush. He moved down Changkyun’s legs again, hands firm but gentle, kissing, kissing, before latching onto a little patch of skin on the inside of his thigh and sucking, pulling the skin between his teeth and nibbling lightly between sucks. He pulled back after a while and smiled. Yeah, that would do.

Kihyun moved to reposition himself and was, again, reminded of his own situation. He hooked his thumbs in his underwear, both his underwear and pants, preparing to pull down, before hesitating for a moment.

Kihyun pursed his lips, looking down at a panting Changkyun, before grabbing the bottle of lube, trying his hardest not to pay attention to how bright red his own cheeks were.

“Do you, um,” Kihyun cleared his throat, “do you want to help prep me?”

Changkyun blinked, eyes wide as he sat up on his elbows. Kihyun flushed even deeper, if that was even _possible_.

“It’s… it’s your first time, and I just thought--” Kihyun tried to swallow, mouth incredibly dry. “I just thought you might want to-- it’s fine if you don’t! I just--”

Changkyun nodded, almost too eagerly “I do! I do. Just… help me? I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Kihyun smiled slightly, nodding, shaking hand holding out the annoyingly bright coloured bottle. Changkyun took it, looking at him expectantly. “Okay, just, just warm up your hands first. Cold hands are…” Kihyun shuddered slightly. “Not nice.”

“Okay,” Changkyun said, rubbing his hands together and exhaling quickly onto them before opening the bottle as Kihyun suddenly felt _incredibly_ self-conscious about pulling down his pants. He knew he needed to, realised that this entire scenario wasn’t going to play out all that well if he _wasn’t_ naked, but, still. It was… vulnerable in a way Kihyun had almost forgotten about. Being open like that, nothing hidden… It wasn’t something Kihyun thought he would ever get used to.

“How, how much?” Changkyun asked, staring at the glob he had already squirted out onto his fingers.

“More is better than not enough,” Kihyun said, took a deep breath, remembered _just_ how much he loved and trusted the boy currently boggled by lube of all things, and tugged, kicking at the bunched up material vehemently, taking a moment before looking down at Changkyun again. Changkyun, who, as seemingly shell-shocked and pink cheeked as he was, quickly closed the space between them, and Kihyun climbed into his lap, pressing soft kisses everywhere he could reach, hissing when his dick dragged against Changkyun’s stomach. Kihyun spread his legs, holding onto Changkyun and whining uninhibitedly when he felt Changkyun’s finger press experimentally against his entrance.

“Just, just make it wet first. Don’t, don’t press in yet,” Kihyun instructed, gasping against Changkyun’s hair, unable to keep his hips from bucking up against Changkyun’s stomach, looking for friction. “Slowly, okay?”

As if in reply, Changkyun kissed lazily at Kihyun’s exposed neck, finger teasing gently for a few more seconds, circling, circling, lingering almost _too_ long, before he slowly started pressing in with the tip of his finger.

“Ah,” Kihyun gasped, pressing down slightly, gasping again as Changkyun pressed in even more, slowly working his finger in and out and deeper each time. “Okay, yes, slowly, baby, slowly, it’s been a while.”

The hand gripping at Kihyun’s hip tightened, just slightly, just enough for his nails to dig into Kihyun’s skin and a curious shiver to work its way down his spine.

Kihyun grinned.

“You like me calling you baby?”

Changkyun groaned against his neck, finger starting to prod experimentally. “Who’d’ve known.”

Kihyun tried to shrug, but at that moment Changkyun’s finger popped through the tight ring of muscle, and Kihyun all but sagged, boneless, against Changkyun, hands gripping at his shoulders to stay upright.

“W--well, I mean, you’re kinda-- kinda a baby boy, Changkyun.”

“And what, exactly,” Changkyun started, panting hot against Kihyun’s neck, pulling out his finger and Kihyun knew what to expect, knew they couldn’t stay at one finger forever, but, _god_. “Does that make you?”

“Whatever you want.”

Kihyun cried out as Changkyun pressed in, immediately stilling as Kihyun clung to him, fingers pressing into Changkyun back.

“Hyung,” Changkyun said, pulling back and staring at Kihyun with wide eyes. “Did I hurt you?”

Kihyun shook his head vehemently, one hand going back to grab at Changkyun’s hand, keeping it there, taking a deep breath before rocking down slightly. “No, no, it’s fine. It’s good, just. Like I said, just go slowly.”

Changkyun nodded, smoothing one hand up Kihyun’s side, and hell if Changkyun wasn’t a good listener. He pushed in and pulled out and Kihyun, although he could feel his gut pull and clench, felt himself relax, less tense, his shoulders dropping from their regular, tense, position. Kihyun breathed deeply and moved, only wincing lightly when Changkyun spread his fingers, peppering little kisses on his neck as if apologising.

“Oh, oh,” Kihyun gasped, “Oh, baby, it’s okay, I’m-- okay, yes.” Kihyun gripped at Changkyun’s back with one hand, other hand going up to knot into Changkyun’s hair. It was so much. It was _so much_ . Changkyun, his beautiful, nerdy, stupid boy, was beneath him, pressing into him, pressing small kisses against his neck, and Kihyun all of sudden felt so _full_ , so _overcome_ , he could barely breathe.

“I-- I love you, Changkyun, baby, I love you.”

Kihyun felt Changkyun move, shift just slightly and then there was a hand cupping his cheek, guiding him gently. His forehead bumped lightly against something, and when Kihyun opened his eyes, Changkyun was right there, eyes shining and pink cheeks dimpled in a smile so beautiful he couldn’t believe it was for him.

“I love you, too,” Changkyun whispered, a mischievous edge to his voice, prompting so much affection from Kihyun he wouldn’t even dare to try and stop the smile on his face. Kihyun ducked in and kissed Changkyun softly, rocking his hips leisurely.

“Another one?”

Kihyun nodded, wincing only slightly when Changkyun slowly, _slowly_ , pushed in another finger, thrusting lightly. After a few more minutes of Changkyun working Kihyun open, getting into a steady rhythm now and still peppering Kihyun’s neck with kisses, Kihyun reached back to stop his hand, pushing gently.

“Okay, it’s, I’m ready.”

Changkyun pulled back, nodding a little and pressing a kiss against his lips. “How--do you want to--should I lie down? I--” Changkyun coughed.

Kihyun smirked slightly, smoothing a hand down Changkyun’s chest, thumbing at a nipple just to see him gasp. “Well, taking off your underwear would be a _great_ start.”

Changkyun glanced down. “Right. Right, okay.”

Changkyun moved his hands down to his underwear, paused, hands hesitating, and Kihyun sighed before pushing him gently down, Changkyun’s back bouncing slightly. “You take too long,” Kihyun grumbled, moving his own hands to Changkyun’s underwear and pulling them down, going slightly dry-mouthed at the proof of how worked up Changkyun was. Kihyun fumbled to get the condom he’d discarded _somewhere_ on the bed, tearing open the packaging and smoothing it down the length of Changkyun’s dick. His hand lingered on Changkyun’s dick, and he looked up to see Changkyun leaning on his elbows, looking down at him with wide eyes and a heaving chest.

“Hey,” Kihyun said softly, clambering up to sit in Changkyun’s lap again, one hand coming up to cup his cheek. “You still okay? You still with me?”

“Yeah!” Changkyun nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, yeah, I am, I’m just,” Changkyun laughed nervously. “Overwhelmed. In a--a good way.”

Kihyun smiled, kissed his forehead, then reached behind him, grabbing a hold of Changkyun’s dick. He positioned himself, felt the poking blunt head, and, slowly, maintaining eye contact with Changkyun, sunk down, stopping every few inches to adjust.

“Ah, wow, okay,” Kihyun said, breathlessly, when finally he was pressed up against Changkyun, unused to that stretch, to that feeling of being just so _full_ , and he moved, just slightly, against that deep press inside of him and whimpered. Changkyun’s hands, on either sides of his thighs, were digging into the soft flesh and when he opened his eyes, (somewhere in the middle of that Kihyun had apparently closed them) Changkyun was staring at the ceiling, back arched and breaths coming in short pants, mouth hanging open.

Kihyun laughed silently, gasping when the movement rocked him against Changkyun’s dick.

“You--you still with me? Changkyun? Baby? Baby, look at me?”

“Can’t,” Changkyun said, even as he dipped his chin and locked eyes with Kihyun, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. “Think I’ve died. Heaven, etc-- _Fuck,_ ” Changkyun groaned, having moved in following Kihyun’s request with what amounted as a small thrust.

Kihyun gasped and pushed back, hands moving to find Changkyun’s, moving them to his hips.

“It’s-- I’m gonna take care of you, baby. Just, just keep looking at me, okay?” Changkyun nodded and Kihyun gasped, tentatively starting to move on top of Changkyun, relishing in the way the younger boy’s hands gripped tightly, _impossibly_ tight, on his hips, (he would definitely have bruises there, not that he particularly minded) and the way he nodded almost desperately, an almost anguished look on his face as he locked his eyes on Kihyun. Kihyun was acutely aware that this _was_ Changkyun’s first time, and--well, he’d already lasted longer than Kihyun had.

Kihyun braced his hands on Changkyun chest, lifting up once, twice, and then Changkyun was a blubbering mess underneath him, hands gripping _tight_. “Hyung, hyung, I--I can’t, I-- I’m gonna, I’m sorry I--”

“Shhh,” Kihyun said, circling his hips, “It’s okay, it’s okay, hey, Changkyun, baby, look at me.” Kihyun waited until Changkyun’s roving eyes found his, and then smiled. “It’s okay, I got you, I love you. You can let go.”

Kihyun moved once, twice more and Changkyun’s hands came up to grip at his arms, curling up into the older boy as he cried out, legs shaking and hips stilling against Kihyun, who slid his hands along Changkyun’s back as he arched up, holding him closer, whispering _just_ how much Changkyun meant to him into his ear, holding him as the younger boy shook in his arms.

(Kihyun’s heart was _so full_ , so heart-achingly full, that, if he was a weaker man, he might have started crying.)

Changkyun’s grip relaxed and he leaned back, red-faced and out of breath and eyes dangerously shiny and sat up again to Kihyun, deeply and gently, somehow, tilting Kihyun over, mouth moving down to his neck as he slipped himself out of Kihyun. He fumbled a little and somewhere in the back of Kihyun’s mind he really, really hoped Changkyun hadn’t just tried to throw a used condom across the room and into his dustbin.

Kihyun didn’t have more than a second to dwell on it, however, because Changkyun was very quickly kissing his way down Kihyun’s chest, stomach, and--

“ _Oh my god,_ ” Kihyun gasped, one hand coming up to cover his face, the other latching onto Changkyun’s hair, gripping tightly. Changkyun hummed around Kihyun's dick, and, just as Kihyun managed to regain any sense of reality, Changkyun-- _the little shit_ \--thrust two fingers into Kihyun, crooked them, and _sucked_.

“Oh my _go_ \-- _Changkyun_ ,” Kihyun all but whined, hand gripping tightly in Changkyun’s hair, hips bucking up. “Oh, _oh_ , please Changkyun, baby, _please_.”

Changkyun hummed again, moving his head up and down, hitting that spot inside Kihyun with every thrust, and, with a gasped, “Changkyun, I’m gonna--” Kihyun came, shoulders tensing up for a second, vision swimming, whining (loudly), before he fell, boneless, against the bedding, breathing heavily. “God, shit, Changkyun, did you--” He pushed himself up to look at Changkyun and immediately fell back in a fit of giggles.

“Nice warning there, hyung,” Changkyun grumbled before pinching Kihyun’s side. “Hey! Don’t _laugh_.”

“I--I’m sorry,” Kihyun giggled, lightheaded, dragging a hand across his own face. “I tried to warn you but…” He petered off into another series of giggles. Changkyun looked so _done_. How did he manage to look absolutely wrecked and done at the same time. God, Kihyun loved him so much.

Kihyun heard him open one of his drawers, and giggled again. He _wanted_ to tease Changkyun about having tissues in his bedside table but hell, so did Kihyun, so did most every post-pubescent boy, and he _did_ just have decidedly the best orgasm of his life, for sentimental reasons as well as just, well, _facts_ , so he’d let it slide. Just this once.

Kihyun covered his face, rubbing at his cheeks.

Wow, okay, so that had just happened. Okay, that’s… something. By the time he opened his eyes again, Changkyun had gotten up from the bed, wiped his face clean, and pulled on a far-too-big t-shirt. He was looking around and caught Kihyun’s eye, blushing slightly as he pulled his shirt even further down his legs and waddled towards Kihyun.

Kihyun groaned. “What are you even-- I’m still _naked_ , you idiot.”

“I know, it’s great,” Changkyun smiled widely, leaning over him from next to the bed. “I think you’re lying on my pants.”

Kihyun hoisted himself up on his arms, feeling slightly self-conscious now that they weren’t in the heat of things, pulling up his legs and crossing his arms as Changkyun pulled his pants out from under Kihyun. Changkyun paused, reaching out for Kihyun’s cheek. He didn’t say anything, just kept looking at him, and Kihyun sighed softly after a minute or two of this.

“You okay there?”

Changkyun nodded, swallowing but smiling. “Sorry. I don’t know any post coital customs.”

Kihyun shook his head, smiling slightly, pulling his legs up even higher. He was very aware of the fact that Changkyun was dressed, and he was sitting there in all his naked, slightly bony glory. “There’s no, there’s no customs, Changkyun. Though, we should probably both go shower before we go to meet my parents.”

Changkyun groaned. “I’d almost forgotten about that.”

Kihyun grinned, having now succeeded in pulling his legs up enough to wrap his arms around them. He shivered slightly. “Yeah, same.”

Changkyun sighed softly, arm smoothing down Kihyun’s back, lingering at the divots on his back. “I want to… I want to make our own custom where I just--look at you and kiss you and tell you I love you until you get tired of me.”

Kihyun hid a small smile in his arms. “Well, no one’s stopping you.”

“And no one ever will.” Changkyun scooched closer, and Kihyun felt himself nuzzle into the heat. He couldn’t stop smiling, and when he looked at Changkyun, he had the suspicion it was mutual. “No matter what, as long as you want me, I’ll always love you. Even when you baby me--”

“You like the baby thing--”

“Right, so, _especially_ when you baby me.”

Kihyun smiled again. “Okay, come on, you dork. Let’s go shower.”

“Mmm, no I’ve only looked at you and told you I loved you,” Changkyun leaned in, nosing at Kihyun’s cheek. “This is a three tier custom and I need you to respect it despite its very short time in effect.”

Kihyun pecked a kiss on Changkyun’s nose. “That enough?”

Changkyun sighed dramatically. “Damn tutors, always catching you on technicalities.” Changkyun placed a loud kiss (paired with sound effects, of course) on Kihyun’s cheek before jumping up, pulling Kihyun with him, laughing when Kihyun squeaked, grabbing the duvet and wrapping it around himself before following Changkyun to the shower.

And, really, laughing in the shower and softly kissing Changkyun’s shoulder (just to make him squirm) while washing his back, wasn’t that bad. Kihyun could handle his parents. He could handle anything if he had Changkyun by his side.

 

\---

 

**Changkyun**

Hey, dude, if you come home from Gunhee tonight, could you get some milk?

We’re out

 

**Jooheon**

learn to drink coffee black you coward

 

**Changkyun**

One, that’s disgusting, I would never do that to The Beans

And two, Kihyun needs milk to eat his morning cereal

Cos SOME PEOPLE have regular eating patterns, Jooheon

 

**Jooheon**

Some people are weird

He needs to reconcile himself to the fact that no one in college eats regularly

Get down to our level

 

**Changkyun**

Poverty is the new fad diet

Still

Milk

Buy that shit

 

**Jooheon**

Yeah yeah

How are things going by the way??

I assume my bed is nothing but a monument in that room, meaninglessly gathering dust

(Minhyuk told me he got you a care package LOL. Did Kihyun find that?)

 

**Changkyun**

I should ask Minhyuk for another one

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Jooheon**

…

OH MY GOD

YAASSSSSSSS

YOU GET THAT DICK MY BOY

 

**Changkyun**

( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

I am!!! Just!!!

No more throwing MY VIRGIN ASS INTO A VOLCANO, BITCHES

I can’t stop smiling uwu

 

**Jooheon**

I’d say details

But I expect it was all really stupid

Like, soft shit and you guys not being able to do anything

Despite Kihyun’s “””reputation””” wink wink

You were probably just having a competition to see who could say ‘I love you’ most

(But it’s still SOOOO CUTE)

(I’m gonna tell Minhyuk)

 

**Changkyun**

...yeah okay that was pretty much it

FOR NOW

Still not sure who won that one tbh

...oh. Oh god who’s gonna tell Hyungwon

WHO’S GONNA TELL HYUNGWON

 

**Jooheon**

Ahahahaahahah not me

That’s on you

I like living

 

**Changkyun**

What if we just never tell him

Celibacy until I FUCKING DIE

YOU LIKE LIVING??? _YOU?_

I’m not sure if Hyungwon will just collapse like a dying star

Or if he’s going to chase after Kihyun with a stick

 

**Jooheon**

YEAH I LIKE LIVING

Gunhee gives great head I’ve told you this

Hyungwon just might be delusional enough to believe you being celibate for life

I mean, he thought you didn’t fucking masturbate

Me: He has tissues and lu--

Hyungwon: NOOOOO HE’S A CHILD

 

**Changkyun**

If people can, like, stop mentioning that thanks

The tissues are for all the… er...

 

**Jooheon**

Mmmmmmmmmm talk yourself out of that one, bro, lemme hear it

 

**Changkyun**

ANYWAY

I have to stop talking in a bit but

Bro

Just wanna take a mo’

And say that I’m really, really fuckin happy right now

And I really, really want all of us to just get together like last time

I know you guys had a protection squad in my honour okay

So I just want Kihyun to. Idk be as welcome as Wonho is by now

 

**Jooheon**

You’re such a sap

(it was fun and necessary okay)

Yeah, we should organise something

Also, for science, and because I want a valid excuse if Hyungwon asks

(And I’m morbidly curious)

Who’s walking funny atm

 

**Changkyun**

…

…

Really

 

**Jooheon**

M’dude

I told you when Gunhee was complaining about how hard the chair was and what that shit was really about

Come on

 

**Changkyun**

…

He is

atm

For now

etc

I’M BLUSHING AND HE’S LOOKING AT ME WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY

Oh wait we’re dating I can blush now nice

 

**Jooheon**

NICE

I’m so proud of my boy

No longer a blushing virgin

Now just blushing

 

**Changkyun**

<.<

So when are you moving in with Gunhee

>.>

 

**Jooheon**

Are you serious right now

 

**Changkyun**

>.>

Boy

This can of worms has barely opened

Okay shit we’re here wish me luck

 

**Jooheon**

Wish you luck? For what?

For what, Changkyun?

...This shit again

 

\---

 

Kihyun was feeling nauseous. He, honest to god, felt like he was going to throw up. He wasn’t even _inside_ his house yet, and he felt like he was spinning, like he was in that small room again with his father, screaming at him that he didn’t want Kihyun to be a part of the family.

Kihyun swallowed, dryly, turning to face Changkyun.

“Okay, I’ve thought about this, and I don’t-- I don’t wanna do it anymore. Let’s just, let’s just go home. I’ll make dinner.”

“As nice as that _sounds_ ,” Changkyun said, smiling sympathetically, hand coming up to curl comfortingly around Kihyun’s shoulder. “We’ve already stressed ourselves out, it can’t be for nothing.”

Kihyun shook his head. “Yeah, but, like, no. It can be. It really can be. I regularly stress myself out about nothing. It is _entirely_ possible.”

Changkyun laughed, shaking his head and squeezing Kihyun’s arm. “ _Fair_. Listen, I’m not going to _force_ you, Kihyunnie. I’ve… done this before but it wasn’t my parents. But I really think you should. Maybe yell a little, get it out of your system.”

Kihyun choked out a slightly hysterical laugh. “Yell, yell at my _parents_? At my _father_?”

“What do you have to lose?”

Kihyun opened his mouth, ready to expound on the _myriad_ of things he had to lose and then… he paused. Well, he didn’t really, he didn’t really _have_ anything to lose, right? He had been prepared to drop out of college, but then got a scholarship. He had Changkyun, he had friends, a place to sleep…

The only thing he had to lose was… nothing, really. He, well, he might as well.

“I don’t… know?”

Changkyun’s hand stilled, lips pursing slightly. “Just… talk to them. Say as much as you can. Be you and say the things you mean and if that isn’t good enough for them, then, yes, yell a bit, because you’re allowed to or, hell, just because you can.”

Kihyun grinned through the nausea, pulling Changkyun closer to kiss him on the forehead. “Because fuck ‘em, right?”

“Exactly,” Changkyun laughed softly. “Do you… want me to come with? I’m not sure if you’ve changed your mind about that.”

“Yeah, I want you to. I don’t think I could stand my ground on my own.”

“Stand my ground. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

“It doesn’t help if _you_ sound uncertain about it,” Kihyun said, hitting Changkyun’s arm lightly.

“I’m not! I’m--” Changkyun tugged at his hoodie indignantly. “Giving myself a prep talk. Come on.” Changkyun opened the car door, kicking it a little as if to show dominance. “Let’s kick some conservative Korean ass with our logical argument and the pure power of love.”

Kihyun shook his head, getting out of the car and immediately going over to squeeze Changkyun’s hand in his, shoulders tensing up. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what we need. Or not at all,” Changkyun conceded, walking forward despite his words, and Kihyun was glad, his legs having turned to lead.

They came to a stop in front of the door, and, just before he lifted his hand to knock, Kihyun shook his head again. “I _cannot_ believe I’m knocking at the door of my own house.”

“Your home isn’t here. Your home is messy and out of milk.” Changkyun gave him a little push with his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah it is.”

Kihyun stepped forward, took a deep breath, and knocked. He stepped back again, taking Changkyun’s hand in his (which the younger boy squeezed _tightly_ ), and taking a deep breath. Okay, he could do this. He could do this. He could _definitely_ \--

The door opened, and Kihyun’s father appeared, eyes immediately zeroing in on Kihyun and Changkyun’s linked hands, a frown appearing on his forehead. Kihyun resisted the embedded urge to drop Changkyun’s hand, to wipe his hand on his jacket afterwards, as if it was a dirty thing to be holding another boy’s hand. (He resisted it, but it also hurt, because he could _so easily_ see a reality where he _did_ do that.)

“Father,” Kihyun said, nodding his head, begging Changkyun silently not to let go.

“Sir,” Changkyun said, bowing his head slightly.

Kihyun’s father pursed his lips, before standing back and opening the door wider. “Your mother is waiting in the sitting room.”

They took a step forward and Kihyun’s hand pulled behind him. He turned to see his father with his hand on Changkyun’s shoulder, falling quickly after stopping him in his tracks, and Kihyun’s blood ran cold.

“I want to talk to my son.”

“Father, I don’t--”

“He wanted me to be here,” Changkyun said, voice quiet but firm, and Kihyun could see it, see the way his father bristled silently.

“I’m sure he did, but this is not a conversation I’m interested in having a bystander in.”

Changkyun kept his eyes on Kihyun’s father, before looking past him at Kihyun. Kihyun didn’t know what Changkyun was seeing in his eyes, didn’t know if he could see the almost frantic fright blossoming in Kihyun’s chest, but Changkyun nodded slightly at him, before turning to Kihyun’s father.

“He wanted me here, so I’m staying. I left him once when I didn’t want to, I’m never doing that again.”

Kihyun held out his hand again, and, without looking at Kihyun’s father, Changkyun pushed past and slotted his hand with Kihyun’s. Kihyun’s squeezed his hand tightly again, forcing his leaden legs to walk towards the sitting room, where they found his mother sitting unnaturally upright in an armchair, tea things set out before her.

“Hi, dear,” she said with a tense smile.

“Hi, Mom. Tea? Really?” Kihyun said, trying for a grin.

“It’s soothing,” she said, the way she always did when insisting Kihyun should drink some tea when he said he’s stressed. She glanced at Changkyun, at their linked hands, at Kihyun’s father coming up behind them and walking past to sit where he always sat.

Kihyun took a deep breath, insisting to his stomach, that, no, it didn’t want to spill all of its contents right at this very second, and pulled Changkyun down beside him on couch, effectively making them face both of his parents.

After a few tense seconds, Kihyun’s mother perked up, sitting forward, “Do you want te--”

“You said you wanted to talk, Kihyun?” his father interjected, arms crossed.

His mother quietly sat back and Kihyun swallowed back bile and tried to find his voice.

“I wanted to-- I mean, I talked to both Mom and, and Father separately-- and then stuff happened and--”

Kihyun’s father scoffed, leaning forward.

“Are we doing this _again?_ Kihyun, we already had this conversation, you made your choice, I don’t see why--”

“No.” Kihyun looked up to his mother, fidgeting with her hands in her lap but looking at his father. “You gave him an ultimatum.”

“Dear, don’t--”

“ _No_ ,” Kihyun’s mother insisted, hands tangling, “Let the boy speak.”

Kihyun looked at his mother, nodded, and looked at his father again.

“Okay, yes, I made my choice. But, okay, first, yeah, I wanted to say, I got a scholarship. For photography. Somebody, some company decided they like my stuff enough to pay for me to go to college. So, there’s that.”

“Oh, honey, that’s _wonderful_ , I’m so happy for you,” his mother enthused, leaning forward, a bright smile on her face.

“Thanks, mom.” Kihyun took a deep breath. He was okay. His mom was here, Changkyun was here, holding his hand. He could do this. “Also, I, I need you to hear this, and accept this, because it’s true, and it’s what it is, and I’m not, I can’t-- I don’t _want_ to change, okay?” With this, Kihyun looked up at his father, feeling a strange type of bravado boil up in him. “I don’t _want_ to change, I’m not _going_ to change. I am gay. I like guys. I am dating Changkyun. I am _happy_.”

His father scoffed. Kihyun detested the sound, hated the way it always made him feel smaller, made the small seed of bravado in his chest curl up and _die_.

“See?” his father directed at his mother. “I told you, he _chose_ this. Despite all our efforts for him to be normal, he _wants_ to be different, to shock us. I don’t know where we went wrong with him.”

Kihyun could feel how he was shaking under the weight of his father’s words, and while he knew that everything around him was exactly the same, the couch he was sitting on, the walls around him, (Changkyun’s hand in his), he felt paper thin, felt like if he breathed too hard or blinked too hard or, or let himself cry he would just disintegrate, crumble like a dried leaf and--

“There’s nothing _wrong_ with him,” Changkyun said, voice tight, from next to Kihyun, and Kihyun was suddenly reminded of the fact that he’d never seen Changkyun angry before.

“Changkyun…” Kihyun trailed off, not knowing what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do, only knowing that he felt like he would break at the slightest touch, the slightest hard word.

“Like you would know, boy,” Kihyun’s father sneered. “Listen, I know you both think you’re some kind of special shit, but you need to grow up and realise that being different and weird isn’t that--” Kihyun’s father shook his head. “I _knew_ I gave you too much freedom as a kid, allowing you to read whatever you like, buying you that camera.”

“You,” Kihyun said, despite his shaking voice. “You gave my brother the same freedom. The difference is that he’s--he’s _not_ different. He has a wife and kids and everything you ever wanted for him. And, and just because I’m not-- just because I _don’t_ want that, I’m suddenly bad? I’m suddenly a mistake?”

“You got _ideas_ , Kihyun, these perverted little ideas all the way since high school--you _know_ that’s all it is or you wouldn’t look so guilty, wouldn’t make such a big deal. You got ideas because you got involved with these--” Kihyun’s father sneered. “People. I even let you bring them into my home, and look where it got you.”

Kihyun, throat tight and choked up, blinking furiously, trying his _utmost_ best not to cry, at least not in front of Changkyun, sucked in a short, tight breath.

“Where it got me? I didn’t-- There’s no _ideas_ I got, no way they changed me.” Kihyun blindly reached sideways, landing on Changkyun’s leg and holding tight. “The most they did was stop making me feel so _ashamed_ , so _wrong_ , for feeling the way I felt. For feeling that there really was something wrong with me, that I must be a mistake.” Kihyun could feel the sob building in his chest, could feel it gaining momentum with the scornful glance his father was sending his way and the way his mother was clasping her hands, mouth down-turned.

Kihyun turned his head away, coming perilously close to sticking his head into Changkyun’s shoulder. This was too much. He couldn’t do this. This-- this was _too much_.

Changkyun’s hand squeezed at his shoulder, the other finding Kihyun’s own. “We came here because he _loves you_ ,” Changkyun said, voice shaking, hand clenching and unclenching. “To try and make you understand and you--God, you treat someone you love like _this_? My mother would kill the person who said this to me, never mind be the one _saying_ it.”

Kihyun looked up to see his father glaring at Changkyun.

“Well, then I pity your mother, to have a son like you.”

Kihyun could feel Changkyun tense beside him, could feel the way his shaking stilled, but before Changkyun could say anything, he made himself get up, facing his father.

“Take that back. You don’t-- you don’t get to say that. Not to him.” He was shaking, and breathing too fast, almost hyperventilating, but there was a hot, _hot_ spark of anger burning within him, too hot to care about what might happen to him.

“Kihyun, I don’t care, this isn’t about me--”

“Shut up, _I_ care.” Changkyun’s mouth shut with an almost audible snap, and, ignoring his father, Kihyun turned to his mother, who had been watching the scene unfold with wide, fearful eyes. “Mother, you--you told me that you just want me to be happy. That, even if you didn’t understand why I was doing what I was doing, you would still support me, because you wanted to see me happy. Has that changed?"

“Now, listen here, leave your mother out of this--”

“Yes, yes, I did say that,” came Kihyun’s mother’s voice as she sat up straight, giving Kihyun a nod without  looking at him.

“Did you mean it?”

His mother’s eyes softened, and she smiled slightly. “Of course, my boy, of course.”

Kihyun took a deep breath, smiled at her, then turned to face his father again. He could do this.

“I am gay. This is my boyfriend. I am not going to study computer science, but photography. This is not a phase, and not because of how you raised me either, and although I’m sure you made _lots_ of mistakes raising me, this wasn’t one of them. I’m not trying to be different, or weird. I’m just, for the first time in my life, trying to be _me,_ without feeling ashamed of who I _am_.”

Kihyun’s father watched him with unreadable eyes before sighing down at the ground. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he spoke again.

“I just think that you’re too _young,_ Kihyun. You don’t _know_ these things--”

“My brother got married to a woman when he was twenty two, I’m twenty four. Wasn’t he _too young_ to know what gender he liked? What he wanted?”

Kihyun’s father’s jaw tensed, fixing his son with a steely look. “She got pregnant. It was the right thing to do. You know how I feel about pre-marital sex.”

Kihyun grinned, something wild inside him spurring him on.

“Oh yeah, cause they had _sex,_ so he must know. Well, good fucking news,” Kihyun turned his grin on Changkyun, who was watching him with wide eyes, an incredulous grin playing around his mouth. “You just got a son in law.”

“Oh, my _god,_ ” Changkyun laughed, a short, high pitched little sound he quickly hid behind his hand. Kihyun turned back to see his mother balking at the two of them, and his father having turned a very curious shade of red.

At that moment, Jeongyeon poked her head around the corner, an impish grin on her face.

“Aw, look at that, my little brother got laid.”

Kihyun sighed. “I am _older than you_.”

“This is not how I thought anything was gonna go,” Changkyun mumbled to himself, red and avoiding all eye contact.

“Jeongyeon!” Kihyun’s mother exclaimed, gaping at the girl in the threshold of the living room. “How long have you been there?”

“The whole time, fam.”

Jeongyeon sauntered into the living room, seemingly without a care in the world, although Kihyun _did_ notice that she kept close to his side of the room.

“As long as we’re all making confessions,” Jeongyeon murmured, clasping her hands in front of her, looking the slightest bit nervous for the first time, “And because I don’t want Kihyunnie to upstage me…” She took a deep breath. “I, also, am not straight. As in, all those sleepovers Tzuyu and I have been having… Well, we did sleep. Some.” Jeongyeon blushed.

(A sight Kihyun hadn’t known he would ever see.)

“This is absolutely ridiculous,” Kihyun’s father sighed, getting up while Kihyun’s mother was still gaping at the lot of them, red-faced and hands curled into fists. “Why do I only have one normal child?”

Kihyun clenched his teeth. He didn’t know what else he could say, what else he could argue with. He’d, he’d tried his best. What else could he say?

“Normal is relative,” Jeongyeon smiled. “Just cos Kihyunnie’s gay doesn’t mean he’s suddenly all exciting.”

“Excuse _you_ I’m plenty exciting--”

“Sure, Kihyunnie. At least Changkyunnie loves you. Grandpa aesthetic and all.”

“ _Enough_ ,” Kihyun’s father grit out, everyone turning to look at him. “I have had _enough_ of this. Kihyun, get out, and take your… _friend_ , with you. Jeongyeon just--just go to your room. Please.”

With those words, Kihyun’s father walked out of the room.

Kihyun opened his mouth to protest, but Jeongyeon leaned in close to him, whispering, “It's okay, I can handle him. I've always been tougher than you, Kihyunnie,” and Kihyun leaned back, looking at his mother with worried eyes.

His mother, sighed, rubbing her neck. “It’s fine, Kihyun. We’ll handle your father.” His mother turned to address Jeongyeon. “If you want to go to your… friend for a few days while your father calms down, I wouldn’t stop you.”

“I…” Jeongyeon started, breathing a steady breath. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m more fight than flight, really, but.” Jeongyeon chewed on her bottom lip, glancing up at her mother. “You’re… You’re okay? With this. With me?”

Their mother smiled ruefully, eyes resting on each of them briefly, softly. “It would be slightly hypocritical of me to accept one and not the other, I suppose.” She sighed again, before getting up and pulling them both into a hug. “You’re my children. I don’t understand you, always, but I love you. And I’m done trying to police what happiness looks like for either of you.”

Kihyun felt his mother lift her head to look behind him (his heart was still racing, still beating entirely the wrong rhythm, he had just confessed to having sex _in front of his parents_ , after all), and, then, his mother’s voice.

“Changkyun. I expect you to take care of my Kihyunnie. He’s more delicate than he seems, and he needs someone to look after him, no matter how much he may deny it.”

“ _Mom_ , I’m not--”

“I know,” Changkyun said, voice small and a sniffle colouring the end of his sentence. “I-I will. I’d never do anything to hurt him, I promise.”

“I’m not delicate,” Kihyun grumbled, holding his mother tight, burying his face in her neck, feeling Jeongyeon’s shoulders shake silently beside him. In tears or laughter, he didn’t know, although he wouldn’t put either past her. She pulled away, nodding tightly.

“Right. Where are you staying, dear?”

Kihyun blinked. “Uhm,” Kihyun blinked back at Changkyun. “I’m… staying at Changkyun’s dorm…”

“My roommate’s never there so,” Changkyun shrugged, shy.

Kihyun’s mother rolled her eyes fondly. “Of course. Just make sure to actually talk to your university about housing and not just squat there. Okay? You can come get your things when you have time, your father won’t make _too much_ of a fuss.”

Kihyun nodded, swallowing against the sudden knot in his throat. It’s not that he actually expected to ever live in his home again, not _really_. But there had been a small, little boy part of him that had wished, desperately and childishly, that his mother would open her arms and welcome him home, tell him that he’s always free to stay, even if he didn’t want to.

It’s not like he _wanted_ to live there, but he would’ve liked to at least have the option.

She put her hand on his arm, stroking lightly, a sympathetic smile on her face. “Come around for dinner every now and then. Bring Changkyun. We’ll… ease him into it.”

“Jeongyeon…?” Kihyun questioned, looking at his sister standing next to him, twisting her hands in front of her.

“Mmm? Me?” Jeongyeon looked up at him like she’d only just noticed him standing there, blinking and smiling in that way Kihyun could easily recognise from when she hadn’t studied enough and their parents asked about it. All, ‘oh, me? Little innocent me? When have I ever done something wrong ever in my life?’

Kihyun sighed. “Yes, you. I mean, I have Changkyun. Are you gonna… stay here?”

“Oh. Yeah? Yeah, I think I am.’

Kihyun bit his lip, looking at the door his father disappeared out of. He reached back to take Changkyun’s hand, needing that reassurance. “Are you sure? I mean… father’s kinda… yeah.”

“Always has been, bro. I’m still _me_ , I’m not going to be running around the house with a pride flag or anything, but... I’m still in _school_ , Ki. Grin and bear it is pretty much all I got.”

Kihyun shrugged. “Still… Mom, don’t, don’t let father-- Mom, he fu-- he messed me up a lot. Don’t let-- yeah.”

Jeongyeon scoffed out a “I’m _fine_ ” just as his mother nodded a “Of course.”

Changkyun squeezed his hand. “You should get some clothes while you’re here.”

Kihyun looked down at the shirt he was wearing--Changkyun’s, for that matter--and nodded. He took a deep breath and smiled at his mother. “Thank you. I’ll keep you updated?”

“Please do. And I better get an invite to all your galleries, okay?”

“Of course, mom,” Kihyun said, somewhere between wanting to laugh and cry. “You’re always welcome.”  
  
“You too, dear,” she sighed, before giving her son a solid pat on the back. “Go pack. I need to talk to your sister for a moment.”

“What? No, I didn’t agree to that--”

Kihyun grinned, walking backwards to his room and dragging Changkyun along with him. “Have fun.”

“You _ass_.”

“Language, dear.”

“Sorry, mom.”

 

\---

 

**Wonho**

:)

 

**Hyungwon**

No

 

**Wonho**

:)))

 

**Hyungwon**

N o

 

**Wonho**

:(((

 

**Hyungwon**

Goddammit

 

**Wonho**

He’s going to be around all the time

Just bite the bullet

Do it

Jooooin uuuuus

 

**Hyungwon**

I don’t LIKE him

I don’t see why I have to

 

**Wonho**

You spent time with him before :(((

You bought him tea

He told me you bought him tea

Don’t be like thiiiis :((((

 

**Hyungwon**

I was younger then

Stupider

I didn’t know what I was doing

 

**Wonho**

He’s my best friend :(((

 

**Hyungwon**

Have you considered

Getting a new one

Maybe the factory gives refunds

 

**Wonho**

The warranty only lasted a few years

Oh pleeeeease

He's essentially your brother in law

You have no choice anymore ehehehe

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyun could come to his senses any day now

He’s still young and innocent

He still has time

 

**Wonho**

I think spending so many days in his uninterrupted company would have knocked Changkyun to his senses by now

But Alas

I know I have a best friend

Sighs

Out there

Somewhere

Maybe one day I will see him again

 

**Hyungwon**

What do they even _do_ all the time

Like, how many movies can you even watch?

 

**Wonho**

About as many as we watch

>.>

 

**Hyungwon**

NO

No

They didn’t

Changkyun would’ve

No

But, no

He’s still a baby innocent virgin

 

**Wonho**

He’s a twenty two year old boy in a relationship

Hyungwon

Hyungwon, please

That sexual tension between them had to go SOMEWHERE

 

**Hyungwon**

What fucking sexual tension

He’s a BABY

He doesn’t

No

 

 **Wonho**   


 

**Hyungwon**

What are you trying to say

When did you take this fucking picture

 

**Wonho**

Have you ASKED Changkyun??

Asking for a friend

(Last week. You’re not very observant. It’s adorable)

 

**Hyungwon**

(I’m not adorable. Ugh, my hair wasn’t even combed there WHY)

…

No

I don’t need to

I know him

He wouldn’t

**Wonho**

Okay okay okay I’ll stop

Just ask yourself

How _I_ know about it

And agree to come to the get together

 

**Hyungwon**

...you’re guessing

No

He wouldn’t

Not my little Changkyun no

 

\---

 

**Hyungwon**

Changkyun

Did

I don’t

Sex

 

**Changkyun**

…

When a boy and another boy love each other

 

**Hyungwon**

You fucker I know what it is

I just

You?

NO

right?

 

**Changkyun**

:3

 

**Hyungwon**

No

 

**Changkyun**

Yes

 

**Hyungwon**

No

 

**Changkyun**

Yeees

 

**Hyungwon**

No

 

**Changkyun**

Twice

 

**Hyungwon**

NO

  
\---

 

**Wonho**

You asked him didn’t you

 

**Hyungwon**

I’m actually not okay rn WHY

I knew him when he ATE HIS BOOGERS WONHO

He shouldn’t be doing anything

 

**Wonho**

I know you’re mourning

It’s okay

I knew Kihyun when he was shorter than he is now, believe it or not

 

**Hyungwon**

How am I going to look at Kihyun without wanting to punch him?

 

**Wonho**

Think about the time yoU ACTUALLY DID PUNCH HIM

ffs

Wait so him being my pseudo-ex is fine but him being in a loving relationship with your dongsaeng isn’t

 

**Hyungwon**

I mean

At least I know he knows what he’s doing

I can’t believe I just typed that

I hate myself

I need a Disney movie marathon

 

**Wonho**

Moana and Big Hero 6?

 

**Hyungwon**

And Beauty and the Beast

 

**Wonho**

Only if I can call you Belle~

 

**Hyungwon**

You’re so cheesy

Okay

**Wonho**

Yay~! I’ll bring popcorn.

And convince you to join us tomorrow night :3

:333

:333333

 

**Hyungwon**

...

 

**Wonho**

pls

You BARELY have to talk to Kihyun

Only if there’s, like, a bus about to hit him

And you’re the only person close enough so that he’d hear you and survive

How’s that

 

**Hyungwon**

I still might not say anything

 

**Wonho**

Changkyun will cry

Do you want that?

Changkyun’s sad, sad tears

Is that what you want?

 

**Hyungwon**

Stop guilt-tripping me

Blegh

Fine

I guess

**Wonho**

:3 See you soon

I’ll bring extra just in case

 

**Hyungwon**

Extra what

Extra what, Wonho

Oh my god

 

\---

 

“Here you go, beautiful boyfriend of mine,” Changkyun said with all the cheer of a kid at Christmas, deftly placing Kihyun’s tea in front of him. It read ‘Hamster’ in hastily scrawled barista marker.

Kihyun sighed, rubbing a hand across his face, but Changkyun could see the smile peeking out. “I’m not-- why _hamster?_ ”

Changkyun poked Kihyun’s cheek, grinning as it dimpled under his finger, before sitting down, huddled in next to Kihyun at a table for eight. “Hamsters are cute. You’re cute. Impto facto, etcetera, yadda yadda.”

“If I’m anything,” Kihyun grumbled, wrapping his hands around his tea to warm them up, “I’m a shark.” He bared his teeth at Changkyun, grinning when Changkyun laughed loudly. “Wow. Couldn’t even keep a straight face for two seconds, huh.”

“It’s _funny_. Why a _shark_?”

Kihyun grinned, pulling at the neckline of Changkyun’s shirt to reveal a dark bruise on his collarbone. “Sharks bite.”

 _Yeah, no way in hell Changkyun was ever going to get used to this_.

“It--It was more a of a nibble, really,” Changkyun said, feeling his resolve quickly crumble. He let his eyes trail off of Kihyun and coughed lightly, cheeks hot.

“This shirt is two sizes too big for you,” Kihyun sighed, pulling up Changkyun’s neckline only for it to fall right down again. Kihyun tugged and pulled at Changkyun’s shirt to try and get it to fall in a way that wouldn’t have the hickey in plain sight for the whole damn world. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

Changkyun shrugged. “No. Maybe. You can’t prove anything.”

“Yep. Hyungwon’s gonna punch me again.”

Changkyun laughed. “ _No_. I told him, I’m sure he’s fine.”

Kihyun spluttered, coughing slightly. “You _told_ him? Changkyun, I thought you wanted me to live? I thought you loved me. What the fuck.”

Changkyun took a long sip of his coffee. “Damn, here I thought I was the dramatic one.”

“I’m not being dramatic. Changkyun, he will kill me.”

“You’re stronger. He’ll snap like a twig. Fight back and aim for the knees.”

Kihyun shook his head and sipped his tea, still looking slightly wide-eyed. “When are they all arriving anyway?”

“When the mood strikes them,” Changkyun gestured widely at nothing in particular. “When the winds are fair and the stars align. Any second now, really.”

“You know, I have to go get my new books before the store closes, so this can’t take too long and--”

“Shh,” Changkyun said with a peck at Kihyun’s cheek. “Look at the door.”

“BABIES!”

Changkyun laughed as Kihyun slowly let his forehead fall onto the table, Minhyuk waltzing his way to their table, a small fluffy ball in his hands. Changkyun squealed and shook at Kihyun’s arm. “The kitten! Kihyun, the class kitten, look!”

Said kitten meowed softly in Minhyuk’s hands, Shownu following behind him, Changkyun spotting Gunhee and Jooheon at the counter. Kihyun’s head shot up in sudden interest, eyes immediately softening at the sight of the Minhyuk’s hands almost completely enveloping the kitten.

“Give,” Kihyun demanded, reaching out his hand, cooing when Minhyuk deposited the kitten in his hands.

“I’m so soft,” Changkyun deadpanned, looking over at Shownu. “I could not be more soft.”

Shownu reached out for a pat at Changkyun’s shoulder. “Hang in there, kiddo.”

“Where’s Hyungwon?” Minhyuk asked, turning away from the display case of cake, after having placed an order for about three of them. (“To _share_ ,” he had protested when Shownu had lifted an eyebrow at him.)

Changkyun shrugged, struggling to keep his eyes off Kihyun rubbing a cat against his face. “Wonho said they’d be coming. Now wondering if I should have asked for details.”

“Mm, but that’s my job,” Minhyuk grinned, giving Changkyun a once over, his eyes catching near Changkyun’s collar. “I see you’re content giving Hyungwon a heart attack. Nice.”

“Dear God, is that a _hickey_?” Jooheon asked, eyes not leaving Changkyun as he sat down, coffee in hand. “What did he _do_ to you?”

“ _Nothing,"_ Kihyun insisted. "I did nothing. Go away.”

Gunhee gave a low whistle, plopping down next to Jooheon. “Damn, if that’s _nothing_ , I have to wonder what _something_ looks like.”

Changkyun grinned, handing come to rest on the back of Kihyun’s neck. “ _Something_ , is walking into my room to see Jooheon shirtless and between Gunhee’s legs. You still owe me for the therapy, Jooheon. Lock the damn door.”

Gunhee smiled blissfully, starting to say something, before getting cut off with an elbow to the stomach from an impressively red Jooheon.

“ _Changkyun_.”

“Is that Hyungwon?”

The six of them turned their eyes and chairs towards the window, eyes immediately drawn to Hyungwon’s skinny figure, arms straining around a pole as Wonho tugged at his jacket.

“Wow.”  
  
“There is _no_ way Wonho is using his full strength.”

Changkyun hummed, bringing his coffee up to take a sip. “You’d be surprised. Hyungwon is deceptively strong.”

“Goodie.”

Everyone turned their gazes again, this time to Kihyun, who shrunk down in his chair, holding the kitten closer.

“What?” Kihyun shifted. “He hates me. Good to know he could kill me if he wanted.”

“He doesn’t _hate_ you--”

“Yes, I do. Stop telling me how I feel,” came Hyungwon’s grumbly voice from the door, an impressive looking pout on his face.

“I mean, he did punch him.”

“Yeah, he did do that.”

“Hey, guys!” Wonho grinned widely from next to Hyungwon, like sunlight through storm clouds compared to Hyungwon’s grouchy ass. “I’m gonna get stuff. Do you want something?”

“Yeah, to go home,” Hyungwon grumbled.

“Lovely, honey tea it is.”

Changkyun quickly glanced between Hyungwon and Kihyun. This was gonna be okay, right? There was no reason for Hyungwon to hate Kihyun anymore, not _really--_

“What is that?”

Changkyun’s blood froze as his hand quickly shot up to pull up at his neckline.

“I walked into a door?” Changkyun’s hand flexed on his neck. “I walked into a door… really hard. And only on that specific spot. Yup.”

“You know, ‘a door’ isn’t the best pet name,” Minhyuk mused.

“My ‘door-ling’?”

“Gunhee, no.”

Hyungwon kept _looking_ at Changkyun though, like a computer stuck buffering, blinking, shaking his head slightly.

“Changkyun. No. Why.” Hyungwon’s eyes darted over to Kihyun. “What. Him? Why.”

Changkyun took a second to process the question. “Because he’s my boyfriend?”

Wonho shook his head and pat Hyungwon on the shoulder. “Don’t say that too loud, Changkyun. The poor boy is still getting used to the idea.”

Hyungwon narrowed his eyes at Kihyun, before sitting down next to Changkyun and aggressively pulling his shirt up over the hickey.

“At least keep it covered,” he grumbled.

“Don’t kinkshame the boy,” Shownu laughed. “He’s new at this. He can wear his hickeys with pride.”

“Can we _please_ stop talking about the hickeys,” Kihyun grumbled, Changkyun quickly looking over to see Kihyun’s ears redden, face buried in the soft fur of the kitten in his hands.

“Hickeys?” Jooheon squeaked. “ _Hickeys, plural?!”_

Changkyun shrugged, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Well, you know. I had to get him back.”

“Kyun!” Kihyun exclaimed, red-faced, swatting at Changkyun’s arm. Changkyun, who laughed and grabbed Kihyun’s hand before he could go in for another.

“This is sickeningly cute. No, guys, I’m serious, I’m actually gonna be sick,” Gunhee said, leaning on Jooheon and staring at Changkyun and Kihyun.

Kihyun opened his mouth--surely, Changkyun suspected, to disagree--so Changkyun cut him off with a quick kiss before leaning back in his chair.

“You can’t keep doing that to shut me up, you know,” Kihyun grumbled.

“I’ll keep doing it until it stops working,” Changkyun said, sticking his tongue out and looking around and--yep, everyone was staring at them. Changkyun felt himself blush, and it was… nice. He remembered always feeling mildly _out_ with all his friends being stupidly in love (recently, that _included_ Hyungwon, which was pleasantly odd and it never ceased to surprise Changkyun when Hyungwon looked _soft_ ) and now… Well. Now that was him, too.

Now he, too, had a soft, silly, gorgeous boyfriend. Someone he loved and that, he’s finally starting to accept, loved him. It was… surreal. And fantastic. (And slightly scary, but in a good way, like when you go on a rollercoaster and are mostly terrified you’re going to fall but also exhilarated, because it all feels like falling, anyway.)

At that moment, the kitten sneezed, and Kihyun pulled away with a grimace, wiping at his face with his one arm and handing the kitten back to Minhyuk with his other. “That’s… sanitary.”

“A keeper, this one,” Minhyuk teased, throwing a napkin over at Kihyun. Changkyun laughed, feeling Hyungwon shift next to him, and when he looked, the older looked far more deflated than he had been coming into the cafe. Changkyun leaned over as Kihyun busied himself with his napkin and then his phone, speaking lowly to his oldest friend.

“Do you really hate him?”

Hyungwon sighed down at his hands, shrugging lightly. “I don’t… hate him, I suppose. I just, don’t trust him. I don’t _like_ him.”

Changkyun frowned softly. “Even before he met me? You knew him before I did. Did you not like him then, too?”

“I… no, I suppose. But, Changkyun, he hurt you so much. He was such a little _shit_. I just, I don’t understand why, or _how_ , you could forgive him so quickly. I don’t know why _I_ should.”

Changkyun was fully aware that Kihyun had stopped scrolling on his phone, fingers hovering above the keyboard, that his shoulders were tenser (if that was even possible) than usual, that he was probably hearing all of this. Changkyun sighed softly.

“It’s… not all his fault. You don’t have to forgive him if you don’t want to, I guess, but I love him. I really, really do. It’s not an explanation or justification, it’s just… a fact I want to be in your knowledge.”

Hyungwon pursed his lips. “I guess I just don’t, well, I don’t really get _why_ you love him. If Wonho had done something like that to _me_ …” He trailed off, eyes wide.

Changkyun had to chuckle. Just a little. “Are you imagining it? I assume it takes you longer to forgive him. I’m a sucker like that.”

“Changkyun,” Hyungwon began, slowly, turning fully towards Changkyun now, ignoring the general buzz of their friends. “Changkyun, the thing is, when I think of that, I don’t-- I don’t know if I could have forgiven him. I don’t see how there’s any, well, justification for what he’s done. Sure, there’re reasons, but they don’t make up for the behaviour. I guess I just, don’t get it.” Hyungwon lifted up his hands, as if to stop Changkyun from saying anything. “Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely glad you are happy and not crying every day anymore. I’m just, I’m wary, more than anything else.”

Changkyun chewed on his bottom lip before speaking. “Won, he pushed me away after I kissed him and I came to my own conclusions without talking to him or knowing his reasons to… knowing how that might have affected him. I dug myself into a hole and, yeah, he may have given me a hell of a push into that direction, but…” Changkyun sighed. “It’s fine, now. I trust him, I love him, all I’m asking is that you try… I guess.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun exhaled, nodding, looking out over his crowd of rowdy friends, hand finding Kihyun’s, and smiling softly. “Yeah, you are.”

 

\---

 

It was Kihyun’s first class of the semester, first class of the year, first class of doing what he actually wanted to do. He had his books in his bag (probably more than he needed the first day, he probably didn’t _have_ to bring all three of their prescribed books _and_ the textbook _and_ three exam pads, but he was _excited_. He was excited, and he couldn’t wait for the class to start.

The students around him were all so, painfully, young, and Kihyun would have felt embarrassed about being one of the older students there, if it weren’t for the fact that, from where he was sitting, he could easily spot at least two people obviously older than him in the class. This was fine.

He got out his books, arranging them on his desk, smiling when he pulled out a slightly battered copy of Shakespeare’s Sonnets, thumb smoothing over a coffee stain in the corner. His little klutz.

“Good morning, and welcome to English Literature and Language,” the lecturer began, and Kihyun grinned as he caught the eye of the teacher’s assistant, a short, stocky boy with a hickey on his hip bone that Kihyun had placed there himself the night before.

Changkyun grinned back, before rolling his eyes and tilting his head in the way of the lecturer. Kihyun twirled his pen in his hand and opened his exam pad.

He was finally in the right class, living the right life. He wasn’t going to waste a single second.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been one hell of a wild ride. From the both of, we'd just like to say thank you for all the support. Not all of it was easy to write but we honestly didn't think it was going to blow up like it did, and that so many of you enjoyed it, and that it could have meant something to any of you, is absolutely amazing and we're still having a bit of trouble processing it.
> 
> Thank you. Just. Thank you, all <3

**Author's Note:**

> we crave validation plz
> 
> We are on tumblr:  
> [booksandtea15](http://booksandtea15.tumblr.com/)  
> [shitty4eyes](http://shitty4eyes.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And twitter:  
> [booksandtea15](https://twitter.com/booksandtea15)  
> [shitty4eyes](https://twitter.com/shitty4eyes)


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